NCIS

WHERE'S DINOZZO?

DISCLAIMER: NCIS and characters do not belong to me.

Summary: Tony goes missing and no one knows where to start looking for him. Will they find him and will Ziva finally tell him she loves him, or will it be too late?

CHAPTER 23: DEALING WITH THE LOSS...

TONY'S AND ZIVA...

Ziva was leaning against Tony's car her arms crossed and looking at the ground when he found her.

"Are you okay?" Tony asked and she looked like she had been crying. "I am fine. Can we just go?" Ziva asked.

Tony unlocked the doors and they got in.

"I'm sorry, Zi. I didn't know that if we came she would..." Tony began. "No, she is right. I have missed a lot and hurt a lot of people." Ziva said.

"When you left she dove into her work and refused to talk about you. From the time she realized you weren't coming back she refused to talk about you or hear..." Tony began.

"Tony, she just yelled at me and I do not need to hear the same thing that she told me from you. So can we please just go?" Ziva asked.

"Ziva, she dose care about you as her friend. She just needs to cool off a little. Do you want me to take you back to Gibbs's house?" Tony said taking Ziva's hand and giving it a squeeze, then started the car. "Not yet, can we just go somewhere and let it be just the two of us for a while?" Ziva asked.

"Of course, do you want to go back to my apartment? I know the memories it holds, but I can't think of anywhere else and you won't be able to move into your apartment until your stuff gets here." Said Tony and Ziva agreed.

It did not take long for them to get to Tony's apartment and inside. He got them both a beer and they sat down on the couch.

He sat on one end of the couch and she sat on the other, each lost in their own thoughts.

"Is everyone mad at me?" Ziva asked after about half an hour, setting the empty beer bottle on the table. "I was a little hurt and mad, so was Abby. I don't think anyone else is mad at you." Tony told her sitting up a little.

She leaned over and laid her head on his shoulder.

"It seems the last two days everyone has been yelling at me. My father, then you and now Abby to," Ziva said as fought the lump in her throat.

"Everything is going to be all right, it will all work out." Tony said wrapping his arms around her, remembering the last time they had sat like this was a little over four years before. "A lot of anger has built up over the last four years and a lot has changed." Ziva said as her eyes began to drift shut. "Change is good, Ziva." Tony told her, but she didn't respond.

He looked and realized she had fallen asleep and was using him as a pillow, so he just wrapped his arms tighter around her and not even a minute later he to was asleep.

SUNDAY MORNING...

Ziva opened her eyes and realized she was lying against somebody. She sat up quickly and looked around. Then she remembered the last words of the conversation from the night before.

'A lot of anger has built over the last four years and a lot has changed.' She had told him. 'Change is good.' She had heard Tony say right before she had closed her eyes.

"Morning," Tony said, opening his eyes and looking at her. "What did you mean last night?" Ziva asked. "About what," Tony asked in confusion.

"You said 'change is good' then I fell asleep." Ziva told him. "Time changes people and sometimes for the better. It might take some time, but Abby will forgive you." Tony told her.

They had spent the entire day watching movies and bickering. The day seemed to fly by and it was almost like it had been years ago.

LATER THAT EVENING...

"I should go I do not want to be late for my first day back at NCIS tomorrow." Ziva said and started for the door.

"Ziva," Tony called. "Yes, Tony?" Ziva said turning back to face him. "Why don't you stay here until your apartment is ready?" Tony asked. "Tony, we have been through this..." Ziva began.

"No, Ziva, we haven't. You said you would stay with, Gibbs. Then yesterday morning you showed up at my door and we spent the day together. We came back here and you fell asleep in my arms..." Tony said.

"That never should have happened." Ziva interrupted.

"It did happen, Ziva. You stayed in my arms all night, and then we stayed here all day. You could have walked out that door any time you wanted to, but you wait until now? Why is it you stayed last night and you don't want to stay tonight?" Tony asked. "I had one beer and I was tired. I don't know why I stayed last night." Ziva told him.

"Did you feel safe?" Tony asked her.

"What...yes, I felt safe. That does not have anything to do with it." Ziva said. "I think it dose, Ziva. How long has it been since you felt that safe?" Tony asked. "I can take care of myself." Ziva told him and seemed to be avoiding the question.

"How long, Zi, did you feel safe when you went back to work for Mossad?" Tony pressed.

"Why do you want to know?" Ziva asked. "Because I want you to remember, when..." Tony began. "A little over..." Ziva began.

"Four years ago?" Tony guessed. "Y-yes the last time I was with you." Ziva confessed and looked at Tony in surprise. "You remember now?" Tony asked her with a smile. "Yes, but I still..." Ziva began, but he walked over to her and placed his hand over her hand that was on the doorknob.

"Stay here tonight, Ziva." He said and kissed her gently.

She broke the kiss and looked away.

"Tony, I c-can't." Ziva told him. "You don't have to be afraid of us. I will never hurt you." Tony told her. "But I have hurt you." Ziva reminded him. "Ziva...that's in the past, Please, I don't want you to go." Tony told her.

"Tony, do not make this hard." Ziva said as she looked into his eyes, which turned out to be a mistake. "You're the one that's making this hard, Zi." Tony said taking his hand away from her and went to sit down on the couch.

"I have hurt you again." Ziva stated.

"I don't know how much more I can take. I tell you I love you and I asked you to marry me four years ago, but you turned me down. I don't know what to do." Tony told her. "Tony, please understand. I am not trying to hurt you." Ziva said sitting down beside him.

"I don't understand how you can stay one night and then the next night leave as though nothing has happened." Tony said. "If I stay we will do something I do not think I am ready for right now. I do love you, Tony." Ziva said taking his hand. "What is it you are afraid of us doing?" Tony asked her.

"If I stay we will end up in your bed and be back in the same place we were four years ago." Ziva told him. "You're afraid you will get pregnant again?" Tony asked. "Yes, Tony." Ziva confessed.

"Ziva, you can take the bed and I will take the couch. We do not have to sleep in the same bed. I don't care where I sleep…I just don't want you to leave." Tony told her. "You are afraid if I leave, I will leave the country without saying good bye, and that you will never see me again." Ziva said putting it together.

"Is it true? Is that your plan?" Tony asked. "No, Tony. I do not have a plan to leave the country and not say goodbye again." Ziva told him. "You did before. How do I know you won't do it again?" Tony asked. "I thought you trusted me." Ziva replied. "I did, but you left me. You didn't trust me to help you deal with the loss of our child." Tony told her.

"You do not need to bring up our child every time we get into an argument!" Ziva yelled. "When I wanted to deal with our child together, you left the country and now its four years later! Ziva, I'm still trying to deal with it and I want you to be here to help!" Tony yelled back.

"How…how do you want me to help, Tony?" Ziva asked. "I want to talk about it." Tony told her and she tried to take her hand away, but he would not let go. "I-I don't think I can." Ziva told him and then a look crossed her face, as if she was trying to distance herself from the discussion he wanted to have.

"No, Ziva! Don't you dare try not to feel this," Tony warned. "What, Tony? What do you want me to feel?" Ziva asked. "I want you to grieve for our child and then we can move past this." Tony told her. "I do not..." Ziva began. "Yes, you can. It is all right to be angry and cry. Be angry with me, that night I pushed you to answer my question. I wanted to know if you would marry me." Tony said not letting go of her hands.

She finally pulled her hands away from his and slapped him as hard as she could.

"You asked me to marry you! You kept asking me if the reason I hesitated was because of Ray Cruz! It did not have anything to do with that, Tony! I was scared, I found out how much I loved you and it scared me! Then that night I went home and lost the baby! I wanted to hate you!" She yelled at him as tears began to fall down her cheeks.

"Do you feel better?" Tony asked after a moment as he put his arms around her and at first, she resisted, but he held her as she sobbed into his shoulder.

Finally a couple of hours later she stopped crying and leaned her head heavily on his shoulder.

Tony told her as she wrapped her arms around him and he kissed the top of her head.

"Tony?" Ziva asked after a little bit. "Yes, Ziva," Tony replied.

"I do not want to get married for a long time. We'll know when the time is right." Ziva told him. "I know, Zi." Tony replied, not telling her that he had hung on to the ring he had bought for her four years before.