Battle scars

She was back in the elevator before Loki's yells faded from her hearing. Thor had scrambled into the room wielding the muzzle in her wake, but it sounded like Loki was putting up a fight against it being reattached. So long as he didn't suddenly appear in her room, she didn't care. Weariness had settled in again, her body crashing after the adrenaline of the day ebbed away. All she wanted to do was curl up in the bed with a book, but in the absence of any books, she'd settle for sleep.

Her first resolution the next morning was that it would be the last day she'd spend wearing SHIELD-issued clothing. She was through with her life being controlled by other people, and it was hard to take that seriously when all her clothes came from the agency watching over her. There were three obstacles to this she could see: she had no money, it was extremely unlikely she'd be allowed out of the building, and since midtown Manhattan had been flattened two days ago, there was an even smaller chance anywhere would be open for her to shop.

Her saviour came in the form of the Ms Potts Thor had mentioned, who turned out to be a no-nonsense woman called Pepper. She seemed to be in charge of Stark Tower, despite SHIELD's invasion of the place.

"Don't worry about it," she told Alex, reaching into a black leather purse the size of a small suitcase and retrieving a credit card. "You can use this, Tony won't even notice." Tony, as in Tony Stark, CEO of Stark Industries, which put him on a par with Bill Gates when it came to money and influence. "And I'll speak to Phil for you, he'll be fine with it"

"Who's Phil?"

"Agent Coulson."

A dark-haired man with a neat goatee, an AC-DC t-shirt and some facial injuries to rival Loki's swept up behind Pepper. "See, I'm not the only one who thought his first name was Agent." Alex didn't need three guesses to figure out who he was.

Pepper rolled her eyes, but it was easy to see the affection behind the feigned annoyance. "Anyway, I'm sure I can convince him to let you out. It is an emergency. Also, don't worry about the stores not being open. They are. This is Manhattan—if it wasn't physically flattened, it's open for business."

After breakfast in her room, Alex found Romanoff at her door, her red hair covered with a brown wig and a tan leather jacket over her black catsuit. "I'm incognito," she explained. "Coulson's asked me to accompany you, but my hair's too recognisable since the battle's been all over TV."

"So I can go, but not go alone?"

"Coulson would've come himself but he had a sudden case of really not wanting to go shopping. Barton ran like the wind when the conversation started, and I have to follow orders."

"They didn't have anyone else to send? I don't want to put you out—"

"Much as I would love to see Thor schlep for three hours around Barney's, there's no way to disguise him. Plus I think Coulson decided this needed a woman's touch." They stepped into the elevator and Romanoff pressed for the ground floor. "I'm not adverse to shopping, myself. Not if we can stop by the shoe departments. SHIELD expenses don't usually stretch to my tastes, but we've got Tony Stark's platinum card, so I figure I'm owed a little something."

"A little something with red soles?"

"You know your shoes. Suddenly my day is looking brighter. Where do you want to head first?"

"Well, I always wanted to visit Macy's."

Despite its reputation (and size), Macy's just reminded Alex of every other large department store she'd ever been in. She relied on Romanoff's knowledge of the city to find the best boutiques, although she shied away from designer labels and four-figure price tags. She was spending someone else's money, and she needed a wardrobe of basics, not cocktail gowns—she left the Louboutins to Romanoff. It was an exercise in learning her own tastes, without Loki's influence. He always preferred her in gold, in silk, in green, in the closest Earth had to offer to Asgardian gowns. She liked brighter colours and simpler cuts, her favourite find being a turquoise t-shirt.

Coulson met them at the elevator, helping them carry all the bags back to Alex's didn't miss the meaningful looks exchanged between him and Romanoff, which she guessed meant 'Did she behave herself?'; 'Yes she did.'

She really didn't know what to say to Coulson. Romanoff wasn't one for idle chatter so the topic of Loki never came up. How much they knew about her relationship was a mystery, though given the conversations she'd overheard and Loki's behaviour, they'd probably guessed enough. Did Coulson judge her for that connection? They'd only ever met Loki in murderous psychopath mode—they didn't know this wasn't his normal state of being. Helping shut down the Tesseract probably earned her brownie points and convinced them once and for she'd never been in league with Loki, but being in his bed might be bad enough.

"Did you get everything you wanted?" Coulson asked with his usual politeness, and Alex just couldn't find any hint of change in the way he looked at her. If he thought ill of her, he hid it well.

"I do have another request," she said, seizing the chance to bring up the next stage in reestablishing her identity.

"Walk with me," he replied, and Romanoff strode away ahead.

"I was hoping I could return to England. I want to see my family," Alex ventured.

"I'm sure we can arrange something," he replied, and there was no way to tell if he meant that or he was trying to put off telling her no. His next words gave her more hope. "I still haven't thanked you for saving my life."

"Oh!" What did you say in circumstances like this? 'You're welcome?' That was just rude. "It was instinctual, I suppose. I saw him moving and knew he was going to hurt you."

"Not many people would throw themselves in front of someone else the way you did."

"I kind of…didn't exactly mean to do it that way. It worked out okay, anyway. I'm glad you're alive."

He laughed. "Me too."

The hallway opened out into the vast room Alex had seen when Loki first dragged her up the tower. One window was covered with a space-age tarpaulin, and the floor was littered with crevices. Any rubble had been cleared away but people had to pick their way around the craters, and the floor would probably need replacing. The battle had extended even to here.

Pepper came running across the floor. "Alex! Did you have fun? Did you get everything you need?"

"I did. Here," she handed the card back. "Don't worry, I didn't go crazy."

"It's fine! Did I hear you saying you wanted to take a trip to England?"

From the corner of her eye, Alex saw Romanoff stalk over to a man she didn't recognise; from the back all she could really see was a black leather trenchcoat . They were watching projections that seemed to float in midair, while still working as touchscreens—something she'd never seen before. Somehow she was in the middle of a spy, a fantasy, and a science fiction story.

"I'd like to visit my family. I haven't seen them in two years."

"You poor thing. Of course she can, Phil, right? She can take our private jet."

"Well, if Tony doesn't object…"

"He won't."

"Maybe it's for the best. We're having a few issues getting the Tesseract to properly settle down, and given your history with it, distance can only be a good thing." Alex's body flashed cold at the mention of the cube. Two nights of dreams about it, drenched in her blood, and when she woke up from the nightmares she'd have sworn, fleetingly, that it was still there at the edge of her mind. "Come on, let's check with Natasha."

"Who?"

Given the way he steered her towards Romanoff, she guessed that was Natasha.

"Director Fury, this is Alex."

The mystery man turned to face her. "So you're the girl that's caused so much trouble." Fury was an imposing man in all that black leather, his one eye staring at her with an intensity that would've made a lesser woman quail. She'd stared down gods, though.

"I've already met one man with an eyepatch, and he was the king of the gods, so forgive me if you don't intimidate me as much as you probably should."

Fury didn't blink, and for a second she worried that she'd misjudged and he would actually kill her. Instead, his face split into a grin. "King of the gods. How about that."

Coulson cut in. "Alex has requested a visit home to England. How would you feel about accompanying her, Agent Romanoff?"

She shrugged. "It's been a while since I've been to England."

Alex was about to respond when she saw the video being played on the screen in front of her, a familiar figure stalking towards a crowd in ballgowns and designer suits. "What's he doing?" she asked.

"This was in Stuttgart," Fury explained. "We're compiling CCTV footage of the last few days." Romanoff stood with arms crossed, eyes staring unblinking at the screen. Alex didn't want to look away either, but she doubted it was for the same reason. Loki made a compelling figure in a suit—something she'd never seen him wear—and he was strutting down a wide staircase with the air of someone who knew exactly what kind of impression he made.

Then he cracked someone in the face with the sceptre.

She covered her mouth to stifle the gasp, and Romanoff's frown deepened. Loki's next move was to grab another man and sling him so he landed on his back on a marble bench. The camera closed in on his face as the crowd dispersed around him, running frantic for the exits. Loki smirked, drinking in the chaos, his breathing shallow and quick, and though the quality wasn't good enough to properly see his eyes, she knew the pupils would be blown. He was, for want of a better expression, turned on. She'd seen him like this all too often.

The smirk, the arousal, didn't fade as he ripped the man's eyeball out, though Alex didn't catch it all. She was too busy throwing up on Fury's shoes.

Thor was waiting for her when she returned to her room. "He wishes to see you again."

Alex shook her head. "Not today. Not after what I saw."

"He's promised he'll remain calm. Please, he's refusing to take food unless you visit him."

"How long can he survive without it?"

Thor took a full minute to answer. "He won't starve."

"Then I'll see him when I'm ready. And no, I don't know when that will be." She should feel guilty for leaving him to harm himself, but if she tried to look at him now, she'd probably try to harm him too, and that wouldn't end well. Better to keep her distance until she no longer wanted to claw his eye out and ask how he enjoyed it.

Thor didn't leave, standing uneasily in the doorway. "They should not have shown you that electronic memory."

She gave a hollow laugh. "Trust me, I'd rather not have seen it either."

"They seek to manipulate you. They wish to keep you and Loki apart."

"I doubt what they showed me was the worst thing Loki's ever done."

"I'm not sure. He's never been this…" He sighed. "He's always lied, and played games, but most of the time it was out of boredom. He killed in battle but casual violence never interested him. I've never seen him take such relish in destruction until this recent folly."

She slumped down on the end of the bed. "It's nice to hear it is a change, and he wasn't always such a cruel bastard. Realising your ex-fiance is a sociopathic tyrant makes you doubt how well you really knew him."

"He was a good man. Flawed, but not evil."

"Do you think he can come back from that?"

"I think he needs a reason to want to. Otherwise, I'm not sure."

"I'm not sure I can be that reason. Not with so little of the man I loved there anymore."

"Perhaps I'll tell him that. Let him think on that for a while while he broods in that cell—because truthfully, Lady Alex, I don't know if I could allow you to let yourself be that reason for the man he's become."

She stuck to her guns and avoided Loki while Coulson finalised the details of her trip home. SHIELD moved quickly. Little details like the fact she didn't have a passport made no difference to them. A flight was arranged to the nearest private airstrip to her childhood home, and she only had to endure one more night of blood-soaked dreams in Stark Tower.

Coulson accompanied her and Romanoff to the airport. They didn't take the limousine Pepper had offered, but one of SHIELD's familiar jeeps.

"There is something we need to make you aware of," Coulson told her as they buckled in. "A security issue that's arisen."

"You didn't take the muzzle off Loki, right?"

"No—and under Thor's guidance we haven't told him you're leaving the country. This is more directly related to you."

"Me? How?"

"Some of the soldiers who were under Loki's control have spoken to the media about your existence."

"I'm sure the media has more interesting topics to rake over."

"For the most part, yes. But you do present a mystery, an interesting sidebar for the gutter press to build up as a diversion from the main headlines. The general line they're taking is you were his mistress."

"Oh god."

"Whatever the truth, people believe what they read. If anyone finds out who you are, you may be vulnerable. People who were hurt by Loki, or lost loved ones, can't get to him, but if they think they'll get to you as a means of revenge, they'll try it."

"Even in England? Nobody was hurt there."

"You should be safe, but Romanoff is around to protect you, not to guard you."

Alex turned to Romanoff, who was staring out at the landscape, only half-paying attention to their conversation. "I'm sorry. You're an assassin, not a babysitter."

Romanoff gave a half-smile. "I'm always happy to take on work that doesn't involve killing people. An all-expenses paid trip to Europe babysitting you is the closest I'll ever come to a real vacation."

She knew anyone who came at her with Romanoff around wasn't destined to breathe for very long, but she was still on edge during the walk to the jet. She recognised this airstrip; it was the same one the plane with Loki had landed at. Watching the people milling around, remembering Loki's casual threat to kill any innocent observers if she didn't obey him, made her feel unclean. She needed this trip, desperately needed the space between them, if only to start slaking away the guilt she carried for his actions.

Of course, she had actions of her own to feel guilty for, choices she'd made that she couldn't blame him for entirely. He'd blinded her with lust and love but she'd been an adult: a rational, sane adult who'd let her heart overrule her head and made some selfish choices. She had amends to make, decisions to atone for, and she was returning to the people she needed to begin that process with.

A/N: I forgot to offer teasers last time, but they're on offer again this time to anyone who reviews.