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On with the story…
I hold my breath as Lucas pulls his black Lincoln Navigator into an unoccupied parking space. The ride from the school to the daycare center was only about seven minutes but with the silence that had developed over us, it felt like a lifetime. Unfastening my seatbelt I reach for the handle and rush out of the vehicle, Lucas trailing behind me.
"Oh umm…you can just…I'll just be a second if you want to wait out here." I murmur while he shrugs before stating.
"It's cool. I don't mind coming in." I turn back towards the direction of the entranceway and ignore the fact that Lucas is now by my side. Tucking a lose strand of hair behind my ear I force down the lump that is in my throat as we; together, enter the building. I immediately make out the sounds of children at play.
"Brooke, hello." Deborah walks over, a smile plastered on her face as she extends her hand in greeting. Then she focuses on the handsome man to my left and beams happily.
"Lucas, hey." She moves closer enveloping Lucas in a friendly hug as he places a tender kiss to her cheek. He must note my confusion because he is quick in explaining.
"Deb is my brother Nathan's' mom. Her and my mother actually co-own this place." I raise an eyebrow at this statement.
"Sounds more complicate then it really is. Despite the history, Deb and my mom are actually really good friends. Speaking of…" Lucas trails before questioning. "Is my mom around today? I haven't really gotten a chance to visit since last week. She'd be pissed to know I came by here and didn't stop in her office to say hello."
"Oh no honey, Karen is at the café today. Seems we were a little short staffed, as usual." She remarks rolling her eyes before focusing back on me.
"Ashlynn is right over…"
"Mommy!" I hear my daughters shrill of excitement before feeling her tiny body wrap around my legs. "You're really here!" Smiling down at my precious gem, I run my fingers through her loose curls before reaching my arms down and hoisting her up onto my hip.
"Of course I'm here baby. I told you I was coming." I feel her arms fasten around my neck tightly. She holds to me close while her tiny voice whispers.
"I thinked something bad happened." I shake my head and let my hand rest along her back, rubbing soft circles over her cotton shirt.
"Nothing bad happened Ashlynn. Nothing bad is going to happen anymore." I reassure hoping to god I am telling my daughter the truth. I look up as my eyes lock with Lucas' and then as if his gaze burnt my soul, quickly I glance back down. I am sure the entire scene is a bit unsettling to the two other present. They haven't a clue about me. They haven't the slightest idea about Ashlynn. To them, we are nothing but a slightly damaged mystery.
"Whats if it does? I dreamed he came back. He got you Momma. I couldn't stop him!" Slowly I brought Ashlynn's body to the floor. Kneeling down so I was eye level with her I grasped her tiny hands in my own.
"Listen sweetie, I promise you…that will never happen. Okay? Everything is okay bunny. Mommy is going to protect you." I run my hand along her chubby cheek and wipe the tear that is threatening to escape her big brown eyes. Leaning forward I let my lips fall to her forehead.
"Whose gonna protect Momma?" My daughter innocently asks and I can't help but cringe at the statement. We are both so broken. So many shattered pieces and memories that make up our lives. My heart gives a sharp pain as the words echo through my head. Whose gonna protect Momma? I shake away any doubt, sadness, and fear as I quickly force a smile to appear on my face.
"Hey there little lady. Mommy is strong. I don't need anyone protecting me." I flex my arms as if showing off my invisible muscles. Ashlynn quickly finds humor in this and lets a laugh escape her. "Hey, are you making fun of me?" I feign offence and bring my fingers quickly to my daughters' stomach. "Huh? You making fun of your dear old mom?" I feel a flutter in my chest as I quickly move my fingers along her young body and hear her high pitch laughter. She loves being tickled. Carrying on with my intrusion I smile as her body squirms about frantically and giggles escape her.
"So are we good?" I ask as she struggles to catch her breath before nodding and placing a hand on my cheek.
"We de best Momma." Her eyes then leave mine for a moment. I watch as she glances over at Lucas, who I momentarily forgot was present, before squinting at me in curiosity.
"Whose dat?" she wonders loudly and I hear Lucas clear his throat beside us. He kneels down, his knee practically grazing my own, and offers his large hand out to my daughter.
"Hi there Ashlynn. My names Lucas." He greets my daughter with a wide smile.
"Oh, sure she can call you Lucas. I on the other hand have to call you Mr. Scott. Nice." I playfully joke as he releases a chuckle and my daughter squints her eyes at the man.
"Mr. Scott?" she asks while placing her small hand into his. She laughs when he shakes it professionally and turns to me. "Who is dis though Mommy. He your friend?"
"Yeah Mommy, am I your friend?" Lucas inquires and I can only imagine the color my cheeks are turning.
"Ashlynn, Mr. Scott is Mommies teacher. Kind of like Ms. Deborah is your teacher." I reply matter-of-factly. After all, it was the truth. I couldn't say he was a friend; I just met the man yesterday, the man who was in fact my teacher.
"You're one of Lucas' students?" Deborah voices and I hesitantly nod my head.
"You're a senior? My dear, I would have pegged you to be so much older."
"Well, motherhood can definitely age you a hell of a lot faster. That I know for sure." I slightly joke before nervously stating. "I'm actually going to be nineteen in a month. I umm… last year was kind of a difficult year for me. I missed a lot of classes, wasn't able to graduate with everyone else." I feel Ashlynn tug at the hem of my shirt and without looking down I bring her body up into my hold. Positioning her securely on my hip I continue. "They gave me the option. I could either spend my summer in a classroom, making up the work I owed…or I could retake my senior year all over again."
"And you loved high school so much you decided to take the year all over again?"
"No Mr. Scott. I didn't love high school at all actually. Starting over wasn't something I really wanted." Gesturing my head towards Ashlynns form I carry on. "I just didn't want her summer spent in daycare. We umm…were going through some family stuff around that time. I didn't want to leave her. She probably wouldn't have let me leave her. So I spent my summer with my daughter, adjusting. Then we moved here, I had my records transferred, and here I am. Back in high school for another glorious year." I roll my eyes at the statement and tilt my head to the side. "Which I'm already not off to the best start." Looking at my daughter whose eyes are barely staying open I wonder. "You tired kiddo? You do realize Mommy had to ditch school to come on over here right? I may just be a senior forever." Kissing her temple I look to the two blondes standing before me.
"I think I'm just gonna take her home. We can try this whole…school…daycare thing, tomorrow." Walking over to the coat rack I locate Ashlynns purple jacket. Reaching for her bag, a realization quickly hits me.
"Shit, my car." I forgot all about my vehicle, or lack thereof. I feel Lucas' hand on my back and turn to him.
"Don't worry about it. I'll drop you off at home and then I will go back and take a look at your car."
"You don't have to do that." I try to object. He had already done enough for me.
"Seriously Brooke, It's not a big deal. My uncle has a body shop a few streets down from here. I'll just take it there and see what I can do." He states and just as I go to argue he send a look my way and I simply close my mouth. I do need that car fixed. It is the only transportation I have. Without it, I'm not sure what Ashlynn and I would do. Are there taxis here in Tree Hill?
"Thanks Mr. Scott. I really do appreciate it."
"Anytime Brooke…anytime."
~~~~SSSS~~~~~
As we pull up to my apartment complex I turn to see Ashlynn fast asleep in the back. Poor kid had such a draining day. Unclipping my seatbelt I pivot my body and face Lucas in the driver seat.
"Thank you for everything today. You really helped me out. I just…thanks." I send a smile in his direction and watch as he nods his head. His fingers are playing with the stirring wheel, picking at the material. His focus is kept on that particular car part as I quickly lean over and place a kiss to his cheek. My body tingles at the feeling of his skin brush my lips but I simply ignore it and push any harboring thoughts aside. His head snaps up and his eyes find mine. His stare is so powerful it makes me squirm in my seat. I swallow sharply and reach for the handle. I should get out before any words are exchanged. I should grab Ashlynn, shut the car door, and just walk away. But for some reason it feels as if I am frozen, unable to move away from him, or unwilling.
"Look Mr. Scott…" I start but my words die down. I'm not really sure what to say in this moment. My heart is racing and my mind is in a complete frenzy. It was an innocent gesture, me kissing his cheek. I didn't mean anything more by it than a thank you. I also didn't want him to think I was crossing any kind of line. Even though I know deep down I was, and I am.
"Look would you umm…do you…want to come in?" I whisper as my breath catches in my throat. I don't understand why I get so tongue tied around him. He is a guy, nothing more, nothing less.
"Brooke I really…I don't think that's the best idea." He replies, his eyes a bit wide in surprise. I quickly understand the way in which my words were delivered.
"What? No…I umm…" I feel the burn of my cheeks as I bring a hand to my forehead. I am such an idiot. He probably thinks I am crazy. Not to mention now, completely slutty.
"I…I didn't mean." Groaning I throw my head back against the seat and close my eyes. Collecting my thoughts for a moment I slowly begin to justify.
"That came out wrong. I wasn't implying that we…I'm just lonely." I state simply. "I'm new to this town, other than my three year old daughter I have no one I can talk to. Sometimes…sometimes it just gets really lonely not having someone who will listen. I get lost in all this." Swirling my hands around indicating my entire being, my child, and just my life in general. "I lose myself in over thinking everything. I start to worry about all of it. I just figured I'd offer you a cup of coffee. Or maybe lunch? I wasn't looking for anything more than a simple conversation." Pulling the handle on Lucas' Navigator I bring it open before letting myself step out into the sun. Squinting and looking up at the sky I remark.
"I understand it, I do. It's unethical. I'm your student and you are my teacher. This…" Gesturing towards myself and then back to him I finish. "This really isn't right. But nothing about my world is right Lucas. I don't play by the rules and nothing is ever fair or right in my life. I hate that the only person I feel comfortable enough with in this god-forsaken town is my fucking English teacher. Do you have any idea how much I hate it?" Opening the door to the backseat. I carefully unfasten the clips on Ashlynns car seat. Lifting her sleeping form gently, I tuck her safely in my arms while I bite back the tears. This day has just been far too overwhelming for my liking. I am letting my emotions get caught up with everything going on and I curse myself for that.
"I get it Lucas. Mr. Scott." I quickly correct while biting the bottom of my lip and not letting my voice crack. "Thanks for the ride. I'll see you in class tomorrow."
~~~~~~SSSSSSSS~~~~~~~
"Be with Ashlynn, teddy, and Mommy too. Love us our lord, we sure love you." I whisper as I close my eyes and sink further down into the covers of my bed. My arms are tightly wrapped around my daughter's sleeping frame. Today, today was a bad day in the Davis household. For the past year and a half it has been a roller coaster of emotions for both of us Davis women. There were the good days and there were the bad days. The good days were beautiful, cherished, appreciated, and loved. While the bad days were ugly, destructive, heartbreaking, and despised with every fiber of our being. I bring my hand to rest on the bridge of my nose. Pinching it lightly I let the emotions spring forth over me.
"God, when is this going to get easier?" Just like clockwork my phone buzzes along the nightstand. I remembered to silence it. Afraid if or more correctly when it rang, that it would disturb Ashlynns slumber. I know whose calling before I look at the I.D. It's him as usual. It is always him. Why he won't just leave us alone is beyond me. What more does he want? How much pain does he wish for us to suffer? Growing hot with irritation I reach for the silver device and bring it to my ear.
"Stop." I bark angrily. "Just stop already. Leave me alone." I grind my teeth as I force these words over the line. "Leave us alone." I hear his breathing ring through my ears and I grimace as the familiar shiver runs down my spine.
"Why won't you just say something huh? I know it's you. It's always you!" Untangling myself from my daughter I walk over to the nightstand. Reaching in the drawer I pull out a set of baby monitors. Placing one beside Ashlynns sleeping form I take the other one along with me as I make way into the bathroom. Closing the door, but making sure not to lock it, I slowly begin to peel the clothes from my body.
"Stop calling me please. You've done more than enough damage to this family. Just let me go, let us be." Closing the cell phone I make sure to hit the off button before gazing at my reflection in the mirror. I fasten my hair in a ponytail, high on top of my head and look at the scar that rests on the backside of my neck. I then run my hands slowly down my naked figure. Stopping to graze the scar between my chest, directly nuzzled between my breasts. It is as long as my forefinger. Biting the inside of my cheeks I grow with furry. Everyday, everyday these scars are a reminder. Letting my fingers dance along my torso I then bring them onto my hips. My biggest scar of all, the one resting on the inside of my thigh. This scar brings tears to my eyes. This was one of my toughest battles, one that I probably would have lost if it weren't for my little girl. Shaking off the thought I turn the nozzle in the bathtub. The hot water comes pouring out of the spout and I slowly let myself step inside. Sinking my body into the hot water I will my muscles to relax.
"Today was a bad day." I mutter to myself as I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "Today was a bad day but tomorrow will be better. I promise my darling daughter, tomorrow will be great."