While The Candle Still Burns
I can hear your car
as you leave driving in circles.
Reluctant to park
until you're ready and stable.
So walk with me into the fire. C'mon follow me
Close behind and we'll go where they won't know
Our secrets and sorrows.
We should leave while we can and be gone by tomorrow
Can't you see how the second hand turns
We should go while the candle still burns.
You hesitate to start
you just stand there with your hands bare
and wonder who you are
and you take too much to heart
so you build another thrill
'til this one falls apart
So walk with me into the fire. C'mon follow me
Close behind and we'll go where they won't know
Our secrets and sorrows.
We should leave while we can and be gone by tomorrow
Can't you see how the second hand turns
We should go while the candle still burns.
Have you ever
let another put out your flame
and have you ever said I'm a fool to stay in the same place
So we'll go where they won't know
Our secrets and sorrows
We should leave while we can and be gone by tomorrow
Can't you see how the second hand turns
and we'll go where they won't know our secrets and sorrows
we should leave while we can and be gone by tomorrow
Can't you see how the second hand turns
We should go while the candle still burns
We should go while the candle still burns
Ch6
Booth watched from the door way as Brennan smiled at Ashley and Ashley smiled back up into her Godmother's eyes. Both girls eyes were so, so blue. Ashley's were a light blue like her mother's while Brennan's irises were darker and naturally a bit haunting, she had seen and been through a lot.
"Auntie Bwen?" Brennan carefully set Ashley down on the counter as she chopped up fresh strawberries for the pancake batter.
"Hhmm Ash?" Brennan kept cutting the strawberries as Ashley contemplated the question over in her head she was about to ask.
"I want to go to heaven too." Brennan glanced at Ashley then to Booth. She never met his eyes, only did a once over of her partner.
"Ashley you are aware you are not able to go to heaven unless you have passed away, right?" Said Brennan hoping that the girl was in fact aware of that particular religious aspect of her life, both of her parents believed in heaven and had taught her about it.
"Yeah, but I want to visit it. That way I can visit mommy and her mommy." Brennan stopped cutting the strawberries and smiled at Ashley.
"Do you want to pour them into the batter? I think you are still too sore to stir them into it." Brennan said offering the now full cup of chopped strawberries to Ashley. She nodded yes vigorously and held her little hands out taking the cup into them, as a smile spread on her face.
"Auntie Bwen, how about our mommies visit us instead of us visit them? Like Angels." Brennan smiled at the idea. It was a lovely thought, a wonderful thought and a child's thought. It was unrealistic, but nice to think that Angels existed among them, guarding them, and that her mother was one of them.
"Yeah, Ash, that sounds good." Brennan smiled at Ashley who dipped her fingers into the batter and licked them one by one.
Brennan was going to scold her, but decided to let it be. She glanced at Booth he was sitting on the couch again in deep thought. At least his tears had dried.
"Auntie Bwen?" Brennan felt connected to him for some reason she stare as she mixed the strawberries. "Auntie Bwen?" Ashley asked again for it seemed her Auntie hadn't heard her the first time.
Brennan turned her head to Ashley. "Yes?"
"Is your mommy in heaven too?" Brennan didn't believe in heaven, but when it came to her mother. She wished she could believe like Booth and Ashley in heaven, it would give her peace.
"I don't know Ash." The two and a half year old furrowed her brow and Brennan thought she had been hanging out with Piper too much. Brennan poured the batter on the skillet and the smell of the three small pancakes drifted throughout her apartment.
"Why? Was she a bad lady? Did she go down there?" Ashley motioned toward the floor.
"Hell?" Ashley nodded yes afraid of Brennan's answer. "No, she was a very good lady Ashley."
"Then she went to heaven." Ashley said in a questioning tone.
"I don't know because I don't share your religion. Though, I know that your dad would say that she is in heaven."
"What's religion?" Ashley asked and Brennan sighed.
"A certain individual's spiritual belief." Said Brennan while she flipped the pancakes.
"Like our mommies' Angel spirits?" The little girls eyes light up a pretty sky blue and Brennan saw a twinkle in them. She could agree her mom was an angel spirit, for Ashley.
"Yeah, a little like that." Said Brennan to the excited little girl, now screaming to Booth from atop the counter.
"Daadddy!" Ashley called to him and he looked up to see two sets of blue staring at him. His little girl sat on Brennan's countertop as she watched Bones make strawberry pancakes.
"Auntie Bwen and I's making strawberry pancakes Daddy." Booth smiled at Bones, thanking her silently. "Guess what else?" Ashley asked
"What?"
"Auntie Bwen's mommy is in heaven too." Ashley turned to look at Brennan, "Right, Auntie Bwen? Your mommy is wif my mommy. They are our angels." Ashley smiled a proud smile as she shook her head yes at Brennan almost as if cajoling her to say 'yes Ash you're right.'
Booth's eyes met Brennan's and in that moment Brennan wanted to cry, but she didn't know why. The weight of the water in her eyes, he had to notice. Did he? She didn't want to look away from him but she broke their gaze and put the pancakes on a plate.
"Pancakes are done." Brennan said and she gently lifted Ashley off of her counter and set her down at the table. Booth smiled as Brennan with glossy eyes as he, Brennan and Ashley started to eat breakfast.
As Booth and Ashley sat on the couch watching cartoons Brennan put their plates into the washer. A cell went off and after the third ring Brennan realized it was hers and answered it.
"Dr. Brennan."
"Hey, Sweetie it's me. How is everyone holding up?" Angela's voice sounded full of sympathy and so soft, it was relaxing. She needed to hear her best friend's voice at a time like this and was glad Angela had called.
Brennan walked over to a corner in her kitchen. Leaning against the counter and inhaling she looked out at the two Booth's in her living room. "Ashley seems to be healing physically okay and emotionally she is taking it better than I expected her too." Brennan sighed, but watching Ashley snuggle up to Booth made her smile.
"That's good, how is Booth?" Angela
Brennan inhale at the mention of her partner's name. "He isn't doing as well. He loved Hannah or he grew to love Hannah and now she is dead. Angela he is very distraught, he only slept a bit on the drive home, in my arms for a few hours this morning and I don't believe he slept last night."
Angela knew Booth would go to Brennan for comfort in his time of need. They were partners and best friends after all. So that didn't surprise her, what made her raise her brow was…
"Piper!" Angela
"What?" asked Brennan
"Hang on Bren."
"Piper Temperance Hodgins! Get off of the table and put the cat down now!" Angela set the cell down and walked over to the kitchen table grabbing her nearing four year old off of it.
"Mommy Mr. Tom wanted for me to get him."Piper explained to her mother.
"Oh, really did he tell you that?" Angela
Angela didn't receive an answer only a snake of a look from her daughter. "But, he really wanted off the table mommy."
"He has four legs Piper he can jump down just fine all by himself."
"But he didn't want too! He wanted help!" Piper explained a bit louder
"Are you yelling at me?"Again Piper gave Angela one of her looks along with the silent treatment. Brennan on the other end of the line was amused by their tiff.
"Piper, go put your toys in the living room up please." Angela let Piper down and Piper left obeying her mother, slowly walking into the living room to pick up a plethora of crayons, cars, airplanes, rubber animal figurines…the list went on.
Angela walked back over to her own kitchen counter and grabbed her cell. "Hey, Bren are you still there?"
"Yes."
"Sometimes, I wish we had a boy just so I didn't have to yell Piper Temperance. It just doesn't go, though I did say if we had a girl she would have your name as her middle name. That child drives me crazy. Okay, where were we? Booth, you said he wasn't doing well."
Brennan smiled at her friend's ramblings. Her eyes wandered to Booth and Ashley. "Ashley said that her mommy is with my mommy now and they are angels." Brennan didn't know why she said that at that particular moment, only that she did.
Angela smile at Brennan's words. "Kids."
"I find I like children, their imagination is extremely vivid and sometimes I irrationally wish I could have that imagination of the world back."
"You are a New York Times bestselling author sweetie. You have an imagination."
"Though, it's based on crimes, death, murder, and Andy. I'm speaking of an ethereal world, like how freely and easily Ashley believed our mothers were our guardian angels. That innocence about the world, to have that back would be..."
"You don't have to be a kid to believe in angels Bren."
"You know what I mean Ange, just to be able to believe freely like I once did." Brennan said and Angela looked out of her kitchen past the dining room and to the living room at her daughter. Piper smiled back at her mom sticking her tongue out at her while holding up a small zebra, her favorite animal to play with.
"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean." Angela stuck her tongue back at her daughter while she spoke on the phone. Piper laughed and took off down the hall, zebra in hand. "Do you think Ash and Booth would want to go to the park?"
"No." Brennan answered immediately.
"Okay, well they have to get out of the house and so do Piper and I. She is literally running around in circles at the moment." Angela
"Why is she running in circles?" Brennan
"I think she is pretending to be a zebra." Piper's hands were fisted as she clawed the air 'running' like a zebra on two legs. She looked at Angela and neighed, then gave her a look stomped her foot and made a sound with her lips blowing air. "Yeah, she is a zebra or a horse one of the two."
"Let's go to the zoo. I can push Ashley in a buggy for she will be too tired to walk and there is ample space for Piper to run around. Plus, Booth will enjoy the fresh air." Brennan
"Meet you guys in twenty minutes?" Angela
"Hang on Ange." Brennan pulled the mouth piece away as she spoke to Ashley and Booth. "Do you guys want to go to the zoo? Angela and Piper invited us to come along." Booth looked apprehensive, but Ashley looked excited. She let it show too.
"I want to go see Piper and Ange!" Ashley tried to get up in a quick motion. "Oouch!" Tears welled in the little girls eyes. As her hand fell to her side she slowly sat back against the couch and Booth was all over her.
"Where baby? Where does it hurt the worst?" Booth asked on his knees lifting Ash's shirt up to inspect her perforation. It looked okay.
Brennan told Angela she would call her in a bit to confirm but they would most likely be coming. Brennan walked over to the couch cautiously. She was surprised when two little hands reached out for her. Didn't Ashley want Booth? Why didn't she? Booth looked a little surprised as well as Brennan sat down next to the two on the couch.
Ashley snuggled her face into Brennan's chest as Brennan lay back into the couch. She looked over Ash's head at Booth, he was looking right back at her. Brennan shrugged her shoulders at Booth and continued to brush blonde ringlets away from Ashley's face. She whispered soothing words, to the girl who was more frightened by the sharp pain then actually hurt. Ashley was quiet in Brennan's arms. No one spoke, words weren't needed as Booth smiled in thanks to Brennan and she returned the smile, her eyes said anytime and always Booth.
Though, they only smiled but maybe, just maybe, that was something. A smile was sure as hell better than nothing. Soon Brennan had called Angela and the four found their selves in Bones' car driving to the zoo to meet Ange and Piper.
Booth followed Brennan around in a grey haze. He was still reeling from Hannah's loss, and the sudden change. He was now residing with Bone's, his Bone's. Bone's as in Brennan his partner because she knew how to doctor a perforation's like Ashley's. At least that's what he told himself, Seeley Booth knew that Angela was just as able to handle him and Ashley as Brennan.
Though, there was something that whispered and beckoned him to her place, maybe it was a little flame of hope that had never truly died. Half full of wonder and half full of hope, hope that the flame still burned inside of her as well. He did love Hannah, very much. They had always had a rocky go of it, but he loved her all the same. Though, she was never Bones and while Brennan was in Australia and Booth was assigned to the new anthropologist he remembered Hannah's words when he came home that day.
"Now what happens Seeley? Are we ever going to be able to move on? Are you ever going to be able to?" Hannah's tone was half pleading yet still very stern. Temperance was gone; they should be able to resemble some sort of a family now. Though, she knew deep down that wasn't going to happen, not when Seeley was still stuck on her.
He never answered her question. Just walked into the nursery to quiet his thoughts and look at his sleeping daughter. He ended up sitting in the rocker that night, he cried. Hannah never knew, Bones never knew.
Though, he had cried alone yet with his year and a half daughter over her god mother's departure to Australia. He slept in that rocker that night and Hannah slept in their large bed alone. She knew the breakdown was coming it was only a matter of time. She used to feel sad for him, a love lost but now felt that Seeley had to prioritize and move on already. She often wondered if that would ever happen.
Booth looked at Brennan as she got Ashley a dolphin buggy to ride in. "Daddy look what Autie Bwen got for me! She pushed the dolphin's tail and I rided in it!" Ashley started to giggle and Booth helped her in the buggy Ashley laid back "Thank you Auntie Bwen, I like this dolphin."
"You're welcome Ashley."
Suddenly Piper came racing up to them admiring Ashley's dolphin buggy. "Autie Bren, did you get the dolphin buggy cause Ash had surgery?"
"Yes I did Piper." Brennan
Piper looked over the grey animal surveying it. "I like it." As if everyone needed Piper's approval.
Angela engulfed Booth in a hug and then hugged Brennan. "So, we are off?"
Booth looked around him, he felt bad that he was at the zoo with Ashley while Hannah was missing out on the moment.
"WAIT! I'm not ready to go!" Piper stated and everyone looked at the drama queen.
"What's wrong Piper?" asked Booth
"I want a dolphin too!" Piper explained
"No missy, you are perfectly fine walking. Ash just had surgery, and will become tired of walking around the zoo quickly with the pain medication she is on and from the recent surgery she had."
"If I get surgery, can I get a dolphin?" asked Piper and Ash giggled
"No." Angela
"Why?" Piper
"We don't have a big enough fish tank." Angela
"Dolphins live in dolphin tanks not fish tanks dem is for fish." Ashley
"She has a point." Booth
"She does." Brennan said as she looked to Booth as he pushed Ashley. They all started to walk off in the same direction Piper skipped along next to Angela, Brennan walked alongside of Booth and Ash rode in the buggy. Booth inhaled, this was the first time he had been to the zoo without Hannah, the first time Ash had.
Bones noticed the intake of breath and glanced his way. He held her eyes for a moment, searching somewhere in the depth of her dark blue irises for a flicker, a flame that maybe still burned. She smiled a shy smile at him and then they were off.
Piper looked back up at Angela "Do we have a big enough dolphin tank then?"