These characters belong to Janet I am just borrowing them for my amusement. Although I would love to keep Ranger and the merry men for myself!
This story does contain violence, and touches on dark subject matters. This story is not friendly to Morrelli or Helen Plum so for Cupcake fans you have been warned.
This chapter is long. I thought about splitting it but then decided just to post it as one long chapter. This is what you have been waiting for "The Talk" between Stephanie, Ranger, Tank, Lester, and Bobby. I hope you all enjoy!
Chapter 7: Finding my Legs
SPOV
Well my breakfast is almost done. No more living in denial land. I am going to have to talk to these guys. Honestly if I had to talk to anyone my choice would be these guys sitting at the table with me. They are my best friends. I trust them, and I love them.
I know what I say will not be repeated throughout the burg. I know I am not going to get thru the day without crying and I really hate it when they see me cry. But I know Lester or Ranger won't mind giving me their shoulder or me ruining their t-shirt with my tears.
I honestly don't know what I was thinking last night. In the light of day I don't think I could have ever turned my back on these guys. My reason for doing it was good I didn't want to ever embarrass or disappoint them but I don't think I would have been able to follow thru.
Just the thought of that makes my heart hurt. I can tell they are waiting for me I might as well bite the bullet. Me Stephanie Plum biting the bullet, taking the bull by the horns, jumping in the deep end. Who would have that thunk it! Please god, I pray, tell me I didn't just say that out loud.
"Well guys I know you want to talk to me. I guess I have a lot of explaining to do as to my actions yesterday, and last night. I will take the dishes into the kitchen why don't you all go and sit in the living room. It will be more comfortable. I will be in there in a few minutes."
They all node "Babe I will help you with the dishes. Guys go ahead we will be in there in a few minutes." I was gathering the dishes up. I noticed that as soon as my back was turned to one of the guys they would get up and exit the room, odd. Ranger and I proceeded to gather the dishes and then walked into the kitchen.
"Babe I know today is going to be hard for you. It is going to be hard for you to talk about some of this. But know that we are all here to help and support you. We all love you." I looked at him and smiled. "I love you all too. Honestly if I have to talk about all of this to anyone you are the ones I would pick. I trust you and I know whatever I say won't be repeated for all the burg ears. It is just hard for me talk about personal stuff. Don't take it personally."
Ranger walks over to me sits the dishes down on the counter beside the sink and puts his arms around me. Pulling my back to his front he buries his head in my hair and I hear him inhale. I feel myself melting into his warm and inviting chest. "Babe I need to talk to you privately today after the guys leave. There are some things I need to tell you." I immediately freeze and tense up.
"Babe don't fear what I have to talk to you about I won't hurt you, I promise you. Trust me okay. Just please no matter what happens today give me the chance to talk to you one on one today." I can't imagine what he has to tell me, but I can tell it is important so I nod. I do trust him with my life, my body. I am just not certain my heart will survive Ricardo Carlos Manoso.
As I place the last dish in the dishwasher, it is time to pull on the big girl pants and stand on my own two feet. I walk over the refrigerator and get out five waters. Ranger takes a few from me as we make our way into the living room.
As we walk into the living room Lester is on the far end of the couch, Bobby and Tank are both in the chairs opposite the couch. I sit down on the middle cushion and Ranger sits on the end of the couch. I hand the guys their water. I don't even know how to start this conversation. I guess it is sort of like taking a band-aid off you just rip it off the slower you go the more painful the process. Or like swimming sometimes you just have to jump in the deep end and hope it works out.
"Guys I don't know where to start to make you to understand where my head was yesterday and last night. I guess the best place to start is the beginning. So this may take a while". "Babe we are here as long as you need us to be here. We are all offline unless there is an emergency. So take your time and tell us whatever you want us to know. Just know that we are here for you, and we aren't leaving." I take a deep breath as I feel Ranger pull me closer to him turning me sideways. Ranger guides me down so that my head is resting on his thigh as Lester grabs my feet and pulls them into his lap.
"My whole life I have done nothing but disappoint and embarrass my family and myself. Even as young as six years old I disappointed and embarrassed my family when Joe pulled me in his father garage to play choo choo." "Babe what is choo choo" "Well basically Joe's finger was the train and I was the tunnel" as soon as the words were out of my mouth I heard four deep intake of air.
I felt both Lester and Ranger tense up. "Guys there are a lot of things I am going to be telling you please don't get upset before I get started." "Babe, I am sorry. You just told us that Joe molested you when you were six. It's a little hard not to get upset and react to that." "Ranger it wasn't like that, I mean all boys and girls play those games right."
"No Babe, not all girls and boys play those games. Had I played that game with a girl growing up my mom would have half killed me." All of the guys nodded Lester added "Beautiful had my mom caught me even thinking about taking advantage of a girl let alone doing it I wouldn't be able to be the ladies man I am today."
"Well when I told my mom she got mad at me she said that I disappointed her. She grounded me, took away my television time and told me that if I mentioned a word of what happened to anyone she would spank me. She didn't want to be further embarrassed by my actions." Lester rubbed my foot.
"Beautiful had my sister come home and told my mom that, my mom would have hunted down the sorry son of a bitch and hung him." All of the guys nodded. Damn I wished I had of had their mom growing up. "Babe, my mom would have told my father and my father would have hunted him down with a twelve gauge shot gun. My mother would not have been disappointed or embarrassed by my sister. Hell she would have been on the phone calling all of the neighbors to warn them that there was a predator in the neighborhood and then she would have called that boys parent's to tell them what he did."
Why couldn't I have had Ranger's mom for my mom. While a part of me still wanted to believe that girls and boys played would play games like that because I didn't want to believe the alternative and that my mom would blame me. I know deep downside had my mom been more like Ranger's or Lester's mom I would have felt differently about the whole incident. I would have felt differently about myself.
"Then to further disappoint and embarrass my mother I jumped off of the garage roof trying to fly. I wanted to be Wonder Woman. For a few seconds I actually flew but then gravity took over and hit the ground breaking my arm in the process." That got a few chuckles out of the room.
"Little Girl how did jumping off of the garage embarrass or disappoint anyone?" "I don't know but my mother said there she goes again embarrassing the whole family. What are the neighbors going to think? When we got to the hospital she told them that I broke my arm falling off of my bike. I asked her why she told them that and she just said we didn't need any more embarrassment brought on the family. That I had already disappointed her enough for the day."
Tank just shook his head "Little girl you can't repeat what I am going to tell you okay" I nodded "When I was little boy I wanted to be superman. One day I took a pillowcase tied it around my neck and proceeded to jump out of the second story bedroom window. As you know I flew for a few seconds and then hit the ground. I too broke my arm. I scared my mom to death. She was so worried about me that I don't think she even knew she had neighbors."
I smiled at him sharing personal information with me. "She took me to the hospital telling everyone how I had jumped out of the window trying to fly. Because of that I had to go thru several additional tests to make sure I didn't do any internal damage." I just looked at him. "They only fixed my arm and sent me on my way. I guess no one even thought that I could have possibly had any internal injuries."
Tank just shook his head "That is because your mother lied and said you fell off of your bike." Why couldn't I have Tank's mom for my mom. I could have been seriously hurt and wouldn't have even known because my mom chose to lie to protect an image she had of herself or us.
"Well for my punishment for jumping off of the roof my mom put me in dance class, and a cooking class. That ended in another round of disappointment and embarrassment for my mom and family. Valerie was always perfect. She excelled in dance and cooking class. I on the other hand had the teachers wondering what happened to me because Valerie was always so perfect and well let's just say I wasn't. Dance classes ended after I had broken all of my partners in one form or another. I would step on their toes, trip over their feet and land on my ass, or we would end up bumping heads. Finally the teacher refused to allow me in class. Bring further embarrassment and disappointment to my mother. I remember the why me, Carol Sabos' daughter doesn't get kicked out of dance class, why me?"
Bobby just shook his head. "Bomber let me tell you in dance class it isn't one person's fault. When you dance you are partners it takes too just like in any partnership. If you were stepping on toes, tripping, or bumping heads than it was just as much your partner's fault as it was yours. And since you were in beginner classes then it was also just as much the teacher's fault because she wasn't teaching her students properly."
"Bobby how do you know that? I am pretty sure most of it was my fault." "Bomber my mom is a dance instructor, she has been teaching dance for 30 plus years. As a young child I would hang out with her in her studio and trust me to say I know enough to know what I am saying is true. There was nothing wrong with you only your teacher for not knowing what she was doing." Why couldn't I have Bobby's mom for my mom. Had I had Bobby's mom maybe I would have been able to stay in dance class and enjoy it.
"Cooking class ended in disaster. Further disappointing and embarrassing my mother and family. I was kicked out of class when I set the oven on fire and managed to mess up boiling water. My mother named off like five other mother's daughters that didn't have any trouble boiling water and never once caught the oven on fire. That was the last straw for my mom and she gave up on classes for me. She said that there was no way she could make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Basically I think that meant that I was a classic fuck up at everything I did and no matter what it was I was nothing but a disappointment and an embarrassment to her." Ranger started running his fingers thru my hair as my head was resting on his thigh "Babe" god that felt good.
"Then came the Tasty Pastry incident" I blew out a sigh "Beautiful what do you mean the Tasty Pastry incident? What could have happened at the Tasty Pastry for your mom to find embarrassing and be disappointed in you."
Oh shit I thought I told them about this. Here goes more embarrassment, I sighed. "When I was in high school I worked at the Tasty Pastry after school. One night Joe walked in just before closing locking the door behind him. I was working alone behind the counter. He said he came in to pick up some canollis for his mom." I felt the guys tense with the mentions of Joe's name again.
"I was sixteen he was eighteen. He walked around behind the counter while he was telling me that he was about to ship off for the Navy and he wanted to have something to remind him of home while he was gone. I wasn't really sure what he was talking about until I soon realized he wanted me. By the time I realized what he was doing he had me down on the floor." The tension was now thick in the air.
"We had sex behind the counter on the floor. As soon as he finished he got up pulled up his pants said thanks Cupcake for the going away present and without a backwards glance he was out the door with a box of canollis in his hand." I noticed how still and quite the guys were I could feel the thick tension in the air.
"Guys?" I looked up at Ranger and I could see him trying to control himself. "Ranger are you okay?" "No, babe I am not okay. I don't think any of us are okay at this moment." He was breathing heavy. "What's wrong?" "Babe don't you know what's wrong? You just told us that Morelli that fucking son of a bitch raped you when you were sixteen years old." "Ranger he didn't" Ranger cut me off running is hand over my cheek "Babe, did he ask you? Did you give him your consent? Did you want to lose your virginity on the floor behind the counter at the Tasty Pastry? He came in and locked the door. Babe whether you realized it or not he was going to fuck you regardless if you consented or not. In my book that is Rape. You might not have fought him but you didn't actively consent. You just allowed it to happen."
Yeah "That's my point Ranger I allowed it to happen, so he didn't rape me. I laid there and allowed him to do what he did without any protest even though I didn't really want it like that." Ranger runs his long fingers thru my hair and takes a breath.
"Babe that is sort of the point I am trying to make. It wasn't really your choice. You went along because you didn't know what else to do. Whether you realized it or not, he wasn't giving you a choice. Because you didn't challenge him he didn't have to physically force you. But had you challenged him my bet would be that he would have forced you." I guess I could see logic in what he was saying "Trust me Babe, these guys and I see it for what it is and trust me when I say it fucking pisses us off."
"Beautiful how could you being raped bring disappointment and embarrassment to your mom and family?" Lester looked confused "Well I didn't tell anyone anything. But before Joe left for the Navy he wrote about having had me, having taking my virginity in some of the public restrooms around Trenton. My dad saw it, as well as several others who reported back to my mom. My mom grounded me screaming how I had embarrassed the whole family. How none of the other mother's had to worry about their daughter's seducing boys because they couldn't keep their legs closed."
"Babe I really hope you didn't listen to her. Morrelli took advantage of you and your mother was a fucking bitching for not seeing it and doing something about it. I apologize for calling your mother that but at this point in time I believe the name fits. Had that happened to one of my sister's my mom would have hunted his ass down in the Navy or not and made sure he paid for it more than likely with his life." He took a deep breath.
"Babe, it's our parent's job to protect us when we are too little and too young to protect ourselves. I am sorry you didn't have that. " Tears formed in my eyes thinking how good it would have felt to have had a mom that protected me. Why couldn't I have had Ranger's mom for my mom? Why couldn't my mom been more supportive of what I was going thru at that time instead of worrying about what someone else might think. Looking back how could she really think that I her daughter couldn't keep my legs closed. How could she say that to her own daughter?
"I did manage one time to make my mom happy once. I was so excited so happy that for once she approved of me. That I wasn't managing to embarrass her or disappoint her that she was actual proud of me. That was when I said yes to marry the Dick. She was so happy that I was marrying a lawyer. She was able to plan a huge burg wedding pulling out all of the stops. I got no say in anything because she wanted the perfect burg wedding and if I made any decisions then it would mess something up. I was just so happy that she was happy with me for the first time in my life I let her have her fun. Of course that all ended when I caught him fucking Joyce on our dining room table before the ink was dry on our marriage license." I heard muttering from the guys around the room. I glanced at them and they were mad again.
"Well the fact that I filed for divorce brought further disappointment and embarrassment to my mom. She said that it was my fault. That had I stayed at home and taken care of my husband's "needs" he wouldn't have felt the need to cheat on me. She said that I was a failure as a woman because I couldn't keep my man happy and meet his needs and he needed to go elsewhere to get what he needed. Divorcing him would bring disgrace to the family and that as a burg girl I needed to stand by my man and work harder to give him what he needed and if I couldn't then I should just overlook certain indiscretions."
Lester was gently rubbing my feet. "Beautiful are you telling us that your mother told you to stay with a cheating husband and over look it. You had only been married what maybe two months? If he is going to cheat on you in the first two months of your marriage then there would have been nothing you could have done to satisfy him. He had a problem. For him to have wanted that barn animal slut over you, well that is definitely his problem not yours. My mom would have probably helped my sister castrate him had it been her in your place."
Why couldn't have Lester's mom for my mom? It would have been nice to have had my mother's support during that time. I left him with nothing. He took everything. I had no money, no place to live, no car. He took it all. It would have been nice to have at least had my mother's support.
"So guys now you know some of my past. There is more but those are the bigger points of me embarrassing and disappointing my family. I have been a disappointment and embarrassment to them my whole life. Now I am not only embarrassing and disappointing my family. But I have embarrassed and disappointed Joe I don't know how many times, I only need to destroy a car or get thrown in something disgusting to hear all about it from him."
I hear a hiss of anger around the room what I didn't say was how I knew I had embarrassed and disappointed them. My heart is literally breaking at the thought. I didn't think I would be able to actually say the words and continue to live but I knew I had to say them.
"I had to black mail my own cousin into giving me a job as a bounty hunter. A job you all know I suck at but would never voice to me. I get pushed into stuff, rolled in stuff, my clothes and my cars get destroyed at a rate I can't afford to replace. I pick up stalkers faster than you guys can shake sticks at. I live hand to mouth and some months it is barely mouth so I have to go munch off my parent's and in the process I have to hear how I am letting my last chance of finding happiness go by not quitting my job and marrying Joe. Can't you see guys? I am a colossal fuck up only capable of embarrassing and disappointing everyone around me."
That statement had the tears rolling only because I couldn't help thinking how I had embarrassed and disappointed them and Rangeman. The hurt was back in my chest as it felt like my heart was been wrenched from my chest.
RPOV
I can't believe what I am hearing Stephanie say. I know it is all true, because I know she would never lie to me or the guys. But her whole life she has had to deal with her mother putting her down, ridiculing her, even bordering on verbal abuse and yet she somehow she turned out to be so amazing. No wonder she can't see the amazing person she is. The amazing things she does. No wonder her self esteem is so low that she seconds guesses herself and she feels like she is unworthy.
Hearing some of the things she said caused my anger to grow and there were times it was all I could do to hold my rage in. I wanted to find that cop shred the skin from his body, break every bone and I do mean every bone all two hundred and six of them, and then slowly and I do mean slowly drain the life from his worthless piece of shit body.
He had done nothing but drag my Babe down and add misery to her life. She has had to deal with being belittled and demeaned her whole life. He molested her, he raped her, and for the past three years he had done nothing but demean her and try to force her to change for him. The bad part of all of this is that I pushed her to go back with him. I would have never done that had I known all of this. Another thing I need to clear up when I talk to her tonight.
When we sat down I had pulled her against me and worked her until she was lying down with her head on my thigh and her feet on Lester's legs. Lester realized what I was doing and pulled her feet into his lap. This way one she was comfortable, she was touching us, we were able to touch her to offer additional support and comfort when needed and by the way we were sitting she didn't have to look at any of us unless she decided to do so.
That way she wouldn't feel uneasy and she could just talk and tell us what was on her beautiful mind. It worked because she opened up about everything. Of course it was good at least we understood her thought process better but it enraged me and I know it enraged the guys. There were several times when I made eye contact with them.
One to warn them about our earlier discussion and two to confirm they were just as pissed as I was at the things my babe had to endure. When the guys took my lead and started sharing personal stories from their life, or how their mother's would have handled a situation that Stephanie found herself in it made my heart swell.
They were letting my Babe in. I don't know if she realized how huge it was for these guys to share those stories. She was baring her soul, herself and they were telling her that they were listening, they understood, they would hold her trust, her heart, her soul and protect it and care for it forever. In return for her gift they would give her the same. I know she would never let them down just as much as I knew they would never let her down.
When my Babe started talking about Joe and disappointing him I wanted to scream. He doesn't deserve anything from her. For her to worry and appear pained at the mention of disappointing or embarrassing him part of me saw red. Not at my Babe I honestly didn't have it in me to ever be mad at her. I just couldn't ever be mad at her. I was furious at Joe how could he harm her the ways he had, talk to her the way he did, how was it that he never saw this amazing person for what she was, simply amazing.
I saw the tears welling up in her beautiful eyes and I just wanted to kiss them away. I never wanted to see tears in my Babes eyes unless they were happy tears. When she said that she sucked at her job, it is true she could use some more training. Most of that was my fault. I had every intention of getting the guys to work with her to train her but I would be lying if I didn't tell you that there is still a part of me that doesn't want my Babe interacting with the trash and scum of Trenton.
However, I know my failure to follow thru and allow her to get by on what she had which are amazing senses and just pure luck was stupid on my part. I needed to open my eyes and see this is where she wanted to be and get her the proper training to defend herself. Another option I am going to present to her and allow her to decide.
Somehow I thought there was something she wasn't telling us but I could see how much pain she was in just telling us what she was saying that I decided not to press her. I wouldn't push her maybe if I offer a break for now it would help her. Get some lunch take a moment of downtime where she can gather her thoughts, emotions, and just take a deep breath it would be what she needed to say what it was that she was leaving out. "Babe, why don't we take a break here? I will call Ella and have her bring up some lunch. We can eat and rest for a bit. When you are ready we can finish talking. How does that sound?"
"Ranger, you can call Ella and have her bring lunch, but I really need to get something off of my chest and mind before lunch. If I don't say this now then I don't think I would be able to eat anyway." Well maybe she was ready to tell us after all. "Okay Babe, I will call Ella now." I picked up my phone, turned it on. I had turned it off after speaking to the control room. I didn't want any interruptions they knew the procedure to follow if they needed us. I dialed Ella
"Ella, Hi." "Carlos how is Stephanie, did she enjoy her breakfast? How are you and the guys?" "Yes and she is doing okay. We are fine. The reason I am calling is to see if you could bring up some lunch for everyone. Remember what we talked about earlier, the same holds true for now." "Carolos I will have Stephanie's favorite lunch including dessert up to all in about twenty minutes" "Ella, Thank you" I know that sounded a little weird but I wanted to tell Ella to be sure to have my Babe's favorite things including dessert without my Babe hearing it. I suspected she would have already sent her favorites knowing Ella but just be on safe side I asked.
"Babe, lunch will be up here in about twenty or so minutes. If you want to continue we can, if you want to rest until then you can. The choice is all yours." "Ranger I think I will continue I really need to get this out. While I still can. If I take a break or rest I don't think I will be able to say this and I need to tell you." My heart just leaped in my throat. What the hell? I am not some sissy ass teenager, but I was feeling anxious and nervous to hear what my Babe has to say. I schooled my voice to cooperate. "Okay Babe"
SPOV
It was so tempting to just say I would rest and wait for lunch but I knew I couldn't do that. I had to tell this now or it wouldn't get said. I needed to tell them. "Yesterday when my car blew up I couldn't help but think how yet again I had failed at my job, embarrassed Joe and my mother. I told Lester the story about my skip running and me chasing him and then losing him for Christ sake he was sixty five fucking years old. Why can't I out run a sixty five year old man? As I rounded the corner going back to my car I saw him light the rag he had stuck in my gas tank. Without thinking I took off running towards it. Well we all know how that ended." I hear groans thru out the room.
"Lester pointed something out to me yesterday when I told him the story. What he said made me see something I hadn't seen before or if I did never allowed myself to acknowledge. He said that I went running towards a burning rag sticking out of a tank of gas. That statement made me open my eyes, I don't think guys. I just do whatever comes to mind first. I don't think about what could happen or what comes next those thoughts never cross my mind I just do whatever it is that pops into my head."
I take a deep breath and steel myself to what I have to say next. "Realizing that brought home all too clear that in fact I couldn't do my job that I only manage to embarrass everyone around me my mom, Joe, you guys, Ranger, and even Rangeman. When that realization hit me I just had to leave. So I ran grabbed an SUV and just started driving."
Ranger tried to say something but I held up my hand cutting him off. I have to get this out in one piece now on to the hard part. "While I was driving around the streets of Trenton my mind was racing with different memories of past conversations with my mom and Joe. Where I was told I was an embarrassment and a disappointment to them and my family. It made me wonder why any of you would want anything to do with me."
They all started to say something I just held my hand up stopping them. "Let me get this out first, while I can okay." They all nodded even though I could tell they didn't really want to. It was straining them to remain quiet. "I mean it isn't like I have made your life easier. I cause you all nothing but headaches and hassles. You all have to constantly rescue me from one disaster or another. Doesn't it ever just get old for you? While I was thinking about all the different incidents I was reminded of a conversation between Joe and me. It was during a time that I was working for Rangeman. Joe said that Ranger only gave me a job out of pity that Ranger felt responsible for agreeing to teach me how to become a bounty hunter and since I obviously couldn't learn because I sucked at my job more and more every day that he was ashamed to tell me. Joe went on to say that Ranger couldn't admit that he had failed and so he took pity on me whenever I needed money and would give me a job, knowing all along I would only fuck up whatever he had hired me to do."
I paused for a second to gather my next thoughts as I took several deep breaths to keep my emotions at bay. My chest was pounding and hurting and I could hear the blood roaring in my head between my ears. My eyes were burning with the desire to just cry.
"In replaying that conversation in my head along with all of the memories I could see truth to that statement. Then I thought how Rangeman bleeds money for me whenever I had a psycho stalker but now it also bleeds money whenever I am low on money and need a job. Realizing this I felt so embarrassed. I had used you all and Rangeman for money. I had collected money for jobs that I wasn't capable of doing. I don't know how you all can even consider me a friend. I love you all but I realized you didn't need to be around me. I am nothing but a fuck up who has been disappointing and embarrassing you all from the very beginning and if that wasn't bad enough in itself I was also negatively impacting Rangeman as a company that you all love and have spent blood, sweat and tears building." I took another deep breath. Thank god they were letting me get all of this out because it was getting harder and harder.
"I was so confused last night but my love for you all and Rangeman helped me make a decision to go talk to Joe." I could feel the tension increase in the room with the mention of his name. "I was going to tell him that I had made the decision to change my life. I no longer wanted to disappoint or embarrass him or my family. What I wasn't going to tell him was that I could no longer negatively impact Rangeman or embarrass or disappoint Ranger or my merry men." I couldn't stop the tears at this point.
Ranger started running his finger thru my hair as Lester started once again rubbing my feet. "The thought of having disappointed you guys was crushing me. I got to Joe's house and sat there in the SUV for a few minutes trying to gather my thoughts of what I was going to tell him. I was going to tell him how I was tired of being a disappointment and embarrassment to myself, him, and my family that I wanted to change, and I wanted to make everyone proud of me. I would become a stay at home burg housewife mother of two point five children with the white picket fence and a dog. I could almost feel the hives breaking out with just the thought of it but I was willing to do it, to make them proud. " I took another breath
"I felt like by making this decision it would be the best for everyone. I knew I would be miserable but if I did this my family would be proud of me, you guys wouldn't have to risk getting hurt keeping me safe, I would no longer attract psychos, I would no longer negatively impact Rangeman's bottom line, and more importantly I would no longer disappoint or embarrass you guys or Ranger because I sucked at Bounty Hunting. So now I am not certain what I am going to do. Obviously I will never do what a planned on last night so I am not sure where that leaves me." I heard a collective release of breath around the room. They weren't holding their breath were they? No, they couldn't have been. Bad asses don't hold their breath.
TPOV
Oh my god. My little girl was going to Morelli's last night to tell him that she would agree to marry him, have his children, and become a stay at home housewife and mother all the things she hates to protect Rangeman, us, and to keep us from being disappointed or embarrassed by her. I went thru all of my memories of any job I worked with my little girl and I could never think of a time I was embarrassed or disappointed in her.
Even the time I broke my leg when one of her skips landed on me when he jumped from the porch roof I wasn't embarrassed or disappointed by her. The time I got shot I wasn't disappointed or embarrassed because of her. I was a little embarrassed and disappointed in myself but never in my Little Girl.
"Little Girl, look at me." I asked her to look at me because I wanted her to see the truth and sincerity in what I was about to tell her. Her brilliant blue eyes met mine. "Little Girl, I can't speak for the other's in this room but only for me. You have never, not form the first moment I met you until right now right this moment ever once embarrassed me or disappointed me. If anything you surprised the hell out of me." I never thought I would tell Steph this but I can see now that I am going to.
"Little Girl when I first met you I wondered what a white bread girl from the Burg was doing in our world. In my eyes you didn't fit. We walk thru some of the biggest shit holes in his city. We trudge thru the filth that most people don't even want to acknowledge exists let alone walk in. Then add to the fact that you are a girl from the burg I honestly didn't think you would make it thru your first nail break when I met you. But you quickly proved me wrong. Not only were you very capable of walking where we walked but you fit in. You were and are one of us. Little Girl, I love you. I am proud that you consider me a friend and I am proud to consider you a friend, a sister." I could see more tears swimming in her eyes. I knew she understood what I was trying to say. "Tank thank you. I love you too."
I heard a knock at the door and then the door opened. It was Ella with our lunch. Oh boy here we go again. I bet Ella had fixed one of my little girl's favorite meals so we were in for another round of moans and groans that could make a grown man cry with desire. We all got up and followed Ella into the dining room. I noticed Lester was a little more quiet than normal he looked almost dejected and I wonder what he was thinking about what my Little Girl had said. I knew her statements would hurt him and Ranger the most.
LPOV
Listening to Beautiful it had been difficult not to interrupt her. I understood her needing to get everything out without being interrupted but it had me so frustrated that I just wanted to scream. How could she even for a moment believed that she embarrassed us or disappointed us, me. She could never.
No matter what happened to her cars or what she rolled in going after a skip. We don't judge her like that we don't judge her at all and if I ever caught one of my coworkers judging her I would have their ass before the boss ever found out about it, then I would tell him and he would then have their ass.
Hell even with all the things that happen to her she still has one of the highest capture rates in the country. She is just a hairs width away from Rangeman's capture rate and we are the best and have scores of the best trained guys. She brings in her skips either by herself or with Lula as her partner. On some occasions we have helped her but most of her numbers was all on her. Some would argue that the bond amount is different and it is meaning our guys tend to be more harden dangerous criminals than the ones Steph goes after but when you look purely at the numbers hers are just about as good as ours.
Hearing how she was going to tell Morelli, that fucking shit of a cop that she would agree to marry him have his fucking devil spawn of children and become that stay at home housewife and mother she so desperately hated made me want to hurl. Bile rose up in my throat and my heart hurt.
She was going to take herself out of our lives. I can't imagine what Ranger is feeling right now. I know for me I feel like I am drowning. I look to her for salvation for absolution from the things I have done. I know she isn't God, or a priest so I know I will have to atone for my sins after all even a drug dealer, a terrorist, a corrupt government leader that is partaking of genocide is still a life. In God's eyes I am still taking a life regardless of orders, regardless of what is morally right, and regardless of how many lives was saved because I took one.
I would have to atone and pay for all of them and there were a lot and as I was sitting here I knew there would be even more. I also knew that none of those lives I would feel sorry for taking or even second guess myself for having done it. She brought back my humanity. I have learned thru her that forgiveness isn't needed from her that as far as she was concerned there was nothing that needed forgiving.
I can't imagine my life without her. I know I have only known her for three years but since having met her something in me has changed. There is light in my world and I enjoy that, I need it and I crave it. When she came into my life I got a piece of me back that I thought I had long casted aside. She had given me hope that I could have love in my life like that between her and Ranger. I was able to laugh and joke again the way I had before I ever joined the Army and the Rangers.
Now that I had it back I could not do without it. I can't believe she was going to walk away. A part of me is hurt. In a sick sort of way I am glad Morelli's true colors came out last night. That she saw what he was. I would never want Beautiful hurt but it was better she saw it before she told him those things then to find out after it was too late. Not that it would ever be too late but it was a whole lot easier at this point than it would have been had she married him.
I needed to lighten the mood a little as we were heading into the dining room. "Beautiful are you going to give us another taste of those beautiful noises that come out of those luscious lips for lunch?" I no more finish that statement before three hands whack the back of my head "hey...ow". Steph blushes a little then giggles. Good I have done my job I thought as I found my chair.
"Beautiful I need to tell you something" She looks up at me. "You have never one time in the three years that I have known you ever embarrassed me or disappointed me. I love you, you are one of my best friends and I consider you my sister. I love spending time with you if it is going with you as backup for skip, hanging out at the office, being your body guard when you have a stalker. It doesn't matter. Regardless of what happens you would never, could never embarrass me or disappoint me. I can't believe that you would consider leaving us, leaving me and living a life of pure hell. That you would do that to protect us from being embarrassed or you disappointing us when nothing could be further from the truth." I take a breath to get control of my emotions. Bad asses don't do emotions.
"The first time I meet you, when you were worried about getting shot or being arrested because you really hated it when that happened and I teased you that you take all the fun out of it. From that moment on I was different for having had met you. You know me as the jokester of the office and you hear me laughing a lot, Beautiful that is because of you. Before you I hadn't been like that since before I joined the Army. Being with you allowed me to regain a piece of myself that I never thought I would ever have again. I could never be disappointed or embarrassed by you."
Beautiful was looking at me as if she was in shock. Like she didn't really know to believe it or not but she knows I would never lie to her. She starts eating still processing what I just said I can see the wheels turning in that beautiful head of hers.
"Do you know that besides Rangeman you have the best capture rate than any other bounty hunter across the country?" With that she paused food half way to her mouth "What?" "Beautiful capture rates are tracked. You can look it up yourself. Rangeman has the best capture rate in the country at hundred percent. And you have the second highest capture rate of ninety-nine point eight percent. Not to mention you have helped us capture several of our skips so the Rangeman capture rate is what it is partially because of you." Again she looked shocked. This time ranger confirmed it "Babe it is true."
BPOV
I have been quiet the whole time she was talking. Other than telling her about me hanging out in my mom's dance studio as a child I have been listening and processing everything she has said. Being a medic I am familiar with psychology and mental health. While it isn't my specialty I definitely know symptoms of depression, PTSD, Bipolar, schizophrenics, etc. After hearing Bomber's story I am surprised that she has never suffered from depression or PTSD but to my knowledge she hasn't or at least not during the time I knew her she hasn't. I guess denial land was good for something.
"Bomber, you know that I have fixed you up more times that I care to think about. You know that I have seen you at your highest and your lowest in the last three years." She just nodded her head in agreement. "Never one time in all of those times have you ever embarrassed or disappointed me. Not ever. Even when you are fighting me to help you because you didn't think you need to go to see a doctor, or you didn't want x-rays I was never embarrassed or disappointed. During those times my only thought is your care, is your health and yeah sometimes I may get a little pissed that you won't listen to me or are being hardheaded in not just going I was never disappointed or embarrassed." I don't do good talking about my own emotions or letting people in so I took a breath. "Bomber, I love you. You are like a sister to me. I never had a sister growing up but I always wanted one. I am an only child, seen as my parent's never gave me a sister growing up I was gifted with the opportunity to pick a sister. Bomber I chose you."
RPOV
I was right last night. God I came so close to losing her. In a really sick sort of way I should thank Morelli for choosing to fuck up when he did. I knew I felt her pulling away from me. I felt her giving up on us and turning away from me. I just didn't know why. It floored me that she truly believed that she had embarrassed or disappointed me.
She has never, if anything I have always been proud of her. Maybe her ways were different and lord knows she rolled in her fair share of shit but she always got her man and in our world the bottom line is you always get your man. It doesn't matter what has happened or how you get him, the important part is that you get him and you get him back in the system. I have always told her that I was proud of her. Did she think I would just say that to be saying that?
She was right on one hand. I was embarrassed for not training her better. I should have stepped in and demanded that she get proper training from the beginning. Honestly a part of me thought she wouldn't last when I first met her. But she proved me wrong when she continued to go after Morelli. She impressed the hell out of me.
Then as time went by she always got her man. She had instincts that only rivaled my own. I tried exercising with her to help her get in shape but she complained about having to run. Me not wanting to see my Babe do something she hated gave in. I have no excuse for my lack of action in training her. But I was never embarrassed or disappointed in her. Hell to have a capture rate that she has with as little training as she has had she is fucking impressive, amazing.
"Babe you do have the second highest capture rate of any bounty hunter and most of your skips you caught on your own. Rangeman has a whole crew so that is something to be impressed with not embarrassed about and definitely nothing there to be disappointed in. Not only is your capture rate what it is but you have done that with little to no training." She looks up at me confused.
"Babe I should have trained you thoroughly instead of letting you go out so green. But honestly you took to bounty hunting like a duck to water. You impressed us all. Your mind is a beautiful thing to watch when you are in action. Your instincts "your spidey senses as you call it" are amazing and they never fail you. To see it in action, to see you in action is something to marvel at." Her mouth opens at my statement in shock and her cheeks flush with embarrassment at the compliment I just gave her.
"Babe I know from past events and the things you have told us that you aren't use to compliments or someone looking up to you but trust me when I say this you have a whole building of big bad ass military men that all think you are simply amazing that look up to you and only want to spend more time with you." She barely smiles, she is still processing everything she has been told.
"I for one have never been embarrassed or disappointed in you. I know you know I don't lie and I wouldn't tell you something just because I felt sorry for you or pity for you. Which by the way I have never felt either way when it came to you." She nods her head I can see she is replaying my words and sees the truth in them.
"Babe as far as Rangeman goes you have never negatively impacted Rangeman. Yes I told you I bleed money when you have a stalker. I wish I had never made that dumb fucking statement. I told you what we give each other doesn't have a price and it doesn't Babe. If it took me having to get rid of Rangeman to protect you I would without question. I believe we all would."
She looked up at me and started shaking her head no. "Babe we love Rangeman hell we all worked damn hard building Rangeman to be what it is today but please know that it isn't more important to us than you. Please know that you come first, you will always come first for us." I knew that was true for every guy in this room. She came first before us and she needed to know that.
Stephanie looked at us with look that said deer caught in headlights. Tank, Lester, and Bobby all nodded in agreement to the statement I had just made and it made my heart swell even more. I could see her eyes swimming with tears as her mouth opened and closed several times trying to form the words she wanted to say.
"Guys I love you, you have to know that. But in my life you come first, Rangeman comes first you should know that. I would give whatever it is I can give including my life to protect you all and Rangeman. That was my sole reason for the decision I made yesterday."
"Babe I am glad you love us as much as you do but please know that you will always come first, your life before ours and before Rangeman's. Let's finish eating and we can talk more when we are done." The sheer knowledge that she would be willing to put her life on the line for us, for Rangeman was crippling to me and I needed a moment alone with my thoughts.
In a way I wanted to soar with the knowledge that she loved us that much in another way I wanted to run to the bathroom and puke up what little of my lunch I had eaten. The thought that she would die for us had me chocking, gagging, and riddled with fear that she could possibly be taken from us and would gladly give her life for us. Her beautiful bright light warm soul she would give for one of our marred dark dimmed cold souls was more than humbling it was frightening and bad asses do not do frightening.
My babe went back to eating moaning and groaning with every bite. It was both pure pleasure and pure torture. Hearing her happy and enjoying herself made me happy beyond belief but hearing her moans and being reminded of her body undermine that one night was making my cock so hard that I thought it would once again split the zipper on my cargo pants. I once again only wanted to grab her and drag her to bed and lock us in there for the rest of our lives. Thinking about that wasn't helping my current condition. I need to think about something else to help cool my jets.
I don't want to accidentally act because of my current state before I had a chance to talk privately to my Babe. When we finished eating Babe and I gathered the dishes while the rest of the guys went back into the living room to get ready to resume our talk. Like before my Babe grabbed five waters from the fridge. I took a few from her as we made our way back into the living room.
SPOV
Everyone was back in the same seats they had sat in earlier. I sat on the center cushion on the couch Ranger sat on the end. I immediately turned and laid my head on his thigh and put my feet in Lester's lap. Lester's hand immediately engulfed my feet with his warm hands and it felt heavenly. I am not certain but I think I moaned or maybe I purred because I was one happy kitten with Ranger running his fingers thru my hair and Lester rubbing my feet. I could die right this moment and be a very happy woman. I wasn't sure what else there was for us to talk about. I mean I had told them basically everything. I wasn't sure I could tell them what happened inside of Joe's house. It was so humiliating and embarrassing.
"Babe, can you tell us what happened when you went in Joe's house?" Damn ESP I should have never thought about that then he wouldn't have asked me. "No Babe, I was going to ask you, we would like to know what happened. You can trust us Babe." "I guess I said that out loud?" "Yeah Babe you did." The others chuckled, when will I learn to keep my trap shut? "Ranger, I know I can trust you all and I want to tell you all, I do, but some parts of it are really embarrassing and humiliating for me."
"Babe it is okay you have nothing to be embarrassed or humiliated about. This is Joe's doing not yours. Trust us Babe we won't judge you or blame you for any of this." "I know Ranger" I took a deep breath "When I got there I ran inside because when I got out of the SUV I realized I was barefoot. It was cold. When I opened the door with the spare key and went in I heard the TV on. I went into the living room and Joe wasn't there but a porn movie was playing. I checked the rest of the downstairs for Joe and then looked for Bob. I saw that he was tied up out back. I thought it was odd but I left him outside to protect his eyes from the TV" "Babe".
"I then went upstairs looking for Joe." I took another deep breath "When I got almost to the top of the stairs I could see a light on in Joe's bedroom. I quietly climbed the rest of the stairs and walked up to the door listening for any sounds. I heard Joe grunting and then I heard a woman moaning. My head was screaming for me to just turn around and run but my body wasn't responding. It was like my body took on a mind of its own as I pushed the door open and walked into the room." I paused for a moment trying to gain control before continuing.
"My eyes couldn't believe what they were seeing. Joe was in his bed with Terry. Terry saw me enter before Joe was aware she smiled at me and started fucking him harder causing him to grunt even more. For a moment I was shocked unable to speak. Then I screamed at him and he froze in place with Terry's legs still wrapped around him, his head buried in her chest. He didn't even move away from her only turned his head to look at me then he had the nerve to ask me what the fuck I was doing there." I took a deep breath. So far this was easier than I thought to tell. While I was mad at him I truly wasn't as hurt as I thought I would be. In a weird way I felt almost relief a sense of freedom I hadn't felt in awhile.
"I asked him what he was doing since I was his girlfriend at the time and he was fucking another woman in his bed. He just sighed then he proceeded to get up off of her. Terry being the slut she is didn't even bother to cover herself at first. She just laid there spread out for him to look at. I turned and started out of the bedroom as fast as I could. Joe followed me. I was heading down the stairs when Joe grabbed my arm. He said that we needed to talk. I told him we had nothing to talk about that I was done with him. He tried to explain that he was with Terry because some undercover assignment bullshit. I told him I wasn't buying his shit and told him to let me go. Joe said he wasn't going to let me go and for me to just look at it like he no longer had to hide his extracurricular activities from me and that maybe I would even enjoy joining in on them." I heard growls from around the room.
"I told him that if he thought I was going to marry him, have his children while he was fucking Terry and I would be okay with that and even join in with them then he had lost his fucking mind. Again I told him to let me go, let me leave. I tried jerking my arm out of his grip but I couldn't. He started to drag me back up the stairs toward his bedroom." I could feel the tension rise in the room. I took a deep breath
"I started to panic at what he was going to do. Then he said how me standing there with a sports bra and tiny gym shorts was turning him on. He grabbed my hand and ran it over his dick which completely grossed me out thinking he had just had it buried in Terry. But I took the opportunity presented. I distracted Joe by making him think I may be into him long enough for him to let go of my hand once he had let go of my hand I grabbed his balls and jerked them as hard as I could." I heard groans from the guys as Ranger choked out "Proud of you Babe" as I saw them all grab themselves, Men.
"Well Joe screamed and grabbed himself but not before he pushed me down the stairs. I landed spread eagle at the bottom. Terry ran to Joe's side. Once I was able to catch my breath and get to my feet I took off running to the door as fast as I could run. I remember falling on the sidewalk and not being able to get up. I remember fighting passing out and trying to pull myself to my car so I could just get out there. Then I heard your voice Ranger and I tried to respond but I could no longer fight it and passed out."
"Ranger, can I ask you something?" "Yeah Babe you can ask me anything, I will try to tell you as much as I can." "Why were you there? Don't get me wrong I am glad you were there but I didn't call you, or tell you where I was going. I even turned off the GPS in the SUV before driving to his house. How did you know?"