What Does it Mean to Trust

by at8c

What does it mean to Trust? Will Stephanie understands what it means to trust when something happens that makes her question every man in her life including the merry men. NOT CUPCAKE FRIENDLY, NOT MORELLI or HELEN PLUM FRIENDLY.

29. Chapter 28: Trusting Yourself

These characters belong to Janet I am just borrowing them for my amusement. Although I would love to keep Ranger and the merry men for myself!

This story does contain violence, and touches on dark subject matters. This story is not friendly to Morelli or Helen Plum so for Cupcake fans you have been warned.

I want to thank everyone who writes a review for my story. I enjoy reading them and I love ideas they give me so keep them coming! You do my soul good!

I have a website that I have created to give you all something to explore to dig deeper into the story "What does it mean to trust" You can go to the following website and see character bios (along with some pictures of what I think they would look like), ask questions, give suggestions, see Stephanie's training schedule, Lester's personal vehicles, Cars trucks, and bikes that are in the Rangeman Compound, Rangeman test requirements, and pictures of the places they have been and of Stephanie's ring and clothing. I will continue to add additional information to this website so continue to check out the website.

www(dot)fanfictionstoryinfo(dot)webnode(dot)com

You will then click on the tab that says "What does it mean to" I hope you enjoy it. Please sign the guest book so I know you have been there and tell me what you think.

This chapter may need a tissue warning…I am not sure so I am issuing one just in case…very emotional chapter.

Chapter 28: Trusting Yourself

RPOV

I was sitting in my office finalizing the design for our customer when I heard my phone beep. I picked the phone up smiling waiting to see what else one of the guys had sent me. My Babe was having fun she had a few run ins that I wished hadn't happened but she had handled herself well and she continued to have fun.

I had just notice the message said Babe 911 when my door came crashing open and a very worried Vince came barging in. I knew he was supposed to be at the Control Room for him to leave it meant something major was happening.

"Ranger, Bomber just activated her panic button" he told me barely able to control the urgency in his voice. I was already moving forward before I even realized I had stood up. I never checked up racing to the stairwell to get to my car. "Call me with her location I am heading to the bar now." I yelled back at him. In the stairwell I noticed my men racing to the garage as well. Vince must have sent out a companywide text that Stephanie was in trouble.

The only one that wasn't here was Vince well other than the ones that were already with her at the bar. I found myself praying as I broke every traffic light and speed limit between Rangeman and the Blue Light Bar. Fuck them. If a cop wanted to pull me over tonight he would have to blow up my fucking car to stop me. I could feel the fear for her welling up inside of me. I could feel the urgency to get to her as fast as I could for her to feel the need to activate her panic button when she was with four of my men something was major wrong. I knew my men were behind me which made me feel a little better.

I had been in such a hurry I hadn't thought about them to tell you truth other than seeing a few race to their cars I didn't stop to see if Tank or Bobby was there I just knew they were. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw them behind me in the SUV. Normally you wouldn't be able to see in but Tank must have sensed I was looking for him because he flashed the lights on inside the vehicle long enough for me to catch a glimpse of them.

We literally made the trip in matter of minutes. I don't remember putting the car in park or turning it off I just remember jumping out and heading to the bar.

At the entrance I saw what had everyone's attention and my heart nearly stopped in my chest. I felt like all the air was going to be sucked out of my lungs. I hadn't felt like this ever in my life. I had been on some of the most dangerous missions ever sanctioned and non-sanctioned most would have been deemed suicide missions but I had pulled them off and came home alive. I had been captured, tortured, and seen my men die around me horrible deaths. Seen others treated in ways that I never wanted to remember let alone talk about but in all of that, in all of those times I never felt the way I was feeling this very moment.

I felt my men walk up behind me Tank, Bobby and the rest of them. I heard several of them gasp at the scene before us and if it wasn't that I heard it I would have never believed it. They were feeling the same thing I was feeling. I knew them well enough to know that they were no more use to these feelings than I was. What this one little brown curly hair beautiful Babe could do to all of us it was amazing on one hand and scary as hell on the other.

I saw Lester's eyes and I saw the monster with him raging and just raging to get to Morelli. I felt my inner beast waking up in response but I had to control him. I couldn't lose control and risk my Babe's life. I also saw fear in his eyes I briefly wondered if he knew that was there on display. No one but those of us that knew him best would see it. But I wouldn't be surprised if all of us had our own fear on display for all to see tonight.

I couldn't see my Babe's eyes as she had her head turned and locked on Lester and Cal I saw her holding onto Lester's hand and Cal had her hand at her wrist while Joe had her by her upper arm in a bruising grasp. I was forming a plan of how to get him away from her. I couldn't use my stun gun as it would also stun her, Lester, and Cal. If I had no other choice than I would do it but I needed to come up with a better plan at least I was hoping I could.

I heard her scream in pain as I saw Joe attempt to jerk her away from Lester and Cal but their hold on each other held. Thank Fuck. I knew we had this place surrounded but I wanted to end this while they were still inside the bar, not have to deal with it outside where he would have a better chance of escaping with her.

When his jerking her didn't work he pulled his gun and held it on Lester and Cal. Thank god he wasn't pointing it at my Babe. I didn't want him shooting anyone because I knew my Babe would blame herself but I knew them well enough to know that they felt like if he had to point his gun he was pointing at the right people. So long as he wasn't pointing at her we would all take a bullet for her, die for her if necessary to keep her safe.

I couldn't see all of her face only the side but I saw her lips move and her eyes close for a second, was she praying? Then I saw her kick at Joe's hand with all she had. I heard the gun fire just before it was forced out of his hands by her kick. I couldn't help but thinking how proud of her I was. I knew Cal had been hit and I wasn't sure how bad but he was still holding her hand, doing his job protecting her at all costs.

That gave me my opening and I stealthily walked up behind Joe and nailed him in his neck right on his Vega nerve with the butt of my gun effectively knocking him out. My men immediately surrounded us as I pulled my Babe to me holding her against my chest. She latched on to me giving me her weight wrapping her free arm around my neck and her legs around my waist. She was shacking to the point of shuddering and she was sobbing gut wrenching sobs in my chest and shoulder where her head was buried.

I looked at Lester and I saw pain in his eyes, fear, he had been scared as I was. He wasn't sure what to do for her no more than I was I think we were both at a loss for how to help her for what to do for her so we stood there. Feeling her weight in my arms her body pressed against my body calmed me it allowed me to put the beast away she was my biggest concern, my biggest worry, my only thought.

She was trembling in my arms and I was holding her tight to me my arms locked around her I wasn't sure if I was capable of putting her down let alone let go of her. I couldn't think of anything but protecting her at all costs against everything and everyone and keeping her in my arms I knew she would be protected from the world because I would give all I have and all I am to protect the woman in my arms.

I felt someone grab for my Babe and try to pull her away from me. I held tightly and growled a warning at that moment I couldn't even see who it was. I was so tuned to her to protecting her to holding her to me that in that moment nothing else mattered to me and no one was going to take her away from me. It would be me or them before I let them separate us and it sure as fuck wasn't going to be me not now that I was holding my love, my life, my very breathe in my arms.

I am not sure how long I stood there with her in my arms. I know I was talking to her because I could hear myself trying to calm her but I was also trying to calm myself trying to get myself back under control of the emotions that were flying thru me.

My need to hold her and protect her were so strong they were consuming me she was still trembling in my arms and had a dropped my arms from her she would have still hung on because she was holding me so tight but I wasn't about to drop my arms from her. She hadn't said anything but her crying was calming.

I heard someone calling my name "Ranger, I need to check Bomber injuries". Injuries? She was injured? Hearing that snapped me back and I was able to focus on what was happening around me. My men were surrounding us Lester was standing beside us her hand still locked in his and he was stroking her hair and back trying to calm her.

Bobby was standing on my other side looking at me waiting for me to respond to him. "Bobby when we get back to Rangeman you can check her for injuries right now she isn't in a state that is going to allow it." I could tell he wasn't happy and he wanted to protest. He was probably worried she would go into or was already in a state of shock and she probably was with the death grip she had on me and how she was trembling.

I looked over at Tank who was standing over Joe who was still unconscious on the floor. He just nodded to me telling me that he had him. That I didn't need to worry about Joe right now, he had done enough damage for one evening. I knew tank had called the police we would be filling charges against him. Charges for assault, charges for violating the restraining order, charges for shooting Cal I could only hope that we could get him with attempt of murder in the first degree and any other charges my lawyer could come up with.

He wasn't there on official police business as he drove his personal vehicle he was dressed in civilian clothing not that that meant much since he was a detective meaning he wore street clothing for his job as well. So it wasn't like you could really say he was out of uniform but hopefully my lawyer would be able to figure something out.

She was still trembling in my arms, she hadn't said anything only clung to me the desire to get her out of there ratcheted to a new level, I would leave my men to deal with this if the police needed us they would know where to find us not that she was in any condition to talk to the police tonight.

I am not certain that she would even be able to talk to me at this point or anyone. She reached for Cal and she wasn't even able to let go of Santo's hand to do it. I turned to Bobby "Brown let's get out of here you need to drive Cal will ride with us so you can tend to his wound." I told him. He just nodded and started making a path for us out of the club.

I looked at Tank and I could see fury and worry in his eyes. No one else but us would have seen it. To everyone else at the club he was someone no one would fuck with. I tossed him the keys to my car I didn't give a fuck what he did with it. He could drive it home, he could fucking leave it fuck he could give it to one of the patrons I didn't give a shit.

I went to walk out of the club and soon as I took a step away from Santos and her arm stretched out as if I was pulling her away from him she screamed in protest. I grabbed her tight "Shh Babe it's me Carlos. I have you, you are safe. I swear to you Babe I have you, no one is going to hurt you. No one is going to take you I have you and I am going to take you home. Please let me take you home where we can check to see if you are injured. Babe please trust me." I begged her to trust me.

She looked at me her eyes haunted I am not sure she was really seeing anything with the way they were glazed over, the tear tracks and the fear I saw in them nearly stopped my heart again. I saw her sniff the air around me and she relaxed a little more before she nodded into my neck. "Babe I love you" I told her. I felt her grip on me tighten even more. I wanted to kill that fucking cop. Hell I have killed people for less than this. I gave Tank another look and he just shook his head but I knew he wanted blood as much as I did. All of us wanted that fucking cop's blood.

Right now just wasn't the right time. Too many witnesses and video and last thing we needed were witnesses to us carrying him out of the bar, or video for that matter. Because it would be the last time anyone every laid eyes on that fucking cop. I swore to myself and promised my Babe that I would do anything and everything to keep him away from her even if it meant killing him. Right now might not be the right time but I would find a right time when no one else would see. I would have my revenge. I promise the beast within me and could feel the beast within me smiling at my promise.

Cal, Santos, Brown and I made our way out of the bar towards one of our SUVs. I got in the back with my Babe still clinging to me. Her legs straddled my legs and I just held her to me. Santos got in beside us. She had finally dropped his hand and I could see him stretching his hand out flexing and contracting his fingers probably working the blood back in his fingers from the death grip she had on him.

Cal was up front in the passenger seat and Brown got behind the wheel. "Brown I don't have to tell you this but watch yourself, we don't have on a seatbelt back here." I told him. I didn't want him having an accident and causing me to hurt her worse if we got thrown around in the car.

When we were pulling out of the parking lot the cops were pulling in. It fucking took them long enough, but I didn't give a shit I didn't want to deal with the fuckers right now. They can get our fucking statement when my Babe was up to it, but not tonight. Fuck them!

TPOV

When we got to the club Rangeman jumped out of the car as soon as it was stopped. I was surprised he had taken the time to turn it off he was out of it so fast running towards the club. We were right behind him. When he suddenly stopped I almost crashed into his back. When I saw what caused him to pause in his tracks I felt the air expel from my lungs. I gasp for my breath as the other men around me did the same. What the fuck bad asses don't gasp for air. I guess we do when my little girl is involved.

We heard her scream in pain as Joe jerked on her trying to break her free from Santos and Cal. But their grip on each other held. We all held our breath as he pulled his fucking gun and pointed towards Cal and Santos. Thank fuck he didn't hold it on my Little Girl. Had he pointed it at her I might have taken his head off.

We watched her kick his hand which effectively causing him to drop his gum but not before Cal took one in the torso area. With his shirt on I couldn't tell how bad it was but he kept a hold on her that was all that counted. No way was that fucker going to leave with my Little Girl tonight.

I watched as Ranger rushed up behind him and nailed him in the back of the neck with the butt of his gun effectively knocking him out. I quickly rushed up to stand over him. If this fucker woke up he wouldn't be going anywhere. I quickly cuffed him making sure I put them on tight enough for the cuffs to cut into his wrists. I accidently put one of my size fifteens into his gut and another one in his head. What can I say I can be clumsy at times and have a tough time judging my distance so fucking sue me.

It wasn't good enough he deserved a whole lot more. I wanted to beat him to death that is what this fucker deserved but that couldn't happen with the witnesses around here. I had gotten by with about all I would be able to get by with and even now I am sure one of these fuckers in this club would tell on me. I sent them all a glare that fucking dared them to open their mouths. Whatever fucker did would be meeting me in the parking lot so I could straighten out what the fuck they really saw.

I saw the Rangeman guys had formed a circle around Ranger and my little girl. She was in his arms sobbing, trembling, hell I think she was in shock. When Bobby went check her he set off Ranger's protective instincts oh this wasn't going to be good. Ranger was in a mode that he wasn't seeing any of us. He was only protecting her and he would go thru anyone in this bar to protect her including us I hope they realized his state because I couldn't leave this fucking cop I didn't want to risk him coming around and escaping but the men better be careful because Ranger is at his limit right now. Right now he is at his most lethal he will protect her at all costs with every fiber of his body.

I can only hope that the rest of the men see this in him and act accordingly. I can't be at both places and Santos is no help right now. If Ranger goes off protecting her then Santos will be right behind him and this bar won't survive that. Hell none of us would survive that I am not even sure what has held them back this long. I guess I do too the same curly brown hair woman that put us in this state is the same one that is holding them hell us all back from killing everyone of these fuckers and letting god sort them out.

When he turned to leave I heard my little girl scream again as her grip on Santos almost broke. Hearing her knowing Ranger had her broke my heart. It spoke volumes to how she was. She was probably in shock seeing Ranger and Santos both look heartbroken. I saw Ranger telling her something and she nodded when I saw her eyes they looked ghosted, glazed she wasn't seeing us. I don't think she was really seeing anything. It was heart breaking and I wanted to kill the fucking cop lying at my feet.

Ranger threw me keys I caught them but what can I say I am clumsy in trying to catch them my boot accidently connected with the cops head. I wouldn't want for the keys to have hit him now would I? Shame his head didn't fly off of his shoulders and fly across the room. Well whenever he wakes up I will guarantee that he will have a killer of a headache it isn't good enough but it will have to be, for now.

I saw Ranger question to me he wanted to kill the cop as much if not more than I did I only shook my head too many people, too many witnesses and video. We can't make him disappear from here. I saw the look in Ranger though he wanted blood. Not just anyone's blood he wanted the cop's blood. Morelli was fucked. He had royally fucked up. He had just put a big ole target on his head by the world's most lethal mercenary. He better hope they fucking arrest him and keep him in jail under solitary confinement that would be the only way he would survive and even then he wasn't entirely safe. I have seen Ranger get in and out of places completely undetected that one would never think he could the local jail would be kids play for him.

He was the best for a reason and now this stupid fucking cop had put a target on his head as big as a neon sign in Vegas advertising weddings by Elvis. Good luck was all I could tell the fucker not that I wanted him breathing either. I just knew his days were numbered and it had nothing to do with the fact that as a cop he led a dangerous life, or maybe it did who knows in the end how he will buy it. I only knew he was going to.

I saw Brown, Santos, Cal, Ranger and my Little Girl leave. Ranger hadn't even tried to put her down. I think having her weight in his arms was grounding him. I bet he wouldn't even put her down in the car or when he got to Rangeman. She weighed nothing as far as he was concerned he could have held her all day. I have seen him walk thru a jungle carrying two fifty caliber helicopter mounted machine guns with enough ammo to take out a small village and never once complain about the weight. They had barely had left before the cops came thru the door.

This should be interesting. The two cops walked up to us. I was hoping one of them would be Big Dog, Carl, or Eddie but no such luck. It was Officer Thompson who I haven't had a lot of dealings with and Officer Gaspick who was a prick. Great!

Woody and Hal made their way over to us to give their statements. Officer Gaspick was the first to talk. "What happened?" He was looking at me. I glared at him and he took a step back. Good show some respect fucker, I could snap you like the fucking twig you are Officer Graspaprick.

"Morelli violated the restraining order Stephanie Plum had taken out against him. He showed up here and when I got on the scene he was holding onto her and had a gun trained on two of my men." I told them. Before they could jump to any conclusions I continued. "While he had his gun trained on my men he fired his gun without reason or cause at one of my men, and wounded him."

Officer Graspaprick asked me "Why is he unconscious on the floor? Did you do this?" I shook my head no. I hadn't done it. I knew they would be able to get a copy of the security feed and be able to see who knocked him unconscious. The good thing is Rangeman controls those tapes and in order for them to just get a copy they would need to get a court order. So we had some control how much they saw on the tape. Of course if we altered it then they may not take it into evidence against the crime Morelli committed against Stephanie so we needed to consider our options.

But if Morelli ever saw Ranger nail him in the back of the head he would press charges and Ranger would end up in jail for assaulting a police officer because that was the kind of prick, pussy Morelli was. Hell after my clumsy episodes I would probably be sitting there beside him. He would never just fight Ranger fairly for my little girl. After all he knew he would never win so he would do anything underhanded he could get away with it to give him the advantage but there was no more advantage to be had. He had screwed himself and sent her running into Ranger's open arms. Something Morelli hadn't counted on was that Ranger would want her as much as she wanted Ranger. Too fucking bad dick head is all I have to say the better man won the woman, fucking get over it.

Officer Thompson went to my men and started taking their statements. Hal and Woody spoke up first since they had been here from the beginning but then each man ended up telling what they had seen. Officer Gaspaprick was still unfortunately talking to only me. Like I gave a fuck about Morelli? The only reason the fucker was still breathing was because we were in a very crowded bar with lots of witnesses.

"How long has Officer Morelli been unconscious?" He looked at me. I shrugged I wasn't going to let him know that I had seen a fucking thing. "You said when you arrived at the bar that he was holding a gun on one of your men and actually fired a round so when did he end up unconscious. If you don't answer my questions I can arrest you for withholding information in a police investigation." He told me. Really? You would arrest me? "Officer Gaspick I am not sure how long he has been unconscious I don't know what time it was when he fell and I don't currently know what time it is so there is no way for me to accurately tell you how long he has been lying on the floor."

"Tank, your name is Tank correct?" He said it in a way that almost sounded dirty I only inclined my head and stared down at him, he took a step back good. The fucker was smart enough to have some sense of fear when it came to me.

He looked at me for a second and took all of me in. I flexed the muscles in my biceps, shoulders and chest just to fucking scare him a little more. He held his ground but you could see him shake a little. I almost laughed. The next thing he would be doing is his pissing his pants if he is this afraid of me now.

"Tank, I just want an estimate has it been 10, 20 minutes or longer?" he asked my only response was "Yeah something like that. He will be fine. He may have a headache in the morning but he will be fine." The fucker was lucky. He would wake up, he would have a headache but he had a gun trained on my men, he shot one of my men he is lucky that we didn't kill his ass on the spot and declare self defense. Thinking about it now that would have been a good option but with Stephanie none of us wanted her to witness that.

My Little girl was already shaken up enough, she was terrified when she left here hell when Ranger reached her she grabbed on to him like he was her lifeline and wouldn't let go. Hell he wouldn't let go of her either. He responded in a way that got him away from her with as little force as necessary. I knew his only concern was to get to her and make sure she was safe. It was all of our top priority.

I looked at Officer Gaspaprick "We will be filing charges against Morelli." I told him. He looked at me "What charges are you planning on filing?" he asked me. "Well for starters we are going to file charges against him for failing to comply with a restraining order. Then we will want some charges for the assault against Stephanie, for him pulling a firearm on my men, for him shooting one of my men without reason." I told him. "Our lawyer will be down at the police station and he will file the appropriate charges against Morelli." I continued.

Graspaprick replied to me "Well we don't know that he knowingly violated the restraining order, We also don't know the events that lead up to him pulling and discharging his firearm. He is a police officer, a detective to be exact, and he may have had a very good valid reason to pull and discharge his weapon after all we all know that Rangemen employees are always carrying concealed weapons and unless you have a license for that you all would be in violation. Officer Morelli may have felt threatened and took action before he was attacked. We need his side of the story before we can file any charges and right now we are unable to get it because he is lying on the floor which I am sure one of you or your men had something to do with. We will be getting the video feed and if we can prove who did this charges will be filed against them for assaulting a police officer." He told me. Fuck. This is why I hate fucking cops.

I have hated fucking cops since I was a kid growing up in streets of Atlanta. They always thought they were above everyone else. Once they had a hard on for you there was no dealing with them. They were just out to get you and no matter what you did or didn't do they would find some shit to pin on you. Fuckers were all the same no matter where you went.

I will be the first to admit the cop fuck that had a hard on for me ended up doing me a big favor. When the judge offered me service time instead of jail time I took it. Much to the cop's dismay but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I went into the Army I met my best friends including Ranger and I made something out of my worthless piece of shit life, but at the time when every turn I took that prick cop Johnson was there arresting me for something regardless if I had alibi or not he didn't care. He only wanted to arrest me and charge me with something.

Then the one night I screwed up and he got his golden opportunity and arrested me for being in a stolen car. I hadn't stolen it, I didn't even know it was stolen but it didn't matter it was guilty by association and I was arrested just as guilty as the guy who had stolen it. Thank fuck the judge took leniency on me and sent me to the military instead of jail.

My mom and my dad weren't too pleased with me at the time but they always loved me. They gladly signed the papers to send me even though I was still seventeen. At the time I was a little mad at them for signing the papers but now I know they didn't have much choice and now I know how much better my life is for having been in the Army. They whipped my ass in shape, they built the man I am today the one that is able to control himself enough to keep from ripping this fucking cop's head off of his shoulders.

My parent's gave me the name Pierre which I have hated since the time I was old enough to hate It, which was at very young age. I mean we weren't French so why the fuck name me that? I mean I know why but I never really understood it. Apparently my parents went to Paris for their honeymoon it was a dream of my mother's to see Paris. The city of love or so they claim. I admit it is beautiful I have been there but it wasn't with the love of my life like my father it was with the Army, the Rangers to be exact.

I was conceived on that trip or so they believe and while there they met this incredibly nice man that owned the country inn they stayed in his name was Pierre so they named me in honor of that trip. I have had to learn patience. I have had to learn control as you can guess growing up in Atlanta with a name like Pierre wasn't easy. My size helped as I was bigger than most all of the kids my age but there were still a brave few that teased me.

My sister, Arizona, you guessed it she was conceived at the Grand Canyon I guess she is lucky that she wasn't named Canyon or something along those lines. Hell that trip they went to see so many different things, from Mount Rushmore, Las Vegas, Hoover Dam, to the Grand Canyon I guess she is lucky she was named Arizona. But little sister's are both a gift and a curse on one hand you protect them, and love them and on the other hand the frustrate the fuck out of you because they don't want the protection when they are older and when they are younger they rat you out to your parents. Again you need patients and control dealing with younger sisters.

Those patience and control were only needed more in the Army and the Rangers from our drill sergeant drilling us all he could. Trying to get us to fuck up so he could kick our asses out to the missions I ran all of it required patience and control. But none of them the missions, the drill sergeants, the younger sister, and the kids teasing tested my patience, and control like this fucking cop did. Between Morelli and that fucking cop Graspaprick it was all I could do not to literally roll their heads in this bar.

My patience thinning a little I looked at the fucking cop. "Gaspick you need to arrest Morelli and take him to the station if you are unable to do that I will cuff him and drop him off on my way back to Rangeman. You and your partner here" I motioned to the other prick officer " have taken up all the time me or my guys have. We have told you all we know, all we witnessed, which is more than enough for the arrest. Our attention is needed back at Rangeman." I told him.

I could tell my statement rustled his feathers. I really didn't give a fuck we needed to leave. I needed to check on my little girl, Ranger, and Rangeman. I didn't need to be standing over this fucking cop's unconscious fucking body. Besides any man who was a real man would have woken up already but he was a pussy with little pussy feelings lord knows how long it would take him to wake up. Lord help him if Ranger ever really hit him hard. Total light weight I hate to say it because I have some good friends who are Navy but they are Seals which if you are going to be in the Navy the only division to be in is the Seals else well to us Army men you are just pussy seaman too fucking afraid to storm the beaches and lead the way like us fucking Rangers. I will say I do have a healthy respect for those Navy fly boys they have saved our asses a time or two.

But alas I remember Morelli couldn't cut it as a seaman he was sent home, the closest he got to battle was cleaning up the trays and dishes in the mess hall from those that fought and flew and he still didn't make the cut how fucking pathetic is that? Then he thought he would become a cop an officer which obviously he can't fucking cut it at that either not with the way he has seemed to lose his fucking mind over being obsessed with my Little Girl. If he continues it won't matter as he will lose his fucking worthless life.

I reached down grabbed the handcuffed prick and picked him up holding him up with one hand I gestured to Graspapick "where do you want him. Do you want to deliver him to the station or do you want me to?" I asked him. Graspaprick sucked some air in at me holding Morelli with one arm. Graspaprick was a little man no way he could have picked Morelli up let alone just hold him. He was little but he had little man syndrome. I knew it I could read it and I was pushing his buttons.

He tried to exert his authority "You need to put officer Morelli down, let him go." He told him. I nodded and just let go holding my hand up for him to see that I had done as he ask and let him go. Of course I had the added joy of watching that fucking dick head fall face first bouncing his head off of the floor. We all heard the crunching of his nose as it bounced off of the dance floor.

I had to hide my smile behind my blank face. I noticed some of the guys enjoyed watching that. I know it was with great satisfaction on my part when I heard the crunch of his nose. He may have a headache tomorrow but he would have two black eyes and a messed up nose for week or more. I was looking at Grapaprick who was standing there with his mouth open he couldn't believe what he just saw. He finally snapped out of it, pussy. "You want me to arrest you for assault?" he asked me.

You could fucking try I thought "You told me to let him go to put him down. So I let him go and he went down wasn't that what you wanted?" I know I was pulling his chains but it was so fucking fun. I saw him turn almost purple from his anger but I just maintained my cool.

It sort of reminded me a cartoon when their head explodes the way he turned red, then purple and his eyes started to bulge. I almost took a step back because I didn't want brains exploding on my shirt they were a bitch to wash off not to mention sticky as fuck on your skin.

Okay the fun was gone. My patience had run out. "Officer we need to leave, we are leaving. I want this man arrested I have told you the charges to start with our lawyer is probably already at the station with the list of additional charges. Now I am going to ask you again to do your job here. If you want me to take Morelli and put him in your car I will, if you want me to drop him off at the station I will. If you want to call nine one one since he hasn't woken up yet do it because we are leaving. We all have jobs waiting on us there is nothing else for us to tell you. The only thing left for you to do is arrest this man and let us go."

He looked at me for "I am the officer here and I decide when it is time you can leave. I will decide if we have enough evidence to arrest this upstanding officer. You need to remember your place we all know the history of Rangeman and Morelli and we know you all would lie to have a reason to bring a good officer down." Upstanding officer, good officer where the fuck does he get off with this shit? This is Morelli he is talking about a child molesting, raping, whoremonger of Trenton nothing upstanding or good about him.

"I am sure you can ask anyone on the dance floor and they will confirm the events my men have given you. We may have our reasons for not liking Morelli but we wouldn't set him up he is more than capable of doing that himself. He is his own worst enemy not us." I told graspaprick.

I signaled the guys to load up. I stepped over the piece of shit in the floor and made my way to the door with the guys following me they could fucking drag his ass out by his dick as far as I am concerned. My only regret they didn't take me up on my offer was that I couldn't smash his worthless piece of shit face into the car door or frame. But dropping him was second best.

SPOV

I woke up the room was semi dark the sheets were soft I laid extremely still trying to figure out where I was. I sniffed the air and I could smell Carlos. I felt his arm around me holding me to him. Opening my eyes further my head was laying on his chest while he was flat on his back on the bed. He had taken his shirt off and my head was right above his heart. Now that I was more aware I could hear the slow steady beat of his heart.

I must have moved or in some way alerted him to my being awake because his arms came up around me further and started rubbing up and down my back and side. God, could I just lay like this for the rest of my life? I never wanted to leave this room, his arms. Just let me die like this I thought.

"Babe, don't think like that. I couldn't stand to lose you." Carlos whispered in my ear. I must have said that out loud, fuck. I wanted to look at Carlos, see his eyes even in the dark I would be able to see them but I wasn't able to look him in the eye. I didn't want to see the disappointment in me he must be feeling. Hell I was feeling it. I knew the other guys had to be feeling it. I had gotten Cal shot. Hell I had been the reason he was shot. I could have lost one of my brothers tonight and it would have been all my fault.

All my fault! I mean even with the training I have done this past week I still manage to fuck it up. I first let emotions take over and didn't react and then when I finally act I get my brother shot. Am I that dunce that I don't fucking learn? Am I capable of learning? Can I be their sister, Carlos' lover, partner, and wife when I can't protect myself my brothers, or Carlos? I should have responded differently I made some huge errors one was stepping away from my brothers. I know it is better to stand as one together than stand alone everyone knows that. But I was just going to do what he said and leave.

How will I ever be able to look my brothers in the eye? How will they ever trust me to have their back? How will I ever trust myself to have their backs? If something happened to them because of me it would kill me to lose them. But what if my lacking me being unable to control my feelings or fear, terror, or being just scared caused them to get hurt or killed how could I ever forgive myself? How would I ever be able to look myself in the mirror again?

I guess my thoughts were overwhelming me as I could feel the panic attack coming on. The panic from what could have happened, to what did happen, to what my mind was reeling question after heart breaking question that was crushing me from the inside out. My heart was constricting, my lungs were jumping in my chest trying to suck in oxygen they were being deprived from, my vision was blurry between the tears that were streaming down my face and the darkness that was threatening to take me. Part of me just wanted to give in to the darkness give in to the pain in my chest and the burning in my lungs. Part of me wanted to just give in completely and totally if I did I would never have to face them.

Hearing the worry and the concern in Carlos' voice as he called my name, as he tried to get my attention to get me to focus on him begging me to slow my breathing down begging me to let him help me kept me from allowing myself to give in. I would do anything in the world to remove erase that sound in his voice of total desperation and pain. Emotions I didn't know he had emotions I doubt he knew he had or felt often. I would do anything in my power my ability to take that away for him.

I focused on his voice and not the pain in my chest. I knew I was having a panic attack but I swear it could have been a heart attack with the level of pain I was feeling but I made myself focus on his voice.

"Babe please you need to calm down. Focus on my heart beat you can hear it focus on it, breathe with me Babe. Slowly breathe in and then out, slow your breathing down Babe. Please breathe with me my Amante. Babe it's okay you are safe, I am with you I will never let anyone hurt you. Babe you are safe please now that please focus on me and breathe with me, you need to calm down. I can feel your heart racing and you're grasping for air you need to focus on me Babe for me please."

I focused on his heart beating and him breathing in and out and slowly the pain started to recede and I was able to get myself under more control. God how was I going to tell Carlos that this was all a mistake? How am I going to tell him that I can't be the woman he needs me to be? I love him more than life. Walking away from him will surely be the death of me but I think it is really clear that I can't be the woman he needs.

He needs a woman who is strong, one who can defend herself against a real threat. One that doesn't fall apart out of fear or even terror one that doesn't let emotions rule her judgment. He needs a woman that he can trust to have his back even when she is the one he is protecting. He doesn't have that with me. It was clear tonight that I am none of those things I don't think I ever will be any of those things. I am willing to give my life for him but that isn't good enough. I have to be able to fight for my life for him. I have to be able to protect my life for him. I have to be able to fight and protect his life for both him and me and I am just not the woman who can do that. I made that painfully obvious tonight when I completely failed to do all of those things. My failing was so bad I got one if his men, my brother's shot because of it.

God not only am I going to have to walk away from Carlos I am going to have to walk away from my brother's as well. Hell I probably disappointed them so bad they no longer want to consider me a sister anyway. It was clear that getting them shot at wasn't a way you protect your brother. Even though I tried to protect them, that was my goal I completely failed and could have killed one of them.

I need to tell them how I feel but I don't think I have it in me to tell them. I am not sure how I will voice this to them and how I will be able to look at them and see the disappointment in their eyes. I hear Carlos trying to sshh me telling me it's going to be okay but it isn't. It will never be okay. My heart is literally being ground up into mush I can't even say it is breaking as breaking doesn't do it justice. Breaking is bad, but breaks heal with time even a broken heart. This was beyond breaking this was crushing forever damaged a wound so deep that time would never heal it.

There are some things that time just can't and doesn't heal and this is one of them. My crushed and ground up heart would never be right. It would be like an old car or truck broken it would never again run right. Having to turn away from Carlos away from my brother's would be the most debilitating thing I have ever done in my life but I am just not the woman the sister they need. They will never trust me to have their back and I will never trust myself to have their back I can't and I won't risk their life. For as much as it will kill me to be without them I wouldn't risk their life.

I couldn't risk their life not one of them could I risk. Now I just need to find the courage within myself to do what I know I must do, to tell them what I need to do and why it is the best to face the disappointment in their eyes but I won't run out without talking to them they deserved better than that especially Carlos. Carlos was right all along his life couldn't lend itself to a relationship with me. I just never understood why until now. Now I get it.

God he feels like heaven I don't want to leave his arms. Maybe I can lay here a moment or two until I have completely committed every ounce of him to memory before I have to face the unthinkable and do the unbearable.

RPOV

Laying here with her resting on my chest crying is breaking my heart. I don't know how to comfort her. How to tell her that everything is going to be okay. How do I tell her that she is safe that no one is going to harm her ever? When clearly tonight that wasn't the case I thought she was safe with my men and she was hurt. She was attacked there in front of them and they weren't able to stop it from happening.

When Lester told me what happened after my Babe fell asleep I wanted to kill that fucker even more. I had to control myself to keep my rage from waking her up. Lester told me how he jerked her out of his arms and threw her across the floor like a rag doll. How a guy at least two times her size maybe more fell on top of her crushing her to the floor. How when she tried to get back to them Morelli stopped her and slapped her.

He said I got there not long after that point when he was holding her and she had managed to stretch enough to lock her hand with his. I did have to smile when Lester admitted that she felt like she was going to crush his hand she was holding it so tightly. I was proud of her. She didn't allow him to just walk her out of the club.

When he pulled the gun she tried to protect her brother's by kicking the gun out of his hand. Unfortunately I knew she would beat herself up concerning that because in the end Cal ended up injured she would blame herself. But he was fine it was just a graze nothing that a couple of stitches and some Band-Aids wouldn't fix up. As a matter of fact I am pretty positive all of them are sitting in my living room. Lester, Woody, Hal, Cal, Bobby and I am sure as soon as Tank was done with that son of a fucking bitch cop he would join them. Hell probably every one of the guys that is off duty tonight will be here waiting to see her and talk to her to find out if she is okay.

I wish I knew what she was thinking what was going thru that beautiful mind of hers. She has been so quiet I barely realized she was awake now she is crying I wish I knew what to say to sooth her to calm her. I felt her heart start to race and her breathing started to get short and eradicate shit she was having a panic attack. She probably felt like she wasn't safe here. That he was going to come in here and take her like he had tried on the dance floor but that wasn't ever going to happen.

I tried calming her down begging her to focus on my heart beating and my breathing to calm hers. I think it I finally got thru to her swearing to her that she was safe and to copy me to focus on me. Shit I was begging but I didn't give a fuck I needed her to calm herself down before she ended up making herself sick.

It took her awhile but she was able to finally get her breathing and heart beat under control. She had to feel better after that. I have had a panic attack before I know how they make you feel. I know how they make you feel like you are having a heart attack and how you can't catch your breath no matter how hard you try to gasp for air. It wasn't my finest hour but I was young it was before my years of training before I was able to control my feelings and fear took over.

My CO at the time looked at me and point blank asked me boy you going to continue to be a boy or are you going to be a man? I chose man and he proceeded to beat the fear and panic out of me. Well that is until I met a certain curly hair brunette blue eyed beauty that has the ability to put the fear of god back in me especially when I see her in the hands of someone I know that is mentally unstable with a gun in his hand. Her life could have ended tonight I am not certain I have dealt with those thoughts.

Feeling her in my arms knowing she was alive and now safe in my bed, in my arms was all I needed all I wanted nothing else mattered at the moment. Just knowing she was here with me, in my arms forever. God I never wanted to let her go ever.

She was still soaking my chest with her tears but it was good in a way I hated that she was crying it was in a way breaking my heart but feeling her tears, feeling her in my arms only solidified the fact that she was alive, she was safe, and she was going to be okay all of which made my heart want to soar.

I wanted so bad to make love to her. I wanted to feel myself surrounded by her warmth her wetness I wanted our souls to connect our bodies connect but I knew her body had to be sore so I would never attempt it but the desire was so strong just to feel our connection to each other. I was just going to have to get all the comfort I could get from feeling her laying against the skin on my chest.

I continued to lay there with her in my arms her crying me rubbing her back and side trying to comfort her silence. I wasn't sure what to say nothing seemed appropriate. I heard her finally suck in some air taking a deep breath. She reached up wiping the tears away.

I was watching her trying to get herself under control this is why I loved her so much, why I was drawn to her she had the uncanny ability to pull herself up to brush herself off and to face life again did things affect her? Greatly, but she had a way of always coming out on top.

I have always been proud of her and never more proud of her for the work and training she had done this past week and for the way she handled herself tonight. Even being terrified she tried to protect herself and her brother's.

SPOV

I wiped my eyes. I took several deep breaths it was time to pull myself together and face my brother's and Carlos. It was time to fess up and let them know the huge mistake I had made making myself a part of their lives. Before I could think anymore on that which would only result in more tears I pulled myself away from Carlos' chest. God I am going to miss calling him that. I can't think about that I have to do this.

I take a moment to look at Ranger to look into his eyes and I see love there. I see concern, I see pain. God how I love this man, he will never really know how much I truly love him completely and totally unconditionally love him. He will never know how I would give anything I had anything I am everything I have and ever will have to just love him. God he is never going to know this.

"Car..Carlos I need to talk to you and my bro..brothers." I finally choke out. I knew I needed to stop with those names but I just couldn't bring myself to say anything differently not right now. I would wait until after our talk until after I told them everything I was feeling and thinking before I would once again call them Ranger and the Merry Men. Just the thought I wanted to scream and cry and beg God to change my mind. To give me any reason to feel differently but I knew it wasn't going to happen no matter how much I prayed or begged.

Ranger nodded his head "Babe they are probably all sitting in the living room waiting to see you and talk to you." He told me. I guess I shouldn't be surprised but all of them? I guess they were all here to tell me how I no longer belonged. How I failed to measure up to their expectations, and how I brought danger to their lives that wasn't needed. How I disappointed them after them taking all their time to train me. God my heart was constricting again but I pushed thru the pain as I pulled myself up to sitting and slowly started to make my way off of the bed.

I felt Ranger reach for me but I acted as though I didn't know as though I didn't realize he was reaching for me. To deter him I headed towards the bathroom shutting the door behind me. God this bathroom where we have made love, where we have showered, where I danced for him the same one we broke the towel bar because of our need for each other exploded as our souls mated. I couldn't help the tears that leaked out of my eyes and ran unchecked down my face.

I would always have these memories and cherish every one every second of everyone but I couldn't help but want more. I never thought it would come to this end. Me being the one that was walking away even though I am sure Ranger will be happy in the long run because he will know that I now understand why his life doesn't lend itself to a relationship with me.

Fuck my heart isn't going to take this. It feels like it is being ripped out of my chest without anesthesia and without the possibility of having a replacement. There was no replacement to Carlos and my brothers.

I took the opportunity to pee then splashed my face with cold water. Dried the tears and took a shuttering breath to calm myself if that was possible. I knew if I stayed much longer Ranger would come looking for me I didn't want that to happen. I wanted to walk into the living room and face my brother's on my own two feet. If I was going to face them and see the disappointment in their eyes in me then I needed to do it on my own, on my own two feet.

I made my way to the door chanting to myself be strong Steph, be strong you can do this. Be strong Steph this is the best for them they are what is important you are not. Be strong Steph you can do this put them before yourself. Be strong Steph you can tell them you can do this. Over and over I kept repeating the same chant in my head with every foot step.

The bathroom is big but this felt like I was walking the never ending hallway. You know the ones in your nightmare where you can see the door but you can never reach the door. The door is your safe zone but you can't reach it because the more you move the further your safety door moves away from you. But alas I made it to the door but this wasn't my safe zone, or my safety door. This was the hardest moment of my life. It was my falling skies only it wasn't aliens bringing my world down around me. It was going to be me.

RPOV

The bathroom door opened and my Babe stepped out but I sensed something different. It was like the change of the wind or the change of current in the ocean. I wasn't quite sure what I was sensing or feeling from her but it was different.

I tried to read her but I found myself unable to do so. Damn is this what she feels when I put on my blank mask? I tried to step forward to take her in my arms but she stepped around me dodging my touch. She has never dodged my touch even before we were together and never once since. If anything she craved my touch just as I craved hers.

I do not like the feeling I am getting from this. She put on a smile but it didn't reach her eyes. Nothing was reaching her eyes. What the fuck happened in those few moments she was in the bathroom? She looked up at me I briefly saw sadness flash in her eyes before there was once again nothing. "Ranger I need to talk to you and the guys." She stated.

She called me Ranger, and her brother's guys, is she trying to pull away from us? From me? Does she feel that we can't protect her does she not want us protecting her? My mind started reeling with what if's what if I am right and she no longer wants us, wants me how was I going to live with that? How would I survive that? I needed to focus and stop thinking about me. It was her that mattered in all of this.

Would not being with me make her happier? Would she be happier with someone else? Could someone else give her something that I couldn't? Could they make her feel more secure more protected? Would she need to be secure and protected if she was with someone else, someone safer than me someone who didn't have enemies? A thousand questions flashed thru my mind all the time my heart and soul was screaming no, that they couldn't take it that they couldn't let go that they wouldn't let go of her. That she was the other part of them that completed them and they couldn't sever that connection to her. At least and continue to exist.

We made our way into the living room and as expected all of the guys where here with the exception of Vince and a few others that didn't really have any connection or relationships with Stephanie. As soon as she stepped into the room all of them jumped to their feet and were rushing to reach my Babe.

I watched as she held up her hand halting them in their tracks. I saw her hand shake a little as she held it up in front of her. I wasn't sure what she was going to say but whatever it was it was going to be earth shattering for me, and probably for a few of the guys standing in front of her. But from the way her hand shook it was going to be earth shattering for her as well.

I needed to figure out a way to stop this, I needed to stop her. I needed her we all needed her if she was pulling away from us hell I doubted half of us would survive I know I wouldn't. I knew Lester wouldn't I knew it would affect the others very deeply in a way they would never be the same not if we lost our light, what centers us, what brings us together, what redeems our damned souls.

LPOV

The second I saw Beautiful walk into the room I was on my feet rushing to her. I wanted to hug her hold her to me beg for forgiveness for not seeing what was going to happen, for not protecting her better, for not reacting better than the way I did.

When he grabbed her and hurt her I lost it. I lost my mind, I lost control of my emotions and all I saw was red. All I saw was him, all I wanted to see was his blood on my hands. The monster within me was released it was out of his cage and it wanted blood. It wanted revenge, it wanted that cop's life and had it not been for Cal, Woody and Hal it would have had it.

They were fortunately and unfortunately strong enough to hold me back. While the beast in me was totally pissed and unsatisfied I was glad that Beautiful didn't have to witness what would have happened had Cal's grip faltered I wouldn't have been able to stop what would have happened I was out of control. She would have seen every bloody detail of me taking his life with my bare hands.

By my reaction I forced the other three guys her brother's to have to focus on stopping me instead of further protecting her so I had screwed up major. I fully expected Ranger to completely kick my ass on the mats. I knew the punishment for letting your emotions control your actions especially when it came at the expense of protecting Stephanie. You protected Stephanie above and beyond everything we all knew that even before we loved her.

Before we even got to know her let alone all love her accepted her as one of our own we all knew that we had better take that fucking bullet or knife or whatever it was directed at her. Failing to do so wasn't an option and if we failed well we met a very pissed off Ranger on the mats and no one wants to meet a very pissed off Ranger, ever. Meeting Ranger on the mats was enough but a pissed off Ranger well that meant time spent in the med unit on the third floor with Bobby fixing your broken bloody body, just ask Hal if you want details.

I had no doubt that is where I would be heading when this was over with. I deserved it that was for sure had it been one of the other guys I would be right there with Ranger kicking his ass so I knew there was no way around the ass kicking I was going to get. I was just hoping that all of Rangeman wouldn't join in because then it would take months to recover instead of weeks. Fuck with the way I fucked up I would be lucky if it wouldn't take months to recover from Ranger's lesson alone.

I was moving towards her before it practically registered but I only had made two steps well maybe not even two complete steps when she held her hand up stopping all of us in our tracks. I saw her hand shake and the look in her eyes it was blank she had her blank mask on, she had learned it from us, and I absolutely hated it, I hated that I couldn't read her. But I instinctively knew this wasn't going to be good.

This wasn't going to be something I wanted to hear. This wasn't something that I would want to live with I could feel it in my bones just as I could feel my own heart beating. Beautiful started talking and her voice was distanced.

"Guys I need to talk to you all, there are things I need to tell you all. Things I need for you to all understand. But there is something I need to do before I say those things. Please hear me out, please let me get everything out before you say or do anything." She said almost pleading with us. We would give her whatever she wanted. She had to know that already. She didn't have to beg for anything.

I believe we all nodded I was focused on her more than the others but I nodded and I saw Ranger nodded although I could see the look in his eyes and I could see he wasn't sure what was going to happen and like me didn't have a good feeling about it.

She walked over to Cal who was standing to my left. He went to say something but she silenced him. She motioned to his side for him to show her where he had gotten grazed by the bullet. I knew she was going to blame herself for that. Cal shook his head "Angel it is fine you don't need to worry about it only a scratch." He told her but we all knew that wasn't going to be good enough for her.

She shook her head. "Cal I want to see, I want to see that you are in fact okay. I know you guys I know how you all tend to make light of serious injuries and lessen the true reality of what happened and how you feel." She was right we were badasses. We didn't let little shit like getting shot, or broken ribs or even bones stop us. Hell I have seen Ranger run and fight with broken ribs, broken wrists, broken ankle fuck I even saw him fight with a broken leg and he still kicked the enemy's ass. We all had similar stories that we could tell where we had to put our injuries on the back burner to survive and fight. Ranger had been shot we all had been shot I don't think there was one of us that hadn't been shot at one point some serious some scratches but none of them keep us from doing what was necessary.

Cal nodded and raised his shirt to show her. It was actually just a scratch as he said. She had had worse gunshot wounds. I watched as her eyes accessed the injury her fingers traced the wound as she looked up meeting his eyes. He said "See I told you just a scratch nothing to worry about I am not even on light duty." He told her.

She smiled but I noticed it didn't really meet her eyes not like her normal smiles. Something bad was coming I just don't know what it is. I can feel it. Ranger can feel it hell I think most of the guys in this room can feel it.

"Cal I am so sorry I got you injured. It's my fault you got shot and I am so sorry." She said to him her words breaking at times. She was fighting back tears I could see them ready to spill. I knew she would blame herself but truth is she probably saved his life. Morelli was going to shoot us. He was already pulling the trigger when she kicked him. Had she not kicked the gun the bullet would have probably hit Cal center mast from the distance it would have more than likely killed him if not then it would have seriously injured him. She had no idea that she actually is the reason Cal is standing before her with a scratch. I am not even sure Cal knows that but I saw it.

"Angel please listen to me you have nothing to be sorry for. I am okay it's okay you didn't do anything wrong. Angel I have been reading people a long time and trust me when I say Joe would have shot me or Lester had you not kicked the gun out of his hand. Yes the gun went off when you kicked it but had you not kicked it I would probably have a center mast shot and nearly point blank distance which would mean I would more than likely not be living right now. Because of you I am living and have a minor scratch."

So he did realize what was happening and how she had saved his life. I saw shock register in her eyes for a brief moment and then the blank was back.

She nodded to Cal but then retreated back to where she was standing where she could address all of us. I saw the storm within her eyes and wondered what was going through that beautiful mind of hers.

"Guys I need to tell you all something that is hard for me to say. I want you all to know that I love you all and I am saying this to protect you all." She looked at Ranger locking eyes with him. "Ranger, I now fully understand what you meant when you said that your life didn't lend itself to relationships. I want you to know that I get it, I understand why you said that to me."

What the fuck? He told her that? I should kick his fucking ass I had held back because she was his to hear him tell it all the while he was handing her bullshit. I had never actually been able to kick his ass but right now I was so fucking mad that I think my chances would be extremely good.

"Babe please know" he tried to say shaking his head but she cut him off. "Ranger it is okay I know it was back a while I know that wasn't true this past week but I do now understand where as I never fully understood before. Please let me finish." She almost begged.

"Like I said I understand. I am the weakest link here. Not just for you Ranger but for you all." She looked at each of us. "You all tried to train me, you all tried to teach me how to be one of you but the first opportunity I had to prove to you all that I am worthy of being one of you." She looked at us again and then focused back on Ranger "of being your wife I failed and I failed miserably." She stated.

We all started to protest shaking our heads no that she was wrong she hadn't failed. But she held up her hand "Guys, Ranger I failed. It is plain and simple. I can handle it. I understand it. I stepped away from you all separating myself from you. Everyone knows that you fight together not separately. I managed to once again get myself in a situation where I was unable to protect myself, defend myself. I was unable to protect you all. In addition to those two things if that wasn't enough in and of itself to make me unworthy of Rangeman material and wife material or sister material. I was unable to keep control of my emotions. I lost it out there guys. I let fear get the best of me. I felt terrorized out there I felt frozen and I was unable to control it. My actions, my responses led to all of us being in a dangerous situation one where someone could have lost their life. I would give my life, my everything to protect you Ranger, you all but I can't be the reason for you all to give your life because I was stupid and unable to learn, unable to respond properly to a threat, unable to control my emotions my fear. I can't lose any of you because I am a failure."

I think she stunned us all none of us knew what to say, or knew what to do, hell I don't think any of us could move at the moment I know I couldn't. The look on Ranger's face told me he couldn't. Fuck I thought I lost control earlier tonight fuck right now I was panicking. I was having a fucking panic attack on the inside hearing what she was saying and now understanding where she was going with this she was walking away from us because she thought it would protect us because she thought it would be better for us. Fuck. Snap out of it solider. Get your ass together.

"Beautiful" I managed to choke out but she cut me off "Lester you know what I am saying is the truth would you honestly say you would be willing to trust me to be your partner out there. That you would trust me to act accordingly to a problem if there was danger. Would you honestly say that you would trust me to have your back, to protect you like partners do after seeing my performance tonight?" She asked me I went to answer but she stopped me again.

"Lester don't answer me because I know what you are going to say but I also know that it wouldn't be totally the truth and you have never lied to me in the past I don't want you to start doing it now. You have always kept it real between us not even allowing me to hang out in denial land that is why we are best friends don't change that now by not being a hundred percent truthful with me ." It wouldn't be a lie it would be the fucking truth I would trust her with my life. I would trust her to have my back. Hell her saying what she was saying was proof that she would put us before herself which none of us would ever allow her to do.

Ranger tried to talk "Babe please you need to" he got out before she cut him off. Fuck she interrupted Ranger. Of course if anyone could do that it would be her, he would never reprimand her or be mad at her he couldn't none of us could, we loved her too much.

"Ranger please you have to know what I am saying is true. You are too much of a realist a solider to not know what I am saying is the truth. I add a level of danger to all of your lives. I never got that before I never understood but now I do. By my reactions, my actions, and my inability to act when necessary I put additional unnecessary danger on your lives. I would like to say that I thought the training I received would have made it different but obviously that didn't happen nor can I really say I thought about it like that as I never really understood until tonight."

Fuck how were we going to get thru to her that she actually saved Cal's life and that it was my actions that fucked things up. I could see shock, pain, and a look of disbelief on all of the guys faces. Ranger's however his mask gone I briefly wondered if he knew what his face looked like in front of his men. His face looked haunted. He looked almost broken the thought of losing her was crushing him from the inside out and you could see it.

Ranger was going to kick my ass for saying this admitting this but fuck it I was desperate and a desperate man does desperate things at least that is the excuse I am going to go with. Fuck this has to work she has to listen to me. I am not losing my best friend. The love of my life even though I can't admit that to her my reason for fucking existing some days when my dark past wants to fuck with my head I am not losing that.

"Beautiful you asked me some questions and like it or not I am answering them." She tried to cut me off but I wouldn't let her I just raised my voice over hers. If this turned into a screaming match so be it. Ranger could take me to the mats hell Stephanie could beat my ass right here right now so could all of the other guys but I was going to be heard. I was going to answer those fucking questions. It didn't matter how I had to do it I would fucking handcuff her to me if I had to she wasn't leaving here until she heard me out.

Part of me was fucking pissed anyway that she would leave me her best friend and I was fueling that part of me to pull this off. The other part of me would let her rip my heart out and stomp on it if it made her happy and I am sure that is true for Ranger as well. I know him he would do anything take anything no matter the pain no matter the emptiness he would do anything to make her happy to give her anything she wants even if it is the wrong thing even if it isn't the thing she truly needs to make her happy to allow her to do what she wants. It would kill him but he would let her leave if that is what she truly wanted not that he would give up I don't mean it like that

He just would never do anything to upset her even if it meant that he would suffer the rest of his life. I know this because I know how I would do the same yet his feelings for her were stronger and deeper than mine so there was no question there he didn't even have a mad side to fuel to even fight back with to fight her even for her.

I looked at her and locked eyes with her. "Beautiful I am going to answer your questions and my answers are the truth one hundred percent the fucking truth so help me god. I would bet your life on my answers being the truth." I told her. She knew I would never bet her life for anything in this world so she knew the honesty in what I said. Her life was the greatest thing I had to bet.

"You asked me if I would honestly say I would be willing to trust you to be my partner. The answer is yes, one hundred percent I trust you with my life. I know you will always have my back and I trust that you have the skills, the ability, and that you are one hundred and ten percent capable of doing what is necessary when it is necessary to protect my back whenever it would be necessary no matter the situation. I trust you completely your actions tonight only solidified that trust in you. Even now what you are doing solidifies that trust because while you are saying this and doing this it is for our protection because you think you pose a danger to us when that isn't the case."

I found myself yelling at the end even though she had given up trying to over talk me because I wasn't going to let her win at this. I was going to power thru no matter what she said. No matter what she did these thoughts and these words were going to come out and she was going to see that I meant it and that I wasn't saying anything different than anyone in this room was thinking and feeling.

Before she had a chance to interject I continue. "Further more I would be willing to bet that I am not the only one that believes this nor am I the only one that trusts you to have their back. Whether you fully grasped what Cal told you, your actions tonight saved his life. More than likely he would be dead had you not done what you did. So you may have been scared, you may have felt terror that you never felt before and you may have felt frozen but Beautiful when you needed to act when you needed to protect Cal you had his back. You kicked the gun the gun that Morelli was all already in the process of pulling the fucking trigger when you kicked it. Instead of hitting Cal center mast which all know what that would have done you kicked it away and it grazed him causing him a scratch. So you think you didn't act that you didn't control your emotions that you failed but we all see you as a fucking hero. We all see the woman we knew you would always be the one that would have our backs, no matter what. If you want to walk away from us if you want to leave your best friend, leave Ranger your soul mate who you love more than life, leave your brothers then leave but don't hand us some half baked, half assed fucking excuse that you are doing it to protect us because you bring danger to our lives. That is a fucking excuse because you are failing to see what you do bring to all of us. You aren't a failure and you didn't fail tonight. Not one of us would think it or have a reason to think it. We all love you and we all are proud of you."

The steam left me with my last sentence I didn't have the strength to continue but I had to spit it all out. "Beautiful if anyone should be apologizing and turning away it should be me. I am the one that lost control of his emotions. I am the one that lost control and in so doing I caused you to be further harmed. I took away three of your brothers who could have protected you better to hold me back because I lost control. I let my emotions my hatred, my need for revenge when I saw him hurt you control me instead of keeping my cool and protecting you all I could I lost control. So I am the one that needs to be saying I failed, that I screwed up, that I am sorry."

I had during my rant taken my eyes away from Beautiful because I needed to let my rage out a little and I could never do that looking at her it was difficult enough knowing my words were directed at her. But with the last sentence my eyes locked back on hers and she stood there frozen.

Tears welled up in her eyes. I saw her eyes questioning me wondering if that was truly how I felt how could she question it when it was raw as it got for me. I was running on pure raw emotion and adrenaline she had to know that. I nodded

She turned and looked at Ranger. Ranger's face said it all. He loved her with every fiber of his being. "Babe I love you with all I have. I trust you with all I am with my life I trust you more than I trust myself. I have always trusted you to have my back. I have never been more proud of you when you protected Cal. I have never seen you as a failure. You have never failed, not a single time not once. You have only excelled and impressed the hell out of me and my men. Babe I know you think you failed to act but you did act at exactly the time it was needed the most. I know you felt like you were unable to control your emotions but Babe that takes years not hours of training. But even then you acted when the moment called for it. Whether you realized it or not you knew the danger Cal was in and you acted in time to save his life even if you were terrified for your own you protected and saved his." He told her. He was cupping her face and holding her close to him his eyes never leaving hers and his blank face was gone.

We could all see the vulnerability in him. He too was a desperate man and if we made the mistake of thinking he was weak for it then we would learn a very hard lesson on the mats one that would prove to us he wasn't weak and he wasn't vulnerable not with us not with anyone other than a curly brown hair blue eye beautiful. But I am sure that would be true for all of us.

He continued now that she was silent she hadn't said anything since my rant so none of us really knew where her thoughts were at if she was still considering leaving all of us or if she was actually listening to us. If we were actually making her understand that she had made us proud.

"Babe I said a lot of stupid shit to you and trust me I am sorry for every word of it. Know that when I said my life didn't lend itself to relationships it wasn't for me for my safety or for any possibility of added dangers around my life you would bring. I already have plenty of those. It was for two reasons. One to protect you from the dangers in my life but more than that to protect my heart which I knew could be crushed by you if you didn't return my feelings for you. If you didn't love me as much as I love you. It was to protect me from what is happening right now as I feel that my heart is being crushed within my body to the point that it will never be right it will never survive you walking out of that door. Please Babe stay, stay with me be my wife, be my partner my soul mate the other half of me. Please Babe."

Damn that is the closest thing we will ever see to Ranger begging I can't believe he is saying that to her in front of all of us but I think part of him as forgotten we are even here witnessing the almost intimate level of conversation he is having with her with their eyes locked on each other. Well his confessions to her.

Like I said desperate men do desperate things and this was Ranger being desperate to hold on to the woman that is the love of his life, and mine. Our light our breathe of fresh air, the one that redeemed our worthless blackened souls and made us once again feel human. I watched as the tears started to spill from her eyes and I could only ask myself are they tears of joy or tears of heartbreak as we all waited for her response.

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