Warning: Spoiler for season 4 eps 13, failed angst.
Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine.
How long had it been? Since Morgause's death? How long had she been alone in her attempt to conquer Camelot? Of course she had allies, there were Agravaine and Helios, but even then she felt lonely. Morgause was more than just her sister-she was her best friend, her mentor, the only family she had, the only one who understood.
Her plan had failed again. Helios had died, and she was sure Agravaine was dead, too, killed by one of the knights or maybe by Arthur himself, his body lying somewhere. Arthur regained the throne again, Gwen was welcome again in Camelot and probably was a queen now.
But the worst was, she didn't have her magic anymore. Words couldn't describe how shocked she was when she cast the spell and nothing happened. She didn't have the time to think about it back then, she was too busy escaping. Now, though, she had time. How could her magic disappear just like that? How could Emrys do that? And when?
Without her magic, there was no point in trying to gain the throne. Magic was her reason, her most important reason, and what was the point of bringing magic back to Camelot if she herself couldn't use it?
Oh, how things would have gone differently if only Morgause had been there! She wouldn't have been the only one with magic. They would be stronger, harder to be beaten. Morgause would've known what to do, because she was so much better than her, stronger, braver, smarter.
But Morgause wasn't there, and now, with her wound bleeding, running away from the knights, there was nothing else she wanted more than to be with Morgause, to have no more of this pain and to join her sister in peaceful afterlife. Is it peaceful? A small voice in her head asked, a question forgotten when she tripped and fell to the ground.
She didn't try to get up, to continue running away. She was in pain, yes, but even more, she was exhausted. For the first time, she was going to give up. Giving up her hatred, giving up her rightfully throne- it is hers, but why is it so hard then? The small voice spoke again, she didn't know who was it talking to her, she just wanted this to end soon.
Suddenly, there was a swish, flutters of wings, and a white little dragon appeared in front of her.
Don't like it? Yeah, neither do I. It didn't turn out the way I would like it to. Tell me what do you think of it, will you?