Amelia the analyst comes to the final points of her brief.
"To summarize, we've managed to re-encrypt the entire Defense Net, but there is only so many changes to the code we can make, considering Ohm helped design it."
"It will have to be enough," General Sturm says with a bit of annoyance.
"What about his assets?" I ask to President Holmes.
"I've ordered the Central Bank to freeze his accounts, his factory has been seized, and we've placed data taps across the entire Information Net to search if any of his personal access codes are ever used. If he's still alive, he won't have any resources at his disposal."
"He managed to find a way back to the top before," I wouldn't count him out just yet.
"He's a sixty-year old mute stranded in the middle of the ocean with only one arm and half a blood supply if what you've told us is accurate, Colonel Snow," General Sturm says laughing.
"A man like him always thinks three steps ahead, Sir," I respond. "He must have had a way off that island and I don't think we've seen the last of him."
"Is that your professional opinion?"
"It's the feeling I have in my gut, Sir."
"Which I suppose I need to learn to respect more," he gives me a grin, the first I've ever seen from him in my direction that didn't immediately follow some kind of insult. "Just be sure you don't let that go to your head, Snow."
"I wouldn't dream of it, Sir."
"One last thing, Colonel," President Holmes says to me. "With the departure of Mr. Ohm, it seems the UDP is in need of a new Chief of Special Defense. After discussing it with General Sturm, we would like to offer you the position."
"Isn't that a civilian position, Ma'am?"
"Yes, but I assure you that you would remain an important member of the Defense Community, and it would be a substantial increase in pay and benefits. All of us here agree that you have fulfilled your obligation to the military and to the nation. You have nothing left to prove to anyone."
I stare at them in disbelief for a few moments.
"You have nothing left to prove to anyone." The words hit me like a hammer. I've finally done it: I've shown them that they can trust me, but it's not the relief that I've been searching for all these years.
"With all due respect to your incredibly generous offer, Madam President, I'm afraid I will have to decline."
"What?" she says as if I was insane.
"I think I'm not quite done proving myself to everyone…
"Who's left?"
"Me."
"I don't understand, Colonel."
"I'm not interested in wealth or position. I just want to be able to look at myself in the mirror every morning and say that I'm doing everything I can to be the best man I can be, not just for myself, but for my wife…and my child." The image of my great-aunt Medea being strapped to a chair in the gas chamber enters my mind. Ohm's revelation that she was killed at her own brother's hand for the sole reason of increasing his grip on Panem has been burning like an ember in my consciousness for days. "There are still people left in this country who live with the demons of the past. They are afraid that the ideals born in the Revolution will fail; that once a few gain enough money and power, tyrants will send us back to the days when we were slaves to the greed and lust of a few: when dictators made us kill our children for their own sick entertainment. It's for those who are afraid that I want to continue to fight. Right now, I don't think I can do that by discovering new technological terrors, but only by wearing this uniform."
Everyone sitting around me stares back in silence. I hope that what I've just said makes sense to someone else besides me. But soon, the approving looks from their faces let me know that I have been heard.
"Very well, Colonel Snow," President Holmes says. "Panem is honored to have men like you fighting for it."
"Thank you, Madame President."
The meeting begins to break up. President Holmes congratulates me one more time before heading to the door. I gather my notes and prepare to leave until Amelia walks over and leans toward me.
"It's good to have you back, safe and sound, Sir."
"Thank you." She smiles from ear to ear before excusing herself back to her station. I look over to see General Sturm walking towards me as well.
"Watch it, Snow, you're a married man with a child on the way."
"Oh, she's just a friend, Sir." He takes the seat right next to mine. I know whatever he's about to say is something he doesn't want anyone else to hear.
"Did you know that I was on the committee that came up with the "R &R" program?"
"No, Sir."
"There was a great split in the leadership of the rebellion during the first days of the interim government. There was going to be one more Hunger Games, a way to seek final justice against the children of the elite, but after the assassination of President Coin, the idea failed."
"Why?"
"Because of what you just said back there…people were afraid that we would go back to the old ways, just with new tyrants. However, we knew that we couldn't just let you go, and a solution had to be found that wouldn't cost us our souls."
"So I suppose I owe you a great deal of gratitude, Sir?"
"Hardly…"
"Why is that?"
"Because I was the committee's one dissenting vote…I wanted another Games…and for that I am so sorry." He looks into my eyes to see a reaction, hoping that his inadvertent olive branch doesn't backfire. After a few seconds, I finally respond.
"You don't owe me an apology, Sir. I understand."
"Well, that's surprising," he says bemusedly.
"I'm not talking about the idea of us killing each other, Sir. I mean I understand now what it's like to face the death of someone who you love so much. To look their attacker in the eye, and want with every fiber of your being to watch them suffer and die."
"Then why didn't you kill Ohm when you had the chance?"
"Because, Sir, I knew that if I fell to those impulses, I would no longer be the man who was fighting for the right side in the first place. I would just be another petty tyrant out for revenge."
I can see the guilt still lingering in his face. He doesn't know what to say at first and merely looks down at the ground.
"You really are a better man than me, Snow…"
"No, Sir, I'm just a man who loved someone very special…just like you loved Lucia." Hearing me speak her name draws a reaction that I never expected to see from the hardened eyes of General Sturm: tears.
"Tell me, Snow, honestly, do you think she would be happy with who I became?" I stare directly at his face as I answer.
"Yes, Sir, not only because you fought for something that she believed in, not only because you fought for your country for so long, but because you fought for her…" I hold my hand out in friendship. He reaches over and grabs it hard.
Careful to wipe the tears from his eyes before he gets up from the table, he walks away toward the door.
"Colonel Snow," he says abruptly turning back.
"Yes Sir."
"There's something else you need to know…the idea for the Hunger Games with Capitol children was Coin's idea. Before her death, the rebel leaders decided to place the decision in the hands of the seven surviving Victors. Three voted 'no' including Annie Odair." He pauses carefully, as if he's afraid he is about to reveal something that will destroy me. "Four voted 'yes' including your Mockingjay…" I look down to the floor in shock. "I know you loved and admired her, but…"
"Sir, I forgive her. In fact, I forgive all of them…including you."
He nods approvingly as if he sees that his new faith is justified.
"Good," he says quietly. "Now, just work on forgiving yourself."
I leave the Ministry early for the first time in weeks. Finnick is waiting for me at the hospital to help take Lizzy home. There is much work to be done, and I smile as I realize there is only nine months to do it. As the elevator approaches the lobby, I check my uniform out of habit. I make sure that all of the insignia are straight and polished. I make sure that my flag is neat and clean on my shoulder. Then, I look down to my nametag. The word, "Snow" stares back up at me in bright, yellow letters. As the doors open, I walk straight out into the lobby and hold my chest high for everyone to see.