The names are not mine, the rest - is.
Early Learning
Before moving here, our attempts at settling in one place amounted to copious, mostly cold, mostly rainy, forest towns that are full of people constantly complaining about cold, mostly rainy, forest towns. This town is no different. Except it has Bella. All the other schools and all the other faces, too many, too little interest to care. Still, I managed to make a few friends along the way, even seeking the company of a girl or two. I saw it more of a test, more of an experiment, than me falling in love - I wanted to see if I could get close to people, testing myself and the parameters of what might be if I were to find the real her. If I could kiss them, have the strength not to devour them. If I could lie with them, and not want to suffocate them. If we could have sex, without me killing them. At the first try, I faulted, flawed due to my own impatience, my own excitement and motivations. I held her with a frightening strength, imprinting temporary marks upon her skin but leaving no permanent damage. Still, she fared well, and we hung out a few times after that. But there is no doubt in my mind, she was put off by what I can only assume she thought were some extreme kinks. The second time, and the second girl, was a much more improved and positive experience. She was kinky and preferred sex rather rough. I was fond of her, more than the first girl and she was my favourite. Until now. Until Bella. There is simply no comparison.
Up until a few years ago, we always lived with our parents, and then finally we decided to "graduate" high school. Since then we've attended three different colleges. Advancing to this step, and choosing to live at school, rather than with the family, is a much better fit for all of us.
Of my siblings, my brother Jasper and I made the decision to share a room. We're the closest even though he's the newest. Newest though he may be to the Cullen family, he had already contracted the demonic influence by the time he joined us. Basically, he had fangs, and hung out at blood banks. We grew close from the outset, him and I sharing a bond that has become one of my most valued. Along with Alice that is. Alice is our sister, younger than me, she's most quiet and shy; withdrawn due to the harsh reality of the us versus them. It took her a while to learn and accept Jasper's previous way of life. They're my family, my best friends, and though, they're fucking, her and I have our own thing. And it's just right. The right amount of right. She gets me with no complaints. They're special, the two of them and their idiosyncrasies, are what I call...sensitive to the outside world, sometimes too sensitive, all too open to the emotions of others, and the paths they choose.
As for school - I take a bunch of exasperating classes I don't care for and especially don't need, and they take all their classes together.
Before we came here, I never knew I could experience what they have. That kind of lust. I suppose with Bella being human, I am doubly craven. By her nature, by her blood.
I suppose she means something else now. I suppose I need to fucking do something now.
-o-
Nettie said I could test it out. Like, flirt with her and see if she likes it. I said why. How could she like it? She said she might like it. She told me about boys. She told me boys like it when you play with your hair. When you laugh a lot but only at things that make sense. She said they want to be able to make fun of you and it be okay. She said they like boobs and ass. She said I have to be prepared that they might only want my boobs and ass. So why waste time talking? I mean, if I wanted that. If I wanted to just be about the boobs and ass. "Or dick and ass." As she put it. Then why flirt and stuff? She said because only sluts give it away. And I'm not a slut. Am I? I don't know. What about romance? What about learning each other and kissing. And playing games and making jokes that both of us can find funny? She told me to just smile and nod if I get lost, show him some cleavage and he'll do the talking.
She said I could practice on her too. Like kissing. If I wanted to practice kissing before I kiss Edward.
I said I wasn't sure.
I said it might be weird.
My lips are a little red today. I used a tint. My eyes are wide and dark and I have my hair down. I'm wearing a long black skirt and boots. And my top is sorta low. It will do I think.
I feel good. I don't really feel nervous, I just want to know. I just want to feel what it's like being an actual person, one of those people who does things instead of just...looking.
I have to leave for French now.
AN:
The Boy makes me smile, and his pre-reading only makes this story better!
Next chapter: Tuesday.
A few of you loves asked me after last chapter's AN, what an Etsy shop is and where you can find the link to it. You can find it on my profile. Hope you enjoy!
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samrosey. xo