The Dysfunctional Family

Drabble #2

Missouri's Strange Pet

Summary: "Your pet is a what?" "It's a spooklight. I named him Spooky." There was pause, then Oklahoma said, "Dad is gonna have a heart attack when he sees that thing."

Disclaimer: Did you know that Maryland's theme song (state song) was written during the Civil War? By the South? (Maryland was neutral during the war.) Just a fun fact. And yes, i know Maryland is not in this story, but that was an interesting tidbit.

[A/N:] Okay, this one has no historical value, it's just for fun. I'm not sure what anyone else will think of it, so please review when you get done reading!

"I'm tellin' you, Missouri, it is the darndest thing I have ever seen. And it's happening on your side of the line, so I want you to make sure it stays on your side and doesn't come over into my land."

Erik A. Jones, personification of the state of Missouri, frowned at his brother. "Would you mind explaining exactly what 'it' is?" he asked.

"It is the Hornet spooklight." Oliver Jones, personification of the state of Oklahoma, replied. "It's this weird ball of light that floats around wherever it wants for no apparent reason and I don't want it in my land!"

"So you mean to tell me that there's some kind of spooky ball of light that just goes flying around without rhyme or reason and it's on my land, and you don't want it on yours." Missouri said as he stood up from the dining room table and went into the kitchen. "Is that right?"

"Yep. That's right." Oklahoma confirmed.

Missouri dug through his fridge and pulled out two bottles of beer left from the last case Wisconsin had sent down. He returned to the table, set one down in front of Oklahoma, and said two words. "Show me."

"Show you what?" Oklahoma asked.

"I don't believe that there are any of the spooky lights out there. Show me. I want some sort of proof that this isn't a joke."

Oklahoma muttered something under his breath about Missouri's "show me" tendencies, then reached for a pad of paper sitting on the end of the table. "Here. I'll give you some directions for exactly where you can go to watch this thing. But it's still your problem, not mine."

And that was how, two nights later, Missouri found himself sitting out in a forest along an abandoned road, using his flashlight to look at the map Oklahoma had drawn for him and waiting for the spooklight.

"If you go down this road," Oklahoma had said, "You'll come out by a little strip of road known as the Devil's Promenade, and – how could you not have known about this sooner, Erik? I mean, it's your land."

"Yeah, yeah, just draw the map." He had replied.

Erik looked down at the paper one more time to make sure he was in the right place, then shut off the flashlight and began to wait.

The sun had set about two hours earlier; now the only things to keep him company were the crickets and the stars.

He sat there for an hour. Then another hour passed, and a third. When he checked the luminous dial of his watch, he saw that it was already a few minutes past midnight.

"Oklahoma, if I end up sitting out here all night because this was all a trick, I'm going to kill you." Missouri threatened the empty air.

Then, off in the distance, he saw an orb of white light floating over the ground. And it was getting closer.

"Well, this is what Oklahoma was afraid of?" He asked, holding his hands out to the thing, which floated over as though it belonged. "You're not so bad after all." He said as the spooklight settled into his hands. "I think I like you."

When Oklahoma came to visit a week later, Missouri was in his kitchen, frying cheese ravioli.

"That smells pretty good." Oliver said. "When do we eat?"

"As soon as I'm done frying up the last ravioli. Get the marinara sauce out of the fridge would you?"

Oliver got out the sauce and some parmesan cheese and set them on the table, along with two plates and silverware.

As the pair sat down to eat a few minutes later, Oklahoma asked, "So, you said you had something to show me next time I came to visit," He said, popping a piece of ravioli into his mouth.

"Oh yeah. I wanted to show you my new pet."

"You have a new pet?"

"Yep, I got him last week."

"So when do I get to see this new pet?" Oliver asked.

Missouri grinned. "You can turn around and see him right now. He's right behind you."

"Right behind me…?" Oliver repeated as he turned around and saw a spooklight floating a few feet behind him.

Then the Sooner State let out a very foul expletive. "Missouri! That's a-a-a-"

"A spooklight." Missouri said proudly.

"You got a pet spooklight?"

"Yes."

There was a long pause, then Oklahoma spoke again. "I'm sorry; I don't think I understand this. You pet is a what?"

"A spooklight." Missouri repeated. "I named him Spooky. He likes my fried ravioli."

"Fascinating." Oliver said dryly, watching as his brother fed the spooklight a piece of ravioli. "I didn't know spooklights ate ravioli." Then another thought occurred to him. "You know, Dad's gonna have a heart attack when he sees this thing."

"He will not."

"You know he doesn't like scary things."

"He's not gonna be scared of Spooky."

"Yeah, well, you be sure and show him your…pet… next time he comes down to St Louis. We'll see who's right. If I'm right, you owe me a year's supply of ravioli."

"And if you're wrong, you have to …" Missouri paused, trying to think of something demeaning. "You have to go with California to the next Twilight movie that comes out."

Oklahoma shuddered. "Fine. But I don't have to worry about that, because I'm going to win!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll believe it when I-"

"See it. I know."

It was two and a half weeks after Oklahoma's visit that Alfred F. Jones, personification of the United States of America, showed up at his son Missouri's house.

"Erik, are you home? I knocked, but I didn't get any response." Alfred said as he walked through the house, trying to located the Show Me state.

Missouri, who had been working on some papers in his study and hadn't even heard the knock, looked up from his work. "Sorry! I'll be there in just a minute!" he called, even though his father was still out in the hall somewhere.

He began writing faster, trying to finish the paper he was working on, when suddenly he heard an exclamation of a foul expletive.

Funnily enough, it was the same expletive Oklahoma had used less than two weeks ago.

"Oh crap." Missouri jumped up and threw his pen down. "I forgot about Spooky!" And worse, I think I owe Oklahoma a year's worth of ravioli now.

He ran out of the room and down the hall, where, to his surprise, he found his father holding the spooklight.

"Geez, this thing scared me. Why didn't you tell me you were getting a Marfa light as a pet, Erik?" Alfred said.

Missouri blinked. "Marfa light? That's a spooklight!"

"Oh really? I thought you got it from Texas."

"No. I haven't seen Texas in a month. I got Spooky here after Oklahoma told me about him. He likes my ravioli."

"Who? The spooklight or Oklahoma?"

"Uh…both, actually." Missouri said after a moment of thought. "But you're not afraid of Spooky?"

"What?" America asked. "Nah. These mysterious glowing orbs of light are everywhere." He said, releasing Spooky so the critter could float over to Missouri. "I mean yeah, he caught me by surprise when I came in, but I've seen these things before."

"Cool! This means I don't owe Oklahoma a year's worth of ravioli."

"What?"

"Never mind." Missouri said. "I found a restaurant that does great T-ravs. Wanna try it?"

"Sure." America replied. "You mean you're not gonna cook this time?"

"No, Oklahoma cleaned me out last week." Missouri admitted.

"Alright then. Lead the way!"

"Great. C'mon, Spooky."

And with that, the trio headed off to find some dinner.

From that day on, wherever Missouri went, Spooky was not far behind. All the states had to agree that Missouri had the most unique pet –

At least until Wyoming adopted a pet jackalope.

T.A.R.N.S.: Well, I was wondering which story would get done first. It was battle of the stories: who would get done first? Maryland, Missouri, or Hawaii? Missouri won. That was interesting; I thought Hawaii would get up here first.

Sppoklights, for those of you who are unfamilair with them, are these weird balls of light that show up near Hornet, Missouri, but you can see them best from the other side of the border, in Oklahoma. no one knows what these things are, and some people claim that they are just reflections of car headlights (never mind that this doesn't explain the claims of people who say that thier grandparents saw the spooklight long before car were being mass-produced, but hey). Turns out that even though I learned about the Spooklight first, there's also the Marfa lights, which are nearly the same thing under a different name, and while I was researching the spooklight I read something about similar lights in at least on other state. So they're all over the place (hence the reason America is not afraid of them: he's seen them before).

And the jackalope thing, well that's definitely weirder that a spooklight, but Wyoming doesn't take his pet with him when he leaves home, unlike Missouri who takes Spooky everywhere. Now, onto the profiles.

MISSOURI - Erik A. Jones, twenty-fourth state, joined the Union on August 10, 1821. He has light brown hair and green eyes, and of course he has the pet spooklight that goes with him everywhere. he tends to dress in a casual manner; his coat/jacket is almost always undone, and for some reason he tends to wear a red armband tied around his left arm. I have no idea why this is. his favorite food is fried ravioli.

OKLAHOMA - Oliver Jones. I don't know much about this guy yet, so he'll have to get a profile at a later date. Sorry.

I forgot to mention this last time in my previous state profiles, but Deleware wears jeans and layered shirts, and Pennsylvania wears a long-sleeved white shirt, dark pants and a matching vest.

Alright, I think that's everything. Thanks to everyone who favorited/added teh fic to thier alerts, and thanks to CharlotteDay for being the first reviewer.

Please review!