The names are not mine, the rest - is.

To Make Whole

Threaded vines, dark and lovely. Pale skin painted by a massacre. If I never see blood again, I will be the most grateful. If I knew the thirst would never come back, uprooting any other thought I ever had, I would be the most grateful.

If I can wash away the images of today, it will be a miracle.

As Bella lay dying in the road, I couldn't bring myself to this new place.

Heal her.

I don't often embrace the advantages, the quirks and certainly not the gifts of this vampirism.

My blood.

Thievery, at my very hands as I willed her body to live once more. Taking her energy to feed my own.

Heal her.

I could. This whole time. If I had only brought myself to this place. A place where she might exist no longer.

"The consequences..."

We don't know. Just as we don't know why some of us have gifts and others don't. How can Alice see the future?

I won't change her, not without a great fight, certainly not without her word.

I feel as if my bones are not mine, as if my only real reason to exist is waiting for me, and my bones are not my own to call on.

"Carlisle." I beg my father as he shakes me. Shakes me as I stare into nothing. A land of loneliness once more.

"We can make this right, Edward. But if you leave it too long, you'll have no choice but to make her one of us. Your blood has to enter her system while she's still alive in order for her to survive."

"Carlisle." How much of my blood is too much? How much is enough to bring her back from wherever she is lost to?

Jasper sits next to me, we are flooded, and he is determined, persistent, my brother. I turn to look at him, the rain in my mouth choking me, heavier than I remember it ever being.

"Thank you." I tell him. Grateful for his help. His strength. His loyalty.

"It's time." Alice warns me, her face telling me we're running out of that very thing.

"She won't forgive me." I tell it as if I know. And I feel as if I do.

"She'll never forget what you did for her." Alice knows. She sees what's ahead now. I wish for her to tell me, communicate it all to me somehow. But she won't. I'm on my own. "But you have to hurry before someone comes." Alice is on my back while Jasper sits inside my mind.

Carlisle holds Bella's head up, willing me with his eyes.

I sit over her, my Bella, a blurred vision of my insecurities going in might not be the best mood for this. Still, one bite and she's almost there, one bite of my own flesh and I hold my wrist to her mouth, now bloodied, torn of my own teeth, ready. I am ready.

I can't look at my father, holding us all together as I lower my seeping wrist to her soaking wet mouth. I've never shared blood with another vampire, nor human before this day and I never thought I would. I've heard others speak of its advantages, how it feels, what it does to the body and the senses. A new connection is forged. I only wish Bella were awake for the first time such a tie is made.

Though saving her life no doubt takes the place of any love token.

Bella sleeps as I press my wrist to her lips, my blood trickling into her mouth, bathing her tongue and washing away the death as it enters into her system.

I can rest again. I can see again. I can remember her again, as she was. Because she will be that again. The girl I adore. Light and lovely.

-o-

I've thought about dying, and what it would feel like a hundred times over. Sometimes I lie awake at night and see an accident, a fall, an attack. I give myself nightmares, I give myself the opportunity to live or die, each and every time. I've thought about dying, but I never knew it would feel like this. My fingertips are glass, the air runs off them like water. My eyes are closed, but I see everything. Feel everything, like, I'm feathers running along the walls of this place and I'm learning each corner for the first time. I smell clean. The air smells thin with clean, and flowers, and rain. I don't hurt anymore, which is how I know I'm no longer alive.

"I hope you'll forgive me, Bella."

These must be the words he told me as I died.

I don't know what I picked up. I don't know why I picked it up. But I remember the pain leaving my legs, like, I was drifting in a sea of warm water. But the pain in my fingers as I banged, as I hit the side of the truck, scorched through me like it was the only thing I could feel anymore. And then I heard him.

"I'm here, Bella."

I could let go then. I thought, if I just wait until someone comes, until someone finds me. I don't want to be left on the side of the road for days, animals and...maybe even other vampires... I would be easy prey then. Easier than ever.

I thought about Charlie and Renee, I thought about my friends, my classes and, oddly, my teachers. I thought about the meadow, and how even at night I could see how magnificent the place was. It was alive. And I was dying. And I wished for nothing but the grass, and the flowers, and the way my butt would feel damp from sitting for too long, even though it hadn't rained yet that week. I wished for Edward. To tell him that he's the most special creation I've ever known of. Not the colours of Oriel, or the Pre-Raphaelites. Not humans, plain old humans, but the way he moves, and the way he speaks, speaking my name to me like it's the first time I ever heard it. In that moment, I wanted to tell him that just getting to be with him, in any way, across the room from him, via the words he wants to share with me and the way he looks me, is enough. If I can just see him again. If I can just live.

And then I heard him.

"Bella. Wake up. You have to wake up."

My eyes are no longer closed, and I see everything. For the first time, I see Edward. He looks so... New. Of his dark eyes, the obsidian flows. His pale skin, like snow falling.

"I don't understand." I feel stupid, but like I know I'm not. I just know I'm missing something, and how I might possibly be alive.

I try to move, expecting wires, and needles and machines. Where the grey was, is now colour, the vivid colour and its flaws.

"Edward. What's happening to me?" I feel fine. Better than fine. Better than fine ever was. Than good. I feel amazing.

"You're okay. You're at my family's house. Bella, you were in an accident. Do you know what happened?" Edward is standing in front of me, not moving. Not moving one tiny bit. His voice is loud.

"Why are you shouting?" Like really loud.

"Bella, you were in an accident."

"Stop saying that. I remember. I remember everything. I remember ditching class, walking home. I remember driving the truck, and Billy. Oh god. Billy." The tears rush my eyes, as the emotion rushes through my body and I am heaved over, bent to the ground on my knees. "He was so sad, Edward. He hates me. He hates me and I deserve it." I cry as I try to tell him, as all the words try to come out at once. "He was so good to me. He was... He taught me how to drive, and then I broke him. He taught me how to drive and then I taught Jake how to drive but it wasn't right. It wasn't for real, just around the house. There was so much space, Billy wasn't even home. Billy wasn't supposed to be home." I cry, burning hot tears down my face, blinding me, choking me, I don't know why I can't stop.

Edward is kneeling in front of me, holding his arms out, like he wants to touch but can't.

"What are you doing? No." I move away, and he takes my wrist. Softly. Taking my wrist with his whole hand, finger by finger and it's holding me to the ground, to this life, to this now. The fingers of his other hand find my cheek, trailing cold glass along my skin, a sweet relief. "Edward. How... What happened?" Am I dead? Is he high? Am I crazy?

"You were in an accident, and I found you. You were dying, Bella. I tried to fix you, but you kept on trying to die." He looks so sad. My Edward. So tired. "The rain was hard, the thought of you not being here was hard. I did something. Something I hope you can understand. I had no choice. This was the right choice."

"Tell me. Anything. It doesn't matter. Just tell me." He looks sick. Like he wants to be sick but I don't know if vampires do that.

"I gave you my blood." He says, and I feel like I should be spinning, falling down crazy with the weight of his words. But I'm not. Though my tears have finally stopped. "As long as the human heart still beats, the blood of a vampire acts as somewhat of a healing elixir."

"Blood. Healing. Right." Okay. I get it. He gave me his blood.

I look around for equipment, blood bags, something.

"How?" I ask him, and he's still holding onto my wrist. "And why aren't you killing me right now?" This is too much. The thoughts, the selection of thoughts and words and circumstance.

Human. Vampire. Blood. Gifts.

Edward. Edward. Edward.

"Orally." He says.

Edward. Edward. Edward.

"Am I... I mean, did you... Am I a vampire?" His face is wide open, smiling a small laugh as he laughs at me.

"You're still human."

"Then why do I feel like this? Everything is so different. You're so much closer to me, even though you're exactly where you always are, right next to me. My emotions are so... I want to lie down. Or not. I don't know. I want to run, run around in the cold air. But I don't like running. Will this go away?"

"Yes."

"And this?" I lift my arm, his hand attached to me like, like he might not get to do it again."

"Yes. It will."

"Why?"

"Because my blood will leave your system."

"When?" Never. I wish it were never. I almost died. I almost died and I just want this to be over. Everything feels so hard. I think I might cry again.

"In about twenty-four hours."

"A day." A whole day. And night. Not never. "But we have now. Right? We have right now."

"Yes. We have now. But Bella, there are consequences to what we did and my family and I aren't sure..."

"I don't care." I really don't.

"You should." He looks way too worried but I don't want to think about it.

"I thought I was dead." It's a plea. He knows it and I know it. And now it's hanging in the room like a plague.

"This is dangerous. What I did was dangerous."

"I was scared, so scared that I wouldn't see you again. Can we just...be together? You and me. Can I just have you? The way I was supposed to have you since we first met. And you'll have me and we can just..." Everything. We can everything, because I love this boy. I love this boy with all the strength it takes to keep breathing. This love is heavy, but easy. It's overwhelming and colourful. I love this boy and his abilities out of this world. I love this boy with the whole universe. I love him.

"Believe me, I've been waiting for you, Bella." He looks bashful. "Yes. Yes." Edward, shy for the first time, and the smile he's fighting could light up the sky like stars as he brushes my face gently with his finger, not harming me, just feeling me. "I've been waiting to have you."

AN:

The Boy gets messy with my words. He makes me better.

Your thoughts are like hidden abilities. I'm excited to learn them.

How do you like your vampires?
Please and thank you!
samrosey. XOXO