AN: I hope you all enjoyed the holidays! Christmas kicked my ass, but I'm back, and with a big one too! So big I split it into two... Enjoy! xo

The names are not mine, the rest - is.

Crash Into You

Billy wasn't mad at me. He was hurt. I could see it from the look on his face; holding months of words I think he wanted to throw at me but couldn't, wouldn't ever. Hurt. Hurt that I had seemingly forgotten him, and the world that made up my second family. Hurt that I didn't come around anymore. Hurt.

He told me Jake had left for military school but it seemed like a lie and when I asked him about Leah, he wouldn't look at me.

Billy began to cry then, pools of silent tears overflowing without fuss as he told me Harry Clearwater, Leah and Seth's father, had died. The air in the room died along with those words and the realisation that I was no longer a part of their family. I took myself away after the accident and most days now, I don't even think of them anymore. Sure, someone will say something or I will be doing something and a vague memory of something from our time together will invade the present as if they are still there, still here, but am I miserable without them? I've grown up, and out, and am now way too far away.

Even still, after he told me, I began to feel mad. Mad at my own father for not like, fighting my mom for his dreams, wondering if he'll die too, having only lived to be by her side. Mad at him for not telling me about one of his best friends passing away.

But mostly I was just mad at myself for running away after the accident, forcing Charlie to choose between me and them when it didn't have to be this way.

-o-

"The room is more or less the same except for... Edward, there's some broken glass." Alice informs me as I stare at the pink and black thread around my wrist, trying not to think of all the horrific ways Bella could be injured. I cover it back up, because this is not that time, she has to be okay.

I lean over a sink full of damage, unable to shy away from a scenario in which Bella isn't lying alone, and bleeding out somewhere needing my help.

"What if you're wrong? Or it's a trick. Something has gone awry and you can't see her simply because you can't. Does it have to mean a tragedy?"

"You know how it works. Have I been wrong before?" She places a hand on my shoulder, the same as Esme would. She's right, she hasn't ever been wrong. But Bella is different. Her blood is different, affecting me in ways we've never known before.

"She is... an anomaly." She is the truth to the darkness inside of me. One I have waited for.

"You know how it works." She reminds me.

"I spoke to Emmett," Jasper says, stuffing his phone back into his pocket, "He and Rose never came home. He said they're on their way up to the cabin, Carlisle is going up too, just in case." Invaded with more worry. Head space wasted with thoughts of their juvenility.

"Children. All of you. You can't just turn people into this. Statues and toys. Trinkets to keep." Trinkets. Bella has box after tiny box, painted in all the colours of the world, lined along her book shelf. "Yes. Let us make even more monsters."

"What happened last time was my fault, and my fault alone." Jasper looks sad, and if my very bones weren't screaming out, wishing to learn of Bella's fate, the thorns I feel constantly pricking my skin stabbing one after the other keeping me from exploding, weren't so striking, I would go to him, lend a shoulder of my own. A comfort I could give. But I cannot. Not now. Not until I know. Not until I've seen her. And if I were human, it would be all that's keeping me alive. I'm sure of it. I know it has been difficult for Jasper, increasingly so. I know he longs to be able to forget. Doomed to remember for all eternity what he and Alice caused that girl to live as for the rest of her life, but it doesn't change the fact, it only proves how dangerous it is. How dangerous we are.

"Carlisle won't let that happen to Rose." Alice chimes in, not at all helping. My patience is lost.

"I know." I do. He changed both Esme and myself without trouble. "What will Bella think? I don't want her to feel like this is something she has to become. I won't have it." It may be too late to get to the next step of her own volition now anyway. Maybe all decisions have been made for us. "Jasper, what if..." They took her. The others. What if they're feeding from her limp body right now? My expanding fears are only escalating me higher.

"Calm down. We'll get to the bottom of this." I feel Jasper's pull, the momentary rush of something else, something not frantic, something altogether normal that I should be trying to embrace. But then it's gone. Because it's not enough to quell the panic that something awful is happening.

"Here. It's from some kind of ornament. A piggy bank maybe." Alice hands me a rubber plug.

"She was leaving?" It's a question, because I can't know when all I have is the empty hope she left behind. I wish I didn't have to ask. I wish I could see the answers written across her face. I don't want to wonder if she left me, why she wouldn't simply tell me this was the end. If Bella's in trouble, I dread to think she would keep it from me, from everyone.

"She knew you wouldn't let her leave."

"Alice. You're not helping. Your half truths and wonky sight are muddy at best right now, you're just confusing me." Pursed lips angle towards me, fierce eyes begin to soften.

"I'm sorry." Her black hair, like ink splashed against the page of her white skin moves only slightly as she turns a fraction to face me, leaning into me, for forgiveness.

"Don't be. Can we just find her. Please." I beg.

"Her closet's full. Her half eaten toast is on the bedside table. I don't know, if she left bro, I feel like more would be gone, left for good, not like she's coming back."

"Jasper, do you think Liam..."

"No."

"But what about..."

"Edward, man. I told them. I warned them. They know who she belongs to."

"Well, she doesn't belong to me." Not anymore at least. Or maybe never at all.

"Not yet." Alice places her hand on my shoulder again. It's not comforting but I smile anyway.

I wonder if Bella needed money, and what it might be for. A trip perhaps, a means to leave. And if I am looking at it all wrong, maybe she's visiting someone, returning to someone, or running from someone? I don't believe there is anyone else she longs for but how much do I really know about her before. Before me. Before I showed myself to her. A multitude of why's and what for's swim deep underneath the surface of the water, climbing for air.

"What about Maggie?" Alice eyes me, already knowing my answer, observing my disbelief at her question. Maggie is a deviant, not at all welcome amongst me and mine.

"She's too dangerous." I close my eyes, the images of her and the blonde woman from the sports store. Brutal.

"But she'll know if the others are lying. We warned them, sure man, but I think you know as well as I do, they don't always keep their promises. And she has a friend, James. He's a tracker, he could help." Jasper is right about the truth being easy to find. If the Irish coven are hiding something, Maggie will know. And not just because she is one of them. Her gifts would help us and set me at ease when it comes to this particular brand of hurt.

"Make the call." I give Jasper the go ahead and sink into the mattress of Bella's bed. Her pretty scent is all around us. I think about trying to track her myself but it's no use. Once I get past campus, I will be assaulted by all the ways she's been, all the paths she's crossed. Each one as indecipherable from the other. Only a gifted tracker can find her without any leads. And we have none.

"It will be alright, Edward."

"As terrifying as it is, Alice. You simply don't know if that's true."

"I hate not seeing. I'm tuned in to one station, the right station at all times, and everything is clear, until it's not. And then it shifts, until it becomes clear again."

"What about Charlie? Her parents. Do you see a funeral?"

"No."

"That's good. That's something." I try to convince myself.

She sits next to me, watching Jasper as he talks rapidly into his phone. I sit next to her, watching the new world I thought I was stepping into, disappear.

-o-

Billy wasn't angry with me this morning but he was hurt, and I left not getting what I came for.

And now I'm hurt.

Hurt and alone. The Res is not the same anymore. My sun has gone, hidden away somewhere in secrets, the warmth I once smiled for doused by my failure.

I'm hurt, and no one even knows I'm here. I rub my wet face against the thick wool of Edward's grey coat but that hurts too.

-o-

"I can't sit here any longer," My fingers are wrapped tight around the door handle as they eye me in an instant, "I have to look, wherever her scent leads me."

"We understand." Alice tells me.

"You'll make arrangements." I tell them, and I'm gone.

I stand at the road leading up to the Port, I catch Bella's scent in the direction of the meadow and turn. I catch it close to where I usually park, and turn again, the rain dampening everything. What was I thinking; I am no tracker.

I look at the rope around my wrist, tying me to her. She doesn't know I have this. I know not where it came from. But I do know where I can learn.

I'm halfway to her house, wondering if she has fallen victim to something as mundane as a home accident, while driving double the speed limit in this atrocious weather when I get a message from Jasper with details of the arrangement. Maggie is willing to question her own siblings for us, anything for Jasper, of course. I didn't think of it before but Alice must not be happy about having them involved, though it was her who suggested it. Knowing Alice can see my feelings for Bella, has seen the pictures in her mind, learnt the truth through her own way, pleases me. That she would put forth the option of using Maggie to help us - her obsession with Jasper has caused problems in the past - ensures me indebted.

Maggie is a truth seer, she has the ability to tell if someone is lying, which will be greatly helpful when it comes to her brother and sister, along with the fact she herself cannot lie due to such a gift.

James is to go ahead and meet everyone at the dorm in order to get acquainted with Bella's scent and her things. I told them to meet me here. Bella's parents home. As I pull up outside, I notice Charlie's car is parked on the street, and he is standing inside the empty garage.

I grip the wheel. The conversation we need to have is already running track inside my mind. This was supposed to happen under better circumstances.

Still, I'm ready because I have to be, so I breathe in the air I don't need but that will comfort me some in the coming minutes.

I step out of the car, taking the longest walk as the frenzy that's attempting to control me on the inside, begs me to run and be in front of him already.

The bearded man turns to me as I approach, his wrinkled fingers pressed against his forehead as he surveys me in the rain.

"Mr. Swan?" I know it's him, but he has never seen me before today, let alone met me. I don't suppose Bella has mentioned me either; the cold skinned vampire whom she may have run away from.

"Yeah, yes. You are?"

"Edward, sir. Edward Cullen. I'm a friend of Bella's. We take a class together."

"What's wrong? Where is she?" He's already worried, this doesn't bode well.

"I was hoping you could tell me? You see, Bella didn't come to class today and we had an important assignment."

"She didn't?" He turns to look at the empty space as if it will give him answers.

"Sir, do you have any idea where she might be?"

"Uh, what? Oh, no. That's not like Bells, you know. She's one of the good ones."

"Yes. She is." I step forward as if it will give me his information that much faster.

"She took the truck. She may be down at the Res."

"The Res." The Reservation. I wonder what reason she has to go to this place as I hope he will respond to my non question. Bella and I are friends. Much more than. Should I already know her reasoning?

"Yeah. We have uh, family down there. She took the truck." His face is that much paler than when I arrived. I have my best face on, my eyes soft but not sad, my posture strong but not menacing and my voice is light, friendly. He's concerned. Or at least surprised. But not by me. By Bella.

"Thank you. I'll find her."

"You will? Maybe it's best if you wait, son." He steps towards me as I back away, the frenzy is once again very present. I have to go. Now.

"Don't worry. It was nice meeting you, Mr. Swan."

"She has a bad hand, you know? Hurt it a while back. She shouldn't really be driving."

"I'm sure she's fine. Like I said." I gesture towards my car and he nods. We're done here.

-o-

The wet is everywhere now. My clothes are like, soaked through. Soaked with this nightmare. I feel like I've peed my pants. I feel silly for thinking that. I try to move but I can't feel my legs.

I worry the rain won't stop. I'm scared to worry that I might not be okay. I'm scared to worry that I'll never know why my mom hates me so much, and that the day she was supposed to start loving me would come eventually. But now it won't. I'm scared to worry I'll never know love. I'm scared to think I might never see Edward again.

I'm scared.

-o-

The roads leading to La Push are slick, and unsafe without any barriers. I drive my machine as fast as it will go, wondering whether I should have come out here on foot, forcing my search to become that much faster. I try to focus, the inevitable meeting and how I might find her, on my mind. Alice's words from earlier on today, bludgeon me as I remember the feeling, the words flashing before my eyes as they appeared on my phone screen. I am momentarily blinded by a torrent of emotions, and I swerve, but gain control again before it means too much.

Edward, I don't see her anymore.

But I must see her again. Her rosy-red cheeks flushing the cream of her skin. Apache tears born from her dark fiery eyes, as the beauty of her round face smiles at me. The last time cannot be the last time ever.

Inamorata. She is mine.

La tua cantante. Made for me.

I inhale, the sea air is fragrant up here, the sweet burying the sweet as I catch something familiar.

I stop the car, not caring where I leave it, and stand on the edge of the point and look out. I don't see anything but wet. I don't see her. But I can smell her, her scent soaked in rain. She is here, somewhere.

Before I know where I'm going, the monster in me knows better. The road is fast beneath my feet as I make ways with speed to get to her. I hear the downfall, I hear the birds, I hear the driving of a car below and a small boy talking to the father that drives him. I hear the banging of something light against metal.

Bang.

Bang.

I hear a whimper. I hear struggle.

Bang.

I hear Bella. Fighting for her breath.

Bang.

Bang.

A big dirty red truck sits on it's side at the foot of a steep hill. Water, so much water as the rain pools at the bottom where a girl, my girl bangs the roof with a small rock.

The sight is like a volcano, finally erupting. Like the air I do not carry gushing out all at once. My reaction is too full for even me to take. I move to grip the side of the truck and lift it, pulling Bella out, I let go almost instantly before I can do anymore damage.

She is drenched in the storm of this island. The side of her face caked in her own blood. I close my eyes as the fire ignites in my throat, my bones aching to lunge.

"Bella." Her eyes move but do not appear. "I'm here, Bella. I'm here."

Her fingers relax as she drops the rock, the stone having impacted her skin from holding it so tightly.

"Can you hear me, Bella?"

Nothing. I listen to her heart, the pulsing dance I am used to has gone, the lagging thump of her broken heart sits inside, too far away for me to mend.

"I can't..."

"Tell me, what is it? Bella, you're gonna be okay. I'm so sorry I didn't get here sooner. I've got you now."

"My legs. Can't...move..."

The rain is coming down faster now, pelting her head, washing some of the blood away. The cut on the side of her face is long and deep. I look around for something I can use, anything to prop her up with so she doesn't drown. I look inside the truck to search for something and grip the seat with both hands, pulling, I tear it from its root. I wedge it underneath her but it halts beneath me. I pull it out and look to see that it has snagged on a piece of glass, embedded into her back.

"My god, Bella..."

She doesn't speak, her body limp. I listen to her heart, thump, thump.

I take out my phone and call Jasper.

"I found her. I'm at Break Point, La Push. Bottom of the hill. Get Carlisle, hurry. And Jasper, it's bad. It's really, really bad."

I always thought it was funny. I've been to medical school twice, simply because I could, but I never practiced as Carlisle did. Still, I know enough to know I shouldn't pull it out. The shard of glass, now a weapon used by what? The Gods, the spirits, the forces of something evil to impale this girl, sweet and lovely. I know enough to know that she is dying a slow death as she bleeds out before me, the very thing that calls to me. Though, I look at her paler than usual face and all I see is my reason to exist. Not food, not the essence of our beings pulled and torn into a fight with one another. All I see are hopes and dreams wilting under the downpour and tragedy.

I hold on to the seat as if I'm holding on to her body, wishing I could; I would give anything, when I realise she's wearing my coat. Despite the scene of the girl I adore, lying mutilated in the road, a small smile takes over my face as I embrace her sentiment.

This can't be it.

"Stay with me, Bella. Okay? Help is coming. You have to stay with me so they can fix you. This can't be it. Stay with me."

Tears sting my eyes. Hot tears I haven't felt for decades upon decades. The fire that was once so red and bright, almost causing me to take her, kill her and have this be done with is nothing, nowhere to be found compared to this, my love, lying in the sea of her own blood.

The rain isn't drying out under my will, and the blood seems as if it never stops. I am helpless to her cause as I begin to pump her chest, attempting to save her life. But it's no use, and I'm convinced whatever life I push back in with my every pound, I take back out with each pass of my hand. I'm making it worse. Crushing her with my strength, no doubt.

"Edward, stop!" My siblings arrive on foot, my father behind them. Carlisle quickly positions himself between Bella and I, agony ripped across his face as he takes in the scene of his son, me, and her, my happiness, dying in a shit storm of every bad thing I have ever imagined, and took part in, back to haunt me now, on this day.

"What happened?" His voice floats around my head outside of myself for far too long before I can speak to tell him.

"Did you pull her out? Why didn't you wait?" Alice asks, and I can see it, as if the words appear in the air.

Did you weaken her further?

Have you damaged her beyond repair?

"There was no time to waste. I held her for less than a second. I lifted the truck to get her out but she was already halfway... I had to try, whatever the cost. Carlisle, she has glass in her spine."

Jasper attempts to keep my attention, his moods affecting my own. I stare into his face, letting him, any fire he can douse, any dark he can turn to light, surely won't comfort me, but I am crippled. Unable to move. And I need to move.

"What's wrong with me?"

Carlisle answers as I read the pain, transferring from me to my brother, across his face and along his body as he adapts to it.

"Shock most likely. Can you get up?"

"No."

"Edward. You need your strength." His tone is alarming.

My instincts are alerted, my body is listening as I turn to my father, "What for?"

"Edward, you have to heal her." He tells me, so calm.

"Or change her." Alice interjects. "It's unclear but I..."

"What? What do you see?" I ask, begging her to show me a way.

"No." Carlisle steps in, "You cannot inform him. He must decide."

"I won't make her like me. Bella has to choose that, she has to be the one."

"Then heal her." His fatherly voice, words laced with fear, authority and concern are a maelstrom of extra thoughts I cannot take.

"I can't. The consequences..."

"You don't know what will happen. But at least she will be alive." He is determined. And I am lost.

Bella is equally as lost somewhere in her dreams, as we, animals, decide which meal is made for whom.

AN:

I thank The Boy, he and I had a really fun Christmas! Whether you celebrate the holidays or not, I hope there were plenty of smiles for you and yours.

I split this into two chapters because it felt like a good time to break ahead of what's to come.

Your words mean a lot, sending me a note would be love.
Please and thank you!
samrosey. xo