Scar Tissue

When I awake my eyes find the blinding white ceiling. I try to lift my head up, but I feel a strong resistance on my face, and when I bring my hands to my mouth I feel the tube that is going in my mouth and irritating my throat.

Where am I?

"Uhhh." I try and yell through the tube, beginning to struggle.

After only seconds I begin to thrash wildly, and in an instant a male doctor in green scrubs and a lab coat and a nurse in pink scrubs come rushing into my room.

"Jennifer. It's okay! You're in a hospital! We're taking care of you!"

The doctor looks me in the eyes while the nurse tries to sooth me.

"Do you want me to take the tube out?"

I nod my head as much as the restricting equipment will allow and the doctor nods back at me, pushing a small amount of medicine into my throat.

"Okay, when I say so I want you to blow out as hard as you can."

I nod and he undoes the Velcro that holds the contraption to my face and lifts my head up of the soft pillow to give me leverage.

"Okay, now."

I blow out as I hard as I can and the doctor pulls the tube out at the same time, aggravating my sore throat and causing me to cough once he gets it out.

"Very good."

He puts the tube in the trash while the nurse sucks the excess fluid out of my mouth. I push her hand away, looking at the doctor.

"Wh─" I cough, not use to the roughness of my voice and realizing that I have to speak in whispers, "my brothers"

"You're brothers are in the cafeteria. They were up here for a while, but they were long overdue for some coffee."

"How long?" I rasp out and the doctor seems to understand what I am saying, bringing over a metal stool and sitting down next to me.

"You've been unconscious for a little over two days. Do you remember what happened?"

I look down at my hands, picking at the firm blue cast that I discover on my left wrist. I really do remember the events of that night; I just can't bring myself to talk about it.

"Well you swallowed half a bottle of Vicodin with whiskey. We had to pump your stomach. You also suffered fractures to your wrist and rib bones."

His voice is harsh, but I know that he isn't trying to make me feel bad, he is trying to make me admit what I did, to talk about it.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself. I just…I wanted it all to stop."

"You wanted what to stop?"

"The voices…in my head. They were so loud." I tell him, tears rimming my eyes, "I couldn't even sleep without the nightmares."

"Do you want to tell me what the nightmares were about?"

I shake my head violently, "No."

He nods understandingly and grabs a folder from the end of my bed, flipping it open and looking through the many pages.

"Well I had your doctor fax over your medical history, Jennifer. And it says here that a few weeks ago you tested positive for Rohypnol. Would that have anything to do with what happened the other day?"

"What?! That's none of your business!"

"Calm down," He tells me, placing a soothing hand on my arm, "I just want to help."

"I don't need any help."

"I think we both know that's not true."

Tears start to stream down my eyes and I wipe them away quickly, "Just don't tell my brothers, okay? I don't want them to know. It'll only hurt them. They don't need to know."

"And you think being here know isn't hurting them? If you tell them they'll help you get better. And I think you'll all be a lot happier than you are now."

I look up as the doctor stands, pushing his stool back and walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Your brothers are going to want to know that you're up."

I nod through my tears, letting him leave. I hate him so much for putting me on the spot, but I can't fight the feeling that he's right. I just wanted to protect Sam and Dean from what happened to me. I also feel so ashamed, like they would some how think less of me for being stupid enough for letting it happen. I just wish that I never left the motel room that night. Then none of this would have ever happened.

I let my right hand rub my throbbing throat as the cries bother it even more. I used to be a normal teenage girl. Now I'm the girl I used to find pathetic and disgusting, the dumb and irresponsible girl that overdoses at some high school party.

"Jenny…"

I look up from my bed at Sam and Dean standing in the door. The next thing I know Sam is walking towards me as tears fall down his eyes. He wraps his arms around me as I sob into the blue fabric of his shirt that smells like it hasn't been washed for a few days, but I still breathe it in deeply.

He pulls back, staring at me thankfully as he runs a comforting hand over my hair, checking me over himself before sitting down on the edge of my bed, taking my hand gently in his.

I feel someone place a strong but tender hand on my shoulder and I look to see Dean on the other side of my bed.

"You gave us one hell of a scare kiddo."

"I…I'm sorry. I didn't mean─"

"It's okay." Dean shushes, letting me collapse into his embrace as he senses that I'm not anywhere near ready to talk about it. He rubs the top of my back soothingly as my head rests against his stomach and he kisses the top of my head.

I'm awoken for the second time in my hospital stay to see a girl setting up a tray of food on my table. She is a beautiful and petite girl, probably in her early to mid twenties. Her medium length hair is chestnut brown and she has on a pair of blue jeans, a cute but sophisticated long-sleeved black sweater, and a pair of black high-heeled stilettos.

"Hey, you're awake."

I think of giving a bitter comment back, but she smiles genuinely and it actually makes me feel a little better.

"Hi. Who are you?"

"My name's Anne." She says, wheeling over the table so it goes across my bed.

"I'm Jenny." I smile, "And I hope you don't mind me asking, but who are you exactly?"

"Well I work with the hospital. I'm a tutor for the pediatrics unit, and I'll be helping you with your work while you're out of school."

"Oh…okay. Well nice to meet you."

"You say that now" She laughs, "But wait till I'm making you do geometry homework."

I laugh with her before taking a look at the food in front of me. The pancakes don't look too bad, but the bacon is all flat and rubbery.

"This looks appetizing."

"I know, the food here sucks. But I figured the pancakes would be easier on your throat then the chicken. So I made the chef heat up some breakfast for you."

"Thanks."

"No problem. And what do you want to drink? There is milk, juice, soda, and milkshakes."

"Milkshake, please." I smile and she nods, turning and leaving my room.

"Be right back, Jenny."

I start in on the food once Anne leaves, eating the pancakes in small bites so I don't hurt my throat. It is rough on the way down, but the food feels great as it fills up my previously empty stomach.

"Slow down, tiger."

I look up to see Dean and Sam walking into the room, smiles on there faces.

"Hi." I look at them awkwardly, still unsure where I stand in their eyes.

"I see you got some food." Sam says, sitting down on the end of my bed.

"Yeah. My tutor brought it in. She's really nice." I smile, feeling more comfortable as Sam starts conversation.

"That's great."

"All they had was vanilla Jenny. I hope that's okay." Anne speaks as she walks back in and takes notice of the new faces in the room.

"Anne, these are my brothers, Sam and Dean."

"Hi, nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too."

She shakes Sam's extended hand and nods to Dean who I can tell is looking over her body longingly.

"Here you go Jenny."

"Thank you so much." I say with enthusiasm, slurping the drink immediately as she places it in my hand while Sam gives here a thankful smile.

She chuckles at my eagerness, but a phone in my room rings and she picks it up in the corner of my room.

"Yep…Okay…I'll let her know."

Anne hangs up the phone and turns back around to me, the same bubbly smile on her face.

"So that was Dr Lee, the Psychiatrist. He said he should be here in about ten minutes for your appointment."

A look of sourness immediately passes over my fragile features and everyone takes notice. Apparently all suspected overdoses need to be seen by a psychiatrist before you can even think of getting out of this place. Sam grips my hand and squeezes it tight as I turn to him and Dean with a sad pout.

"You guys, I really don't want to talk to him."

"It'll be fine, Jenny." Sam urges.

"And who knows kiddo," Dean adds with a hand on my shoulder, "Maybe you'll like talking to someone."

"Please, don't make me do this."

Sam and Dean look down at me, trying to come up with another way to win me over, but the final bid comes from Anne.

"Jenn, Doctor Lee is really nice, you have nothing to worry about. And how about while you talk to him I can take your brothers down to the faculty cafeteria and sneak you some of the chef's famous cake."

The boys turn there eyes back down to me quickly, hoping that I give in, which after I sigh I finally do.

"Fine. But only if it's chocolate."

"I believe that you don't want to commit suicide, Jenny. But what happened the other night is still very alarming. I just want to do all I can to help you."

"Well I don't see how upsetting my brothers will help me."

"It's not about upsetting your brothers. It's about letting them help you."

"Well I don't need their help!"

Dr. Lee takes in a deep breath, placing his notepad down in his lap and taking off his glasses to get a better look at me.

"So you don't think about the rape at all? That wasn't the last thing that went through your head before you took the pills?"

Tears start to leak from my eyes as I look down at my hands, thumbing one of the ties on my robe that is covering my gown. I know that what he is saying is true, that the sound of that boy's voice was what I was trying to silence.

"How do I─" My voice cracks, "How do I tell them? I can't just blurt it out."

"I can help you tell them if you would like."

"No─" I shake my head, "I need to do it by myself. I can't have anyone else tell them. Just…What do I say?"

After talking for another fifteen minutes with Dr. Lee he leaves my room, soon enough for Sam and Dean to come in with a plate of cake. They place it down on my table as I sit Indian style on the bed, retying my light blue robe tightly around my torso, not able to look at them quite yet.

"So Anne wasn't exaggerating about this cake." Dean raves, "And speaking of Anne, you think you can help a brother out?"

Dean nudges my shoulder slightly and I don't even chuckle, alerting them that something is off.

"Are you okay Jenny?" Sam asks.

"I─"

"Yea kiddo?" Dean encourages.

"I think I'm ready to talk about what happened."

I look up from my robe finally with tears in my eyes as Sam sits down on the edge of my bed, and Dean follows suit quickly on the opposite side.

"Just please don't be mad at me."

"We could never be mad at you, kiddo." Dean smiles, squeezing my hand quickly.

I take in a deep breath, looking down as quiet tears pool in my eyes but don't make their way out yet. My breathing is at a normal rate but is coming in sharp inhales.

"You remember that night at the motel we stayed at? The guy who I punched?"

"You mean the guy who gave you Gonorrhea?" Dean asks.

But he is instantly regretting the answer when he sees a tear finally fall from my eyes, but I quickly wipe it away, nodding my head.

"Yeah, him. Well…He's why I did it."

"You took the pills because of the std? I thought you said you were over it? You told me you were just glad you weren't pregnant." Sam replies.

"Yea, well─" My voice breaks as I try to get the words out, "that was before the second doctor's appointment."

"What second appointment?"

"You and Dean were hunting with your Dad."

"Well what happened?" Dean asks, nervously.

"She uhh…Well the doctor did this test. And it was…positive." My voice gets high pitched as I quietly squeak out the last word through my tears.

Sam and Dean exchange nervous looks before looking back down at me. Sam slowly begins to rub a hand up and down my arm, my cast making it hard for him to hold my hand.

"What kind of test Jenny?"

"It was─"

"Yeah?"

"It said─"

My voice breaks, unable too continue again, and Dean places a comforting hand on my hand, "What did the test say Jenn?"

"It─ It said─"

"It said what Jenny?"

Just tell them. You can do it. Just say it. Say it! Say it!

"It said I was raped!" I finally blurt out with a sob, grasping my hand to my mouth in shock that I said it so loudly.

There faces immediately turn from comforting to angry, rage filling there eyes. After the look of being punched in the gut wears off Dean gradually clenches his chin, trying to restrain himself from screaming and Sam looks like he doesn't even know where to begin to process the information.

"You─ He─"

"I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't stop picturing it, dreaming about it, hearing his voice in my head!" I cry through gritted teeth.

"It wouldn't stop." My cries are quieter as Dean meets my eye line and his face softens as he looks at my broken form, "I just wanted it to stop."

I unsuccessfully try to control my breathing before continuing, "I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I didn't mean to hurt you guys. I just─ He─ He raped me."

Finally my voice breaks and I fall apart, my body giving out and heaving violently in sobs, but I feel Sam hold me up in his arms, tightly and protectively as I grasp onto his shirt.

"He─ He─"

I sob into his shoulder as he soothes my heaving back with soft but firm strokes. I feel another hand softly wiping the tears from my cheek and I open my eyes just enough to see Dean with a hand on my face, staring right into my glossy orbs. He leans in, placing a soft kiss on my forehead, and once he pulls away I see a sight I never thought I'd see. Dean Winchester, one of the bravest people I've ever met, has a single tear painfully making its way down his cheek.