Part XVI

As the others left and Dixie shut the door, Johnny looked unsure if he should be staying or going – or simply leap out of a window. Seeing the flight response about to kick in on the young paramedic, Joanne directed her first words to him.

"Johnny? I'd really appreciate it if you'd stay here for this."

Then she noticed Roy's eyes were on her and stammered to silence again. But this time, Dixie was behind her to give her a nudge.

"What's more important here, Joanne? Your pride or your marriage?"

Swallowing, Joanne nodded at Dixie's words. She still couldn't quite meet Roy's eyes though and she ended up looking at his IV tube.

"Roy? There are a couple of things I'd like to get straight right away. First – I don't want a divorce."

Johnny's mouth dropped open at that.

"Whoa – wait. Divorce? Roy?"

"Easy, Junior. I don't want one either. I offered it because it seemed like she did."

The relief showing on Johnny's face was evident before a sheepish smile formed.

"Oh. Okay. Sorry for interrupting."

Dixie couldn't help but notice that Johnny had automatically moved to a more supportive position behind Roy and was now resting a hand on his partner's arm.

"Actually, that's what I wanted you and Dixie here for, Johnny. To make sure that I'm making sense. Because I know that for over a year now, I've been causing a lot of hurt and confusion and I really want that to stop. I do need to ask something, Roy. My mother has been nasty to you since the Thanksgiving before last. Why don't you ever say anything back to her?"

Roy answered back almost immediately.

"Jo? Why would I? I mean, I don't know if you've just not been paying attention, but while your mother sometimes tolerates me, she's never been nice to me. She was barely civil even at our wedding. Heck, she told my mother we were probably only getting married because you were pregnant."

That came as a bit of a shock to Joanne and it showed in both her expression and vocal tones.

"I wasn't pregnant. Well, not until the honeymoon."

Then Joanne suddenly remembered who was in the room with them and blushed. But she wasn't as flushed as Johnny was. Which amused Roy to no end.

"What's with that, Junior? I do have two kids, you know. You've been through paramedic training enough to know that the stork wasn't involved."

"You're lucky I'd feel guilty smacking a guy with injured ribs, pally."

The humor between the two paramedics gave Joanne a chance to catch her breath and partially still her whirling thoughts.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Actually, I did. You played it off as your mother hinting for grandchildren to be coming in the near future."

"Oh, God. I remember that now. Why didn't you -?"

"Why didn't I what? Yell at her? What would that have done other than make a scene at our reception? Honestly, Jo? I try not to interact with your mother any more that I have to because it just aggravates her and me both. I can't force her to like me or even tolerate me."

Roy paused briefly, trying to find the words.

"I'm good at fighting for things, Jo. But - remember why I didn't go on the school debate team?"

"You said it seemed too much like arguing just to argue rather than to find out any answers."

It hit Joanne then. Roy had been telling her about the troubles with her mother for years. It seemed so obvious to her now - why hadn't it dawned on her before? Roy didn't see where arguing with her mother would change anything, so he just refused to participate.

"You know - you're right. Arguing with mother wouldn't have done anything but given her more ammunition. And she's never needed help with that."

Running a hand through her hair, Joanne's eyes were now on the floor.

"Back at Thanksgiving last year, I should have stepped in and said something to her when she refused to let you get some sleep. I knew that you were exhausted. I also know that just saying 'I'm sorry' to you isn't going to cut it, Roy, but I hope it's at least a start. I'd – I'd like for us to see a therapist together. Looking back, I can see some of the mistakes I've made. Things I let fester that don't even make all that much sense to me anymore as to why I let them get to me."

"Jo, you said at first that there were a couple of things you wanted to get straight. What's the second one?"

"That I do love you, Roy DeSoto. Even if I haven't said it or shown it nearly enough this last year. And I'm sorry I let you think for even a minute that I only married you to rebel against my mother."

Johnny's mouth was an 'O' again, though he quickly shut it when he realized it was open. Well, that explained why Roy had been so down. That had to have been a major blow.

Joanne finally looked up again and met Roy's eyes.

"Give me until next Christmas, Roy. To show you that I mean what I've said. I already had a talk with my mother on the way over here. She's been given fair warning, but we won't know how well that will go over until our first visit there. And you won't be ready for that for awhile yet."

Roy's eyes were slightly unfocused, but she could tell that he was trying to pay close attention.

"Dr. Brackett nailed me with pain medication so I can't guarantee you might not have to repeat some of this to me. But I do want us to try and work this out, Jo."

Dixie spoke up softly.

"Just remember you didn't get to where you are now overnight. You won't get back from there overnight either."