"Okay so you have teddy?" I question as I tuck the blankets around Ashlynn's tiny frame. She holds it up beaming proudly.
"Teddy, check!" Ashlynn booms while burying herself further into the bedding. Sitting gently beside her on the bed I run a hand over her forehead and down her face. Caressing her soft skin lovingly.
"Hands washed? Teeth brushed?" I ask as she brings her hands forward nodding happily.
"Hands washed, check and smell!" I run my nose playfully over each of her hands and up her arm as she giggles.
"Dat tickles." She boasts as she closes her eyes and falls into a fit of hysteria. Kissing her cheeks repeatedly I then whisper.
"Okay so we have teddy, we are washed, cleaned, and smell amazing." I nuzzle my face in her neck as she releases a few more giggles. Running my hand across her cheek. I cup her chin and then remark.
"What's next my beautiful girl?" I watch as she taps her chin as if she is in thought. We have had the same routine for as long as I can remember. I have always spent a good half hour with Ashlynn while tucking her in and going over our bedtime ritual. It's one of my favorite moments spent with my daughter.
"Pwayer." Her tiny voice replies and she claps her hands together, lacing her fingers and closing her eyes.
"Your turn or mine?"
"It's my turn tonight silly. You dids it yesterday." She peeks one eye open to gaze at me for a moment before continuing.
"Bless us while we sweep at night. Hold me close and oh so tight. Be with Momma in every way. Help us to get through each day." Ashlynn says the rhyme that I created in aiding her with her prayers. I figured it would be a good outline for her. So she could remember and know what it is we were praying for.
"Be with Momma, and Teddy, Ashlynn, and…" pausing for a moment she opened her eyes in search for my own. Raising an eyebrow and biting on her lip she innocently wondered.
"Mommy do I still pway for Daddy?" It was a question she had been asking for the last few months. A question that ached her in the same way as it did me. Squeezing her leg lightly I replied with the only answer I could.
"If you want to pray for Daddy you can baby. It is all up to you." As if on cue my cell phone sprang to life making both of us jump and cringe, already knowing who was calling.
"Sorry." I whisper honestly, forgetting to silence my phone. I should have known it was going to ring. After all it was clockwork. The same times each day and night. Hitting ignore for the fifth time today I put my phone back in my sweatshirt pocket before gazing at my precious child.
"Sorry baby." She nods her head as if understanding. Though I'm sure she doesn't. She might be smart for her age. My baby seems brilliant in my eyes. But despite all of that, I know there are a lot of things that she is uncertain about. So much has changed and happened in the last few months that I am positive she is confused about. Bringing myself up closer to her frame, I put an arm around her body and she instantly climbs up into my lap. Putting her head on my shoulder, her fingers toy with my hair.
"Be with Momma, and Teddy, and be with Ashlynn too. Love us our lord, we sure love you." Ashlynn whispers in a broken voice. I feel her body begin to shake as the sobs are slowly released from within her. Closing my eyes I tighten my grip around her frame and gently rock her while soothing.
"Shhh…its okay baby. Mommy is right here…I promise baby. It's all going to be okay."
~~~~~SSSSS~~~~~~~
Rushing down the halls I cringe as my heels make contact with the floor. I should have known not to wear heals. Once again I am late for his class. Somehow Ashlynns' lunch bag was left at home and neither of us took notice to that fact until I had already dropped her off at daycare. So that being said I had to rush back home, grab her bag, head back to Tumbling Tots, and in turn miss homeroom as well as be fifteen minutes late for English Literature. Running a hand over my face when I finally came before the door I took a few deep breaths. All of this running around has made me out of breath. As I reach for the knob it turns and opens before I even have time to process.
"Well, well if it isn't Miss Davis. Please, would you like to join us?" Mr. Scott, or Lucas remarks as he opens the door wide enough for me to squeeze through. The entire class is whispering and a few muffled chuckles are released. Sometimes I really do hate my life. Feeling the burn of embarrassment take over my face and neck I quickly make way over to my desk. Sitting down I cross my arms over my chest and sink a little further into my seat.
"Brooke? Any explanation on why you are twenty minutes late for my class? It's only your second day. You aren't making that great of an impression." He states. As he leans against his desk, one foot crossed over the other. Hearing the chuckles increase only makes my cheeks feel that much warmer.
"I didn't realize I was making an impression on you at all Mr. Scott." I state looking at my fingernails and noting the chips in the polish. One thing for sure being a mom has definitely done a number on my manicures. With the constant baths, dishes, and other joyous activities; sense my sarcasm?
"Brooke." It is his only response. I immediately glance up. My chocolate orbs making direct contact with the beautiful blues. I see the sparkle as well as a slight look of annoyance. I know I am pushing his buttons as well as crossing the line. He is my teacher and I am his student. I shouldn't think it is okay to speak to him in such a way. Sighing dramatically I rub the sides of my forehead as I feel a throb begin to settle in my head.
"Look I'm sorry okay. I just…there was a few things I needed to take care of. I didn't realize I was going to be this late. Or late at all, honestly." It was the only explanation he was going to receive. I am not ashamed of being a mother in high school nor does having my daughter so young embarrass me. I just don't feel like airing my dirty laundry in front of the entire class. My life is no ones business but my own. I send Lucas a pleading look and hope that he doesn't carry on further. If he needs to speak with me after class or something I am more than happy to obliged. I just won't right now. Not in front of all these people.
"Fair enough. Just don't let it happen again."
I nod in his direction, taking the binder out of my backpack and quickly mouthing a "sorry" in his direction. He sends a wink in response and then turns towards the board as he continues his teachings.
~~~~~SSSSSS~~~~~~
I walk out of Science with Haley by my side. She instantly loops her arm through mine and I can't help but smile. I just met the girl yesterday and already I feel this natural friendship begin to occur. Maybe I am just lonely, but she really is such a nice girl. I listen intently as she carries on about some guy she has recently started seeing. His name being Nathan and from what she says he seems to be quite the charmer. As we continue to walk the halls I feel my phone begin to vibrate against my backside pocket. Lifting it out I don't recognize the number displaying across the screen/ Furrowing my eyebrows I hold a finger up indicating to Haley that I need a moment before bringing the silver device to my ear.
"This is Brooke Davis." I state into the phone and listen as a woman's voice comes over the line.
"Hello Brooke this is Miss Deborah from Tumbling Tots." Upon hearing that one line I instantly grow with panic. Why would Deborah be calling me unless, unless something happened to Ashlynn. Running a hand through my hair I take a deep breath as the hallway begins to spin around me. Haley quickly runs a hand down my back as her face displays concern.
"Brooke…Brooke you alright? What happened?"
I shake my head trying to focus while I timidly question.
"Did she…did she have an attack? I gave Ashlynn her medication this morning and you have her inhaler, I don't understand how that would happen? Is she okay? Is she breathing now?" I bring my hand up to cover my mouth. I can feel the tears welling in my eyes and I blink back the tears as I try to make out Ms. Deborah's words.
"Dear, slow down. Ashlynn is fine, physically. She didn't suffer an attack." Releasing a heavy breath of air from my lungs, I bring a hand to the wall in attempt to steady my shaky legs.
"But I was wondering if there was a chance that you could come down here? You see the children just woke from their nap, about an hour ago. Ashlynn seemed to be stirring quite a bit, thought maybe she was having and unsettling dream."
I nod along as I listen to her carry on.
"She woke up a bit abrupt and disturbed. She keeps crying and asking for you. Says she needs her Mommy and that he's got you. I don't know whom this he she is speaking of, but the child seems terrified. That nightmare shook her up. I've tried calming her but nothing seems to be working. I think she needs to see that you are okay."
I nod once more, as the tears are no longer kept back. Ashlynn has been so nervous lately. Everything that the tiny girl endured is definitely starting to take a toll on her. She was never as fidgety or worried as she is now. Closing my eyes I steady myself before speaking.
"Of…of course. I'll be there as so as I can. Right away. Can you, can you just put her on? I just want to hear her voice."
"Sure Sweetheart." I hear the phone being passed around as I feel the warm liquid rush down my cheeks. I don't even try to wipe them away; I know they will just keep coming. Once Ashlynns voice rings out over the line my heart breaks a little more.
"Mommy." Her voice cracks through the phone and I bite down on my bottom lip.
"I'm right here baby. You okay?" I know the answer before she even speaks.
"He taked you Mommy. He taked you and I couldn't find you."
"Ashlynn…" Pausing I look around the hall. I know some are staring. I mean here I am, new girl in town, new girl in school, having a break down in the hall. Practically screaming into my cell phone.
"Baby listen to Mommy okay? I am at school right now. I am perfectly fine. Nothing happened to me bunny. Nobody took me." I gently try to explain to my three year old.
"But he did Momma. I sawed him!" She cries and then a hiccup escapes, sure sign she has been crying for sometime now. "Ashlynn I am going to come see you okay? Just breathe baby. I'm on my way. I don't want all this crying to and stress to affect your breathing."
"Oh…okay Momma. I be here, please hurry." She whispers and my heart aches deep in my chest. Choosing to end the call at that moment I burry my face in my hands and release a sob. I don't know how to protect her. Physically I have done everything I can. I have fought through blood and fire. I saved my daughter completely from any harm. Emotionally though we are both in ruins. We are broken, scared, and quite frankly scarred.
"Brooke?" I feel a hand rest on my shoulders and I know it to be Haley's.
"I don't even know what to do anymore Haley. I mean really, it's my second day here. Already I have been late for class twice. The teachers are all watching me because lets face it, I didn't graduate last year. I skipped out on way to many of my classes, I randomly wouldn't show up, I'd leave early, and I was there." Pausing to catch my breath I wiped the tears. "When I was there I was so distracted. I was constantly worrying about my child, worrying about myself, trying to escape it all. I fell behind even though I used to be top of my class. I knew how to do the work but didn't put any effort into it. I'm just…it's my second day Haley and I feel like I'm already failing again." Throwing my bag over my shoulder I give Haley a shrug before moving down the hall, her still by my side.
"I have to go to the daycare center downtown. You can umm…come if you want?" I ask because right now I'm not sure I want to be left with my thoughts. Right now having Haley by my side as a somewhat distraction is the only thing keeping me afloat.
"Yeah, of course. Lead the way."
~~~~~SSSSS~~~~~
"Come on, come on! Stupid piece of shit! God, could this day get any worse?" I yell as my fists repeatedly hit the leather-stirring wheel. My car is currently not starting. The piece of garbage of a vehicle has decided to tease me as it sputters before coming to a deathly lull. I am beginning to feel lightheaded. The painful squeeze of anxiety residing in my chest. Holding my palm flat against my chest I take soft long breaths as Haley's voice quickly reasons.
"Don't panic Brooke. Has this happened before?"
"No." I turn to her and bite down hard on my lip, tasting the bitter flavor of my own blood.
"No it has never done this before. And I'm sure…I'm sure its not going to be cheap to fix either." Getting out of the car I slam the drivers door as hard as I possibly can. Haley jumps a bit on reflex before coming to stand before me.
"We are going to get to her Brooke." I nod and then shrug my shoulders as I lean against my car.
"Do you by any chance have a car?" I ask and she shakes her head in a negative manner. Sighing I look up to the sky before releasing what some would call a groan.
"Why when it rains, it pours? I mean really? It wasn't bad enough that I was late for class this morning and Mr. Scott…wait a minute." I pause while I process this thought. Sure it might seem weird for me to ask, he might think I am crazy, and he may not even agree to it. But he was the only other person besides Haley in this school that had any kind of vocal exchange with me. It was worth a shot right? If I wanted to get to Tumbling Tots and back to school in time for the next period, I had to at least try.
"Haley you said you are dating Nathan Scott right? As in Lucas Scott's brother? Lucas Scott also known as English Literature teacher Mr. Scott?" I question as I grab Haley's hand and lead her back towards school grounds. As we make way into the school she has to run along side of me as my feet move at lightning speed.
"Yes, yes and yes. Lucas is Nathan's brother. He is Lucas Scott. He is an English teacher. He's…Brooke can we slow down please?" Haley pleads as she gasps for air. Finally letting my feet come to a stop I hear Haley mutter something along the lines of "oh thank god." I turn the knob quickly and enter the room, Haley slowly following behind. He is sitting at his desk. The classroom is empty of students. He seems to be focused on looking over some papers but quickly lifts his head up as we walk further into the room.
"Ladies? Can I help you with something?" He questions, leaning back in his chair a bit and stretching out his arms.
"I need your car." I state. Placing my palm out to him expecting the keys to be handed over. More like praying that he will be a good citizen for the day.
"Excuse me?" His eyebrows furrow downward. He seems completely confused by my demand.
"Your car Lucas, I need it."
"It's Mr. Scott." He explains before coming to a stand and gazing back and forth between Haley and I.
"Okay…Mr. Scott. I need to borrow your car." My tone now breaking a bit more as I feel the adrenaline drain from me and the exhaustion, the nerves, and many other emotions flood through my entire being.
"I…please Lu…Mr. Scott? I know its weird for me to even be asking you this. You don't know me. I'm just one of your pain in the ass students. I get it okay." Tucking a piece of hair behind my ear I continue. "I wouldn't ask you this if it wasn't extremely important. I…I really need to take care of something. My car isn't starting and I'm at a loss what to do right now. Plus you know Haley. She's kind of almost your sister in law. Don't you trust her?" I plead. My eyes locking with his and if I wasn't so lost in his gaze I would break down in tears this very second. The room is silent momentarily. All three of us jump when the next period bell alarms, signaling a new class. I feel my heart race as students now begin to enter the room. Lucas looks to his entering students and then back towards Haley and I.
"Luke…" Haley whispers and finally he begins to speak.
"Hales get to class. Brooke, come with me. I'll take you wherever you need to go. Class..." Lucas calls out as he grabs his jacket and keys out of his desk drawer. "Read chapters seven through eleven and then complete the assignment written on the board. I'll be back; I need to assist Ms. Davis with something important." Turning back to Haley he barks. "Hales, class, now." She nods before giving my arm a squeeze and I walk along side of his moving frame. "I'll give you a ride to wherever you need to go. Then we will see about fixing that car of yours. I'm assuming you'll be missing the rest of the school day?"
"Yeah, look Lucas, god sorry, Mr. Scott. I know this looks really bad. I mean it's my second day." I shake my head in attempt of hiding the building tears. "I'm going to do better. I need to graduate. My life is just, there's just a lot Tree Hill doesn't know about me yet." He accepts that answer as we walk into the parking lot, his hand falling to rest against my back, guiding me in the direction of his car.
"Oh shoot. Before we go…" I run back over to my beat up automobile and unlock the door quickly. I can feel his eyes on my backside as I bend over into the backseat and unbuckle the heavy car seat. Lifting it out and into my arms I giggle slightly at the surprise look that instantly masks his handsome face.
"Can't forget my daughters car seat."