A/N: Sorry for the slow update, I'll be trying to do it a little quicker now, since I am on holiday. Also, just wanted to say thanks for all the reviews, alerts and favourites. Was surprised to get as many as I did. Feel free to let me know what you think of this chapter. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own glee, or any of the characters.
"and, I love you S, so much."
These words have been on repeat ever since I left her house, as have the tears. I have never in my life felt so guilty about something. Hell, I've never even cared so much about someone in my entire life, but now this one person has become my entire life. I've never felt this way before, I've never felt this love. The love where you would do anything just to see them smile, the love where you would destroy anything and anyone that would hurt or upset them, the type of love where you are willing to give up your whole life and devote it to making that one person's life just that tiny bit happier. This is the love I feel for Brittany, and I may have just lost it all. I have no idea where I am supposed to go from here, or what I am supposed to do. To be honest, I am in the wrong state of mind to be making any big decisions, because right now a part of me wants to just run away, get away from all the drama's of my life and live the lonely life I was probably destined to have. The other part of me can't imagine a life without her, why does everything have to be so complicated. I need some advice, I can't talk to Quinn right now, I just can't. There's only one other person I can think to call.
"Lopez, its 3am, bit late to call don't you think?" The voice on the other end of the line spoke.
"Oh please Noah, like you're ever asleep at the time anyways." I say pushing all my feelings to the side to speak normally.
"Good point, what can I do for you?" He says.
"Actually, I was wondering if you were busy?" I ask politely.
"Do video games count as busy?" He says with a chuckle.
"No, Noah." I speak also with a slight chuckle as well, first smile since the mess I have caused.
"Then no, what's up?" He replies.
"I kind of need some advice, I messed up." I say, the sadness returning to my voice as I speak those last few words.
"Wanna come over? Parents are gone for the weekend so it's no problem." He asks, I can tell he'd be smirking while saying the last part, anything and everything goes down at his place when his parents are away, and yet he hasn't once been caught. After hearing the question I'm already up and grabbing my keys from the kitchen bench.
"Be there in 5." With that I hang up the phone and slip it back into my pocket, heading for the door.
No longer than 5 minutes later I'm arriving at the Puckerman residence. I walk up to the front door, lifting the doormat to find the spare key to his house. You learn these types of things after dating him. I just let myself in, starting up the staircase to the door of his bedroom, the one I know all too well. Sometimes I'd like to forget the memories from behind this door, thinking about this makes me smile though. I let myself through the door, and it's no surprise finding his eyes glued to the television screen, playing some lame ass video game.
"Lopez, ever heard of knocking?" He says while pausing his game, motioning me over to sit next to him.
"Nup." I say, smirking as I take a seat next to him on his couch.
"So… You messed up, huh?" He asks curiously.
"Oh yeah, big time." I say, as I let out a long sigh.
"Anything to do with your lady loving?" He says with a bit of a chuckle at his choice of words.
"Good guess, but this is the worst I've ever fucked up, Noah." I say, shame written all over my voice.
"Fill me in then Lopez, lemme hear it." He says.
"So lemme get this straight… well as straight as it can get" He chuckles at himself, I end up hitting him in the arm. "Ow. So you had sex with Quinn… like… Quinn Quinn?" He says, now sounding confused.
"Yes, Noah! Quinn, your baby's mother, Quinn." I kind of shout a little. Wishing he'd just get to the point and start helping.
"Ok ok, keep calm, Lopez. It's just hard to picture, good to picture of course, just hard." He says laughing, before I get a chance to go off at him, he speaks again. "I gotta know, how'd Britt take it?" He looks at me, but I cast my eyes to somewhere else, anywhere but his eyes. "Hold on, you haven't told her, have you? What'd you do when she told you she loved you then?" He asked, eyeing me curiously.
"Ran" I say, looking down.
"God, going back to your old ways I see…. Are you going to tell her?" He says eyeing me.
"That's what I want your advice on." I say.
"My advice, tell her. As soon as you leave here, go talk to her, be the strong person I know you are somewhere under those guarded walls." He says confidently, certain he's giving me the right advice. At this point my emotions are all over the place, I know he's right, about more than one thing. I am back to my old self, guarded, running away when things get difficult, hate any feelings. The only thing I can think of, is this mass amount of guilt I'm feeling. Being eaten up by guilt simply sucks, but I deserve it. Now I need to just do the right thing if I want any chance of getting the love of my life back.
"I'm serious, go." Noah says breaking me from my thoughts.
"You're right, I need to, so…. I guess I'm gonna head off. I'm guessing she'd be asleep still seeing as it'll be about 5.30 by the time I get there, but I need to do it before I change my mind." I say, beginning to get really nervous, which he can tell right away.
"You can do it, come here." He says, motioning for me to slide over, which I do and he wraps his arms around me and I return the hug immediately. I pull away and begin to speak again.
"Listen, thanks Noah." I say beginning to get up, I quickly turn around to speak up again. "By the way, keep this to yourself please." I say with a smile.
"You have my word, my knowledge of your lady loving drama's will be kept a secret. Later, Lopez." I begin to walk away but again Noah calls out from behind. "Lopez! If you and your ladies ever need a third party, you know where to find me." He shouts, followed by a wink shot my way. I reply by just giving him the rude finger and walking out the door. I'm now on my way to a possible bad situation. No wait, it's definitely going to be a bad situation.
I'm arriving at Britt's house around 5.35am, although in this case, I don't exactly know where the spare key to her house is, so I do thing I have been doing for the past few years to get my sweet lady kisses on, climbing through her window. Cliché I know, but in order to get up there, I have to climb this big ass tree, it's pretty simple though, as they say, practise makes perfect. I slowly step off the tree and onto the tiny bit of roof she has in front of her window. I walk over, lifting the window up as quiet as I can possibly be and slipping through. I look over to the bed I'm all too familiar with and catch the sight if the beautiful blonde who lies asleep, having not woken up in my entrance. I walk over and sit on the edge of her bed right next to her face. I reach my hand over to tuck a loose strand of her smooth blonde hair behind her ear. She looks so cute asleep. Not long after, she stirs in her sleep, slowly waking up.
"San?" She says tiredly, followed by a yawn.
"Yeah B, sorry to wake you, I just really needed to see you." I say quietly, not wanting to be too loud in case she had family asleep in the other rooms. She moves to sit up and looks me directly in the eyes. I could already see the hurt they had in them.
"Why? It's not like you did after I told you I loved you, Santana." She said coldly, which I deserved. I let out a long sigh and look down to my hands which rest in my lap. I need to speak, to just tell her the truth. She also needs to know how I feel about her though…. I just need to speak.
"Do you not love me Santana?" She says sadly, speaking before I had the chance, but here it is.
"B, I've never felt this way about someone before." I speak, she inches herself closer to me, right in front of my face. "You are literally the only thing that matters to me, but I have to face my real feelings for you. You know what they are, B?" I say softly, gazing into her beautiful blue eyes. She slowly shakes her head, and here's the time to let her know. "B, I love you, so damn muc…" My words were cut off by her lips crashing into mine. I place a short but passionate kiss to her lips, relishing in the feeling of it, as it may just be the last time I get to after I tell her what I did. I pull away, knowing I couldn't let it go any further. "B, stop." I say looking into her eyes.
"But you just said you loved me S, what's the problem?" She asked, sounding confused.
"I do, so much. It's just…." I pause, I'm scared if I'm being completely honest here, but my guilt level has risen a lot since that kiss, I need to tell her. "I have something to tell you B, you're not gonna like it… at all." I start, I look back in her eyes and she gives me a slight nod, edging me to continue. "Just know that I'm so sorry, It will never happen again Britt." I say, and once again she cuts me off before I can get any further with what I'm trying to say.
"Santana, stop. Just tell me what you did." She said calmly, but I could also see both curiosity and worry in those perfect eyes.
"Well… the day we had that fight and I kind of broke up with you, I went over to Quinn's to get some support, and we ended up getting really drunk, I mean … really really drunk." I'm almost there, just say it.
"…and?" She says sounding confused as to where this was going.
"And I slept with her, B." I said really fast, almost inaudible, but she heard.
"Y-You slept with her?" She spoke, really shocked.
"I'm so sorry!" I said, tears already falling down my cheeks, I see her eyes water up too.
"I-I-I can't believe this." She said as tears were now freely flowing down her face. "Santana, you went off at me because I was slightly flirty towards another person, then you go have sex with another, what the fuck!" She began shouting, she looks so hurt right now, and she is someone who rarely ever swears, clear indication this is going beyond messed up.
"I wasn't thinking straight! I was angry and hurt and did I mention very drunk?" I said through many sobs. She furrowed her eyebrows.
"That's no excuse! I never thought you of all people could do something like this to me. I mean calling me stupid is one thing, but this….. I thought you were different Santana!" She sobs.
"I am B, please… I'm so sorry!" I fully break down, seeing her heart break right in front of my face kills me.
"You're not, and I'm sorry too… sorry for not being enough for you. Now please leave." She says sternly, still crying her eyes out.
"B please, I didn't mean to hurt you, I would take it back if I could!" My pleading is obviously headed nowhere. We can't be over, I can't lose her. This girl is my life.
"Santana, we're over… for good this time. Now go, If you really love me, you will just… go." She not even looking at me anymore, I disgust her, I disgust myself. I slowly walk towards the window still in the middle of my sobs. I turn around to glance once more back at the girl I may have just lost forever. She wants me gone, so I need to give her some time. I sure hope she wasn't serious about being over for good, I can't live without her, I need to get her back and I plan to do everything I can to. As I get to the bottom of the tree, I feel my phone go off in my pocket. I pull it out to check.
From Puck: Party at mine, 8pm Saturday. Spread the word people! And BYO drinks.
A/N: Again, thank-you. Feel free to drop a review, letting me know how you feel about the chapter, anything you'd like to see or any tips. Much appreciated :)