The Dysfunctional Family
Story #4
Cheese Whiz
Summary: Minnesota just wants to enjoy some cheese whiz. Wisconsin just can't believe her.
Disclaimer: Liking Hetalia can make lots of things more awkward. Like for example, when someone says, "God bless America! Long may she prosper!" And you're sitting there thinking, 'but, America's a guy.'
T.A.R.N.S.: This is a completely random story I thought up last night, when I had cheese whiz again. I haven't had it in forever. And one thing led to another and then I had this story. It's good to be back in Dysfunction Junction, though. I've been busy with lots of other stuff lately.
Now, for the sake of those who have never heard of this before, there is one thing I need to explain befoore we begin: cheese whiz. This is a fake cheese thing that comes in a can. To get it out of said can, you take the little cap off, hold the can, and use your index finger to push the little nozzle on the top of the can down. When you do that, the cheese whiz comes out. You can either make a long, thin trail of it by moving the nozzle across the cracker, or can hold the nozzle in the same place and get a big dab of it in one place on the cracker, or bread, or oatmeal, or however you like to eat cheese. When you take your finger off the little nozzle and let it stand straight back up, the cheese stops coming out. Okay. Everyone got that? Good. let the story begin.
Minerva Jones, the personification of the state of Minnesota, squeezed some more cheese whiz onto another cracker and popped it into her mouth. "Mm. This is good."
She reached for another cracker and was squeezing more cheese onto it when Wisconsin entered the room.
"You know Minnesota, it is spring. Haven't the temperatures gone down over here yet?" He asked, and then noticed something. "Good lord! What are you eating?"
"Cheese whiz. Want some?" She asked, extending the can.
"How could you do this? That's not real cheese! Don't I give you enough real cheese to keep you happy? Don't I give everyone in the family enough cheese to keep them happy? But you're eating fake pasteurized cheese product out of a can!" He turned and ran out of the room, and Minnesota used the opportunity to squirt some more cheese whiz onto another cracker and pop it into her mouth.
Wisconsin returned a moment later, with a cooler. "Look I even brought cheese with me!" He said, setting the cooler down and opening it. "Let's see. I have Gouda." He held up a small round of cheese. " And Colby, Monterey Jack, Colby and Monterey Jack, American, Blue, American Munster. I even have Cheddar! I have all sorts of cheeses here! Which one do you want?"
Minnesota considered it. "I want the Colby and the American Munster. And, hey is that chocolate cheese?"
"Yes."
"I'll take that one too." She said, then squirted some more cheese whiz onto another cracker.
"Minnesota! What are you doing? I thought we were getting you better cheese here! Real cheese does not come in a can!"
Minerva waited until she had swallowed the cracker she was chewing, then said, "I know that Dan. But I like cheese whiz too, and I haven't had it in ages. Why don't come over here and try some?"
Annoyed, Wisconsin set the other cheeses back into the cooler and went over to join Minerva at the table.
She squeezed a generous dab of the 'fake cheese' onto a cracker and passed it over to her brother. Dan took the cracker and after staring at it for a moment, popped it into his mouth. He chewed it up and made a face. "Oh, I knew this wasn't real cheese. It has such a weak flavor. How can you eat this?"
"I like it." Minnie said, reaching for another cracker. "You don't have to eat it if you don't like it."
"Good. Pass the crackers." Wisconsin said, dragging the cooler over to where he was sitting and pulling the Gouda out of the cooler and his penknife out of his pocket. "I'm going to have some real cheese."
T.A.R.N.S.: Poor Wisconsin. he just wants his family to eat good cheese. ^^ The fact that he's a cheesemaker may have something to do with this. Oh, and chocolate cheese is real, by the way. I've had it before. Just once. It wasn't half bad, as I recall.
WISCONISN - Daniel (Dan) Jones, joined the Union on May 29, 1848 and became the 30th state. He has dark hair and eyes and tends to dress in a casual manner. He's a bit shorter and plumper then most of his siblings, because, well I looked a a map and thought that kind of fit, just based on the actual piece of land. No offense to you Wisconsinites reading this.
MINNESOTA - Minerva (Minnie) Jones, joined the Union on May 11, 1858 and became the 32nd state. She has long golden hair and brown eyes. She is very used to cold temperatures, but likes to visit her siblings down in the south, where it's warmer. Like Wisconsin, she dresses casually, but her favorite thing to wear is her frilly trench coat. She is almost always wearing a pendant made of Lake Superior agate, her state stone. Her state name means sky-tinted/clouded water.
Well, that all the notes I think I have for this one. I apologize for forgetting to reveal Dan's name to you all last chapter; I meant to put it up there and forgot about it. My bad. Anyway, please review, so I have something to look forward to when I get back from Math class tonight!