The declaration

Strangely, Alex didn't feel much relief at the news of Loki's departure. Oh, there was a little, but she knew it was only temporary. He'd be back and when he returned he'd be wreaking havoc again, doing whatever was necessary to keep her away from Earth and away from Idun.

Whatever Thor read on her face, he didn't press it. "He did ask me to pass this onto you." He held a scroll out to her.

"You can leave it on the table," she said. She didn't need to read Loki's words right now. She needed air. "Does this mean I can leave these rooms?"

"Of course. Mother asked me to apologise on her behalf for her absence, but she has been most busy. She requested I accompany you on a tour of the palace and grounds."

"You don't need to—you must be busy—"

"They can manage without my tact and attention to fine detail for one day."

The description didn't match how Loki had ever depicted his brother, or what she'd seen of Thor. She snorted, then clapped a hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry, that was rude…"

"It was intended to make you smile," the prince replied, mischief replacing his own sombre expression. "And it is good to see you smile. You have nothing to apologise for. Truthfully, this initial stage of preparation for war involves a great deal of detail—we have to focus on ensuring our people have enough food and other necessary supplies. Defence comes after, battle stratagems last of all. While I need to learn more about administration, I'm not strictly needed. For today, I am yours."

"Okay. Just let me change into…something…hmm."

"Is there a problem?"

"I should wear my boots if we're going to be doing a lot of walking, but they don't really go with any of the dresses in the closet."

Thor looked alarmed at the sartorial dilemma. He probably didn't get involved in making decisions about clothes very often. "I'll seek advice and return forthwith, Lady Alex."

In his absence she took herself onto the balcony, her back to the scroll beside the door. What could Loki have written to her? Did he hope to change her mind in a letter, after everything he'd done? He had a way with words, but he was at his best in speech, not in writing. Then he could put the famous Silvertongue to full effect. As it was, even face to face there was nothing he could say to her that would make her feel any better about the situation. Not even if he apologised—and Loki didn't make apologies. Maybe he was going to tell her he'd pulled off the ultimate trick—he'd secured her use as hostage but never intended to return. But, no, she didn't believe that. He'd be back.

A knock at the door interrupted her fuming—it was a servant with a pile of folded clothes and a note pinned to them.

Sif assures me riding trousers and a tunic will be more comfortable.

Alex winced at the mention of the woman from the other night. It probably meant they were going to have a formal meeting today, which if the death glare from Loki's sentencing was any indication, would be anything but friendly. She sighed and retreated to the bathroom to change.

The view from the balcony hadn't lied; Asgard was very impressive. Nobody had ever mentioned the floating buildings to her. She spent several minutes in front of the first one they passed, staring up in awe.

Loki had never shown her around the realm when he first brought her here. At the time, he'd been too eager to complete her test, though now she wondered on it more. Had he decided there was no point doing it until she passed? Had his faith in her perhaps not been as strong as he'd always implied? She couldn't really blame him if he had had any sliver of doubt—it'd been a legitimate doubt, after all. But something still twinged inside her to think he hadn't had complete belief in her, like she'd had in him.

Now, she remained detached, soaking in the sights like a tourist. There was no point getting too attached to all the shining splendour, no matter how much a floating temple left her gaping. She wouldn't be here long.

Sensing her need for air, Thor had led her straight out of the palace to the stables, where the horse she'd ridden up the Bifrost waited for her. Thor told her the mare's name but it was very…Norse. She'd forgotten it before they'd left the stables behind.

The warriors three—who also had very Nordic names that it took her some time to memorise—and Sif joined them. Despite her earlier wariness, Sif was perfectly pleasant. Alex detected sympathy behind her cool exterior, which meant Thor or Frigga had brought her up to speed on the situation. In fact, it seemed like the whole realm was aware of the bargain Loki had made with Odin, which shouldn't have surprised her considering it affected everyone here. They knew war was coming and they knew why. It meant some of the stares she encountered as they moved through the city were far from friendly, though Thor's presence meant everyone was cordial towards her.

After the tour they returned to the palace, to a walled garden where the queen waited. A table, positioned to capture the last of the afternoon sun, sat laden with twice the amount of food it should have been capable of holding. Volstagg tucked in happily, and Alex found even her appetite was better than it had been in days. She ended up seated between Frigga and Sif.

"I'm sorry I haven't been able to see you as much as I would like," Frigga said.

"I understand," Alex replied. "You're the queen. You have responsibilities."

"You should get measured for more comfortable clothing," said Sif. "You don't have to wear gowns all the time if you don't want to, no matter what the fashion is."

"I'll send my dressmaker along tomorrow," Frigga offered.

Sif reminded Alex of Romanoff, in a way, though they looked nothing alike—both were fighters, even if Sif was more outspoken and made no secret of her worth as a warrior. They were equally no-nonsense and were used to confused men underestimating their intelligence and strength. Alex had seen it plenty of times with Romanoff, out in the New Mexico town when they used to take trips outside the complex, and even among the male SHIELD staff. Out of the warriors three, only Fandral seemed to doubt Sif's place as a warrior, but even after a few hours it was clear the men of the realm were confused about how to deal with her.

Alex suspected Sif and Romanoff would have been great friends if properly introduced, if only so they could bitch about the men they met on a daily basis dismissing them, before scamming the same men out of drinks and money at pool and poker. At one point Alex had begun to feel more comfortable around Romanoff, but she'd burned any bridges with her flight to Asgard. Now Sif seemed more accepting she could see them being friends of a kind too, but they had so little in common it would never run very deep. Alex wasn't a fighter, and if anything people tended to overestimate her because of her ties to Loki.

Despite the jovial atmosphere, her mood plummeted. She was still a prisoner here and worse, she was friendless, isolated. She couldn't rely on Frigga or Thor for company, because they had duties to fulfil. They were important players in the upcoming war. She was a mere pawn.

When the table was cleared, Thor walked her back to her rooms. The guards had retreated from the corridor, though she expected they'd be back as soon as Thor departed. Thor stopped outside the door.

"I'm sorry, Lady Alex. If I could have done more, I would." She didn't need to ask what he was talking about.

"I know. It's not your fault."

"Though Loki does speak the truth when he says you are safer on Asgard until our enemy is defeated. I would not like to think of you on Midgard, relying on SHIELD to protect you. With you here, you will be out of harm's way until we have vanquished Thanos and his army."

Oh, Thor. So optimistic. But then she realised she'd never stopped to consider what would happen if Asgard lost. She'd assumed that whatever else happened, Loki would win. Loki always won. He wouldn't allow this Thanos to defeat him, because that would be a colossal blow to his pride. And if he did intend to protect her, then it didn't matter who won or lost. If Loki had breath in his body, he'd make sure Thanos couldn't hurt her.

For the first time since she'd regained her memories, she felt grateful for the way Loki felt about her, even if it made her feel selfish and rotten for doing so.

"Thank you for today," she said. "You don't have to come tomorrow, you know. Just assign someone to accompany me around if I feel like going anywhere."

"As you wish. Though I would exercise caution, if you intend to venture beyond the palace walls—"

"I know. I saw how people looked at me today. I'll stay on palace grounds." Just another reminder that her involvement with Loki was a poisoned chalice, whichever realm she was in. "Good luck with the war council."

Thor grimaced. "Next time I return to Midgard I intend to secure a supply of coffee. I fear it's the only thing that would sustain me through such tedium."

He said goodnight and took his leave, and she leaned against the door, waiting for the familiar turn of the key. When the click came, she took a few steps away, intending to go straight to bed, but she couldn't do it. She couldn't delay reading the scroll anymore.

She lifted it from where it had been abandoned all day and took it out onto the balcony, where the moonlight was bright enough to read by. She'd never received a scroll before, and this one was tied with green ribbon, sealed with wax, just like she'd seen in old movies. When she broke the seal and unravelled the paper, the ink was green too, though the letters were not the runic ones she'd expected. This was written in English, in an elegant cursive.

My dear Asta,

This will reach you after my departure for the other end of the cosmos. My intention is you will have chance to read and absorb my words long before my return.

Allow me to begin by expressing regret at the rift that has grown between us. If I had my way there would be no distance between us at all, but fate does not appear to have much concern for my wants.

I have failed, of late, in showing you how deeply I do feel for you. Partly that is down to long held habit, one you always used to tolerate. To show emotion is to show weakness, and I have never tolerated weakness in myself. Part of it is due to us being constantly surrounded by those who would seek to manipulate me through you. Thanos made it clear he would hurt you if he had to when I was last in his presence. The Allfather has shown how willing he is to use you to bargain with. SHIELD, too, would have done the same. This was only possible because I didn't guard my emotions strongly enough.

But perhaps I have guarded them from the one person I should have shared them with, and as a result pushed you away. In my desperation to keep you close—and keep you safe—I have done foolish things. They have cost me your trust, your happiness, and though I hardly dare admit it to myself, your love. Never did I see that occurring. My mother and Thor have schooled me in the many, many errors I have made, but they tell me nothing I do not already know. All my schemes may have lost me the one thing I now realise is most important to me in all the realms.

Know this. I go to Thanos only to save your life, to prevent any harm from befalling you. I would rot in the palace dungeons for eternity if it would deliver the same result. The other Asgardians despise me and I couldn't make any sacrifice for them. Only for you.

Despite any evidence to the contrary, despite my never confiding it to you—my gravest error, no doubt—I love you.

I am a selfish creature, which is why I cannot simply give you up. I meant it when I said I would rather you were alive than happy, because I could not survive in a universe without you in it. That doesn't mean I don't wish to see you happy. Your happiness is more important to me than my own.

When I return to Asgard, when the trick on Thanos has been played, I will court you. Properly, as I failed to before. You may still be unhappy about being on Asgard, but I'll do everything in my power to ease that unhappiness. When the war is over, you will have the choice then, to stay or go. If you choose to leave me behind, I will not stop you. I warn you, though, that I know you very well, Asta, and I will use all that knowledge to my advantage.

I shall make no pretence about who I am. You have always accepted me as I was before, and I know if I intend to build any kind of future with you, it must be without any lies or masquerades. This letter is my vow to you that I will never lie to you again. My signature makes this a binding contract, and if I break this vow, you will be able to return to Midgard, your mortality restored, and you will never hear from me again. My words are sealed with a spell and the Allfather can control the magic within, which I am unable to counteract.

I am a liar. I am cruel. I lack mercy. I lack many attributes that a woman would see as necessary qualities in a lover. I can only be who I am. But for you, I can and will be anything. You are the crack in my cold black heart, the sliver of light in my soul, the one good part of me. Can you truly blame me for trying to keep that light alive when all around as turned black as pitch?

In anticipation of being reunited with you,

Loki.

A/N: Happy birthday to me XD. 21 again *ahem*.

Thanks go to my brilliant pre-reader/beta team Lindsey, Rhi and Twiggy, especially for their guidance on where Loki's voice needed tweaking just so in the letter. Kudos to Twiggy for the 'crack in my cold, black heart' line.