The names are not mine, the rest is.

AN: The penultimate...

Becoming Bella

The sky is really close. Like, all the way here. Right here, just above us. I don't know who's in the room, and who's not anymore.

I drank from Edward.

Cold, and easy. I felt like I was finally getting the drink I had been dying for.

He kisses me. His tongue against mine. The last drops of him still there, lingering between us.

He said he couldn't wait for us to be safe.

He said he was sorry.

He held my hand as the room grew warmer, grew hot. He held me down as the paint felt like it was peeling off the walls and burying me.

"I'm suffocating."

"I can't breathe."

I had said.

Then I heard them. Voices. So many it seemed, all at once.

"It doesn't make sense." I told him.

But when I pulled him closer, there was nothing but my heavy arm, and my lonely hand.

-o-

I fell asleep. I think.

Edward's back now.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I thought it would pass in minutes. Be over quickly."

"It's okay." I try to say. But I don't really know if it came out.

"Carlisle is with Esme, she's healing fast. You were amazing, Edward."

"I wasn't here for her."

Their talking is so close but I don't see her. I don't see Alice.

"Edward." The flames are like waves now. Every few minutes, one drowns me from the inside out. My arms flailing. My legs, being held down by something, or someone.

Who helped me when he was gone?

"Jasper was here." Edward answers me, as if I said it out loud.

The voices are less now, but more clear.

"James?" I ask Edward.

"Don't worry. You're safe, Bella."

"Am I?" Am I? I feel like I'm sinking into the floor, pressed between that and the ceiling. I feel hot, and cold. I feel sick, and hungry. I feel helpless, weak. But I hear things. Things that other people, that Edward doesn't seem to hear.

"You learn to block it out. Only listening to what you want to listen to."

"You're reading my mind." I tell him. And he smiles.

Is he really? I can't feel my fingers anymore but I know he's there. So he must be right.

-o-

"Easy, Edward. You have to let them go."

I feel much stronger now, but like, if I let go, I will unravel and explode. We're hunting. But I'm still hot, though Edward doesn't seem concerned. He said it's normal.

Rose says she feels hot too.

She hugged me, and said I smelled good. She smelled the same but I didn't say that.

"I'm still scared." I tell Edward, as he watches me. Him and Emmett standing together.

-o-

She tastes nothing like Edward. She's warmer. She's thicker, and saltier. She's like a dry drink, whereas Edward was wet.

Animal blood.

"I'm done. I'm going back." I tell Rose, and then I start to run.

And run.

I run past the tiny rocks, I would usually get my foot stuck in. I run up the bank, and don't feel tired. I run back down the other side, and feel like I'm flying. Like a bird. Like I'm a bird, and I can't feel the ground anymore, I'm going so fast.

"Bella!" Rose is behind me.

We run for what feels like a few more minutes, and then fall together laughing. The grass black. The sky even blacker.

-o-

"What happened with James?"

"Bella."

"Don't do that." The anger has met me already, but I know I shouldn't be this mad.

"He's gone. He won't be returning."

"Did you kill him?" I saw Esme. She was exhausted. She had healed by the time I transitioned, but I saw it on her face.

"Why does it matter?" He looks at me like I'm crazy. Like it really doesn't matter. "I left you. Again. And you weren't fine. It wasn't over. You lay in pain for hours. Hours, Bella."

"I'm okay. I'm fine now. It wasn't..."

"Don't." He stops me. "Don't tell me it wasn't that bad because I know. I know."

"I thought you were reading my mind. I thought..."

"You were talking constantly."

"I was?" I expect to blush. But don't. I feel my cheeks. They're cold. Or my fingers are cold.

"Listen to me. James liked games. But he was backed into a corner, no prize possible. He wanted to give in. Go back."

"But Esme..." He had already taken her. And done God knows what.

Edward nods. He looks sad, thinking about it all over again.

"Carlisle fought Siobhan. You have to understand, he and the elders, they are family. Or were. But Esme. And I... My siblings, we are his life. His very existence."

"I understand."

I have to call Charlie.

-o-

I stand in the mirror and see someone else. But not really. I'm still the same height. The same shape. My breasts are still soft, and my hair is a mess. I pinch my cheeks trying to bring the colour back. I was pale before but everything made me blush. I wasn't embarrassed. Just sensitive I guess. Now, I'm just pale. No blush. I look...good. I like it. My eyes are burgundy red. Like Siobhan's were. Were. Is she dead too? I realise I don't care. I realise that I'm glad I didn't have to fight, or watch Edward fight. Worrying about him is enough. Seeing him almost... Seeing someone try to hurt him. It's too much.

I feel sick.

And then I realise, it's all in my head. I close my eyes, and breathe. It feels new. Like I've never done it before, and then I stop. Just. Stop breathing. I don't need it and it feels still. Calming. Peaceful. I don't feel sick. I feel free.

-o-

"Daddy." I say. I haven't called him that in years.

"Bells. Bella! Where are you? Are you alright?" His voice is deep, thick like mud. Or maybe more like porridge.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry I've been so lost."

"Where are you?" He begs.

"Home." I tell him.

"At school? On campus?" He misunderstands me.

"No."

"Sweetheart, what's going on?" His voice is soft now, like pouring milk into a glass.

"I've been spending a lot of time at my friend's. You met him. Edward Cullen. He has brothers and sisters. Rose is here too. They all go to WV with me. I'm thinking of staying here. Saves you the money."

"What? Is he pressuring you? This kid, is he..."

"Charlie." I say. My own voice startling me. "I'm happy. I don't feel lost anymore."

"And school? You've been missing classes."

"I felt unwell. I felt unwell for a long time. I'm okay now though. I'm going to be fine."

"I love you, Bells."

"I love you too, Dad."

-o-

I follow the sounds of the piano, thinking that I should expect Edward. But I know, somehow that it's not him.

It's his mother.

"Hello, dear." She greets me as if I'm family.

"Hello." I say. And I feel young. I feel strong now, stronger every minute if that's at all possible. Edward says it is. And it's normal. He keeps telling me everything I'm feeling is so normal. I know it's not. Like right now, I want blood. His blood. Not animal blood. But his. That's not normal. Is it?

Still, I feel young. Like she's my mother but she's not.

"You're worried." She says.

"I'm sorry." I say.

"Whatever for?" She knows. I know she does.

"James." She meets my eyes. Her's are light, almost yellow. Pretty, and gentle.

"Sit." She says, moving over on the bench.

I walk over to her, and sit, my hands in my lap.

"Do you play?" She asks me.

I shake my head.

"Edward plays beautifully."

"He told me."

"Well then."

"What does that mean?"

"I taught Edward. He teaches you." She says. And I'm lost all over again. "James was an animal who had never been taught." I wait for more. Every word. Every line. "He had to be put down. No apologies necessary."

"But..." It was my fault. All my fault.

"Do you actually feel guilty?" I look at her as if she's accusing me.

"Yes."

"Do you, Bella?" I don't understand. "Stop thinking you're meant to be one way when clearly..." She turns to look at me, "You're not."

I close my eyes as she plays, listening to the keys as they blend perfectly into one another. I begin to sway, it feels good. I begin to feel, and I know it's good.

"Go to him." She whispers.

-o-

The bed is in exactly the same spot. The same sheets. The same stars. Except now, he's lying on them, waiting for me. He's staring up at them, wishing for me.

"I missed you."

"I was only gone for a little while." I whisper, kneeling down on the mattress.

"I know." He says. I missed him too.

"What now?" I ask, running my fingers through his hair. My dress rides up as I move closer.

"Now..." He matches my fingers, each one skin to skin. My thighs ablaze with his touch. "We celebrate."

"Celebrate what?" I ask, leaning over him, I lift my leg to lie across him, straddling him.

He takes each one, moving to my ass as I lean forward, nose to nose.

"You."

His kiss is soft, languid, not within the lines, but still perfect. Until it's not, soft. It's hard. And without the lines, hurried. He can't have me enough, and I can't get closer. He sits up with me in his lap, his arms around my back pulling me to him. His tongue plays with mine as I rock against him.

"Take your clothes off." He says, no longer kissing me.

"Why?" I ask, really wanting him to say it.

"So I can have all of you." He says.

All of you.

AN:

I'm nervous, come talk to me about it?

The Boy had his OMG face on for this. It's cute. And I like it lots.

You're all lovely.
Please and thank you!
samrosey
XOXO

Ps. I just want to take a sec and let you know, I started posting a new story yesterday, I would love it if you went and checked it out. Hope you enjoy!