A/N: I know it's been a crazy wait. But my computer got a virus and it wouldn't let me upload new chapters or do a bunch of other things, like downloading new songs on my computer, which also sucked majorly. However I recently realized that if I got a zip drive I could take the chapters from my computer and load them on my mother's new laptop. So that is what I am doing now. It is hard to write on a computer that is not your own, but I am hoping I will have enough money to buy a new laptop at the end of the summer after my summer job. Fingers crossed.
Total Eclipse of the Heart
"Didn't we just get back from a hunt?" I ask Sam and Dean as they stand over me from my spot on the couch, school books littered all across my lap.
It seems like since our little run in with Meg we have been hunting non stop, which has been making it very hard for me to get ready for my finals. We've killed a spirit here, a vampire there. And now apparently there is a poltergeist with our name on it. However I have one small problem.
"My finals start tomorrow guys, I can't miss school. Not unless I want to do my sophomore year twice, and believe me I don't. So you boys will have to go on this one without me."
"Well we may be gone for a few days. You'll be okay by yourself?" Sam checks.
"Of course. But can you leave some extra emergency money? Just incase Char and I decide to go to the beach or something after school gets out."
"Sure." Sam allows, "But I don't want you guys getting a motel somewhere. A day trip is fine, but that's it."
"Yes sir." I mutter sarcastically, earning a roll of the eyes from Sam.
"We're leaving tonight. And we left the new cell phone numbers on the fridge. Jenn?" Dean checks, noticing that I'm paying more attention to my history notes than to him.
"Numbers on fridge, I got it."
I continue my rapid studying as they pack their bags, making it out of the house by sundown with a good ten minute goodbye. And as soon as the Impala speeds off down the driveway I find my head placed right back into a Biology book, studying until I fall asleep on the couch in a surprisingly comfortable position.
I spend the next three days like a robot. My days consist of sleep, studying, and finals. Sometimes I eat if I have enough time, but usually only something that I can nibble on with one hand as I keep my eyes on my books. By the time I get home on my last day I am a mix of pure exhaustion and exhilaration. I am long over due for some sleep, but how can I not want to dance around at the idea of no more school for three months?
"So I'm having a pool party at my house if you want to come." Char tells me as we settle down on the couch.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I want to come?"
"Well you know…" Charlie looks away, "You haven't been to a party since─ you know. I just don't want to pressure you if you think that you're not ready."
"Hey." I try and cheer Charlie up, grasping her hand in mine, "This was the last day of school, and there is nothing I'd rather do than celebrate with my best friend."
"You sure?" She checks protectively, making me giggle.
"Positive. Now let's go buy some cute bikinis for tonight. Sam left me some extra emergency money."
Charlie and I shop around the local mall for hours, finding some cute summer clothes and a bit of makeup. By the time we get to her house it is only an hour before people are going to arrive, so we immediately go upstairs and change into our new suits.
"What do you think?"
I spin around in my new suit, a white bikini top and teal blue bottoms. The part of the suit that I love the most is the teal and white braiding on the straps.
"So cute."
Charlie and I don't take long before going down to her pool, if you can even call it a pool. It has a waterfall, slide, in pool bar, a fountain shooting out water in the middle, and amazing stone work. I swear her mom has to do something illegal for a living!
People start to arrive and I hangout with Charlie and some friends from our Bio class by the bar. I have only two piña coladas, sticking to mostly diet cokes while the people around me down beers like it's their job. It's not that I don't want to drink, because I honestly would love to sit back and get a good buzz going on, but after what I did at the last party, the idea terrifies me.
We sit around and chat for a while longer and then almost the entire party has a very intense round of chicken fights in the water. I get paired up with Lucas who happens to be on the wrestling team. But there is no way I am letting him get on my shoulders so he coaches from underneath as I take down the competition. After a few rounds and an accidental elbow to Luke's face we decide to take a break, and I spend the rest of the night talking to Lucas as we sit by the pool's artificial waterfall.
"Can I give you my number?" He asks as he gets ready to leave, being one of the only people still left.
Surprisingly I pause at the question. It really shouldn't be that difficult, he's cute and nice and totally into me.
"I─ I don't think that's a good idea."
"What? I─I thought we were having a good time."
"We were─ we are. I just …" I break off, hating this part of any conversation with a boy, "I'm not quite ready to be with someone quite yet." I look down, my honey blonde locks hanging in front of my face as a sit before one of the cutest boys I've ever met, "I'm sorry."
But to my surprise he gives me an answer that doesn't fit into the usual stereotype of teenage boys.
"Well do you think you're ready to be friends yet?"
"Really?" My head snaps up.
"Really. You're amazing, and I'd kill myself if I gave up the chance to get to know you better."
A smile comes across my rosy pink lips as I stand up and run to grab a pen, coming back to my spot and grabbing Lucas's hand and writing down my seven numbers on his palm, "There you go. Give me a call sometime."
And with that I leave, giving him a soft and very quick kiss on the cheek. After everyone leaves Charlie and I watch some of our favorite movies on her big screen and eat popcorn until we fall asleep.
By the time I get back in to the house the next day I am in my bathing suit top and jean shorts, having gone swimming again this morning. The Impala is already parked in the driveway. A smile comes to my face and I pick up my steps, pushing the front door open and throwing my backpack to the ground.
"Hello?" I call into the quite house with a chipper voice, "How was the hunt?" I ask turning the corner into the living room.
But instead of Sam and Dean walking towards me with open arms they are just sitting on the couch, Sam's head hung low while Dean sits across from him. I stand there inspecting the situation for a few moments before Dean finally removes his sympathetic eyes from Sam and looks to me uneasily. But Sam still keeps his eyes on the coffee table, and I can swear for a moment that he has tears in his eyes.
"Did someone die?"
"We should talk outside Jenn." Dean tells me, standing up and beginning to walk over.
"No. No. I want you to tell me now. What? Is it Bobby?"
Dean immediately shakes his head and is about to correct me before Sam speaks, keeping his eyes away from mine.
"Madison…Her name was Madison."
"Who─ What?" I ask with my eyes to both of the boys, waiting for someone to give me an actual answer, one that I'm only guessing I won't like.
"We were hunting a werewolf Jenn." Dean explains, walking closer so he can talk quietly, "Well we were trying to protect a girl we thought it was going after."
"Madison?" I ask and earn a nod, "So what, you couldn't save her?"
Dean gave a careful glance back to his brother before telling me, "She already got bit. In the daytime she was fine, but at night─ she just couldn't control herself. So we had to─"
As the picture in my head comes together my mouth forms a small 'O' letting Dean know that he didn't need to continue.
"Yea." Dean says, going back over to Sam and clapping a hand gently on his back.
But as tears trickle down his cheeks and his face is in a painful grimace, I can't help but wonder why he is breaking apart while Dean is fine. Sure, Sam is the more sensitive brother, but he's been doing this job since he was in middle school.
So I make my way over to Sam, sitting down across from him on the coffee table. He gives me a glance quickly, but his body remains frozen. So I do what he has done for me many times before. I place my hands on his shoulders, giving them a reassuring rub and then I snake my arms around his neck, pulling him close to me.
"It's okay Sammy." I whisper as he finally begins to place his arms around my back, but they are statue like, no emotion behind his side of the hug. "What's going on Sam? You've been doing this since you were eleven. What's up?"
I try and look into his eyes as I pull back, but he won't even turn his eyes in my direction. But his chapped lips part, just releasing air at first, but the he speaks, "She was special─ She was…different."
"Different─ Wha─?"
I look up at Dean, and he just gives me a look. It's almost like he's saying, 'Put the pieces together kid.' And I do. My head looks between Sam and Dean as the realization of what happened begins to fully makes sense to me, and I can see Dean get nervous while Sam still remains unresponsive.
"You─" I ask with hurt eyes to Sam, "You hooked up with her?"
Sam just bites his lip, knowing my tone isn't a happy one.
"You were there for a week and you managed to fall in love?"
Dean steps in, probably thinking I'm being a little over dramatic as my voice wavers, "Jenn─"
"No!" I tell him strongly, standing up from the coffee table and turning to leave.
"Jenny!" The fact that it is Sam's voice calling me makes me stop and turn around, my cheeks red as tears coat my eyes.
"Don't." I warn him with a deathly voice, "I'm glad that Jessica meant so much to you that you were able to jump into bed with some girl after knowing her for a couple days!"
Sam begins to let his tears fall himself. But they just make me even more upset because I know these tears aren't for me or Jess. These tears are for Madison. I can't even explain the burning of the anger in my stomach.
"Jenny, Please─"
"NO! I HATE YOU!" I scream, making the two brothers tense up, "I just─ I hate you so much."
Sam shakes his head, "You don't mean that."
"Yes I do!" I bite out. "I hate you!"
"Stop it!" Sam stands up, "I loved Jess, I will always love her. You know that."
"You're a liar!" I cry angrily, barely able to say anymore as sobs wrack my body.
"Jenny stop it!" Sam screams, taking a few steps forward and placing his hands roughly on my shoulders, "You need to calm down! Now!"
"No! I hate you! Let go of me! I hate you!"
My hands slam down strongly on his chest. But no matter how much I push and shove he won't let go of me. So I do the first thing that comes to my head. I pull my hand back in a strong fist and slam it right into Sam's cheek. I watch as my fist punches right into his left cheek, not even feeling the pain in my own knuckles.
Sam folds over and grasps his face, letting me out of his hold. But I can't move, I just stare at him in disbelief. Dean finally decides its time to intervene and comes over, giving me a small shove so he can get in front of Sam and try to inspect the damage.
"What the hell Jennifer?"
My mouth opens, trying to find words. But finally I do what I was trying to do in the first place, run. I run right out the front door, grabbing my backpack before closing the door behind me.
By the time I reach the two mile point my tears have stopped, but I am still left with the pure rage I felt. How could he do that to Jess? To me? I thought he cared more about us than that. Apparently not.
I think of where I could go. Part of me is thinking I should go to Charlie's house. But that would be the first place Sam and Dean would look. An hour later I am walking down one of more abandoned roads in our town. I kick the dirt beneath my feet as I look out into the field. The peace and quite makes me happy for a moment, but then I hear a familiar sound and the feeling is gone.
I turn around and watch as the impala comes to a stop on the side of the road in front of me. Dean is behind the wheel, with one of the angriest looks I've ever seen on his face. His jaw is clenched and his eyes are deathly piercing. But I try to not act intimidated as he opens the door and steps out.
"Jennifer Elizabeth Moore!" He yells.
Holy shit. He used my actual last name. This isn't going to be good.
"Get your ass in this car now!"
I watch as he keeps his hands on the car door, illustrating that he isn't planning on moving. But I can't just listen. I'm too mad.
"Screw you! I'm not going back to that fucking house ever again! I hate you!"
"If you say that one more time I swear you won't be able to sit for a week!"
Threatening physical violence, that's a new one too. But every time he yells at me it just makes me even more encouraged to stand my ground.
"What? Are you gonna hit me?" I scream with the small glint of a smile, "You're not my father, you're not my brother, you can't touch me!"
"Oh I wouldn't be so sure." He informs me, "Now get in this car now, I'm not going to tell you again."
"Thank god. Cus' I'm getting sick of hearing it!"
And with that I turn around, walking with strong steps away from Dean and the impala. I was hoping to feel accomplished, but I still feel sick to my stomach. So I turn back around, hoping to shed off some more anger.
"And tell your brother I never want to see him again! And I hope that he can find another stupid skank and they can be very happy together! That should take him what─ two weeks?"
And with that Dean stands back, slamming the car door before coming towards me, a deathly look in his eyes. And as much as I want to stand my ground I can't help the small step back I take as he gets in my face, his jaw clenched and rage in his eyes.
"You listen to me real close Jennifer. Since Sam met you he has done nothing but sacrifice for you, and in my book that deserves some respect. So either you get your ass in that car and come home to apologize to him, or so help me god I will throw you in that car."
It takes me a moment to find my words, honestly shocked at the stony and rough tone Dean is speaking towards me with. But eventually I find them as the anger and stubbornness bubbles up inside me while tears begin to leak from my eyes.
"Home? I have no fucking home!" I scream as I grasp my head like I am going mad while looking around through my water filled eyes before finally finding Dean's eyes as a bitter laugh escapes my lips. "My home burned down months ago! Now all I have is a bunch of lies!"
I turn before the sobs have their chance to take over, which they happily do as I continue walking away from Dean and the Impala. But I can barely breathe as my chest pounds rapidly. I think of where I'll go as I make my way against from some of the only family I've known lately, but before I settle on a place I hear him calling me.
"Hey!"
After giving out a painful sigh I wipe away my tears and turns towards him and he begins to speak once again with just as much anger as before, but something tells me there is a bit of sympathy hidden behind his eyes.
"I know how you're feeling. And I'm sorry for what happened to Jess, you know I am! But you have no right to treat Sam like you did. Not only is he your family, but he is your superior. And you treat him with respect, do you understand me?"
Dean's calm but rash tone makes me react the same way. As much as I want to run in the other direction I realize quickly that the Winchesters are all I have, the only people that I can call family. So with a strong pout and red cheeks, I fold my arms across my chest and stomp towards Dean. Hopefully I am making clear that I am doing this against my own will.
Dean holds his door open for me to slide across but I decide to use the passenger door, just to send a message that I don't forgive Sam, I just know I can't leave my family. But he takes it and also gets in his seat and closes the door, and even though he isn't happy there is a look of acceptance on his face.
We drive back to the house and complete silence fills the leather interiorized car. I rest my forehead against the windshield and wipe away the tears as they come while Dean drives straight ahead, never changing his stern expression. We reach the house in no time and I get out of the car and slam the door behind me as I head inside.
Dean follows behind me as I enter the hallway, seeing Sam as I turn my head towards the kitchen. He has an icepack resting on his cheek and looks up as he hears Dean shut the door. I can see him looking towards me, expecting me to say something, anything. But I can't think of anything that wouldn't make him any less hurt. So I just bite my lip and turn towards the stairs, taking my quick journey from them and to my room.
As soon as I get to my room I collapse on my bed, finally able to let go. I sob and sob until my stomach starts to get sore from the motion. Even then the cries continue in small motions.
I always knew this day would come. I knew Sam would eventually find a girl that would realize he was worth all the trouble his job brings. But for so long I hoped and prayed it wouldn't happen. Because I feel like the only real connection me and Sam have is Jess. And when he starts to forget about her I can almost feel the connection breaking. I can feel us moving apart. And I know that if he begins to love someone new then the remembrance of his love for Jess will begin to fade away. And then soon after the remembrance fades our connection will fade away as well. And I honestly don't know what I would do if that happened. He and Dean are all I have. If I lost them I would lose myself. And my life is so shaky right now I need all the stability I can get.
I know that nothing in life is certain. But after I change into my PJ's and kneel beside my bed for the first time in months I pray that Sam will never forget all the love he held for Jess. Because I don't ever want him or Dean to forget the love they hold for me.