As I feel the elevator car slow down as it approaches the lobby, I reach up to my nametag and pull it off, placing it gently in my pocket next to Ohm's small metal cube. My fingers run over its smooth cold surface once again as I consider his advice for the hundredth time. As the doors open, I walk toward the outside, lost in a train of thought that alternates between confusion and anger. The startling revelation about General Sturm's long dead sibling casts a whole new light on him. Was he always as he was, brutish and stubborn? Or perhaps was he a kind and gentle soul, driven to aggression not because of some character flaw, but the excruciating torment of losing someone so dear to him. Could that same personality shift happen to me if Venus were ripped away? Would I even last long enough against this hidden enemy afterwards to notice? My sister still lives and breathes, but the tighter I try to hold on to her, the more I feel like she is slipping away. Will I be the one to seal her fate? Am I willing to possibly sacrifice her if it means saving myself? Is revenge on those who caused this worth a price that very well be my soul? I think I'm starting to understand what Ohm's cryptic words on introspection meant. As I walk past the empty pedestal, I cannot help but think I may be starting down a predestined path that will one day make me just like the figure that once stood upon it.
The sun is barely beginning to drop behind the western mountains as I exit the Ministry. Slowly, I make my way down the steps and mindlessly move toward the subway station. "Conflicted" does not even begin to describe my feelings however I know that Ohm's locator may be the only way even if it means losing the very person I want to protect.
The escalator is packed with bodies, oblivious to the world around them as they jabber on, voices echoing off the tile walls. My train is late, which is not unusual during the rush hour, but today I find it particularly irritating because it means that I will have to suffer without Lizzy's kind and wise words a few minutes longer.
When I finally arrive home, I can hear Lizzy in the bedroom speaking on the videophone.
"Listen, I understand what you're saying but you need to realize that it's not Ares' fault."
"How can it not be his fault? He keeps putting you in these situations. Over and over again he's taking risks that he can't afford to. Like it or not, his name has a reputation that has made a lot of enemies and I don't want him dragging you down with him," says a voice on the other end that I recognize immediately.
"Well, this day just keeps getting better and better," I mutter under frustrated breath. I throw my satchel on the floor, strip off my uniform jacket, and head to the refrigerator for a drink.
"What do you mean 'drag me down with him' are you implying that he's somehow holding me here in the Capitol against my will," she says trying to hide her irritation.
"Of course not," the other voice continues. "It's just that I've never understood what you see in him…"
"Don't start that again. Ares is a loving, wonderful man who's always done his best to be kind to you and the rest of the family. They've accepted him as one of their own, why can't you?"
"Because I spent every day of my childhood suffering as I watched my mother retreat inside her mind fighting a pain I could nothing about because of what that man did to our family."
"Ares didn't do anything! Annie's torment was because of something done almost ten years before he was even born!" I rub my eyes in the kitchen just wishing she didn't love me so much. I hate hearing her have to defend me when sometimes I don't even want to defend myself.
There is a long pause. "I'm sorry, Lizzy. I know you're right. It's just I can't look at Ares and not help but think how much better our lives could have been if there had never been any Snows in the world."
"In case you haven't realized it yet, I'm a Snow now too, Finnie."
"Maybe on paper, but your heart is pure Odair. Just consider my offer, ok?" There is silence for a few seconds. "Ok?" he asks again more forcefully.
"Alright, I'll consider it," Lizzy fires back exasperatingly.
"It's just because I love you so much, Lizzy. You're like the big sister that I nev…" he pauses, "I mean could ever have." His last comment hits me like a punch to the stomach.
"I love you too, Finnie." There is a click as the line disconnects. I sit perfectly still in the kitchen leaning against the countertop. Lizzy finally enters from the bedroom. "Hey baby," she says in a surprised tone as she realizes my presence. "I didn't hear you come in." A worried look suddenly crosses her face. "How much did you hear?" I take another sip from my bottle.
"How is Finnick doing these days?"
Finnick Odair Jr., Lizzy's loving, if not always supportive cousin, and child of Annie and Finnick Odair Sr. The two were inseparable growing up together. He often leaned on her for support considering he never knew his father and his mother was often unreachable in her far off dazed fugues. However, after she went away to the Capitol to study at the University, fell in love with, and got engaged to a man named Snow, he very nearly disowned her. For years after we got married, I heard about the fight the two of them had. Once, one of Lizzy's brothers even told me that the fight was so loud that he could hear it at his house two full blocks away. Seeing her son and adopted daughter lash out at each other with such harsh and spiteful words over Lizzy's love for a Snow, member of the clan that robbed her of both her innocence and one true Love, put Annie into such a deep depression that Lizzy had to stay in District 4 for two months to nurse her back to health. Finnick Jr. took to the seas in his fishing boat and was not home for almost four months. This ended up being a blessing in disguise (for me at least) because it allowed a chance for the Odairs to meet me without risking Finnick's wrath. After Lizzy had brought her Aunt back to the land of the living, she convinced me to come to District 4, formally introduce myself and ask for her blessing.
I was able to show Annie just how much I did indeed love her niece, and that I was not an inhuman beast. That was when she and the rest of the Odairs came around to me. Unfortunately, Finnick Jr. never did and never has since. When we were married in District 4 six months after his return, he was not in attendance.
"He is doing fine," Lizzy manages to say a little defensively.
"Still probably not going to make the guest list for his Liberation Day Barbecue this year, am I?" Lizzy manages a laugh. She crosses toward me and wraps me up in her embrace. As I kiss her lips, I am overcome by her love, beauty, and the smell of the sea.
"I just love you so much," I say trying not to lose it. I honestly cannot believe that somehow I convinced this woman, so already in love with people who were victimized by the name "Snow," to fall in love with me and take that hated epithet as her own. It confounds every piece of logic in my being, but maybe that's what hope for the future is: love flying in the face of logic.
"You're my world; my whole world," she replies gazing right into me. My heart falls in my chest as I realize that despite all my efforts I may not be a part of it much longer. "Don't worry about Finnick. He's just worried about you," Lizzy says. I can immediately tell she is lying.
"Right," I respond sarcastically. "I know how much he hates me. The conversation in there was a pretty good hint"
"Ares, please give him some credit. He was very civil to you at Annie's funeral."
"If by civil you mean didn't say a single word to me the whole time. When Annie told me it was now my job to protect you instead of him, I thought he was going to leap across the room right then and there and strangle me."
"He cares about you more than you think. Seriously, with the disappearances in the last year, he's concerned about what might happen to you."
"You told him about the disappearances!" I find myself shouting as I step back from her. "Elizabeth Odair Snow, no one outside of the Ministry is supposed to have any knowledge of those. Hell, no one outside of the Ministry is supposed to have any knowledge of the Sixteen in the first place!"
"Well, you've done a great job keeping that secret yourself, Ares!" she fires back, her eyes showing she will give no ground. I know I've crossed the line and look down to the floor shamefully. I feel Lizzy drawing close again. She slowly lifts my chin till our eyes meet again.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know what's getting into me lately."
"I understand Ares. Believe me, I do. The strain of seeing those you grew up with just vanish into thin air, the knowledge that Venus or you could be next must be crushing. But you have to understand this too: he's my family as much as you are." I can tell she says the next thing without thinking. "With Annie gone, I'll need him more than ever if something were to happen to…" she stops herself abruptly, hoping I won't finish her words, but I do.
"…if something were to happen to me." It is now Lizzy's turn to look down shamefully and my turn to lift her eyes back to mine. "You're right. You're absolutely right. I don't know what's going to happen tonight or tomorrow, or even the day after. All I know is that I want to live in this moment with you right here." I see a look of contentment creep across her face.
"What was the offer that Finnick wanted you to consider?" I ask. Lizzy pauses awkwardly.
"He…he wants me to come and stay with him in District 4. He thinks it's too dangerous for me in the Capitol right now."
"I think you should consider his offer as well."
"You want to send me away? Right when we need each other the most?" she says angrily.
"Not at all. The thought of sending you away kills me, but not as much as proving Finnick correct in his fears if something does happen to you. It's hard enough for me to face him as it is."
"Nothing will ever happen to me as long as I have you right at my side. I'm sure of it because I know that you will protect me just like you protect Venus." Ohm's plan suddenly pushes back into my consciousness and I pull back from her again. "What's wrong?" I take a few steps backward, pull the metal cube from my pocket, and place it on the counter in front of her. "What is that?" she asks nervously.
"It could be a way to ensure that you and I live a long and happy life together, but it could also come with a terrible price." I make sure that my demeanor lets her know that I am deadly serious. "I have a plan, but I won't do anything without your permission."
"For God's sake, why do you need my permission?" She actually appears to be frightened now.
"Because Finnick is right about one thing: I am still a Snow, and I need you, with your Odair's heart, to be my conscience."