"Always stupidly sarcastic, my hyper-spastic superhero girl"

Superhero Girl - Eve 6

Joker awoke the next day with a pounding in his skull. He cracked one eyelid open and quickly slammed it shut again as the light streaming through the window threatened to pierce his addled brain. He pulled a pillow over his face and experimented with opening his eyes gradually, letting them adjust to the brightness. Once he'd managed a bleary squint, he took in his surroundings. He was sprawled on top of the bed, naked save for one sock. And he had a desperate need to pee. He staggered upright and made his way to the bathroom. Once he'd relieved himself, he splashed water on his face and rinsed his mouth. He found a bottle of pain reliever, took two, and then took two more, for good measure. Feeling almost human, he returned to the bedroom.

Shepard was flopped across the bed, facedown and naked, with one arm dangling to the floor. As Joker approached, he could hear her snoring softly. He sat next to her, nudging her gently.

"Hey," Joker tried. No response. He shook her a little harder. "Hey, wake up."

"Go 'way," Shepard muttered, swatting at him.

"It's afternoon already."

"So?"

"Isn't there stuff you want to do?"

"Yeah. Sleep."

"I was wondering…how much longer were you planning on staying here?"

"In this bed?"

"On Illium."

Shepard sighed and rolled onto her side, facing him, head propped on her elbow. Her curls from the night before frizzed wildly around her head. "I don't know. Why, are you bored with all the R&R already?"

"No. I was just thinking that maybe we could go to Arcturus for a little while."

"Arcturus? Isn't that where your family is?"

"Yeah. I think they'd like to meet you."

"Why?"

"Because we're going to get married."

"What? You were serious about that?"

"Shepard."

"I thought it was just a bad dream. Or a drunken hallucination."

"Shepard!"

"Fine. Whatever. We can go to Arcturus. Can I go back to sleep now?" Shepard let her head flop back onto the mattress.

"Thanks." Joker leaned in and stroked her back suggestively, "So, are you up for a little morning roll in the hay?"

"Are you for real?" Shepard demanded, pushing him away. "First, you wake me up to tell me you want to go spend time with your family, and now you want to have sex? I don't think so."

"Oh, look. It's like we're married already," he joked, and didn't duck quite fast enough to avoid the pillow that caught him upside the head.

Joker contacted his mother later that day. She was ecstatic to hear that he was coming to visit.

"It's about time. You're always so busy, off saving the universe. No time to call your mother, never mind come for a visit."

"Well, I'm coming now. And I'm bringing someone with me."

That silenced her for a moment, but she rebounded quickly. "Who?"

"Shepard."

"The dead commander?"

"Formerly dead, yes."

Another pause. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"We'll talk about it when we get there, Mom." Joker really didn't want to explain over the comm. They'd be there forever.

They chatted for a while longer, until he told her he had to go.

"Okay. We'll see you in a couple of days, then. We love you, Jeffrey."

"Love you, too, Mom." Joker broke the connection with a sigh. He loved his family, and he loved Shepard, but the two together...suffice it to say, he was already beginning to regret his decision.

Three days later, Joker and Shepard were preparing to depart Illium. The crew had been informed about their engagement – rather, Kasumi had been informed, and she'd taken care of the rest. Some of them were planning to stay on Illium a while longer, while others were moving on. Either way, it felt strangely like goodbye as they gathered at the spaceport.

Dr. Chakwas approached Joker before he reached the group. He realized that she was like a second mother to him now, with slightly less nagging.

"I won't ever forget what you and Shepard did for me and the others," the doc said, holding Joker at arm's length. "Take care of each other."

"We will."

"You know where to find me when you need me."

"You're going to work in the clinic on the Citadel for now?"

Chakwas nodded. "I'm like you – I'd rather be out there." She gestured towards the vastness of space outside the windows. "But I have a feeling that circumstances will call us back soon enough." Her eyes were haunted by the firsthand knowledge of the threat the Reapers posed.

"Yeah." Joker gave her a hug and she accepted it, gratefully.

"Enjoy your time together. You deserve it." Chakwas gave him another pat on the arm and then moved away. Joker continued on toward the rest of the gathering.

Shepard was shaking hands with Ken and Gabby. "Whenever you need us, we're ready, Commander," Donnelly told her in his brogue. Daniels nodded in agreement.

"Captain Anderson has volunteered to let us communicate through his office. Keep him updated on your whereabouts. I'll do the same," Shepard instructed.

They both nodded crisply and departed. Joker watched them go. When they were about 20 feet away, he saw Gabby slip her hand into Ken's. Damn Shepard. Did she always have to be right about everything?

Joker found a seat and slid into it, content to observe the disbanding ritual. Kelly was shifting her weight from foot to foot in that nervous but eager way of hers. Shepard gave the yeoman a hug. "Thanks for everything, Kelly. You can use the apartment for as long as you want – or until they throw you out."

"It's been an honor, Commander. I'll be here if you need me."

Jacob and Miranda were the next to depart. Shepard and Jacob did their complicated handshake/chest bump routine and grinned at each other. "It's been a pleasure, Commander." Miranda was more reserved, extending a hand, but Shepard ignored it and instead gave her a quick hug.

"I won't forget what you did, standing with me against the Illusive Man, Miranda."

The other woman shrugged, embarrassed. "I was wrong about him. Wrong about you, too."

"And I was wrong about you, so I guess we're even," Shepard replied, and they shared a rueful smile.

"We'll be in touch, Commander," Jacob said and snapped a salute. He and Miranda ambled off together.

The others followed in quick succession. Mordin was planning to return to Omega to check on his former clinic, Tali was leaving to rejoin the migrant fleet, and Samara was contemplating pursuing some Justicar business. They took their leave amongst hugs, handshakes and promises to keep in touch. That left Kasumi, Thane, Jack and Garrus.

Kasumi and Shepard embraced. "Thanks for all your help with the girlie stuff, Kaz. I couldn't have done it without you."

"That's what friends are for, Shepard. Good luck with the future in-laws."

Shepard frowned. "Why does everybody keep saying that?"

Kasumi giggled. "You'll see. Keep in touch – I want to know how it goes. Details!" she demanded before vanishing from sight.

Thane stepped forward, and Shepard and the drell hugged tightly. When they finally drew apart, Thane said in his soft, raspy voice, "I will not forget what you've done for me, siha."

Shepard maintained her grip on the assassin's hands. "Take care of yourself. Spend some time with your boy. I'll find you if I need you."

"What time I have left is yours to take."

Shepard kissed him on the cheek, and with a nod to Joker, Thane took his leave.

Jack pushed off the wall she'd been leaning against and said, "Well, I guess I'll be going, too."

"Wait. I want to talk to you."

"C'mon, Shepard, no mushy stuff. You know I hate that shit."

"Just hang on a second." Shepard led Jack a short distance away as Garrus settled into the chair across from Joker's. Joker glanced over to where Jack stood, scowling, as Shepard spoke. She looked insolent, as usual – arms crossed and hip cocked, impatiently. Shepard ignored the body language, speaking calmly but emphatically to the younger woman. Jack met her gaze, briefly, and then ducked her head. Her arms fell to her sides. Shepard appeared to ask her something, and Jack nodded once. Shepard embraced the biotic, and she allowed it for just a moment before pushing her away, forcefully. Shepard laughed and said something else, and Jack shook her head, scowl back in place.

"Make sure I know how to reach you," Shepard called after Jack as she stomped away. Her only response was a middle finger raised in the air without turning around. But Shepard was grinning as she returned to Garrus and Joker.

"You were right about her. She is quite charming," Joker told her. Shepard gave him the same response she'd just gotten from Jack and he laughed.

"What did you say to her?"

"None of your business." Shepard turned her attention to Garrus as he unfolded himself from the chair and stood.

"My friend," Shepard said as she stood on tip toes to wrap her arms around him. Garrus was facing Joker as he hugged Shepard, and he could see that the turian's eyes were squeezed shut as he held her close. Joker glanced away, feeling like a voyeur intruding on an intimate moment. When they released each other, they rested their foreheads together, briefly.

"I couldn't do any of this without you," Shepard told him, voice husky.

"Sure you could. But you couldn't do it with nearly as much style," Garrus teased.

Shepard stepped back, laughing. "No doubt about that."

"I'm always here when you need me, Shepard."

"I know. The same goes for me."

"I know."

"Try to stay out of trouble this time, okay? I don't want to have to come back just to pull your ass out of another ambush."

Garrus chuckled. "I'll do my best."

Garrus stepped around Shepard and extended his talons to Joker. Surprised, the pilot grasped them.

"Lieutenant," Garrus said with a nod.

"Garrus."

With one more glance at Shepard, the turian departed.

"What was that about?" Joker asked Shepard.

"What?"

"All of a sudden, I get respect from the alpha male of our little pack?"

"Of course. You're sleeping with the alpha female, who is also the pack leader," Shepard informed him as she settled gently onto his lap.

"Ah. So, I get my status vicariously?"

"Exactly."

"How emasculating."

Shepard laughed and kissed him. "I find you to be plenty masculine," she declared, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. "And look! We're finally alone."

"Alone?" Joker glanced around the terminal. There was heavy pedestrian traffic, and they were garnering more than their fair share of glances from people who recognized Shepard.

"No crew." Shepard kissed his neck. "No ship." She nibbled his ear. "Are you sure you want to go to Arcturus and not to some remote outpost somewhere where no one can find us?"

"No. I mean, yes. I mean, your idea sounds like a lot more fun, but I already promised my mother."

Shepard sighed and pouted. "If you say so."

It figured - of all moments, Shepard had to choose now to start listening to him. Life just wasn't fair.

An hour into the flight, Joker was fidgety. A typical pilot, he couldn't stand flying when he wasn't in the cockpit. In addition, his anxiety was swelling in direct correlation to their proximity to Arcturus and the upcoming family reunion. Shepard was reading a novel on her datapad, seemingly without a care in the world. She had no experience with family, and therefore, none of the normal dread associated with spending time with them. He shifted in his seat again, jostling her, and she looked up from her story, annoyed.

"Maybe I'll go get a drink," Joker offered.

"That might be best," Shepard agreed.

Joker climbed over her and followed the signs to the lounge. It was fairly busy, with many people preferring to pass their time here with a drink and some vids rather than in a cramped seat. He found a stool at the bar and scanned the room. The crowd looked odd to him, and it took him a moment to recognize why. Arcturus was a human colony, and the majority of the passengers travelling there were human. It amused him to realize that he was now so used to spending time with aliens that predominately human gatherings seemed strange.

The bartender put a napkin down on the bar and said, "What can I get you?"

"Beer."

"Anything in particular?"

"Surprise me."

The bartender nodded and turned away, grabbing a bottle from the cooler. He set it down and asked, "You want to run a tab?"

"Sure." Joker fished in his wallet and pulled out his credit chit.

The bartender glanced at it quickly, and then did a double take. He really looked at Joker for the first time.

"Jeff Moreau? Damn, it is you, isn't it?"

"Um…"

"It's Billy, man. Billy Bradshaw. We were in flight school together!"

Joker had no recollection at all of a Billy Bradshaw from flight school. "Oh, sure. Hey, man. How's it going?"

"Good, man, good! I wasn't sure if you'd remember me. I didn't last too long at that gig." Billy smiled ruefully. "The military wasn't my thing. Did you make it through?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I did."

"Good for you! So, you're a pilot now?"

"Yep."

"Still in the Alliance?"

"No, not anymore."

Another patron signaled for Billy from the other end of the bar, and he held up a finger to Joker indicating that he'd be right back. While he was gone, Joker took a swig of his beer and wracked his brain for any memory of this guy. None was forthcoming.

His new best friend returned momentarily. "So, you're not military, huh? You fly commercial? Or corporate?"

"Uh, well…no, not exactly." Joker hesitated, wanting to brag but knowing that he probably shouldn't. Ultimately, he couldn't resist. "Have you ever heard of Commander Shepard?"

Billy's eyes went wide. "Are you kidding? Hero of the Citadel? First human Spectre? Yeah, man, of course I've heard of her!"

"Well, I fly for her."

"But…I thought she was dead."

"Well, yeah. But that was kinda temporary."

Billy didn't seem to know what to make of that. "Whoa. That's heavy, dude."

"Yeah."

There were other patrons trying to get Billy's attention now, but he was oblivious to their solicitations. "So, why are you headed to Arcturus?"

"Family."

"Right, right." Billy nodded.

"Barkeep!" a portly, red-cheeked man called impatiently, and Billy scurried away once more.

Joker relaxed, drinking his beer and scanning the screens in the lounge. Most of them seemed to be sports, although he wasn't familiar with the teams. His gaze drifted around the room, aimlessly, until a pair of sparkling blue eyes captured his gaze. Their owner, a pretty young girl in her twenties, smiled at him, and he reflexively smiled back before guiltily casting his gaze down and away. Joker wasn't sure what the rules were about unintentionally flirting when you were engaged, but since it had been less than a week, he wasn't taking any chances. He was resolutely studying the label on his beer moments later when Shepard appeared beside him, startling him.

"Sorry," Shepard said, amused. "Didn't mean to scare you."

"I didn't see you come in."

"Obviously." Shepard stood close, between his legs as he straddled the stool. "Once you mentioned getting a drink, I got thirsty. The power of suggestion." She picked up his beer and took a deep swallow.

Billy chose that moment to return, and his eyes just about bugged out of his head when he saw Shepard standing there. Oblivious, she said, "Can we get two more, please?" Mutely, Billy nodded, but made no move to do as she asked.

Shepard gave the barkeep a puzzled look, and then turned to Joker. "I'm going to use the bathroom. I'll be right back." She gave him a quick kiss and strode away. Billy watched, dumbstruck.

Finally, he said, "That's her. Shepard."

"Yeah."

"She's your girlfriend?"

"My fiancée." Joker was pure nonchalance.

"Whoa. Dude, you are the man!"

"Thanks. You might want to get those beers now. She can be kind of impatient."

"Yeah, dude! Of course!" Billy turned away, and then turned back. "Do you think I could get her autograph or something?"

"Sure. I'll ask her when she comes back."

"Thanks, man!" Billy gave him a grateful smile and went to fetch their drinks. He was hailed by another customer before he was able to return.

"Will you sign an autograph for the bartender?" Joker asked Shepard when she reappeared.

"That depends. Is he going to bring me a beer?"

"Probably. Eventually." Joker wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close. "You're pretty awesome, you know that?" Over Shepard's shoulder, Joker saw the flirty girl watching them. Realizing she'd been caught, she quickly turned her attention back to her friends.

"Oh, yeah?" Shepard studied him skeptically, oblivious to the silent exchange. "Does that mean I can have the rest of your beer?"