The Wizard Council was organizing an army to take on the threat that had suddenly attacked them for no apparent reason. Their tactics were simple: LEAVE. NO. SURVIVORS.
"WIZARDS!" called the drill instructor, "You will be going into full-out combat against a very powerful, dangerous enemy. They do not operate by any clearly understandable tactics, and strike seemingly without mercy. You must be prepared to give it everything you've got and show no mercy yourse—"
BOOM!
The entire bunker shook wildly as they took a blow.
"We're under attack! Take your positions—NOW!"
The soldiers took out their wands, prepared to fight. BOOM! The roof was blown clean off the bunker, revealing a sky full of towering, hundred-foot gods raining destruction down upon them!
"What in the Sam hell!?" exclaimed the drill instructor, who was promptly grabbed up by Thor, and lifted high into the air.
"Thor!?" cried the drill instructor in disbelief, "What's going on here!? Why are you attacking us!?"
"You wizards have infuriated the Queen Goddess and abused your powers long enough." Thor said, then throwing the drill instructor a thousand feet into the air where he was vaporized by the Starcrushers who suddenly entered the scene.
Meanwhile, on the ground, a Sergeant rushed in to try to get some control on the situation.
"OPEN FIRE! NOW!" he ordered at the top of his lungs, and they began firing on the gods and Starcrushers with everything they had.
Then backup troops arrived, and the fighting turned in the wizards' favor.
"Commander Forthwith," said Mercury over the phone, "we are getting reports of mass resistance from the wizards. What's going on down there?"
"Exactly as you said, Mercury," Forthwith replied, "The wizards are fighting back with everything they've got. They are chasing us eastward."
And they were. The gods-Starcrushers alliance was being repelled back by the wizards further eastward, towards the sea—and New York.
"Yes! We got 'em on the run!" the sergeant rejoiced, "keep fighting! Let's push 'em out to sea!"
After about forty miles, they hid New York City. Not that this kept them from fighting.
It was mass chaos, people running and screaming in terror at the hundred foot being, the UFO-like ship, and the army of wizards battling it out. The war had turned into a bizarre, supernatural form of street fighting.
"COUSIN!" Odin called to Jupiter, "WHAT SHOULD WE DO!? THEY'VE FORCED US INTO THE CITY!"
"DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE MORTALS, THEY WILL FLEA FOR THEIR LIVES, JUST KEEP FIGHTING THE ENEMY!" Jupiter said.
"Sergeant," asked a wizard troop, "we are in the streets of an enormous muggle city, in plain sight of everyone. What do we do?"
"Don't worry about the muggles." The sergeant said, "hopefully they'll all be too traumatized by the witnessing this to make any sense of it.
And speaking of muggles, in Washington DC, a White House aid to the President of the United States walked briskly down the hallway leading to the Oval Office, bearing urgent news for the Commander-in-Chief. He knocked on the door.
"Come in." the President said. The aid stepped inside.
"Mr. President," he said, "We've just received reports that New York City is possibly under attack."
"What do you mean, possibly?" the President asked, still sitting in his chair, back to the aid.
"Well, sir," the aide said, "the combatants are fighting each other viciously, yet do not appear to be directly attacking New York or its residents."
President Stephen Colbert suddenly turned around in to face the aide.
"Do we know anything about where they came from?" he asked.
"No, sir." The aide replied.
"SCRAMBLE THE JETS!" President Colbert ordered.
The jets were scrambled and flew towards New York at the speed of sound. Their mission: find out who was fighting in New York, and why.
The massive metropolis finally came over the horizon, and then they saw it: gods, some up to four hundred feet tall, aided by what looked like a flying saucer, fighting against what looked like an army of sorcerers.
"What in the…?" asked the fleet commander, stunned at what he was seeing.
"Let's try and make contact with that spaceship, commander," one pilot radioed in, "they should have a radio of some sort." The flew in and called over the hailing frequency "Attention! This is the United States Air Force. You are currently in American airspace. Identify yourself now."
The reply came remarkably fast.
"Do not be afraid, American military personnel," Commander Forthwith's voice said over the radio, "we mean neither you, nor your city nor your people any harm. We are simply paid mercenaries acting on orders."
"Who's orders are you acting on? Who hired you?" the Air Force Fleet Commander demanded.
"We have been sent by the Queen Goddess to launch the initial attack and help the gods wage war against the wizard world." Forthwith replied matter-of-factly.