That was it. Gerard just leapt out the door and was gone. I thought about running after him but he seemed so angry at me and it'd just make things worse if I followed him. Right?
I had to admit, I felt shattered. This kid was in trouble. He was drinking and hurt and ashamed of his hurt, which made it all the worse.
But now he was just running. Running away from me, quite possibly the only person who had ever shown him hospitality like this. Maybe his parents were as bad as mine. Maybe worse. Maybe he didn't have parents.
Or maybe I was making all this up in my head. Gerard could very well just be a normal kid who felt like getting away for a while behind a dumpster. His parents could be perfectly normal people, his black eye could've been from a trip down the stairs.
But there was something in his eyes. The way he looked so threatening at Frank right before he left. There seemed to be two sides to Gerard. Polar opposites that switched spontaneously and without warning. From prey to predator in the blink of an eye.
He was quiet, reserved and uncertain at first glance, his eyes looking scared and vulnerable. But then there were glints of the other part. The part that was angry. Angry at no one in particular, just the entirety of the world. At all the sins and guilt pressed up inside him, and all the bad leaking in through cracks in the good.
I crept up and looked out around the front yard. I didn't really expect to see him, but I had some false hope he would turn around and apologize and hug me and get closer and tell me everything that he couldn't tell anyone... fuck, what was with my mind, lately?
But there was no sign of him. Gerard was definitely around the corner by now, going to wherever it was he so urgently needed to go.
It's funny how last night I had been so worried that Gerard wouldn't talk to me anymore, on behalf of me getting caught staring up at his bedroom window like the hero in some 80s chick flick. That seemed so small now. So miniscule.
I had been given a chance to convince Gerard I wasn't a complete freak, and had once again, blew it to fuck. If he hadn't thought of me as creepy to begin with, he certainly did.
I went back inside and took small comfort in the fact that if I hadn't have found him, Gerard would have choked on his own sick and rotted away in the parking lot. So at least there's that. If Gerard won't be grateful for me saving him, I'll be grateful for him still being around. As long as he's here, I'll have someone to stare at during class. Someone to joke myself into thinking I've made a new friend with.
At least there's that.