Millais had engrossed himself in paperwork for the entire evening – reports and files littered his desk, while he furiously wrote yet another letter to yet another medical professional explaining why he was intending on leaving. All this procedure was tiresome and unnecessary, but it gave him an excuse to avoid far more pressing issues, and he was glad of it.

If he was honest with himself, he knew how cowardly his actions had been. He should never have expected Ethel to take it well, and he certainly shouldn't have left her in tears when she so obviously needed his support and comfort. He was a man, and it was the only logical explanation for his insensitivity. However, he was also a human being, and his heart was suffering as it withered beneath his flesh. He could feel his passion and motivation for this departure begin to fade, and he was certain that he wouldn't be able to board the train without making peace, with himself, and with his love.

As he signed his name, the ribbon of ink looping the 'L' in Culpin, he resolved that he needed to speak to her as soon as possible. It was nearing seven, and outside the street lamps flickered in the dusk. He was exhausted from lack of sleep, and he wished he could simply go home, but he knew that he would never rest until he had spoken to her.

With Ethel's face branded on his mind, he marched out of his office, heading for the Nurse's quarters.

xxx

'May I speak with... Nurse Bennett, please?' Millais asked when Laura eventually came to the door. She seemed reluctant to even reply, and he wondered how much Ethel had told the young woman about their relationship.

'I don't think she wants any company at the moment,' she eventually replied, and he almost hit the wall in fury. Why was she toying with him like this? Did she not know what this was doing to him?

'I need to see Ethel immediately. If you don't let me see her I will be forced to break this bloody door down!' He had snapped completely, so in turmoil had he become. He was usually such a rational, calm man, but now he was just another raving lunatic which continuously came through the doors of The London. He had turned into one of his patients!

Laura jumped, startled as she was, and nodded silently. The door was partly closed, and he could hear muffled voices through the gap. He waited, the seconds melting with one another in a relentless stream of nothing. He was slowly going insane...

'What do you want, Millais?'

Her voice brought him back to reality with a start, and as soon as he saw the raw skin beneath her eyes, her dishevelled hair and overall weary expression, he knew how much damage he had truly done.

'I came to see how you were. I need-' He sighed, his head bowed in shame. He could no more think of an answer than look her in the eye.

The silence stretched on, only broken by Ethel shifting her body from one foot to the other as she leaned against the open door. She wanted to go to bed, get pulled into a romantic novel, and fall asleep into the hazy dream she always had – where she and Millais were happily married with their auburn-curled children playing around them. The image of bliss, in her eyes at least.

'I love you,' he whispered gently, eventually looking her straight in the eye. He wanted – no, needed, to make her believe that. It was the only truth left to grip onto.

'I know, Millais. But sometimes love isn't enough. I need trust as well, and how can we ever have that? You promised me a new life – a better life – and now you say that you won't be sharing that life with me. I don't see how we can ever return to what we had after that...'

The thought that she might never forgive him made him sway backwards slightly, almost as though he were about to collapse. Millais had never even considered the possibility that Ethel would stay mad at him forever, but the look she gave him was enough for him to re-think that particular certainty.

In a wild and desperate gesture, he attempted to pull her forwards, his arm awkwardly slinging around her waist so he could bring her face closer to his. But she was angry at him, hurt for all the dreams and aspirations now wasted on a man she may never see again, and she pushed him away, not wanting to share another heart-wrenchingly intimate moment with him.

'I'm sorry, Millais, but I can't do this any more. I just can't.' She slammed the door in his face, and the handsome doctor was left broken as he closed his eyes, uncertain of his own future.

I know this is a short chapter compared others, but I think this is the sort of turning point. I wanted to show the tensions between them, and not just how amazingly happy they are together. Please review as it means the world, and I am sorry for such a late update!