A/N: Random skipping to 8th grade upon the request of Jax, because I was like 2 weeks late on her b-day chapters & she came up with some funny shit so blah blah blah DEAL WITH IT!
Everyone except the teachers, Mr. Kraft (principal,) Watari, Roger, the SPK, & the task force are, like, 12-14 in this. OH, & keep in mind that somehow in my agemorph-ness Mello is his post-scar smexiness. HOORAY FOR THE MAGIC OF FFs! :D
Random-ass Disclaimer: I... do not own Death Note. GET I' THROUGH YE THICK SKULLS, YE BILGE RATS!
...Sorry. I think it's one of the side affects of having your Facebook set to English (Pirate).
But just in case, maybe I should get that checked.
Mr. Noderer: blah blah blah boring choir stuff blah blah blah
Mr. Kraft: Hey... You're all taller now...
Jacqueline: YEAHHHH 8TH GRADE
Light: How... does this make sense?
Ariel: IT DOESN'T NOW SIT YOUR FUCKING OBSESSIVECOMPULSIVEDISORDERY POTATOCHIPEATING ASSBITCHTOALL KIRA ASS DOWN!
Light: ಠ3ಠ No.
Ariel: THHHHHHHHH-
Light: The fucking hell? ! ._.
Ariel: -THHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
Light: 0.o
Ariel: -THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
Light: Fine I'll sit down just stop that!
Ariel: -THHHHH-
Light: I'M SITTING I'M SITTING! *sits*
Matt: *walks in*
Jacqueline: Hey Mattiekinzzz! :D
Matt: *glares at Jax suspiciously and clutches his antisocialfluffehvestthingWTF tighter*
Jacqueline: I'M SORRYYYYYY D: SEBBIFRED MADE ME DO IT I SWEAR D:
Ariel: YOU'RE the one who asked for the chapter(S)!
Jacqueline: It was my birthday!
Ariel: So? You asked to annoy Matt and Mello, so I-
-ENOUGH! That is talk for another fic!-
Ariel: Fine...
Mr. Noderer: Alright. Everyone pull out your music for I Go Among Trees and a sheet of paper. I want you all to write down what this song means to you!
Ariel: Well, let's see... It seems to me... That it's about a dude... Who's really emocidal...
Jacqueline: So he quits his job and leaves his sickly, half-dead wife to take care of their 34246234 kids...
Ariel: And he goes out into a random uncharted forest. And in this forest, all the trees are dancing around a satanic/self-sacrificing/cannibalistic campfire... And the dude's like... 'What the fuck? !' and he gets all scared.
Jacqueline: But, thing is, the trees are just as scared of him as he is of them, so they start dancing away like 'AhHhHhHh'... AND THEN THEIR FEAR
Ariel: COMES OUT IN A PHYSICAL FORM
Jacqueline: AND COMBINES! And then they're all happy yay! :D
Ariel: SHARK O.O
Everyone else: . . . I... don't even... want... to know...
Mr. Noderer: For plot's sake, I'm going to assume you're all done with the assign-
Like 20 people: NO! We're not done yet! D:
Mr. Noderer: ... Fine. You have five minutes.
-*starts humming the Jeopardy theme*-
L: No... Not this song... Watari and Light and all of them... Always taunting me... With this song...
Olivia: Uh... Yo, L, you okay?
L: ...Always...Forever...Never stops...
Olivia: ._. ... L, are you alright?
L: ...Forever playing...Never stopping...Always in my head!
Olivia: ASDASGDHSFHSDGFDSFSD WHAT IS THISSSSSSSSSSSS DX
L: *snaps out of it* What's wrong with you? O.o
Olivia: . . .
Mr. Noderer: Okay, you're done now.
10 random-ass people: WHAT?
Mr. Noderer: I would make you all share, but the author doesn't feel like it. So I'll just tell you the true meaning of the song. What it is is that a man is miserable so in order to escape the world he goes into nature to find peace. If you didn't get that then you're stupid.
Ariel: . . . I did not get that AT ALL.
Mr. Noderer: So now that you've written what this song is about, you're going to sing it perfectly, even though you've only heard it once in your life and this is the hardest song I've ever given ANY choir, of ANY age. BTW, this song was written specifically for the best college choir in the country. You'll do great with no help whatsoever!
Everyone: ... WTF? DX
-Okay, even to me that seems awful...-
Choir: (singing) I go... Among tree-E-ees...
Randy: Reid sounds flat... and Jacqueline sounds sharp...
Zack: Doesn't that make it cancel out?
Randy: N-
BB: *bursts in through the newly repaired window* YOU WANT SHARP, BITCH? *stabs Randy*
Randy: ...You... YOU STABBED ME!
BB: No shit, Sherlock!
Randy: *bleeding out on floor*
Mr. Noderer: Randall! Get up! You're ruining the carpet!
Randy: *still bleeding out* X.x
Jacqueline: Thanks big bwuduh :3 *hugs BB*
BB: No problem, little sis! :)
Randy: He's you're brother? !
BB: *messes up Jacqueline's hair playfully*
Jacqueline: WTFNO. DISOWNAAAAAAAAAAGGGGEEEEEE. *shaking hands in telephone/'call me' position & pulling them towards her as she fades into a dark corner*
BB: D:
Ariel: AAAAAAHHHHHH NOOOOO THE CAKE IS A LIEEEEEEE!
Olivia: *GLaDOS voice... somehow* There really was... a cake... you know...
Ariel: Don't forget garnishes such as; Fish shaped crackers, Fish shaped candies, Fish shaped solid waste, Fish shaped dirt, Fish shaped ethyl benzene...
Olivia: Pull and peel licorice, Fish shaped volatile organic compounds, and Sediment shaped sediment...
Ariel: Candy coated peanut butter pieces shaped like fish, One cup lemon juice, Alpha resins, Unsaturated polyester resin, Fiberglass surface resins, and Volatile malted milk impoundments...
Lily: *pops out of computer*
-O.o ...-
Lily: Nine large egg yolks, Twelve medium geosynthetic membranes, One cup granulated sugar... *goes back into computer.*
-... What the...-
The entire class by now: What... the fuckkkkkk...
Ariel: An entry called 'How to Kill Someone With Your Bare Hands'...
Matt: Two cups rhubarb, sliced! Two-thirds a cups granulated rhubarb, One tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb, One teaspoon grated orange rhubarb, Three tablespoons rhubarb... on fire.
Olivia: One large rhubarb, One cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb, two tablespoons rhubarb juice...
Tawny: *poofs in*
-Oh dear God, not again...-
Tawny: Adjustable aluminum head positioner... Slaughter electric needle injector... Cordless electric needle injector... *poofs out*
Vivian: *le poof* Injector needle driver, Injector needle gun, Cranial caps... *poof le*
Ariel: And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals. That will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue. ;)
Everyone but Ariel, Matt, & Olivia... Even Ryuk, who just came through the wall: . . .
-... I... don't even know what to do here. I have no fucking idea what just happened. Congratulations.-
Matt: ...What? There's nothing wrong here.
Everyone but Ariel, Matt, & Olivia: . . .
Ariel, Matt, & Olivia: ...
Everyone but Ariel, Matt, & Olivia: . . .
Ariel, Matt, & Olivia: ...
Everyone but Ariel, Matt, & Olivia: . . .
-...Enough of... whatever that was. e.e-
Ariel: *ze awesome Turret impersonation* No hard feelings~
Mello: *walks in*
-...I know! I'll set him on fire! That'll distract everyone from... whatever that was! :D-
Mello: WHAT? ...How many times to I have to shoot you before you're dead? ! X.x
Ariel: DON'T FORGET I SET IT ON FIRE =D
-*weighs options* ... Nevermind. Live in peace. *sigh*-
Jacqueline: Hey Near... Where's Rachel?
Near: *runs (? Can he do that? I've never seen him stand, let alone run...) over and clamps hand over Jacqueline's mouth* DO NOT SPEAK HER NAME IN MY PRESENCE. EVER. SHE WILL FIIIIIIIIIIIND MEEEEEEEEEEEE... *trails off into a whine/cry*
Jacqueline: *oblivious to what Near is doing* ...Oh, that's right! She's in high school now! :)
-...Meanwhile...-
Mallory and Tori: *poof in in front of Mello* GLITTERFAIRY! -*POOF!*- *glitter explodes from their hands* *poof out*
Mello: *completely covered in glitter. As in, you see eyes, mouth, and glitter.* *pissed as fuck* *collapses to the ground and starts shrieking as smoke rises*
Matt: Oh come on Mello stop being such a baby :P It's just glitter! =P
Mello: *is somehow standing again, though he never got up* *pauses, turns 180 degrees... slowly* How. About. A Hug.
Matt: N-n-n-n-no thanks...
Mello: *walks over and holds arms out* I SAID; How. About. A Hug.
Matt: N-n-no... Really, th-th-that won't be necessary... ^^;
Mello: *goes all snake/cat on Matt and rubs glitter all over him*
Matt: AHHHHHH IT BURNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! DX
Jacqueline: B-b-but... Glitter only burns the unpure and uninnocent... WAIT OHMYGOSH
Ariel: XDDDD Well, Mello's killed people... kidnapped people... other mafia-esque things... What's Matt done? ;)
Jacqueline: AHHHHHHHH MY EYESSSSSSSSS AND MY MINDDDDDDDDDDDD, MY POOOOOORRRRRRR BLONDDDDDDD, INNOCENT MINDDDDDDDDDD
Ariel: Pffft...
Mello & Matt: *snaking around, rubbing glitter on everyone*
Mr. Noderer: *Now covered head-to-toe in glitter* BD
-... Errr... in the meantime...-
Light: *writhing in pain as is engulfed by the glitter*
L: One hundred percent, Light.
-MEANWHILE!-
Misa: DERP
-MEANWHILEEEEE-
Matt from the Past: *poofs in* I've got a big bag of crabs here! I'm gonna put them in my mouth, OH YES! I'm gonna run around the town on a market day, Everyone will look at me and say- I've got a mouthful of crabs! *runs around with crabs in mouth, bleeding like crazy, rubbing his face into the floor and leaving bloodstains everywhere* DIBBIDI DIBBIDI DOBBIDI DOO GANADA GIDDI GLIDDI DOO JANNADA JANNADA JANNI DEE! That's how I sound with a mouth full of crabs!
Mello: ... *turns to Matt* You were a dumbass when you were younger.
Matt: ... Hunh. I don't remember being that stupid...
-Lalalala MEANWHILE~-
Ariel: HEY! HEY LIGHT! I think I found your birth parents' number! Should I call it?
Light: ...I...guess?...
Ariel: *dials*
Voice message: We're sorry. The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please go home and never dial this number again. Thank you.
Light: ...
Ariel: =/ Sad, but impressive. Maybe they work at a phone company?...
...HEY MELLO, I THINK I FOUND YOUR BIRTH PARENTS' NUMBER! SHOULD I CALL I-
Mello: *still covered in glitter* *pulls out gun* Try it. Juuuuuust try it.
Ariel: ...Fien.
RELEASE THE KRAKEN!
Err...
THE FANGIRLS!
-Aiye, Aiye, Capta- ...Wait... What the fuck?
...
Whatever.
*opens gate in the wall*
...
Funny how that wasn't here before.-
Random-ass fangirls: *come stampeding out* *latch themselves to Matt and Mello*
Mello: GAHHH! Why don't they ever attack the others? DX
Matt: You know, if they weren't so rabid... This would actually not be that ba-
Mello: *punches Matt* NO.
Matt: *punches back* What the fuck, man?
Mello: *punches Matt again* This is your fault.
Matt: *punches Mello back again* WTF no it's not!
Mello: *punches Matt back* YES IT IS!
Matt: *punches Mello back* HOW? Crazychick did this because of YOU!
Mello: *punches Matt back* WELL IF YOU HADN'T-
Matt: *punches Mello* IF I HADN'T WHAT? WHAT DID I DO TO CAUSE THIS?
Mello: *punches Matt* ... FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
Matt: *punches Mello* SO THERE'S NO POINT TO THIS!
Mello: *punches Matt* NO, THIS IS YOUR FAU-
Matt: *punches Mello* TWELVE!
Mello: *punches Matt* TWELVE!
Matt: *punches Mello* TWELVE!
Mello: *punches Matt* TWELVE!
Matt: *punches Mello* TWELVE!
Mello: *punches Matt* THIRTEE-
Matt: ...Alright, I have a plan. But first... *punches Mello again*
Mello: HEY! *raises fist*
Matt: You punched me first. That was fair. Now, listen to plan?
Mello: ...Fine.
Matt: *whispery whispery* *whispery whispery*
Mello: B-b-b-but...
Matt: IT'S THE ONLY WAYYYYYYYYYY-
Mello: ...
Matt: -AYYYYYYYY-
Mello: ...
Matt: -AYYYYYYY-
Mello: *punch*
Matt: ...Okay, I deserved that.
Mello: *awkward cough* So... Shall we get started on the plan?
Matt: ... Hn... I suppose it can't be avoided.
Mello: We'll never be able to live this down, you know.
Matt: Yes, I know... *sigh*
Mello: And Jax will be all over us. *sigh*
Matt: Better her than all of them. *shakes fangirl off arm*
Mello: Well, here we go. Throwin' pride out the fuckin' window.
Matt: ...
Mello: ...
Matt: ...
Mello: ...
-Hn, sounds like angst. Almost makes me wonder what they're 'plan' is. Except for the fact that I already know...-
Mr. Noderer: I want you all to be tolerant of everyone, no matter their skin color, religion, nationality, whatever. We're all people! :D
A/N: Yeah. I don't want to do this. ...I REALLY don't want to do this. XDX But it's fuckin' hilarious. So... *deep breath*...
Mello and Matt: *deep breath* *start making out*
Mr. Noderer: WTFNOTOLERANCE! D:= *simultaneously combusts*
All the fangirls: *stop with random glomping and gather around in a circle, watching intently*
Jacqueline: ಠ‿ರೃ *shiny eyes as watches*
Ariel: NoOoOoOoOoOoOo... *pulls out gun & holds it to temple*
Mello: *looks up* WTFNO! *pulls out own gun and aims it at Ariel* DON'T MAKE ME SHOOT!
Ariel: ...You're going to shoot me if I shoot myself? That doesn't make any sense!
Mello: ...Hunh... It doesn't make any sense... ... ... ... *suddenly holds his gun to his own head* THERE! NOW DON'T MAKE ME SHOOT!
Ariel: ...That doesn't really make sense either!
Mello: ...
Ariel: ...
Mello: ...
Ariel: ...
Mello: ...
Ariel: ...BUT AT LEAST I KNOW YOU CARE! :D *glomps Mello*
Mello: ...Fuck my life. Just fuck it.
Matt: IMPOSSIBRU! (~ರnರ)~
Mello: ...Wait, aren't you the one that set the fangirls on me in the first place? *nonchalantly punches Matt*
Ariel: ...Hunh... WELL LET'S FORGET THAT YAYYYYY MELLO CAREZ.
Mello: ... FML.
Ariel: I'M COMING BACK WITH MATCHEZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Mello: *shoots more people* *blows more shit up*
-*The author should really be more original with the way she ends this shit.*-
-*Period.*-
-*...*-
-*This is inexcusable.*-
-*...*-
-*...Everyone's dead.*-
-later-
-*Everyone's not dead? (surprise!)*-
-...Somewhere...-
The Task Force, Roger, Takada, Watari: ...Where the fuck are we?
The SPK: Fuck that, where the fuck are WE?
DIE EINDE.
A/N: Well, wasn't that fun. :)