The names are not mine, the rest - is.

Hide and Seek

I pull the ceramic penguin off the shelf and try to pull the plug from its bottom. My fingers are like, way too big to fit beneath the rubber I need to grip in order to pry this thing from its house. I glued it in and it's not budging so I take it to the bathroom, and look at myself in the mirror.

Yep. I'm really doing this.

I stuff the plug in its hole, stand back from the sink and lift the penguin level with my head. I told myself I wouldn't want it. That jamming it inside the tiny hole made for coins would be perfect because I could only get it out if absolutely needed. Well, I need it.

I take another step back, afraid I'll get cut, and smack it down into the sink.

The song is screaming. The ceramic edges perfectly broken. My little penguin. Dead.

I edge towards the sink and peer in. I use the handle of my hair brush to sift through the broken money box until I spot the tiny key lying in the rubble of my secrets.

I'm skipping class, in fact probably the whole day, but this morning is important because it's the only time of day lately that Charlie is out of the house. And if I'm lucky, by the time I leave, he will pass me on the way back from the Res, none the wiser.

I pull on my boots and stare at Edwards grey coat. I never returned it after that night in the meadow. You could say I was rather preoccupied with his super speed and strength, and my super fast-growing feelings for him. I grab my bag and his coat, resisting the urge to smell it, to see if it still smells of him, and leave. Nettie left way early this morning and Rose never came home. I hope she's okay.

I wonder if Emmett is like Edward, or more like Jasper. Either way, I worry he's told her. I worry he hasn't.

I walk to my parents house, and begin to talk myself out of this, and back in again, and once more for surety. I walk the road past the hardware store, and past Newton's Outfitters where that boy from my first college party works. I walk the road with no footpath and stare into the trees imagining a new meadow behind each clearing until I finally make it to our street. Seeing my house, my dad's car gone from the driveway, I picture Edward leaning against his shiny silver Volvo, and realise he is painted at the edges of every part of my life now.

I cross the neighbour's driveway, and see Mrs Marks in the window. She smiles at me and my smile back is too small, and not like, real enough for her to see I don't think.

I stand on a pile of bricks, the very same one my dad put there for me to climb so I could let myself in and out this way. Once around back, I stand in front of the closed garage and stare at it, willing it to open on its own. It won't do. And I'm not special enough to have powers like that.

I wonder what my gift would be?

My head is full of this crazy life I think I could have. One where I'm a badass. One where I impress with just my looks, piercing eyes and porcelain skin, compelling the world to see me with my invisible abilities.

I don't know if I want that. All I really want is to be taken seriously by my parents. I want to hang my colours on the white walls of the most famous galleries. And I want Edward. That's what I want.

So I pull open door number one to find her sitting in the same spot as always. Rusting under my neglect, I worry she won't work after a year of doing nothing. I take the key out of my pocket and run my hand along the bonnet. She was a gift for my sixteenth birthday.

Billy and my dad worked on her while Jake and I threw things at each other.

"Menaces. On second thoughts, maybe I should get you a pony. All little girls want a pony, right Bells?" Charlie Swan, down with the kids.

"No way. You promised." Jake started laughing, as if I was the only one to think he was even a little bit serious. I had waited years to have her as my own.

I still remember the first time I drove her.

Billy and I sat up front while we waited for Charlie. Jake had crashed on the sofa, Seth and Leah had already gone home for dinner. I was starving but promised my mom I would wait and eat with them. She hated us coming down here, she had a falling out with Sue Clearwater when I was just a kid and things were never the same for her down here.

"I don't have time." She would say. But I knew it was because she couldn't face them.

Now, I think the accident secretly made her happy. As if like, what I did would make anyone, anywhere happy.

Billy told me stories about his father and his father's father while we waited, and I was hooked like a fish to his every tale. I was tiny and it was cold so I climbed up into his lap for warmth. Him and Jake were always so warm, like the sun. They were all like my second family. I hung on to the steering wheel pretending to drive listening to him talk when he stopped and said, "I bet you Charlie will be here soon. Wanna show him something special for when he gets here?"

I nodded, and he turned the key, the engine roaring to life. She stuttered a few times, like she always did but I was so excited. Billy hedged forward, his foot on the pedal and I gripped the wheel for dear life.

"Hold on tight, don't let go. Easy. Easy. Left. Go left." The truck swerved. "Easy Bella. Turn it just a little, just a hair, no sudden movements. Easy." I was driving. I was driving the big red truck Jake and Leah and I would camp out in every other weekend. We would lie in the back of the truck bed, all smooshed together underneath the stars. I couldn't wait to finally be old enough to drive her.

Then one month before my sixteenth birthday, Charlie told me she would be mine. Only if I helped work on her. By help, he really meant keep Jake busy while he and Billy did all the grafting. They knew we were close, he was my best friend. He was my...something.

I open the door and she creeks, the dusty silence feeling more and more like loneliness.

When I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, he's what I think of, the person I want to show up and remind me. Because Edward sees me. Somehow. He's becoming my...everything.

I get in and use the key, the engine rumbles making me smile, the sadness of remembering Billy and how he was then to how he is now, forces the tears I've been running from to sting my eyes.

-o-

The beginning of term had been just as any other new year: filled with acceptance and expectance. I expected the classes to offer me nothing new, and I had accepted that this life was to offer me no one new. Until Bella.

The first few weeks were painful. Apart from my transformation, something of a lost memory now, they were probably the most painful of my entire existence. I got to sit at the same table as her in exactly one class, one that she may very well drop next year, so I became determined to make the most of it. I tried not to count the days, losing moments gone forever, but as fire torched my throat and she became a real person with real expressions, likes, dislikes, and movements I began to guess before she made them, I was addicted. And so eventually, the fire wasn't always the first thing I noticed anymore. It was her eyes. Her smile, worried under the further expectation of social life in college. She wrote out words in another language, hidden doodles to the sweeping eye of any freshman as I tapped a new lullaby underneath the table with my fingers imagining the girl at my piano.

I told myself it was all just a fantasy. I couldn't really have her. She would see the monster, and she would run. I would want her to.

But then I felt her.

And then I held her in my hands.

And now she invades my very being with her voice.

"Don't go."

My fingers slide against the ivory with ease, the black steps forming words inside that I cannot say. My world is a song now, still only the softest of tinkering made from my real, very real feelings. My head is low to the keys, pressed to the top of the piano, holding me there. Holding me up. She holds me up in a state of hope when hope had left a long time ago. She laughs at my secrets and begs for truth. She stares into the face of a monster and wills it to eat her.

One kiss. And it might be the case.

Is that really true of me? If I really didn't trust myself, would I place her in such danger?

The keys press themselves now, it seems. Under the inevitability of my wants, my actions, they dance.

I won't hurt her. That much is true.

I play and play until I can see an end, one that doesn't fade out into the dark. One that doesn't end abruptly, shocking itself and its listeners. Note after note, I never tire of the consuming joy she brings me, the thought of her, this song for her.

I realise I've played all night by the time the day is here, and I have resolved to do whatever it takes to keep her the way she is. Bella. My Bella.

She is only beginning, and I want to see it all with her.

I decide to hunt before class; elk for breakfast and clean clothes to go so I can change after feeding in the forest, avoiding Esme and the others. The sun is out this morning, and as I stand in its pathway, the rays lapping at my pale skin, I flinch away from its power, running off through the trees away from its warmth. The air is clean, soothing me, preparing my lungs. I trust I'm capable of restraint now, having tested out proximity several times with her, but it never hurts to take extra precautions.

When I get to class, I'm already late and Bella isn't here. The room reeks of J.J's wretched animals, and the stale stench of humans I do not care for. I make eye contact with Siobhan and she grins at me. Her bloodied eyes have me worried. Her kind like to play with their food. Though surely they wouldn't make a move knowing Bella is mine.

The Irish coven she belongs to came to this part of the world once we had already settled here, and Carlisle seemed pleased at first, until their promise to hunt out of area became a broken one, and a few townspeople went missing.

Still, I doubt such an attempt would be made on Bella. Jasper informed me that he made it quite clear to them and the others at first meeting under the bleachers, that she isn't to be played with. He likes their company for whatever reason, or at least tolerates it, so I trust he will handle anything that threatens her safety.

It's not like Bella to skip a class or have a day off unless something is wrong, and my imagination is beginning to run wild with the possibilities. J.J has seen me now, my lateness making me quite obvious so fleeing doesn't seem like a good idea at this point. I take my phone out and send a message to Jasper.

From: Edward
To: Jasper
Sent: 10 Dec 2012 10.21
Have you seen Bella today?

More than worry, the overwhelming need to see her is drumming at my legs, tapping at the soles of my feet to run, run and find her. Feel her warmth, see her glassy brown eyes, and smile at the words she speaks as they fill my head.

From: Jasper
To: Edward
Sent: 10 Dec 2012 10.24
Not today, ditching.

College. Why does he bother? Or is ditching a part of the pretence too?

From: Edward
To: Jasper
Sent: 10 Dec 2012 10.25
She's not in class. Where are you?

"Cullen, look alive." Funny. Or it would be. If I weren't absolutely and positively the opposite of alive.

"Toutes mes excuses, monsieur." I smile and assert myself. Locking eyes with J.J, he has my full attention now. Unwavering in my glare, he steps back, no doubt alarmed by the contrast of both my charm and fierceness on display for all to see. I usually try not to be so obvious but the balding man before me is testing my already strained patience.

"Meow, Cullen." Siobhan communicates with me in her quietest of voices and I snap, facing her in response. If either of them has gone anywhere near Bella, I will tear them apart, limbs and heads, thrown to the fire, and burn them. Burn them all.

It feels like five whole minutes have passed before she bows her head in submission. A fight would not end well for her, or her coven. And I would hate to displease Carlisle - despite their eating habits, he has been friends with the elder Irish vampires for many, many years - though I wouldn't hesitate when it comes to Bella.

I check my phone. Four new messages and a missed call, three more from Jasper and one from Alice, the call came from her too.

From: Jasper
To: Edward
Sent: 10 Dec 2012 10.26
With Alice. If I see her I'll let you know, man.

From: Jasper
To: Edward
Sent: 10 Dec 2012 10.28
Alice is looking into it.

From: Jasper
To: Edward
Sent: 10 Dec 2012 10.32
It's not good, bro. Meet at the girls dorm.

From: Alice
To: Edward
Sent: 10 Dec 2012 10.35
Edward, I don't see her anymore. Meet us at her room. NOW.

My chair flies across the floor, the door almost coming off its hinges. I am gone. I am immersed in a vat of life-ending scenarios. All more horrifying than the ones before it.

AN:

The Boy doesn't know who Billy is, or Seth or Leah. Explaining to him elicits a confused-oh my god-what have I got myself into face-it's amusing, and he is amazing for continuing to get messy in this for me anyway.

I would love to know your thoughts on this new development!
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samrosey. xo