"Say you want to stay, you want me, too

Say you'll never die

You'll always haunt me

I want to know I belong to you"

Say You'll Haunt Me – Stone Sour

And things did go back to normal after that - sort of. Shepard made a point of keeping Joker informed about the crew's movements, asking for his opinions, and treating him like a valued member of the team. But they were cautious around each other; too polite, too conscious of the other's personal space. They were looking over some schematics one night, and when Joker went to point at something, his hand brushed hers. Shepard recoiled from his touch as if burned. They both tried to laugh it off but their laughter was more nervous than humorous. Joker reasoned that things were better this way – neither of them was equipped for the inevitable emotional turmoil of an intimate relationship. But every time they were close, his arms just wanted to reach for her, pull her close and tell her it was all a mistake. He'd been an idiot, and he'd do anything just to hold her, feel her, touch her one more time. So far, he'd been able to fight the urge - barely.

Joker came out of the men's room one afternoon and heard loud music coming from the gym. Curious, he went to investigate. The door slid open as he approached and the full cacophony escaped. He recognized the music Shepard listened to when she wanted to get pumped up - screaming guitars, thumping bass, pounding drums, and angry, defiant lyrics. Exercise equipment had been pushed aside to create a space in the middle of the room. Jacob was there, naked to the waist, clad in shorts, dark skin glistening with sweat. His hands were raised and he wore pads that protected him from hand to elbow. Shepard wore her usual tank top and shorts, which were plastered to her body. They were both barefoot. A few people ran on the treadmills, giving them an excuse to observe the action. Other spectators loitered, having abandoned their own workouts, not caring about being caught gawking. It wasn't every day that they got to watch an N7 spar. Joker joined their ranks, mesmerized.

Shepard danced lightly on the balls of her feet, wielding clenched fists as weapons. She gave a roundhouse kick that Jacob deflected easily.

"Remember, your size is an advantage as well as a disadvantage," Jacob coached. "You may not be as strong, but you're quicker. Watch for your opponent's weaknesses and exploit them." Shepard feinted left and jabbed right, catching his exposed ribs.

"Good," Jacob praised.

As Joker watched, his mind drifted. He thought about Jacob's words. In her armor, with an assault rifle strapped across her back, Shepard always seemed larger than life and virtually indestructible. Here, sparring with a partner who had 6 inches and 75 pounds on her, she looked tiny and vulnerable. How would she look squared off with a krogan? He didn't even want to think about it.

Being in the gym also reminded him of the morning after they'd spent their first night together. Joker had found her here, running on the treadmill, and he remembered admiring her grace and speed. He'd waited so long for her. And now, just a few months later, he'd lost her. How had things gone so wrong?

As Shepard and Jacob danced around the makeshift ring, her position changed so that she was facing Joker. He didn't know if it was because she was focused on her workout, or because she wasn't expecting to see him there, but when she spotted him in the crowd, she grinned reflexively. She smiled at him the way that she used to – an unguarded smile that seemed to say, "You are someone I like, and I'm always happy to see you." It was an expression reserved for very few people – Garrus, and occasionally Thane. And him. Always, him. It was a spontaneous gesture that never failed to lift his spirits and warm his heart, and he hadn't seen it in far too long. Joker returned it automatically, the events of the past weeks falling away, taking him back to a better, happier time.

And then, Jacob kicked her in the abdomen.

Shepard staggered backwards, but maintained her footing. "Focus!" her sparring partner barked at her. "Distractions," Jacob paused meaningfully after this word, staring in Joker's direction, "will get you killed."

Shepard shook off the blow and narrowed her eyes, refocusing on the task at hand. Disheartened, Joker retreated from the room, vowing to do the same.

Shepard's team retrieved the IFF without too much difficulty. Unfortunately, they brought back something else, as well.

"Geth? Really, Commander? Geth on our ship?"

Shepard shrugged. "How long until the IFF is ready, EDI?"

"Unknown, Commander."

Shepard was staring out the window, distracted.

"Everything okay?" Joker asked.

"Hmm?" Shepard struggled to focus on him. "No, not really. The Cereberus crew…husks." She shuddered. "Awful."

Joker was about to say something reassuring (although he didn't know what) when Shepard said, "Anyway. Let me know when the IFF is installed, EDI."

"Yes, Commander."

Without another word, she was gone.

Testing of the IFF did not go well, to say the least. Shepard's team had departed on the shuttle for a mission. Joker and EDI were running the program when the AI suddenly announced that the IFF was broadcasting the Normandy's location.

"Broadcasting? To who?"

That question was answered seconds later as an enormous ship appeared right next to them. The Collectors invaded the Normandy, and there was nobody there to defend her except the remaining crew, a gimpy pilot and an out-of-control AI. Joker limped through the ship, trying to follow EDI's orders while not getting himself killed, swearing to himself the whole time. He remembered making it through the shafts to the engine room, and then, nothing. But from out of the darkness, he heard Shepard calling him. He tried to follow her voice.

"Jeff! Jeff, can you hear me?"

Joker opened his eyes to see Shepard leaning over him, her eyes full of worry. He was flat on his back and he hurt everywhere.

Shepard touched his face. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. No. What the hell?" And then he remembered…the Collector attack, the crew taken. "Oh, shit."

Joker struggled to sit up, which sent stabbing pains up his side. Definitely some broken ribs this time. Shepard helped him upright, one hand at his back for support. That's when Miranda started in.

"Everyone? You lost everyone? And you damned near lost the ship, too?"

"I know, all right? I was here," Joker snapped back.

"It's not his fault, Miranda. None of us caught it." Surprisingly, that was Jacob coming to his defense.

"And don't even get me started about unshackling the damned AI," Miranda continued, undaunted.

"Back off, Miranda!" Shepard had finally had enough. "Everyone out. We have work to do. We're going to take the fight to the Collectors and get our crew back."

The rest of the team filed out silently. Shepard was still kneeling next to Joker, holding him up. She reached for his cap, which had flown off when he'd hit the deck, and placed it on his head. Her fingertips brushed his forehead, and that simple, familiar gesture seemed to undo her. Joker saw the tears well in her eyes.

"Hey," Joker said, alarmed. He reached for her hand with his good one and intertwined their fingers. "It's okay."

Shepard rocked back on her heels and glanced away, swiping at her nose with her free hand. "Fuck." She struggled for control. "You scared the hell out of me. EDI sent a message that the entire crew had been taken, and my heart just about stopped."

"You can't get rid of me that easily."

"Then she told me you were still onboard, but I couldn't find you. She finally thought to volunteer that you were down here in engineering. When I came through the door and you were just lying there, not moving…" A tear rolled down her cheek and fell onto their joined hands. "Fuck." Shepard took another shaky breath. "I don't want you to die."

"I don't want you to die, either, Shep." Joker rubbed her knuckles with his thumb. "Once was enough." He said the only thing he could think of when confronted with a crying woman – a crying Shepard, no less. "I'm sorry."

Shepard gave a half laugh, half sob. "For what?"

"For scaring you. For losing the crew." Joker hesitated. "For fucking everything up."

His tone made it clear that he wasn't just talking about this most recent incident. Shepard sighed, regaining some composure, and regarded him warily.

"I'll admit that I was surprised when you said you wanted to end things. We've known each other for so long; fought so many times. I never thought you'd walk away so easily. I always thought we could work things out. I thought I...we meant more than that to you." The hurt in her voice was unmistakable, and it pierced his heart.

"You do! Shepard, you have to know…you mean everything to me. When you were," Joker couldn't bring himself to say dead, "gone, I was a wreck. I couldn't function. These past few months...being with you...it's been incredible." The pilot bowed his head in embarrassment. "When things got so crazy and we weren't spending time together anymore, I panicked. I knew it didn't have anything to do with us, but I got lonely and frustrated…and then, that day by the mess hall, I just kind of lost it."

"But why? I never understood…"

Joker blew out a breath. "It was stupid. I hadn't seen you or talked to you in what seemed like forever, and then I saw you with Garrus and those guys, and I guess I got jealous. You were talking about something, and you didn't want to tell me what it was, and I was already feeling excluded, so…"

"Wait, that's why you were so upset? Because I wouldn't tell you what we were talking about?"

"In part, yeah, I guess."

Shepard started laughing. Just chuckling at first, but soon she was giggling uncontrollably, seemingly close to full-blown hysteria. Joker frowned, confused by her reaction.

"What's so funny?"

"You total idiot!" Shepard said, punching him in the chest. His ribs protested vociferously.

"Ow! What the…what was that for?"

"Do you want to know the big secret?" Her tone was mocking, and it turned him a bit sullen. Joker had a sneaking suspicion he was about to look like an even bigger jerk.

"I guess."

"I was planning a surprise birthday party for you. The big 3-0, right? I wanted to do something special because…well, you know." Because it could be your last, were the words that went unspoken between them. "I was trying to convince the crew that it would be fun, seeing as how they all think you're a total pain in the ass. Not that they're wrong."

"Oh." Joker was dumbfounded by this confession. He couldn't remember ever mentioning his birthday to Shepard. Of course, she could have easily found it out, but he'd never even suspected.

Shepard cocked her head to the side. "But why didn't you come talk to me after that? I waited up that night, thinking you would at least come by..."

"I tried! You locked me out!"

"What are you talking about? I never locked you out!"

"Yes, you did! I came to your room that night looking for you, and I couldn't get in."

They looked at each other, puzzled, trying to solve the mystery. Then Joker remembered - no message when he'd tried the door, just blankness.

"Oh, shit! Shit!"

"What?"

"That was the night the security systems were breached. When I tried to get in, nothing happened. I thought you had locked me out, but the system was offline."

"So, all of this was just a big misunderstanding?"

"I guess so," Joker responded, glumly. "But, at least we worked it out now, right?" he added, hopefully.

"Jeff," Shepard replied, cautiously.

"Shepard, I'm sorry. I really am. I was going to tell you that weeks ago, but things just kept happening, and…"

"Jeff," Shepard repeated, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. "I believe you. Truly. But right now, we need to focus on getting the crew back. This isn't the time or place for this conversation."

At his crestfallen look, Shepard added, "I'm not saying no. But we need to talk some more. Work some stuff out. Okay?"

Joker nodded, unhappily. "Okay."

Shepard leaned in and kissed him on the lips - no tongue, but not a peck, either. It bolstered his spirits a bit.

"So, how badly are you hurt?" Shepard asked as she pulled away.

"I'm pretty sure some ribs are cracked; maybe my wrist, as well." Joker held up the hand that was still bandaged from his adventure at the night club. "Nothing life-threatening."

"We can get you a splint for the wrist in the med bay. I don't know what to do about the ribs. Can you stand?"

"Yeah." Shepard helped him climb to his feet. It hurt, but only when he breathed. Or moved.

"Can you fly?" The steely look Joker knew so well was returning to her eyes. Shepard was compartmentalizing her personal stuff and gearing up to kick some major ass.

"Whenever you're ready, Commander." Joker was starting to feel like kicking some ass, himself.

"Good. 'Cause we have a crew to rescue."

Not surprisingly, the journey through the Omega 4 relay didn't go exactly as planned. They emerged from the relay at FTL speeds into a minefield of debris. Despite decelerating as quickly as possible, it took some nifty flying on Joker's part to keep the Normandy from becoming one more hunk of space junk. Even so, the ship suffered significant damage on its way to crash landing on the Collector base. Shepard's team gathered in the comm room to plan their assault.

Joker opened the comm channel, not wanting to be left out. The ship felt empty and ominous with the rest of the crew gone. He could hear them poring over the maps and schematics that EDI had provided and making plans. Then Shepard gave a pep talk – which in this case was more of a call to arms.

"Once we're in, they're going to throw everything they have at us. If we're weak, if we're slow, if we hesitate, we'll die. The Collectors attacked our ship. They took our crew; our friends. They think we're helpless. They're wrong! They started a war, but we're not here to finish it. We're here to make them regret – to show them and everyone else what happens when you go too far. No more running, and no more waiting. Let's hit them where they live."

There was silence over the comm, but Joker could imagine the electric atmosphere in that room. He was all the way in the cockpit, and the hair on his arms and neck was standing on end. Shepard's voice rang with strength and conviction, and he couldn't help but think that the Collectors had made a tragic mistake. They'd made this personal. And getting on Commander Shepard's bad side could be very detrimental to one's well-being.

Shepard made one more stop by the cockpit before departing the ship. As she was about to leave, Joker grabbed her wrist.

"Hey…be careful, okay?"

"I'll do my best. Make sure the old girl's ready to fly when we get back, all right?" Shepard replied with a cocky wink.

Joker didn't know all the details of what happened next, although he was able to monitor their progress via the radio chatter. They found and rescued the kidnapped crew members before they could be turned into Reaper goo. With Mordin as their escort, they made it back to the Normandy safely. At the core of the Collector base, Shepard and her team found out what their enemy had been doing with their human victims. They were processing them and turning them into an enormous human Reaper. Once they took it down, Shepard contacted him on the comm.

"Joker, get ready for a quick departure. I'm about to blow this place sky high."

"Aye, aye, Commander."

Just then, a different comm channel lit up - the direct line to and from the Illusive Man. Joker knew this couldn't be good news, but he couldn't just ignore the boss.

"Commander, I've got an incoming signal from the Illusive Man. EDI's patching it through."

Joker eavesdropped with chagrin to the Illusive Man's proposal that they destroy the Collectors but preserve their technology to study and use. Shepard was hearing none of it. TIM grew more and more agitated, finally calling on Miranda to intervene on Cerberus' behalf. To Joker's astonishment, the formerly loyal agent sided with Shepard. They set the charge to destroy the base and began a hasty evacuation.

The subsequent events weren't entirely clear to Joker from where he was sitting. From what Shepard told him later, the human Reaper wasn't quite as dead as they'd thought. When they finally managed to defeat it for good, the resulting explosion rocked the platforms they'd been standing on. In real time, what Joker heard was a lot of noise, followed by dead air. He couldn't raise Shepard on the comm. It was just like after the battle at the Citadel, and it wasn't doing good things for his stress level. He kept working the radio.

"Do you copy? Commander? Come on, Shepard. Don't leave me hanging."

Finally he heard, "I'm here, Joker," and his heart started beating again. "Did the ground team make it?"

"Everyone's here but you. Bring it home, Shepard."

The next thing Joker knew, gunshots and explosions were blasting through his earpiece. "We're on our way," Shepard announced, breathing hard. They were clearly on the run, once more.

"EDI, take control," Joker ordered. "I've had about enough of these guys."

The pilot struggled out of his chair and made his way to the airlock, grabbing an assault rifle from the locker as he went. Joker knew the kickback was going to be hell on his battered ribs, but he didn't care. The Collectors had attacked his ship, stolen the crew and done their best to kill the woman he loved - multiple times. Enough was enough.

Joker threw open the hatch and pushed Jacob aside. "Distraction, my ass," he muttered under his breath as he opened fire. The team was coming at them on the run – Miranda in front, Jack in the middle and Shepard bringing up the rear. The first two made it across safely and jumped inside. However, just as Shepard started across, a piece of debris fell and took out the platform between her and the ship. She stowed her weapon and dug in, relying on the cover fire Joker and Jacob were providing. She reached the end of the last platform and leaped for all she was worth.

Joker flashed back to the day the Normandy had exploded - Shepard falling right in front of him, and him being helpless to do anything to help her. Not this time. Joker dropped the rifle and stretched his hand out as far as he could. Their eyes met in the instant before her hand hit the hull and he grabbed her wrist. The pull of her weight on his arm was excruciating, but Joker refused to let go. Shepard got a grip with her other hand and then Garrus was there, hauling her inside.

Joker fell back, panting but elated, as Shepard flopped onto her back on the floor. "Go," she gasped, "we need to go now!"

"Detonation in ten…nine…eight…" EDI informed them as Joker limped as quickly as he could back to the cockpit.

"Yeah, I got it EDI, thanks. Everybody hold on," Joker informed them as he retook his seat and prepared to get them as far away from the impending blast as possible.

The Normandy made it through the relay just in time. Joker turned control of the ship over to EDI, unsure of their next destination, but happy to drift aimlessly for now. He traipsed back over the bridge and was surprised to see Shepard still sprawled on the floor, the others gathered around her.

"Shepard, what…?" And then he saw the blood pooling under her. Joker fell to his knees by her side, the reverberation assaulting his already abused body. "You're hurt!"

"Just a nick." Shepard tried to smile but it ended up being more of a grimace.

"I'll get the doc."

"No." Shepard grabbed his arm. "I can walk. Help me up."

They set Shepard on her feet, but her knees refused to support her. In the end, Garrus scooped her up and carried her down to the med bay to be checked out by Dr. Chakwas.

"The bullet went straight through," the doc assured them once she'd examined the wound. "Lots of blood, but little damage. Should heal fully, but it'll leave a scar."

"One more for the collection."

"I sent you that information on the laser upgrade for the med bay…"

"No," Shepard interrupted. "I have better things to spend my credits on."

Chakwas shrugged and let it go while she finished bandaging Shepard's injury. She was feeling a little emotional about her near death experience and was clearly in no mood to argue with her rescuer.

"You came for us," Chakwas said gratefully, fighting back tears as she began tending to Joker's ribs. "I knew you would. You're true friends."

Once they were both patched up, Shepard hobbled to the comm room where she had one last hostile chat with the Illusive Man. Harsh words were spoken, threats exchanged, and Shepard ultimately hung up on the prick. Joker sighed in resignation. He guessed this meant that Cerberus would be repossessing their ship. Although, considering the shape it was in now, he didn't think they'd get much trade-in value on it anymore. He was once again a pilot without a vessel, although this time he still had the commander. A far preferable alternative, to his mind.

Afterwards, they both retreated to Shepard's quarters. She was propped up on the sofa because she'd refused to go to bed. "Too much work to be done," she'd protested. Joker was reviewing the status reports as they came in to her private terminal. The adrenaline was wearing off and they were both a little loopy on pain meds.

"Doesn't look good," Joker informed her. "Most systems are at 60% or less."

"Do you think you can get us to Illium?"

"Probably."

"Good." Shepard let her head fall back on the pillow and closed her eyes. "I have an idea."