A/N: Okay, so obviously this is not done right now. However, I realized that if I continued this as a one-shot, I'd never finish it. So I'm uploading it to my GL series for now, and after some more plotting, I'll be continuing it as its own story. I have a lot more planned that I want to happen that can't if I don't upload this now and get my ass in gear.
On that note, I'm so, so sorry for just stopping. I hit a major rut in my writing and despite having motivation to write, if I tried, I'd end up just staring at the screen. This particular story is also making me up the rating to M.
WARNING: This does contain a bit of language, as well as a masturbation scene/dream/fantasy. You have been warned.
Being raised in a strict Christian household had made Roxas and Naminé the ideal children for any parents. They had deep relationships with God, both were straight-A students, and they were always well behaved in the face of company. As children of the pastor of Twilight Town's church, they were seen as perfect. It was their first year of college, and they were both starting their general studies at the university in Hollow Bastion. This would be their first time leaving home without their parents, as they would be living in the dorms to save on traveling costs. The university did not allow coed dorms, even for family, though they did get put in the same building. The first and second floors were girls floors, the boys floors being the third and fourth. Their roommates had been chosen at random through some complicated computer process the school used based on similar interests and compatibility.
Naminé's roommate was a girl named Kairi. She was a little peppy and upbeat, but with a perverted sense of humor. She had dark auburn hair and bright blue eyes and the biggest attitude on this side of Mars. She shocked Naminé with her bluntness, but they quickly grew to be close friends.
Roxas was paired with a redhead as well, Kairi's half-brother Axel. Axel's hair was brighter red than Kairi's, his eyes a shocking green compared to the gentle blue of his half-sister. Axel and Roxas too grew close in the first year of college, the two redheads actually staying with Roxas and Naminé's family over the winter break. They all acted as if they'd known each other all their lives and may as well have been joined at the hip. The blondes' parents were shocked over Axel's face tattoos and were wary of him, quietly labeling him as a heathen. A child of God wasn't supposed to defile his body like that. But Roxas liked him well enough, so they kept their mouths shut.
After the first year of school was over, Kairi suggested that Roxas and Naminé spend the summer with her and Axel at Destiny Islands at their house. When it was decided that they could be trusted, the blondes packed most of their wardrobes and started off on the road trip the next day. The summer spent away from home would prove to be Roxas' best and most stressful of his life. Away from his parents, he became more open-minded. Naminé noticed the slight change in his behavior – he cursed, though not often; he had taken to smoking (a habit he picked up from Axel), only when his sister wasn't around – and tried to watch him a little closer. During a lazy night spent at the beach, Axel sprung a debatable topic on them.
"What are your thoughts on homosexuality?" he asked, seemingly out of nowhere. Kairi wasn't shocked; she'd heard that same question when Axel came out to her and her best friends Sora and Riku. The people on Destiny Islands were liberal enough that they didn't really care about the issue. If it made someone happy, then what right did they have to try to take that happiness away? Sora and Riku had of course accepted him, and Kairi had taken to discussing cute boys with him as a way of bonding. However, the only reason he had come out in the first place is because he was interested in someone, so Kairi could only assume that was the case this time as well.
The twins were caught off guard by the suddenness of the question and were silent while they thought about how to answer.
Roxas spoke first, "To be honest, I haven't ever really thought about it. Then again, living in Twilight Town, you're a little sheltered over there. But… I can't say I oppose it. I mean, I know the bible says homosexuality is a sin, but I also know that everyone is made in God's image, no matter the sexual orientation, so if He didn't want someone to be gay, He wouldn't have made them that way."
"I… I agree with you, Roxas. Being an artist, I've learned that art is a very clear way of expressing oneself, and many other artists tend to be open to almost anything. So, really, my viewpoint is that love is love, no matter who it's between," Naminé replied.
Axel let out a relieved sigh as Roxas said, "That was really random though. Why'd you wanna know?"
"Well… I… I wanted to know if you would still accept me. Because I'm gay…" Axel stated in a very nervous voice. He swore the others could hear his heartbeat. There's no way they couldn't with as loud as it was hammering in his chest.
"Well, yea. Being gay doesn't change the person I've come to know," Roxas smiled at his roommate. "And besides, you've helped me to open my eyes a little bit and realize that the way my parents think on certain things, thereby influencing my opinions, that if I were to judge you based on that one thing like they would, I'd be a bigoted asshole."
"He's seen the light!" Naminé chuckled. "It's about time, Rox. I realized that when I met the other people in my art classes during high school."
"Yes well," Roxas replied in a sarcastic tone, "not all of us were gifted with the abilities necessary to join such open-minded classes, Nams." Before his sister could reply, Roxas turned back to his roomie. "Seriously though, Axel, you're the first person I could ever truly call my best friend, besides Nami here. I won't stop being your friend just because you like guys. Alright?"
Axel blushed lightly at the serene expression on the blonde's face and hugged him tightly. He whispered in his ear, "Thank you, Roxas. You don't know how much it means to me to hear you say that." Roxas returned the hug and whispered back, "I don't want you to feel like you have to hide who you are because of my parents. Got that?" Roxas felt Axel nod his head. "Good," he spoke a little louder, "now let go of me, ya goof." Roxas punctuated the statement by playfully shoving Axel off of him, making the redhead fall back into the sand.
The group laughed heartily as Axel's arms windmilled, trying – and failing – to keep his balance. "Roxy! You're so mean to me! Now I have sand in my hair," Axel pretended to whine.
Rolling his eyes at the overdramatic boy, Roxas said, "Yea, yea, save it for someone who cares, diva."
The rest of their evening was spent in a similar manner, laughing loudly with each other and enjoying the company. Axel volunteered to bring some tents down to the beach for them, because it was a comfortable night (and it gave him an excuse to sleep next to Roxas) and Kairi went with him, leaving the blondes on the shore. When she caught up to her brother's long strides, she smirked at him.
"I'm gonna take a guess and say you like someone, right?" she asked him in a light voice. His posture stiffened slightly and he looked away from her. When the blush rose to his cheeks, Kairi knew it was true. Her smirk turned into a genuine smile as she initiated eye contact when he looked back at her. "It's Roxas, isn't it." It wasn't a question this time.
"…Yea… It is," the older one replied after a moment of silence. "I just… I don't know what to do… I mean, he's obviously not against who I am, but there's no way in hell he'd ever reciprocate my feelings, Kai. I'm so scared I'm gonna get hurt by liking him, but it hurts to just remain friends, too… I'm so confused about what to do."
Kairi thought for a moment before responding, "I think you should try to convince him to give you a chance."
"What? Are you crazy? That would ruin our friendship for sure!" Axel was incredulous.
"No, I'm telling you what I think. You're a great guy, Axel. And he'd be blind not to see it. But whatever your decision is, I'll stand by it and be here for you. We might only be half related, but you're still my brother and I love you," Kairi hugged Axel to reinforce her statement that she would support him. He returned the gesture with a smile forcing the worried expression off his face. He spoke up, "We should probably get the tents now. I bet they're wondering what's taking us so long." The shorter redhead laughed in agreement and they took off inside the house.
~Meanwhile at the beach~
As the two red haired teens headed inside, Roxas took a moment to think. He was still trying to process what Axel told him. He meant it when he said he still accepted Axel even if he was gay, but he wondered how he'd never realized it before. Then again, Axel had never mentioned any interest he had in anyone and they never brought the subject up. Idly he wondered what his parents would think if they found out. 'He'd probably be forbidden from ever being my friend again.' Roxas' heart squeezed a little in his chest at that thought and he wore a befuddled expression as to why that could be.
It took Naminé a minute to snap Roxas out of his reverie. "Roxas!" She'd shouted into his ear.
"Geez! What?" He jumped as his twin startled him.
"I was trying to ask you what you were thinking about. You had a weird look on your face."
"Oh," Roxas wrapped his arms around his knees and laid his head down on them. "I was just wondering what would happen if mom and dad found out, is all." His voice sounded far away to Naminé. She immediately understood why though. Their parents weren't exactly the most open-minded people around. They were very conservative and viewed gay people in general as atrocities. They constantly preached to their children to forgive people and themselves of their sins, but when it came to homosexuality, they bashed it and everyone who supported it, calling anyone who stood up against them a faggot or something equally as terrible. Needless to say, they were hypocritical about the whole situation.
"Don't worry about it Rox. They won't find out. Not unless someone tells them, and neither of us are going to do that. I doubt Axel would do that either, after he met them. And Kairi loves him too much to hurt him like that, so like I said, don't worry," the artist replied, comforting her twin. She scooted closer to him, reaching an arm around his shoulders and inviting him to lay his head on hers. She ran nimble fingers through his tousled hair from habit and his arm curled around her back in response.
This is how the other siblings found them upon returning from the beach house, tents in tow. Axel mentally wished he was in Naminé's spot, able to hold the blonde boy as more than a friend. He sighed, running a hand through his hair, his sister's advice not doing a thing to help him. Roxas was straight. There's no way he couldn't be. This meant that what Axel had told Kairi was true, and he'd never reciprocate Axel's feelings. They'd only ever be friends if Axel could control himself not to ruin their friendship by making a move on him. He was quickly depressing himself with that train of thought and forced himself to put on a smile, interrupting the moment with, "Well, don't you two look cute!"
Both blondes startled, having been lost in their own world. "Holy crap, Axel! You scared us," Naminé chuckled while she tried to calm her heart down. She withdrew her fingers from Roxas' hair and scooted back to her previous seat on the sand. "Sleeping arrangements?" Roxas questioned.
Kairi rolled her eyes and answered, "Me and Nam in one tent, you boys in the other. Duh." Her tone of voice said 'isn't it obvious?' Roxas got a little nervous. He'd be sleeping in the same tent as his best friend, which wasn't the problem. The problem was, now that he knew Axel was gay, he was paranoid. He was afraid the older redhead would try something. He knew it was irrational to think that way, especially after telling Axel that they'd still be friends. He just couldn't help it… After being raised to think a certain way about "those fags" as his father so lovingly called them, he was still unsure on how to act. He bit the inside of his lip, wondering if he should say something. When he turned his thoughts away and focused on where he was again, he was looking directly into Axel's deep green eyes.
"Earth to Roxas," the redhead said, poking his forehead. Roxas smacked his hand away with a huff, "Knock it off!"
"Alright, alright, calm down, dude. You were spacing out. Chill," Axel said defensively, raising his hands up in surrender. "I was just wondering what was up."
The blonde leveled his gaze at the sand, feeling bad for snapping at his best friend. His pulse quickened as he asked, "Can we go talk?" He swore his nerves had forced his heart into his throat, making it hard to talk properly. Axel raised a brow at him, calmly answering, "Sure. Come on." He helped Roxas up off the ground, and the blonde took a moment to brush his shorts off, knocking the grains of sand from the fabric.
"We'll be right back, you two. Kai, do you think you and Nam can handle setting your tent up?" Both girls nodded, shooing the two boys away.
A little ways away from the girls, Axel led the blonde into a small clearing made by the trees that separated the beach from other parts of the island. He sat on a large boulder as Roxas kept his eyes glued to the ground. He stayed silent, thinking of what he wanted to say. Axel cleared his throat in an attempt to get him talking and break the tension between them. He could tell something was off, but he didn't know what. "Roxas…?" He prompted.
He tried several times to say something, opening his mouth, but closing it again when nothing came out. Roxas hated feeling like this with someone he called his best friend. He kept his eyes closed speaking in a low voice, "I… I don't…" He couldn't seem to force the words out. Axel was growing worried. He didn't what?
"I don't feel comfortable sharing a tent with you…" Roxas admitted. His words stabbed the redhead deep.
"Wha– I… But…" Axel sputtered, trying to comprehend what Roxas had just told him. "What do you mean, Rox?" He was fighting to keep his voice even.
The guilt was eating the blonde alive. He hated it. He wanted nothing more than to ignore what he was feeling and just hug the redhead, tell him he was kidding, and go back to normal. But his mind wouldn't let him. His mind wanted him to analyze every detail of his memories with Axel over the past year to try to see if he'd ever been in Axel's sights.
"I mean… I mean, now that I know… I don't feel like I could sleep that close to you and be okay with it…" he grit the statement out through his teeth.
Axel was shocked. This conversation wasn't going where he thought it would. He was hurt and angry. He narrowed his eyes at his supposed best friend in an acidic glare, "Fine. I'll sleep outside then." He walked away from the blonde in a rage, betrayal coursing through his veins. He'd been foolish to think that Roxas would readily accept him that soon and so easily. And now look where he was: the only person to refer to him as his best friend was probably disgusted with him, probably hated him. His heart throbbed painfully in his chest and he tried hard not to openly sob in frustration. He brushed past the girls without a word to either and they stared confusedly at each other as he hurried away. They both looked in the direction he'd come from to see Roxas watching the redhead walk away from him. He looked as though he wanted to call out to Axel, but he couldn't. Like his voice didn't work.
Each of them went after their brothers, Kairi sprinting to catch up to Axel before he disappeared between the trees. She barely caught up to him before he stepped into the thicket of trees, calling after him, "Axel! Wait!" She panted hard, out of breath. She grabbed onto his shirt from behind, intent on making him stop. She pulled her arm to gain some momentum and stepped in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. "What…" She tried to question him, still panting. "W-what happened?"
"Go away, Kairi. Just leave me alone." Axel attempted to step around his sister. She put a hand to his chest and told him, "Not u-until… You tell me… What happened." Her breath was taking its sweet time coming back to her. She glared at him in an attempt to make him talk. He glared right back at her, "I said go away. I'm not talking." His voice was slowly rising. He pushed Kairi's arm off his chest and moved around her. She caught his wrist and stepped under his arm, stopping in front of him once more.
"Talk to me Axel! Let me he—" Kairi was cut off by Axel's yell and consequent shove.
"I SAID LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE KAIRI!" In his hurry to get Kairi out of his way, he shoved her sideways. Her feet got caught up in the underbrush, one ankle twisting painfully as she took the brunt of the fall on her forearms. Axel realized what he'd done a second after and bent down to help her.
"Shit, Kai, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" He tried to sit her upright and she slapped his face.
"Let go of me, Axel. Sorry for wanting to help." She got up on her own and limped out of the thicket with tears shining in her eyes.
Naminé didn't make much progress with Roxas either. When she reached him, he'd dropped to his knees on the ground, obviously upset about something. She bent down beside him, pulling his face up to look at her. He couldn't keep eye contact with her. She spoke quietly, "Roxas… Are you okay?" That was all it took for the flood gates to open and hot, fat tears rolled down his face. He sobbed at his stupidity. He'd probably just ruined the best friendship he'd ever had. But he was so confused! When he thought about possibly being the one Axel was interested in, he wanted it, and that scared him. He just wasn't gay. He didn't like guys. He liked girls. And… apparently he liked Axel too. What would he even say? He knew Naminé would love him no matter what, but what about their parents? What would happen to him if he said anything? That's what scared him the most.
When the tears broke free, his sister hugged him close, holding his head against her chest and using her free hand to rub his back soothingly. "Shh, Roxas, it's okay. It'll be fine. I don't know what happened, but you can fix it. Just tell me how I can help. Please?" She felt him shake his head in negation. He didn't want to tell her anything. That was a blow to her… Roxas told her everything, and vice versa. They were twins, it was what they did. The front of her white dress was getting soaked with her brother's tears and she sighed heavily. Tonight was going to be a long night apparently. She kissed the top of Roxas' head gently, trying to comfort him. That's when she heard Kairi muttering under her breath behind them, with a sudden wince as she tried to sit down. Now Naminé was worried.
"Kairi?"
"Nam…" The redhead's posture sank as she let a cry out. "He… He…" She couldn't get her mouth to form the words. The blonde artist got up on her feet, pulling Roxas up with her. She grabbed his hand, still offering him comfort as she walked them over to where Kairi sat, visibly upset as well. Naminé sat Roxas down near Kairi, leaving space between the two for herself as she let them both seek some form of relief from her. Naminé's legs stretched out in front of her, leaving her lap open for Kairi's head to lie while she tried to understand what happened between her and Axel. Roxas assumed his position from earlier, sitting with his head on his sister's shoulder. Naminé resigned herself to running her fingers through their hair to console them until one or both were ready to talk.
Axel sat still in the thicket of trees, the underbrush seeming to swallow him up as he'd watched his sister limp back to where they'd all been gathered not even ten minutes beforehand. He could already see swelling in her ankle where he'd caused her to twist it. God, what kind of brother was he? He hurt his little sister for trying to figure out what was wrong… At least Naminé had kept a level head and was able to help his sister and Roxas… He got up slowly from where he was sitting and turned to continue where he'd been headed.
He cleared through the thicket and emerged on the other side, looking down a rather steep slope where the island rose up from the water and cut off suddenly. Axel sat and dangled his legs over the side. All his emotions attacked him at once; anger and pain and utter confusion from Roxas, guilt over hurting Kairi, and remorse for leaving Naminé to clean up the mess. He slammed a fist into the ground, the rock underneath the grit of sand bringing a painful throbbing ache to his hand. He hit the ground again and again and again and again. Why did he say anything! If he hadn't mentioned his orientation none of this would have happened in the first place. They'd all be sitting around a small fire roasting marshmallows for s'mores and still enjoying the night. But then he'd gone and ruined it… Why did he have to be so stupid? Maybe this was God's way of punishing him for being gay. Taking away the boy he liked and forcing a wedge between him and his sister.
But Roxas had said that if God didn't want someone to be gay then… they wouldn't be made that way. Right? Of course, Roxas had also said he felt uncomfortable sharing a tent with the redhead. Like he was going to molest him in his sleep. He respected the blonde too much to even attempt thinking about something like that. But that didn't stop Roxas from assuming it. His hand was numb now, from repeatedly hitting the ground. He'd cut it on a sharp point where a rock jutted out and it was obviously bruised around the cut, sand sticking to the wound. He'd have to wash it out to keep it from getting infected. He didn't care at the moment though. He sighed, letting his head hang down with all the weight of his emotions. He'd fucked up.
He didn't know how long he'd sat there, but when he finally paid attention again, the moon was high in the sky and there was a slight chill in the air. He thought he saw lightning in the distance, but he couldn't be sure. Eventually he got up from his makeshift seat, his bottom half asleep. He could hardly see through the small thicket he'd crossed through earlier and he tripped, catching himself on one of the smaller trees. The bark scraped his face a little and he winced at the sting and stood back up straight again, trying to get back to the others. When he finally found the space that was large enough for him to fit through, he saw Naminé trying to finish setting up the tent she was supposed to share with Kairi. His sister and Roxas were closer to the water, asleep next to each other in the sand.
He felt bad for the blonde girl who'd done nothing to him and was trying to fix the mess he'd made of things. She was obviously frustrated at the tent, because it just would not stay up at all, no matter what she did. She huffed in annoyance at the lump of fabric and supports. It collapsed on itself in response and she let out a groan. Taking a deep breath, she looked up to the sky, trying to calm down when a drop of rain plinked itself on the bridge of her nose. Two or three more followed before the clouds opened up and released the downpour. Axel ran over to her, speaking loudly over the rain, "Grab Kai! I'll take Roxas! Let's get inside!" She nodded and woke the other girl up to pick her up piggyback style. She walked as fast as she could to the beach house with Kairi's added weight. Axel scooped his arms under Roxas and carried him bridal style as he rushed after Naminé to get inside quickly.
As the door slammed behind the group, a clap of thunder sounded nearby, startling them all. Roxas had woken up during the hustle Axel made to keep as dry as possible. The older redhead felt the blonde in his arms jump at the noise and blushed as his eyes locked with cerulean ones. He set Roxas down and the air settled over them in an awkward tension. Naminé had taken the initiative to help Kairi upstairs to her room to change out of her now soaked clothes and into some dry ones, leaving the boys to deal with whatever had happened between them earlier that evening. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes, leaving a very pregnant silence to hover.
"I'm sorry…" The words were whispered so quietly, Axel wasn't sure he heard them or if he imagined them. He knew the words had been spoken, however, when the blonde's shoulders started to shake. He was trying to stay quiet as the tears slipped from his eyes and down his face, dripping from the point of his chin to the floor. He didn't say anything else as he continued to mentally berate himself over what he'd said to Axel previously.
"…I wish I could say it's okay, Roxas… Except that it's not. You… You really hurt me when you said didn't feel comfortable sharing a tent with me. It wouldn't have been so bad if you hadn't told me that you accepted me beforehand, but you did… And now, I don't know what to think. What makes you so uncomfortable now? You said that me being gay didn't change the person you knew, so what happened to change your mind?" Axel sounded scared to know the answer.
Truthfully, Roxas didn't know how to phrase his thoughts. He brought one hand up to grip his other arm as he tried to form the words. "I… I don't know… I'm just," Roxas forced his breath out, "I'm confused and afraid and… and…" his sniffling cut him off.
Now Axel was confused as well. "What do you mean by 'confused and afraid' Rox? Afraid of me? What?"
The blonde wiped at his eyes and shook his head while he tried to speak without his voice breaking again. "No, I mean… I'm confused by myself and I'm afraid of my thoughts… And… I need some time to sort things out for myself!" With that, he hurriedly retreated upstairs, taking his bag from the redhead's room and moving into a guest room. Axel continued standing there, his head swimming from the whole situation. A few minutes later, the shower turned on and Axel remembered that he was still wearing very wet clothes and he shivered. Almost mechanically, Axel shut the lights off downstairs and slowly plodded to the second floor towards his room. At the top of the stairs, he went left down the hallway, stepping into his room and shutting the door.
He shoved the few items off of his bed and onto the floor, stripping off his now icy clothing, running a brush quickly through his hair, and flopping down face first onto the mattress. The redhead curled in on himself, lying in the fetal position with his head turned slightly on his pillow. He heaved a sigh and sneezed almost immediately after. He should probably get up and try to warm up in the shower… 'But I don't feel like it…' A headache was forming behind his eyes and he sniffled a little, falling asleep soon after.
By the time Axel woke up the next day, he didn't feel much better. His nose had stuffed up while he was asleep and he had been breathing through his mouth for the rest of the night. As a result, his entire mouth and throat felt like sandpaper as he tried to swallow some saliva without much success. He opened his eyes and immediately regretted it when they were met with pure sunlight streaming in through the large bay windows. The light seared his corneas and his headache – a dull throb beforehand – was now pounding his brain. He'd slept curled up all night and tried to sit up and stretch. His limbs were stiff and the joints cracked loudly in the silence of his room, protesting the movement. As he continued to sit up fully, he was aware of a slight draft from the air conditioning and glanced down as the sheets barely covered his completely exposed groin. He vaguely remembered stripping the wet clothes off after they turned cold but apparently he'd been too exhausted to dress for bed.
Axel hunched his back forward slightly, hearing it crack in multiple places. His legs folded in on themselves and he sat in his bed almost Indian style, the sheet pooled in his lap, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes in an effort to make the pain go away. "Ugh," he groaned in a hoarse croak. He was unaware of the eyes watching him curiously from the small opening in his doorway. Bright blue eyes looked on, widening in surprise at the redhead's apparent nudity as he got up out of bed, picking up his clothes from the floor and depositing them in his dirty clothes hamper. Try as they might, the eyes couldn't turn away, locked in place by something akin to attraction. Only after Axel disappeared into his adjoining bathroom – no doubt to clean himself up a little – was Roxas able to move away from the door. He listened as the girls talked in the kitchen downstairs, making sure they were oblivious to his peeping.
He'd had the intention of going to talk with the redhead and clear the air between them, but when he went to see if his best friend was awake, he caught sight of Axel's bare chest, dusky pink nipples hardening in response to the air and— 'NO! BAD ROXAS! BAD THOUGHTS! He's your best friend and you can't think of him like that!' Roxas shook his head, as if to remove the images his mind was conjuring and quickly returned to his room, shutting the door behind him and immediately letting his forehead crash into the offending piece of wood. No matter how many times he banged his head into the door, his mind wouldn't stop showing him what he'd taken in of Axel and he realized he had a quickly developing problem in his pants. He had three options here: cold shower, will the erection away, or take matters into his own hands – literally. Whatever he decided, however, he had to get out of his too-tight pants. The blonde hissed as his length was exposed to the cooler air after freeing himself of his pajamas and boxers. His body made the choice for him, and he muttered a quick, 'God, please forgive me,' under his breath as he plopped down on the queen sized bed, scooting back towards the pillows so he could lie back.
He closed his eyes and the mental images came flooding back at once. His mind replayed the situation completely different from reality. He stood outside of Axel's door again, but this time Axel is aware of him and stalks towards the doorway, pulling it open just enough to allow Roxas inside the room. The door closes and locks behind him and he finds himself being hauled up and supported by the wall on his back, Axel's large, warm hands gripping his thighs. His legs wrapped tightly around the redhead's skinny waist and he was suddenly aware that he was fully naked as well. Axel smirks at him, lowering his mouth onto one of the blonde's pert nipples, rolling the other between his thumb and forefinger. Roxas lets out a breathy moan at the sensation, as it's something new and exciting. A hand starts pumping him and before he can make sense of the situation, he's lying on his back on Axel's bed, with the redhead straddling him. Axel pins Roxas' wrists above his head with one arm, stroking his weeping erection with the other. He's teasing Roxas, squeezing tightly, but at an agonizingly slow pace. The blonde shivers, anxious for more of that delicious friction. Axel increases his speed, pumping more fervently and putting pressure on the head. Roxas finds he can't utter a sound and a silent grunt escapes his mouth as the slit of his penis is given the attention of a thumbnail pressing on it. Precome is spread around the tip, offering Axel slight lubrication for the hand fisting the blonde's length. The hand works magic on Roxas and before long the blonde's hips are bucking into the touch as he silently begs for release. With Axel's speed kicked up the final notch he coaxes the orgasm out of Roxas. Streams of white shoot into the redhead's hand with a loud cry of, "Aaaaah, Axel!"
Roxas rides out the waves of pleasure wracking his body post-orgasm and he basks in the natural high for a few minutes, catching his breath. His imagination seemed to be better than he thought… When he was finally able to see through the haze of white, Roxas remembered he was back in his room for his little 'endeavor.' His skin was covered in a light sheen of sweat and his face was tinted pink with a blush. There were a few strands of semen across his stomach and he got up on jello-like legs to wipe himself off with a tissue and put his pants back on. After he'd had a few minutes to calm down, what he'd just done hit him. He'd touched himself, masturbated to his best friend pleasuring him. And Roxas was scared of this revelation, because he'd liked it. Despite the opinion he'd given Axel the night before, he was set into internal panic, worrying he'd be going to Hell for his dirty, sinful thoughts. There was nothing else for his soul. He was tainted now, no longer pure or innocent, and it was all Axel's fault. He'd masturbated before like any teen would, but Axel was the first guy he'd ever thought of in that light.
'Why does he have to be so damn attractive?' Roxas thought glumly. 'I shouldn't be having these kinds of thoughts! But… I… I did tell Axel my opinion… Am I really gay? I mean, I'm curious at least… So, what does that mean for me? Should I… Should I maybe try to experiment… with Axel?' He groaned in frustration at his thought process. 'Oh, but that brings on a whole new problem! What if he doesn't even like me that way? What if I'm just his best friend and nothing more? Would he still be open to trying things with me? Maybe if I tell him that I'm curious, he'd help me out… Ugh! This whole thing is so embarrassing!' His cheeks flushed a bright shade of pink and he buried his face in the pillows.
~Back Downstairs~
Kairi sat in her chair as she watched Naminé wrap an ace bandage around her ankle to help keep it straight when she walked. She sat back and smiled, "All done!" Kairi sighed heavily, still upset with Axel and wanting to know why he'd pushed her away. Her roommate pulled a chair up beside her at the kitchen table and offered a comforting hug to the redhead. Kairi laid her head on the blonde girl's shoulder, feeling a soothing pattern being rubbed into her back. Naminé asked in a quiet voice, "Wanna talk about it?" Kairi returned the hug tightly and pulled back, trying to figure out how she was going to say what needed to be said.
"Okay… I have to explain something first… When Axel came out to me, he also came out to two of our friends, because he wanted our approval on this guy he liked at the time. We didn't realize who it was at first, but it was actually one of our mutual friends who'd known us for a while. Of course we all approved, but they drifted apart after a while. Anyway, he said that was the only reason he came out in the first place, to know whether or not we would approve of his dating situation…" Kairi trailed off.
"So… does that mean he likes someone else now? Someone that knows me and Roxas?" Naminé asked, curious.
"I… I don't know that I should say anything, because it's really not my place."
"…He likes Roxas, doesn't he?"
Kairi's deep blue eyes widened in surprise, "How did you know?" She was a little shocked.
"I've seen the way he looks at Roxas, time and again when he thinks no one is watching. He's absolutely crazy about my brother. And… I don't know, I have this feeling about them. Like they're supposed to be together for the rest of their lives. I just… I hope Roxas is willing to try things with him. I mean, like I said last night, love transcends gender. So it doesn't matter to me that Rox would be getting with a guy, because gender's not important. The only concern I have is my parents… I don't know how they'll take it should anything happen between them."
The conversation ended there, as they heard footsteps coming down the stairs. The older redhead walked into the kitchen, wearing low-slung sweat pants and no shirt, toweling his hair dry. He looked to the girls, "Borneeg." He sniffled – or rather, he attempted to sniffle, without much success.
"Axel, you sound like hell. Did you get sick?" Kairi became concerned for him.
"Yea… I di'int take by clothes off ride away, and I di'int warb up before bed either…" He was rifling through the medicine cabinet for a decongestant to help with his stuffed up nose so he could breathe properly once more.
"You idiot. What am I gonna do with you?" She stood and moved behind her brother. She wrapped her arms around him from behind, wanting to get him talking about what had happened.
The moment she held him, he stopped his movements, still as a statue. His guilt intensified at this affection, remembering he'd hurt his sister in the heat of the moment. He tried to keep his inner turmoil under control, a few tears slipping out and down his face, dripping onto Kairi's arms. "I'b so sorry, Kai. I'b so sorry…" He turned around in the girl's arms, facing her, and dropped to his knees, hugging his face to Kairi's midsection as though he was afraid she'd disappear if he let go. The towel on his shoulders dropped to the floor. He shook slightly as he tried not to sob, and Kairi pet his hair back, wanting to run her fingers through it – except it was ratted up from lack of proper brushing.
"Hey Nam?" she got the blonde's attention.
"Yea?" she replied.
"Can you grab my brush from upstairs? I need to talk to Axel and brushing his hair usually calms him down," the red haired girl explained. "I'm gonna take him into the living room so we can be comfortable, okay?"
Naminé nodded and went to her roommate's bedroom upstairs, grabbing the girl's brush. She heard Roxas growl into something – most likely a pillow – in the next room over. She would use the time to talk to her own brother while Kairi was busy with Axel. She descended to the main floor of the house again, seeing Kairi sitting on the back of the couch with Axel on the cushion in front of her. Kairi's hands appeared to be buried in the mane that was Axel's hair, lightly scratching her nails on his scalp. He appeared to be relaxing under her touch and she smiled at the scene. She entered the room quietly, tapping Kairi's shoulder with the handle of the brush. She gave a quiet thanks to her friend and took the proffered item, replacing her fingers with it. She gently brushed the knots out of her brother's hair, and Naminé watched the tension leave his figure. She went quickly back upstairs, intent on getting the story out of Roxas.
She knocked on the door of the guest room he was staying in, not wanting to interrupt if he was doing something she didn't want to see. The first time that had happened when they were younger was something Naminé did NOT want to repeat. When she didn't hear anything, she opened the door a little, peeking her head in. "Roxas?" She saw him hunched with a pillow in his lap and his arms wrapped around his knees. He didn't respond to her; either he was ignoring her or he just didn't hear her. She stepped in the room, shutting the door behind her. He didn't stir until she sat on the edge of the bed, shifting the weight of the mattress.
Roxas glanced up at his twin through his bangs, plopping his head back down when he realized he'd have to talk about the previous evening. He really didn't want to… He hated talking about feelings. But especially with Naminé because her ability to read people was uncanny and he was no exception. She nudged his shoulder and he didn't move. "Roxas." He still refused to budge. "Roxas," she said more forcefully. Still nothing. "Roxas!" Naminé shouted at him. He finally flinched at her – it wasn't often she had to raise her voice like that and he knew when she did, she meant business.
"…What." It wasn't an acknowledgement of what he knew was coming. Naminé had a feeling he was just going through the motions to get rid of her.
"Talk to me, Rox. What's going on?" Her voice was softer this time, more serene. She was worried.
"It's nothing, Nam."
"It's not 'nothing' and we both know it. Now please, tell me the truth. What happened last night?"
Roxas sighed, really not wanting to have this conversation. "…I… I told him… That I wasn't comfortable sharing his tent…" He didn't know how to continue.
Naminé was incredulous. "Roxas! Do you realize how terrible that is! I mean talk about mixed signals! You said you were okay with him and then you go and pull that? What's wrong with you?" She was losing steam already, but she was clearly frustrated at him. "What happened that made you change your mind?"
"…He cut me off before I could explain…"
"Explain what? Rox, I can't help you if you don't let me. Unless you're just trying to be a bad friend to Axel. If that's the case I'll leave." She made to get up and leave like she said, but a hand on her wrist kept her from doing so. "Are you gonna talk to me now?"
He remained silent, but his grip was unrelenting. "What is so horrible that you can't even tell your own twin, Roxas? Huh? What is it that's—"
"IthinkImightbegay!" His words rushed out before his brain-to-mouth filter could stop him. He felt his sister stop trying to pull away from him, her body going slack.
"…So… You didn't feel comfortable sleeping in a tent with Axel because you think you could be gay…?" She was trying to understand his logic and it wasn't working for her.
Roxas nodded. "So you're… confused?" He nodded again.
"Okay… So what… What's got you confused? What are you worried about?" The artist was glad to be making progress with her very dense twin.
"I… God this is gonna sound so stupid… I felt… like everyone could, I don't know… Know what I was thinking… Especially Axel. I was afraid that… That I would end up trying to do something that would ruin our friendship. I wanted to… To have some space so I could think."
"Oh Roxas…" Naminé scooted up next to him, allowing him to lay his head on shoulder as he had the night before. "What was there for you to think about?"
When he replied, he sounded genuinely scared, "I don't wanna go to Hell, Nam." His voice trembled slightly and his eyes watered. Now she felt bad for going off on him.
"But you said yourself yesterday, that if God didn't want people to be gay, then He wouldn't have created them like that, right?"
"Yea… But—"
"'But' nothing. If God made someone gay, do you think He would then deny that person access to Heaven when they die? That doesn't sound like the God we were taught to believe in, Roxas. The God of our faith is forgiving and kind. He loves all His children. And that means gay people too."
Roxas felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Now he just had to fix things between him and Axel. At the thought of the redhead, he blushed.
After a few minutes of being comforted by Naminé, he asked, "Hey Nami? Could you do me a huge favor and… um…" he trailed off.
"…Go get Axel for you? Of course." She loved the whole 'twin telepathy' thing they had.
"Thank you. For everything… I love you Naminé. And I really don't tell you that enough."
"Hey, no need to thank me for this. I'm your twin, so of course I'm gonna be here for you all the time. And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, Roxy. I love you too." With that, she stepped out the door, headed back downstairs to the redheaded siblings. She really hoped that Kairi had figured out a way to keep Axel calm so she could defend Roxas before she sent the other boy upstairs.
When the blonde reached the living room, she stopped short and grinned. Kairi was acting as a nurse to treat the cut on Axel's hand. She heard him whine, "Owwwww!" and giggled. 'He can't take a little peroxide on a cut but he can take a needle to the face twice? Wow.' She knocked when Kairi had wrapped her brother's hand with a bandage, "I'm not interrupting anything am I?"
Kairi smiled at her, replying, "Of course not, Nam! Come in and join us." The blonde walked to the couch and plopped down between the two redheads. "So, I guess you two have made up?" Naminé cocked an eyebrow at Axel.
"Sure we have! And as repayment to Kairi, I'm now piggybacking her wherever she needs to go. Except the bathroom. I'll leave that to you, Naminé." His decongestant seemed to have worked.
"Thanks Axel," she responded with heavy sarcasm. "Anyway, I came back down here because Roxas wants to talk to you. But first, I want to clear something up. Okay?" Axel appeared confused but nodded.
"Roxas told me that when you guys went to go talk, he told you he was uncomfortable sleeping in the same tent, correct?"
"Yea," Axel replied warily.
"He then said that you cut him off before he could fully explain. I'm assuming that's when you stormed away from him."
The taller redhead appeared to be closing himself in at this statement. He was still upset by the hurtful words, but he knew he'd probably overreacted. He nodded sheepishly.
"Okay Axel, that's all I wanted to clear up. What you need to do now is go up and talk to him. Just know that it's not exactly his fault for feeling uncomfortable right now. Don't get mad with him again, please. And allow him to explain at his own pace. He's so afraid to admit what's got him feeling the way he does, and it's not my place to say it for him. Can you promise me that?"
"I… Yea. I'm sorry I made such a mess of things for you, Nams."
"I forgive you, just get your butt upstairs," she smiled at him. He gave a weak mock-salute and pushed himself off the couch. As he made his way to Roxas' room, the girls looked to each other and grinned, already knowing things would be fine between their brothers.
Axel approached the wooden barrier nervously. It took him several minutes to work up the courage to knock. Naminé's words worried him. He braced himself for whatever mood Roxas might be in because of this whole situation and knocked. He heard a barely spoken 'come in' before he twisted the knob and glanced in the room. He spied Roxas looking rather lifeless, dejected and withdrawn. He stepped inside fully, closing the door behind him.
"Um. Roxas?" He spoke softly.
The blonde looked up when he heard his name, taking in Axel's lack of clothing and trying as hard as he could not to check him out. He blushed furiously and turned away. "I… I … You… Please put a shirt on." His words jumbled up in his mouth as he tried to keep his eyes averted from the redhead's very well-toned abdomen and chest.
"Huh? Oh. Right. Hold on a sec," he left and quickly reappeared a minute later with a plain white t-shirt on, hiding his body from the blonde's eyes. He heard the door shut a second time and looked up, relieved that he wasn't straining to hide his emotions now. The redhead approached the bed, silently asking if he could sit with Roxas. The blonde moved his legs, scrunching them up so Axel could sit in front of him like Naminé had done.
"I'm sorry…" Axel spoke before Roxas could. "I'm sorry for the way I acted last night. I overreacted and—"
"Axel, shut up for a minute."
"—I didn't–what?" He cut himself off.
"I said be quiet. You don't have to apologize for acting the way you did. I'm the one who's in the wrong right now, not you. I… I was trying… to explain… I just couldn't get the words out. And you got mad about what I said, I'm sorry I hurt you but I couldn't spit it out," Roxas had worked himself up again. By now, the tears had started rolling down his cheeks again. "I wanted to, b-but the words… And you l-left, and I-I was so scared, I didn't wanna m-make you leave, and I…" he hiccupped and tried to stop rambling. He felt arms cocoon him and he realized Axel was pulling him onto his lap. He clutched Axel's shirt and forgot about his internal issues for a moment.
"Roxas… Hey, calm down," he lifted Roxas' chin, looking into azure eyes, "I'm not mad. I promise. Okay?" Roxas blinked the tears out, keeping his eyes closed as he nodded, trying to get himself under control again. "Deep breaths now. It's okay." Axel rested his cheek on top of the blonde locks, holding his best friend until he could speak clearly again.
"…Okay. I'm good, Ax." Axel loosened his hold on the blonde, ready to let him go. Before he could, Roxas gripped his shirt tighter, whispering, "Please don't let go…"
"O… Okay." His arms tightened again despite his immense confusion. Roxas spoke up again, "This… This is easier for me to say what I need to. Because I can't see your face and that makes me less nervous, so… Can we just stay like this for now?"
"Whatever you need Rox. Just take your time. I'm not going anywhere."
The blonde attempted to start several times, losing his nerve each time. He took a deep breath and started again, "I… I want you to know that what I said last night – not being okay with sleeping next to you – it's not because of you. I meant what I said about still being your friend it's just…" He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, willing his pulse to slow down some. "What you told me… It made me think about a few things… Things I never would have thought about before…if… If you hadn't said you were gay…" Roxas felt Axel's chest rise in a small gasp. He was definitely surprised by the turn of events.
"Axel… I think… I… My subconscious has been… Dammit, why is this so hard?" His heart was pounding in his chest. "I've… Lately I've been… I've had these dreams for the past few months… Like, at first, it was this blurry figure in a black cloak with the hood up, hiding their face from me. They would start talking, and I wouldn't be able to hear anything until this voice would say 'You need to wake up' and then I'd wake up. Every time I had this dream, the figure would become less and less blurry, and eventually I could see eyes behind the hood. They were green, like yours… And it never got any clearer than that… Until last night. When I went to sleep, I had the dream again, and… This time, the hood was down, and, the voice telling me to wake up was… It… It was yours."
Axel didn't know how to process this information. His best friend had been dreaming about him? And what was that line supposed to mean? Wake up from what, besides the dream? He was extremely confused again and was about to voice his thoughts when Roxas started explaining again.
"Anyway… I woke up today at about three this morning after that dream… And I've been… Thinking, about you, about myself, and what you told me… And I think that my subconscious has been trying to tell me something important for a while now…" Roxas was silent for a few minutes. He was letting Axel think things through, but he was also trying to figure out how he was going to say what he needed to say.
The redhead spoke as if he were afraid everything around him would shatter if he spoke too loudly. "And what's this something?"
"I… I…I think that I'm at-ttracted to you…" The blonde's face flushed a bright shade of red, almost matching Axel's hair. When the redhead didn't respond, Roxas glanced up, trying to see his face. Axel appeared to be frozen – most likely from shock. Roxas poked a tattooed cheek, trying to get Axel's attention again. He had to confirm his thoughts one way or another.
The taller male blinked rapidly and shook his head, as if clearing his mind. He tried to speak though, and it seemed that he couldn't quite achieve that function yet.
"Axel? I was wondering something… Would you be able to help me with something?" Axel looked at him and opened his mouth to say yes, but no sound came out. He nodded instead.
"C-can you um… close your eyes and uh, l-let me up for a s-second?" His nerves made him stutter – something he hadn't done since middle school.
Axel nodded again and released his hold on the blonde, allowing him to stand up. He closed his eyes as Roxas had asked him to do and waited to figure out what was going to happen. He was still shocked at the blonde's admission and he didn't quite feel the reality of the situation at hand. His mind was firing a thousand thoughts at once, not able to focus on a single one. He thought he'd fry his brain for sure when the thoughts all stopped. He felt a tingle in his lips and his skin broke out in goosebumps when he realized that Roxas was kissing him. It was a chaste press of lips against lips, but it was a kiss nonetheless. A chill slithered down his spine and Roxas pulled back, blue eyes searching the depths of green ones.
The blonde was blushing madly and he was obviously nervous about the whole encounter, but kept his gaze glued to Axel's. He spoke so quietly, Axel wasn't sure if he was imagining it or not. "You felt that, right? That…shock?" Axel's ability to speak failed him once more and he nodded vigorously. "C-can I… again?" The redhead's brain had finally caught up to what was happening and he shifted closer to the blonde, giving him the chance to back away if he wanted. When he didn't, Axel reached an arm around Roxas' waist, snaking it up his back to the base of his neck. He pressed his lips against the shorter male's more firmly, his skin breaking out in goosebumps once more.
In response, Roxas brought his arms up and laced them around Axel's neck, leaning slightly more into the embrace. Axel tentatively poked his tongue out to stroke the blonde boy's bottom lip and the seam of his mouth. Roxas gasped, moving backwards just a fraction of an inch with startled blue eyes staring at Axel like he couldn't believe the situation. When Axel dared to open his eyes for the second time – when had they closed again? – he was amused at the expression on his crush's face. Roxas was indeed eyeing him warily, as though he might even disappear any moment.
"What's with that face, Rox?" Axel teased with a small smile.
"I…" He was still very embarrassed about the whole thing, and probably still not entirely sure if he was attracted to Axel or not. "I didn't…take into consideration your feelings. I didn't even think about you because—"
"Roxas."
"—I was so caught up in my thoughts—"
"Roxas."
"—and my confusion to ask—"
"Roxas." Axel spoke a little more firmly this time.
"—whether or not you liked someone and I mmph—" He was cut off by Axel's lips attaching to his. The touch was just barely there and apparently only a tactic to get him to stop talking. He'd been rambling again, hadn't he?
"Can you shut up for about five seconds and let me talk here?" Roxas nodded dumbly, newly embarrassed by his lack of a mouth filter. Axel continued, "I do like someone. But," he kept talking when Roxas looked like he wanted to protest, "he doesn't even realize that I like him like that. He's so smart but can be so dense about some things…" Roxas furrowed his brow.
"But if you do like someone, why did you let me kiss you?" Axel had never seen his best friend look so insecure.
"Because one, you're my best friend and you're obviously confused about yourself, and two, well… Apparently he's the only one who hasn't figured out it's him I like. I'm not exactly hiding it anymore. My sister figured it out pretty quickly, and if I know one thing about his sister, she's figured it out too."
Roxas furrowed his brow thinking, 'It can't seriously be me… Can it?' But then again, he'd told Naminé, and he knew Kairi was inclined to gossip… He'd also just told Axel that the redhead's admission got him thinking about himself. 'It's just too coincidental. There's no way it's that damn easy.' He sighed, already feeling a headache forming behind his eyes. "I need a cig. You, uh… Wanna come with me?" Azure eyes met acidic green and Axel agreed, releasing the blonde to procure the carton of cigarettes and a lighter.
They stepped onto the adjoining balcony to Roxas' room, their eyes adjusting to the mid-morning light of the sun. The angle of the house created just enough shade for them to stand in comfortably, and Axel pulled out two cigarettes, handing one to Roxas. Cupping his hand around the top of the lighter, he flicked the button and lit up. He took a deep drag from the cancer stick and passed the lighter to Roxas so he could do the same. They stood in a comfortable silence for a few moments, each inhaling the smoke from their cigarettes.
Axel attempted to joke, "Sorry that my being your friend made you start smoking."
Roxas replied, "Not like it matters much. I don't even do it unless I get really stressed about something or I need something to calm me down." After a beat of silence, he continued, "Besides, I probably would have started on my own anyways. So I think you just made me skip to the inevitable."
"Oh." Axel looked to the ground, flicking the ash from the cherry of his cigarette. After another deep drag and exhalation of the smoke, he asked, "Have you figured it out yet?"
"Hmm? Figured what out? If I'm attracted to you?"
"Uh, well, that too. But I meant if you've figured out who I like. I mean, if you haven't yet, you're definitely overthinking it."
Roxas was silent for a minute before asking, "Will you tell me about him?"
"I… Yea, sure Rox. What do you want to know?" Axel was somewhat hesitant.
"What does he look like?" was the first question Roxas had to know.
"I can't tell you that without giving it away. Try again." The redhead smirked.
"Okay… What do you like about him?"
"Well, as I said earlier, he's really smart, but he can also be very naïve, which I think is just cute. He kinda pouts when he's deep in thought; he's compassionate and puts others before himself. He has a close bond with his sister, who always comes first to him. He's a great study-buddy because he takes really awesome notes… He always has to know everything possible about situations before he can analyze things rather than trusting his feelings and… He's pretty much perfect." Axel's cigarette had since burned to the butt and he stomped it out on the ground. Roxas took one final drag and did the same. He remained silent, and after five minutes, Axel asked him, "Still can't figure it out?"
Roxas looked at the ground and shook his head no. It sounded kinda like him, minus the perfect part, but he just couldn't be sure. He didn't realize Axel had come to stand in front of him until he felt fingers under his chin and his eyes met the redhead's. His pulse sped up slightly and he couldn't look away. Axel brought his face closer and stopped when their lips were almost touching. With a lidded gaze, Axel spoke against his lips, "It's you," and closed the distance between them. Roxas felt himself responding immediately, this time not pulling back when he felt Axel's tongue run along his lip. He opened his mouth for the redhead and allowed the muscle to explore and taste him.
Roxas allowed his hands to tangle themselves in Axel's hair while Axel's arms locked around his waist, a hand sitting on his hip underneath his shirt. Roxas removed one hand from the fiery mane and slowly, hesitantly, ran his fingers down the redhead's back, resting on the waistband of his sleep pants. Only after the kisses had transpired did Roxas hear his mom's voice in his mind, telling him that if he thought that way again, he'd be damned to an eternity in hell. He'd once confided in his mother that he was experiencing some confusion in his feelings and was curious about his sexual identity. His mother had a… negative reaction to that. She'd back-handed him, declaring in a terse voice that "no son of mine is a faggot!" As she stormed from the room, Roxas had idly brought his hand up to the stinging area where he'd been slapped, surprised to see a bit of blood on his hand when he pulled it away. One of his mother's rings had cut him due to the force of her hand. He'd spent the rest of that evening emotionally numb and uncaring.
As the memory replayed itself in his mind, he abruptly shoved the redhead back and off of him. Of course he couldn't just let things continue, but he realized it was probably for the better.
"What the hell was that, Rox?" Axel's words dripped venom at the sudden rejection. He. Looked. PISSED.
"I… I don't…" Roxas trailed off lamely, scared out of his mind. His heart was racing, his skin was flushed, and he felt the grip of arousal fogging his thought processes. But once he figured out that Axel was attempting to trap him on the balcony, his adrenaline kicked itself into overdrive. "I can't do this right now, Axel! Stop!"
That terrified shout immediately put out the fire of Axel's anger, and he schooled his expression to one of concern. "Roxas, what's wrong?"
"I think you should go," came the mumbled reply. "Sorry."
"Rox," Axel reached out to put a calming hand on the blonde's shoulder.
"I said GO!" Roxas curled in on himself, shaking. He was trying hard not to lose it again.
Axel watched uncertainly as the blonde pulled his arms tighter around himself and held himself back from hugging the poor boy when he heard the desperate sounds of Roxas starting to hyperventilate. FUCK.