Part IV

It was several hours later when Johnny stirred from his nap. He wasn't sure what woke him up – though he had a suspicion his bladder had something to do with it. Carefully easing himself off of his bed, he made sure his IV line wasn't tangled and then rolled the stand with him into the bathroom to take care of his immediate needs.

Coming back out, he froze. A pair of blue eyes were half-open, watching him. Breaking out in a huge grin, Johnny moved over to Roy's side as quickly as he could, hitting the call button as soon as he got there.

"Good to see your eyes again, pally. How are you feeling?"

Roy tried to speak, but his tongue seemed sticky and determined to get in the way. Johnny made use of the nearby water pitcher and helped Roy get a drink. That helped considerably with ungluing his tongue.

"Thanks. Feel like the engine backed over me. I make Mike mad?"

"No. Nothing like that, Roy. What do you remember?"

Dr. Brackett and Dixie came hurrying in, stopping when they saw the reason for the call. Dixie smiled in relief as Roy turned his head and spotted them. He gave them both the rather sheepish smile that he tended to get when he was a bit puzzled about where he was and how he got there. Dixie reflected that it was a shame this sort of thing happened enough for her to recognize that look on his face.

"Hello, handsome. And Merry Christmas. For about two more hours, at least."

Checking over the monitors, Dr. Brackett made a satisfied noise, then looked back at Roy.

"I heard John speaking when we came in. So – what is the last thing you remember?"

Brow furrowing a bit, Roy took a breath and wet his lips with his tongue.

"A little girl. Maybe a year younger than Kim."

A panicked look suddenly came to Roy's face and the monitors started to go crazy..

"Oh my God. She was still on the ladder when the explosion –"

Johnny spoke up immediately.

"Easy, Roy. Charlie and Eliana both held onto that ladder like they were glued to it. Neither of them fell. She was treated for smoke inhalation, but she's fine. She even stopped in to see you on her way out with her parents."

Roy's whole body sagged with relief, though that movement made him wince from the ache in his ribs. The monitors started going back slowly to more acceptable levels to everyone's relief.

"You know, I had a dream that she and Kim were talking together. Chris was there too, I think."

"No dream, pally. They were both right about where Dixie is standing now, talking to you. And Chris was where Dr. Brackett is."

One person Roy didn't bring up was Joanne and Johnny didn't think he should be the one to touch that topic. Especially since he couldn't help but notice how far Joanne stayed from the bed and hadn't even said so much as 'hello' to Roy. Well, come to think of it, she hadn't said a word to him either. Great. She was probably mad at him too now.

There was a sharp intake of air as Dr. Brackett took a look at the bruising that was now bright at the area where the broken ribs were.

"What the story with the ribs, Roy? What did you hit or did something hit you?"

"First explosion. We weren't expecting anything like that. Knocked me off my feet and my side hit a counter top on my way down. I'm just glad it wasn't my head that caught it."

Johnny grunted slightly, then sighed.

"Uhm – and I sort of landed on top of you, Roy. Last explosion caught us as I was pulling you out of the window. Fortunately for both of us, the Captain had guys below with a life net out."

"Please tell me you didn't hit bottle first."

"Nope. But I'm sure it still didn't feel good."

A short laugh turned into a grunt of pain, but Roy still had a small smile on his face.

"Luckily enough, Junior, I wasn't feeling anything at the time."

An alert came over the PA system causing Dr. Brackett and Dixie to hurry from the room. Johnny watched as they left and continued looking at the door for while once they were gone. He wasn't as heavily medicated as Roy, but the drugs made him awfully easy to distract.

Roy's eyes swept over the room as his mind continued to try and string together what had happened. The more aware Roy became, the quieter he became to the point that it drew Johnny's attention back to him and he began to worry that something was wrong. He made his way back over to the side of Roy's bed and saw that Roy's eyes were closed, but he wasn't asleep.

"They're going to fuss at you if you keep getting out of bed."

His voice was so unlike Roy's usual tones that Johnny wouldn't have connected it to him if he hadn't been looking straight at him.

"Let 'em fuss. I think my partner needs me, so here I am and here I stay. Besides, they knew what they were asking for putting us in the same room. Dr. Brackett just didn't want me roaming the halls trying to find you this time around."

Roy took in a long breath and then let it back out slowly. Then he spoke so softly that Johnny barely could make out what he said.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore."

Leaning over a little closer, Johnny laid his hand on the rail of Roy's bed.

"Do what, Roy?"

"Keep letting them down. I don't want to let them go, but I guess I'm being selfish."

"That's crazy. You're one of the least selfish people I've ever come across in my life."

"No. I'm not. If I wasn't selfish, giving up being a fireman wouldn't be a big deal, right?"

Noticing that Roy was hoarse, Johnny helped him with a drink again before speaking.

"Roy? How long did you know you wanted to be a fireman?"

"I dunno. I don't really know that I ever really seriously considered anything else. It just – felt right. I was even a fire-fighter in the Army. At least until I was sent overseas. Turned out the first-aid part of my training was just as valuable in the field than my ability to fight a fire. I suppose that's why I fought so hard for the paramedic program. I knew what good I'd done for the guys in my unit and I knew how much more good I could have done with more training and the right equipment."

"You made a lot of difference in a lot of lives when you kept pressing for it instead of just throwing in the towel."

"Naw. It would still have happened, I'm sure. It's too important not to have happened."

While Johnny strongly disagreed, arguing that with Roy would have been getting further away from what he really wanted to say.

"Did Joanne know? I mean, from the beginning, she knew you wanted to be a fireman. You weren't already married when you told her, right?"

"Nope. She knew I planned to be a fireman before we started dating even. My chosen career is one of the many things my mother-in-law didn't like about me from the start."

"Okay, I know I'm butting in and tell me to go to hell if it will make you feel better, but you aren't being selfish. You're being you. Joanne knew who you were and for her to decide she doesn't like it now? Well, it's sort of like her deciding she doesn't want to be married to a guy with blue eyes anymore."

Roy turned his head then and looked Johnny, those blue eyes slightly narrowed as if he was having trouble following Johnny's train of thought. He had a hard enough time with Gage-ese when his head was clear - with drugs in his system, he felt he was missing something in the translation.

"My eye color isn't something I can change, Johnny."

"Changing what you were meant to do in life isn't something you can do either, Roy. This isn't just a job to you. It never was. It's as much a part of you as any other part of you is."

Johnny held up a hand when it seemed Roy was about to interrupt.

"Let me finish and then if you want to take a swing at me, I'll even move closer so you won't pull your ribs. Just answer me five questions and I'll be all done. Okay?"

A soft sigh of resignation was as good as a 'yes' in Johnny's view.

"Do you remember the first time you did CPR and got someone's pulse started again?"

"Sure."

"Do you remember the first time you pulled someone who couldn't make it out by them self out of a burning building?"

"Of course I do."

"Remember when you pulled out someone who had drowned and got them breathing again?"

"Johnny..."

"Remember delivering a baby and being the first person in the world to hold that new life in your hands?"

Roy's eyes closed and a smile crossed his face.

"God, yes."

"Now - can you imagine going the rest of your life without doing any of that ever again?"

Johnny grew concerned again as what looked like a shudder went through Roy's body, but then the answer came out - quiet, but firm.

"No."

"Then, pal of mine? You have your answer. You just don't have hers."

Roy was very quiet for a couple of minutes.

"I need to ask Dr. Brackett to cut back on the medication. You're making way too much sense for my comfort level."

The trademark Gage half-grin came out.

"Don't worry about your sanity, pally. I was just pretending I was you talking to me. Which means I need to worry more than you do. You've infected me."

A sound somewhere between a laugh and a snort came out of Roy.

"Just head back to bed and sleep on your stomach. I'll tell Dix to deliver a penicillin shot south of the border to clear that up for you."

"Har har - funnnnny. Get some sleep, pally. The refrigerated bedpan brigade will be making their rounds early."