"Well, you got your reasons

And you got your lies

And you got your manipulations

They cut me down to size"

If You Could Only See - Tonic

When they arrived at the hotel ballroom, the staff was still setting up. Louise bustled off to oversee the project. Jules and Brian appeared a short while later with the kids. Tyler was dressed in a suit with no tie, and the baby was in his pajamas.

"This way, when he konks out, one of us can just bring him upstairs," Jules explained. She gave Marc a kiss on the cheek. "Hi, Dad."

"Hello, sweetheart. Hey there, grandson," he said, chucking Logan under the chin. The baby grinned and drooled.

"Grandma, grandma!" Tyler cried, rushing off to tackle Louise.

"Hey, man, it's good to see you," Brian said, extending his hand to Joker. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks. Good to see you, too." Joker introduced his brother-in-law to Shepard.

Tyler came running back over. "Auntie Sam! Look!" He proudly displayed the replica Normandy she had given to him earlier.

"I'm glad to see you're taking such good care of that, Tyler," Shepard said, placing a hand gently on top of his head. "Do you think you might want to be a pilot like your Uncle Jeff someday?"

Tyler glanced at Joker, then back to Shepard. "Or a 'mander, like you!"

Shepard laughed and turned to Joker. "Sorry. I tried."

"I appreciate it, but it ain't gonna happen. The kid's way too smart to want to be a lowly lieutenant."

Louise approached the group. "Hello, darling," she said to Julia as she plucked the baby from her arms. "Brian."

"Hi, Mom," Julia replied, but her greeting was lost as Louise's focus was already entirely on her grandson. Jules caught Joker's eye and shook her head, rolling her eyes.

The adults stood chatting for a while until the first guests started to arrive and they were forced to remove themselves from the entryway where they were blocking traffic. The two younger couples meandered toward the bar while Louise and Marc greeted their family and friends, and showed off their grandchildren.

"I don't even know half of these people," Joker griped to Julia as they stood waiting for their drinks.

"I think a lot of them are people Mom and Dad know from work. We've probably met them once or twice over the years, but it's been a while. Over there, that's Uncle Dave and Aunt Gloria. You remember them, right? They lived down the street when we lived at the old house."

"Uh…no, not really."

"They're not really our aunt and uncle. Gloria is Mom's aunt's daughter."

"Oh, well, that clears it up."

Jules elbowed him. "Hey, I'm just trying to help here."

They retrieved their drinks and the four of them moved to the side to allow others to get through to the bar. Shepard and Brian were getting to know each other while Julia and Joker scanned the room looking for other people they knew, or at least recognized. Joker's gaze passed over the entrance and he choked on his beer. Julia spotted the person a moment later and her jaw dropped.

"What the hell is she doing here?" Jules hissed to Joker.

"How the hell should I know?" Joker spit back. They looked at each other.

"Mom," they said in unison. Meanwhile, the unexpected guest had spotted them, and she approached uncertainly.

"Hi, Jeff," she said, shyly. "Happy birthday."

"Shari," Joker said. "It's nice to see you. I didn't know you were going to be here."

"Your mom invited me. I hope that's okay?" Shari asked, looking worried.

"Yeah, of course. I was just surprised. You remember my sister, Julia?"

"Sure. Hi."

"Hello." The two women eyed each other coolly.

By now, Shepard and Brian had stopped their conversation and were observing the newcomer curiously.

"This is Julia's husband, Brian," Joker said, as Brian extended his hand. "And this is my fiancée, Sam. Guys, this is Shari."

Shepard extended her hand, but Shari had already turned away to look at Joker, her expression shocked.

"Your fiancée?"

"Yes?" Joker replied. He wasn't sure why it came out like a question.

"Your mom didn't mention that you were engaged." Shari said this accusingly, as if that were Joker's fault.

"Oh, well…she didn't know until just recently." Joker didn't know why he was covering for his mother. She had certainly known when she'd "run into" Shari at the store, if that was what had really happened. But somehow, it didn't seem like the time or place to admit in front of everyone that she had most likely engineered this uncomfortable reunion.

Shari returned her gaze to Shepard and began blatantly sizing her up. Shepard's posture changed as she registered the challenge. She adopted her commander pose – crossed arms and cocked hip. The standoff continued for several long moments. Then Shari dropped the bomb.

"We were engaged once, too, you know. I hope you have more luck getting him to the altar than I did."

Joker sucked in air, but to Shepard's credit, her expression didn't change. For all the rest of them knew, this could have been old news to her. Only Joker knew that it wasn't. Her eyes flicked back and forth between Joker and Shari a few times, and then she calmly turned to Jules and said, "Why don't we go get another drink? I think Shari and Jeff have some catching up to do."

Joker had to admire her style. It was as cool a dismissal of his ex's importance as he had ever seen. At the same time, she was abandoning him to deal with the repercussions of his past on his own.

Jules nodded and the two of them turned to go. With one last pitying glance in Joker's direction, Brian followed.

"Was that really necessary?" Joker asked angrily once they were gone.

"I just assumed that she already knew. She's your fiancée. Don't you tell each other everything?" Shari asked with mock innocence.

"Cut the crap. You were banking on the fact that she didn't know any more about you than you did about her. And the reason I never told her about us is because it wasn't important."

Joker had meant that to wound her, and yet, he felt a sharp pang of guilt when he saw the hurt in her eyes. He took a calming breath. "Look, Shari, I didn't mean that. It was important at the time. You were important. But it was a long time ago, and it doesn't matter anymore."

"It matters to me," Shari said, softly.

"But why? I don't understand. You were the one that said you wanted to end it."

"What are you talking about?"

"You said, and I quote, 'If you get on that ship and leave, don't bother coming back.'" Joker surprised himself by remembering the words verbatim. Maybe he was hanging on to more of the past than he'd thought.

"Only because I didn't think you'd really go! We were engaged! I wasn't expecting you to just take off for good."

"Shari, come on. I was young. We both were. I wanted to go places; see things. Even if we'd gotten married, it never would have worked out. You have to realize that by now."

For the first time since Joker had introduced her to Shepard, Shari's expression softened. "Yeah, I guess. But I was still really hurt when you left. Despite what your mother and sister thought of me, I honestly did love you."

Joker reached out and gave her hand a squeeze. "I loved you, too. You were my first girlfriend. My first…everything," he said, and they both laughed self-consciously. "And I'm sorry if I hurt you. I never meant to do that. I just needed to go out into the world and see what I could do, you know?"

"Quite a bit, I'd say. You're so different now. Confident." Shari looked wistful. "And your fiancée is…" She searched for words and failed to find the right ones.

"Intimidating?" Joker suggested.

Shari smiled. "Yes, I suppose. Although I was going to say something more like self-possessed." She looked over to where Shepard was standing with Julia and Brian, her back to them as if she couldn't care less what they were doing or saying. "If my fiancé's ex showed up, I'd rip her eyes out."

"She knows she has nothing to worry about. I'm the one prone to acting like a jealous, obnoxious fool." Joker hadn't ever really thought about it until the words came out of his mouth, but he realized immediately that it was true and wondered why. He trusted Shepard as much as she trusted him. So why the insecurity?

He didn't have time to dwell on it, though, because Shari turned back to him and said, "Well, she's a lucky woman. And I hope you'll be happy together." She managed a wan smile.

"Thanks. And it is good to see you again. I'm glad that you came."

"Me too." She gave him a quick hug and then said, "I'm going to grab a drink. I'll catch up with you later."

As she walked away, Joker took another quick look around the room. There were about 50 people in attendance now, and the wait staff was circulating with trays of appetizers. There was a line at the bar. Music played quietly in the background, barely audible over the hum of conversation. It was the opposite of the raucous party they'd had on Illium in every way possible. It felt more like a wedding. Or a wake.

Joker shuffled toward where Shepard was standing with his sister and brother-in-law, and reached them just as his father arrived from the other direction.

"Sam," Marc said. "I'd like to introduce you to some of my co-workers, if you don't mind. They're really excited to meet you."

"Sure," she said, shooting Joker a questioning look. He nodded, indicating that everything was okay and she should go ahead.

"I'll bring her right back, I promise," Marc assured him as he took Shepard's arm and herded her away.

"Right," Joker muttered under his breath.

"So?" Jules asked, fishing for details about his conversation with Shari.

"I'll fill you in later," he assured her.

Louise approached their little group, Logan in her arms. "I think somebody needs his diaper changed," she said, handing him to Jules, who quickly passed him along to her husband. Brian sighed, put down his drink and carried the child toward the exit.

"Hey, Mom," Joker said, putting a restraining hand on her arm before she could disappear again. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Of course, dear. Are you enjoying the party?"

"Not particularly. Why didn't you tell me that you'd invited Shari?"

"Didn't I? It must have slipped my mind. Did you two have a nice catch-up? You didn't talk for very long."

"I got ambushed by my ex-girlfriend at my birthday party, Mom. Why? Why would you do that?"

"I just thought it would be nice…"

"Bullshit." Joker cut her off. His voice was rising, and Jules shot him a cautionary glance, but he ignored it. "This needs to stop. Now."

"What are you talking about?" Louise's tone was a mixture of innocence and defensiveness.

"It's Shepard, Mom. Shepard. It doesn't matter what you think, or what you want. I've made my choice. You don't have to like it, but you do have to respect my decision."

Louise glanced around furtively. "Keep your voice down, Jeffrey."

"No, Mom. I won't. I've had enough. Are you hearing what I'm saying to you?"

"She's going to hurt you!" Louise hissed, meeting his angry gaze with her own.

"Mom," Jules warned, but they both ignored her.

"What are you talking about?" For one moment, a frisson of doubt ran through Joker. Had his mother heard or seen something that had made her suspicious? But then he reminded himself that she was just being irrational and her fears had no basis in reality.

"Look at her!" Louise exclaimed, motioning toward where Shepard stood surrounded by a group of his dad's cronies. They all appeared to be hanging on her every word.

"What am I supposed to be looking at?"

"She's a beautiful woman, Jeffrey. Strong. Intelligent. Charming. She has a magnetism that draws people to her, especially men. What happens when…?" Louise trailed off.

"When what?" Joker responded, but suddenly, his entire worldview tilted on its axis, and he understood. "Oh, my god." He gaped at his mother in disbelief.

"Jeff." This time Jules' warning was for him, but he ignored that, as well.

"You think that she's going to leave me," Joker stated, incredulously.

"That's not what I meant," Louise interrupted, but Joker steamrolled over her.

"You're convinced that she's going to wake up one morning and think, 'What the hell am I doing with this cripple?' Is that it?" Joker's voice had risen to a crescendo, and they were drawing curious glances from some of the surrounding party goers.

"Jeffrey! That's enough! You're being ridiculous."

Joker shook his head in disgust, leaning in close to deliver his parting shot. "Not five minutes ago, I was wondering why I'm always so worried about holding onto Shepard; why I'm so damn insecure. Now I know, huh? You're that voice in my head telling me I'm not good enough; telling me I'm just some fragile kid who can't do anything. And I never realized. I made excuses for you. That's how pathetic I am."

"Jeffrey…"

"Just for the record, Mom, Shepard knows who I am and she loves me, anyway…as hard as that may be for you to believe. So, do me a favor and just butt the hell out of my life." Joker turned his back on his mother and stalked out of the room.

Jules caught up with him in the lobby of the hotel.

"Jeff."

"Not now. I need a minute, Jules."

They exited through the glass doors into the cool, manufactured night air. There was a circular drive where guests were being picked up and dropped off, and in the center, there was a fountain with a half-wall surrounding it. Joker crossed the drive and sat on the abutment. Occasionally, a few droplets would escape the water feature and splash him, but the moisture felt good on his overheated skin. Jules followed and settled next to him.

They sat in silence for a while, and then Jules said, "Are you ready to talk?"

"No."

"I think you were a little hard on Mom."

"Jules."

"Just hear me out. I know I was the one who said you needed to stand up to her. And I know she's being a lunatic about the whole Shepard thing. But bro, you have to know…Mom adores you. You're her only son, and the baby of the family. Whatever her twisted thought process entails, I can assure you that it doesn't include the idea that you're not good enough…for anyone, or anything."

"That's not what it sounded like to me."

Jules sighed, and they listened to the rush of the water for a few beats. Then she said, "When you're a parent, your whole world becomes about keeping your kids safe. It's a struggle to ever let them out of your sight, even for a minute, because you imagine all the bad things that could happen if you're not there watching out for them. I don't imagine that changes just because your kids grow up."

"What are you saying? Now you're taking her side?"

"No. You're a grown man, capable of making your own decisions and living your own life. Our mother has yet to acknowledge or accept that. On the other hand, I don't think that she's had a full night's sleep since you joined the Alliance. What you do is dangerous, and we all worry about you. And that has nothing to do with the Vrolik's."

Joker was silent, considering her words. He saw Shepard emerge from the hotel exit and glance around. She spotted them and after a moment's hesitation, headed in their direction. Jules gave him a pat on the shoulder and said, "Just think about what I said, okay?"

"Sure."

"I'll let you two talk."

"Thanks," Joker said as his sister rose and walked in Shepard's direction.

The two women crossed paths about halfway to the entrance. Jules said something to Shepard; she glanced his way and nodded. Jules gave her arm an encouraging squeeze and then continued on her way.

Shepard arrived and sat next to him, close enough that they were touching, but she didn't say anything. They didn't look at each other. After a moment, Shepard said, "I'm sorry."

That was the last thing Joker had expected, and he glanced at her in surprise.

"I know this visit was important to you and it hasn't gone very well."

"It's not your fault. Just the latest chapter in the book of Moreau family dysfunction."

"I could have tried harder, been more understanding. I'm not good at this. I don't know what's expected."

"Shepard, stop. My mother wasn't going to like you no matter what you did. It has nothing to do with you. On the other hand, I think my father's in love with you. And despite the fact that he's better looking than me and makes more money, I hope you won't let him steal you away. Just make sure you let him down easy."

Shepard laughed. "I don't know. The Moreau men are hard to resist."

"And we're grateful that you think so. But in all seriousness, I'm the one who should be apologizing to you. I've been acting like an ass." When Shepard didn't respond, Joker quipped, "Thank you for that quick denial."

Shepard glanced at him. "It's not even that you've been an ass. You being an ass, I can deal with. I think I've proven that on many occasions. But ever since we got here, you haven't been acting like you. Not the you that I know, anyway. It freaked me out, to be honest. I may have overreacted a bit."

Joker sighed. "I know. I come back here, and it's like, I'm fourteen years old again, you know? The weird kid with the disease. I don't know. Sometimes it feels like, underneath it all, that's who I really am."

Shepard was quiet for a minute, and then she raised her gaze to his. "Or maybe, you've always been the smart, sexy, bad ass pilot I fell in love with, and you just needed the opportunity to prove them all wrong."

"You think so?"

"I know so. Everyone's awkward and unsure of themselves at fourteen. But you're not fourteen anymore, Jeff. Don't let other people define you. Not even people who love you. Not even me."

"But I like your definition," Joker grinned. "What was it? Smart, sexy…"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Oh, and badass. Can't forget that."

Shepard was shaking her head. "I think I left out a few things…frustrating, arrogant, stubborn."

Joker reached up, cupped the back of her neck. "Thanks for putting up with me. Really. I'm sorry for the way I've been behaving. I hope you haven't changed your mind about marrying me."

"Not yet," Shepard replied, resting her forehead against his.

"Hey," Joker said, inspiration hitting suddenly. "Do you feel like causing a ruckus?"

"Always," Shepard said, face lighting up with anticipation.

"C'mon, then. I owe you a dance."