Soft
"You! Get out of there!"
Soft. That was the first thing she registered. The world was soft and warm, and the shrill woman was ruining it.
"I am a prince of Asgard and I will not be spoken to with such insolence." Loki. He was part of that warmth, even his sleepy, sulky words curling into her ear as hot breath blew over her neck.
"Really. Perhaps the Allfather will command you in the tone you prefer."
"By all means, send for him."
"She is under my care and needs to be given peace to recuperate—"
"No one will ensure she receives more care than me. Go, woman. Fetch the Allfather if you must. I care not, I will not be moved."
The fast click of heels on stone announced the woman's retreat and Loki's grip on her tightened. She could feel him now, the line of his body pressed against her side where he lay beside her, one arm draped over her waist. "I know you're awake," he whispered, and once again his words fanned over her skin. "But if you need more rest, you shall have it."
She forced her eyes open, greeted at first only with a blank ceiling, but he was there in her peripheral vision, his head beside hers on the pillow. She recognised the room from what she could see of it: the same room where Loki had been taken when he needed healing. So the woman had been Eir. "I'm not tired." And it was the truth. Nor did she ache anywhere, which was suspicious considering she'd been roasted from the inside the last time she was conscious. "How long have I been out?"
"A day." She turned her head to look at him properly. He lacked any injuries that she could see, beyond circles under his eyes. Peace radiated from his face, an expression she hadn't expected and couldn't ever remember him wearing. So different from the frenzied grief he'd worn on the Bifrost.
"And you're in here with me because? You wanted to wind Eir up?"
His lips twitched. "No. I wanted to be close to make sure you healed. The chair seemed so far away…" A haunted shadow passed behind his eyes, despite the teasing nature of his words. She knew what he wasn't saying: he hadn't wanted to be separated from her, not after everything that had happened.
"What have I missed?"
He took her hand, his thumb making soft circles on her palm. "I only know what Thor and my mother have come to tell me. There has been much feasting, in celebration of our victory and remembrance of the dead. Your name is being sung in praise." He looked proud but the haunted sorrow still underpinned it, while she blushed.
"Are there many dead?" she asked.
"There are enough, though they are mainly willing warriors, rather than civilians."
"Warriors or not, they're still dead," she chided.
"But more are not, thanks to your heroism." He stroked her hair, his forehead creasing into a slight frown.
"I wasn't doing it to be a hero. I did it because I had to—you were nowhere to be found and no one else could help."
"I know. I understand. I don't like it, but I understand. Though you should be aware that had you died in the attempt, even the veil of death could not have saved Thanos from my wrath."
"I thought we had this conversation. If anything were to happen to me, you stayed on the straight and narrow, remember?"
"My apologies. I was too distracted by what happened at the end of the conversation to remember the words we exchanged."
"The sirens?"
"No. The kiss." His irises had contracted to a thin band of darkened jade, his voice a low rasp.
"Oh." It was so long since she'd woken in his arms like this. She had a sense memory of his lips upon hers from the night before the sirens sounded, and heat flared in her blood. She glanced away.
He gave her a wicked grin. "Don't fret, even I would not push Eir so far as to try and slake my lust here." That didn't stop him placing a chaste but lingering kiss on her jaw, just above her traitorous, thundering pulse.
"I am glad to hear it," said Eir from the doorway. Loki made an annoyed noise in his throat at her interruption and glanced over his shoulder, freezing when he saw who was with her.
Odin looked as weary as Alex had ever seen him, though he seemed more relaxed as well. No doubt the fact the realm wasn't under threat of invasion anymore helped with that, even if he still had to rebuild whatever had been destroyed. He nodded in greeting and crossed to the empty chair by her bedside.
"Allfather," Loki greeted stiffly. He appeared astonished that Odin had come at all, though the king didn't move to admonish him for his position. Nevertheless, he slipped out of the bed, ignoring Eir's narrow stare. He stood beside the seat Odin had taken. Alex tried to sit upright, wondering just how knotted her hair was.
"I am pleased you have awoken, Alexandra. It was difficult to gauge how much time you would require to recuperate."
"I feel fine." She stopped, gauging the state of her body again. "Better than fine, actually." Now the fog of sleep had completely dissipated, she thrummed with energy, like she'd already drunk a day's worth of coffee, without the jittery side effects.
"In this one thing, we can thank the Tesseract. It's destructive powers also healed you." He turned to Loki. "I would ask that you allow me some time to talk to Alexandra."
"No," Loki said without pause for consideration.
"Some things are for her ears alone. If she chooses to share them, that is her decision, but you have no right to this knowledge, Loki."
The clench of his jaw said Loki believed otherwise. "Please," said Alex, "you don't have to go far." She reached out to take his hand.
"Very well," he said, staring down at their hands, pressing a quick kiss to hers before letting go.
When they were alone, Odin seemed to weigh his words before speaking. "What do you remember?" he eventually asked.
"All of it. Sadly." If she shut her eyes, the memories of being caught in the burning flow of energy intense enough for her toes to curl in anticipation of the pain.
"Then you remember the choice you were offered."
"I do."
"You are immortal—it is an irreversible side effect of the Tesseract's bond with you. You will not rely on the apples to prevent aging as we all do. You will not change at all."
"I'm going to save a lot of money on face cream," she said, though she didn't really feel the humour. Immortality. There was no going back now, no matter how she felt about it.
"You can still sleep and eat, though you will need neither rest or nourishment. You are immune to disease, and while you could theoretically be killed by dismemberment, your ability to heal yourself means it is unlikely anyone would be able to complete such an act." She winced. The universe had better hope eternity didn't send her loopy. "Both the Tesseract and sceptre have been destroyed, but the power they contain live on in you. It sustains your life, accessible to no one else. In time you may learn to manipulate it, if you wish."
"I don't wish."
"A wise choice."
His features softened. "The realm has much to owe you. You saved many lives, as well as repairing the Bifrost. That, at least, means you will be free to travel between the realms as often as you wish. You've also made quite an impression on the Valkyries. It's been a long time since they've witnessed anyone commit an act of such brave self-sacrifice. The fact that you are neither a warrior or a sorcerer has them calling for you to be given a formal goddess title."
She almost winced again. "I appreciate it, but I'd rather not. I don't want to attract trouble and calling myself a goddess is probably the wrong way to go about it."
He smiled. "Loki is lucky to have you. We all are." And he seemed to mean it. Then he turned solemn again. "There is one more issue to discuss, a fundamental change wrought by the Tesseract. It relates to your unchanging status, and procreation."
"No," she interrupted. "Please don't say it." He opened his mouth to protest. "I can guess where you're going, and it's easier if I don't hear it. Ignorance is bliss." She had enough to wrap her head around, without taking on board painful issues like that as well. She had forever to face up to and deal with it later.
"As you wish." Odin rose. "I expect my son will be eager to return to your side."
"I do have one more question. The agreement we had, where he couldn't lie to me anymore. Does that still stand?"
"No. The terms of the bargain have been completed. The war is over, and I believe it is very clear you have made your decision. Therefore Loki is released from his side of the contract."
"Hmm." But Loki was back before she could muse on the implications of that.
Though Odin proclaimed she needed no more rest, Eir was unwilling to let her patient go, so Alex's stay on the healing ward was prolonged for a few more days.
Loki refused to be budged from her side, leaving only when she insisted he did so she could bathe. He even curled himself around her in sleep, despite Eir's continued annoyance. He was called away a few times to meet with Odin but returned as soon as he could, traces of his petulant side creeping out every time. All he would tell her was it was court business and not worth time away from her.
He returned the favour she'd once bestowed upon him, fetching books from the library to read to her, which was pleasant even though it made her feel like an invalid. They bickered constantly about her being out of bed, and he insisted on helping her walk everywhere even though she was perfectly capable of moving around on her own. She felt better than she had in months. He, on the other hand, was not as relaxed as he seemed. When she joked he was using the opportunity to cop a feel as he escorted her to the window, hand on her hip, he scowled rather than pouncing on the chance to flirt. He was not taking her near-death experience lightly.
Alex's visitors were astonished by the way Loki reacted around her. He was being affectionate in a way she'd never experienced before—constant kisses on her cheek or forehead, his hands forever seeking to smooth her hair or twine with her own hands. Nor did he reign in the affection when there were witnesses, leaving Thor and Frigga openly gobsmacked. Even Sif felt the need to comment on it, when Loki had left after another summoning from Odin.
"I never expected such tenderness from one with such a black heart."
"Hey! That's my…" Alex groped for the right word. Boyfriend? Fiance? Partner? None seemed to quite fit, especially given how undefined their current status was. "…my man you're talking about."
"And on behalf of all unwed women, I thank you for claiming him." But Sif was teasing, a rare thing, particularly when it came to Loki.
She was the first to really describe what happened during the battle, when Alex had parted ways with reality.
"I was there when the Allfather realised Thanos had the Tesseract—the sky was suddenly lit with false stars, and I was convinced from Loki's expression it meant we were all doomed. He dispatched one of the Valkyries to bring Thor back to our position, and we were tasked with bringing down the leviathans however we could. I took one of them out myself, with some elevation from Rota." Sif smiled in pride. From other conversations, Alex had figured out Rota was one of the Valkyries. Sif seemed to be friendly with a few of them.
"What did Loki do?"
"The Allfather asked him to stay and fight with us on the Bifrost, but Loki insisted he'd be the best one to track the Tesseract's location. They went to confront Thanos together. One of the Valkyries called them back to our side of the forcefield before they could reach him, and not a moment too soon, because you burned Thanos' armada out of the sky as soon as they crossed it. The Chitauri collapsed around us, and even the leviathans crumbled into nothing. It took us a little time to understand what was happening, until the Valkyries called our attention to the end of the bridge." She paused, her gaze falling into the a far-off memory. "It was a terrible thing," she said. "You looked like the blue heart of a flame. Loki ran straight to your side but we had to keep him away or he'd perish too. If I ever doubted how deeply he cares for you, I was proved wrong."
"So he finally has your approval?"
Sif made a noncommittal noise. "Love does not make men virtuous, no matter the strength of their affection. It is unlikely that Loki will turn his back on his trickery forever."
"I know. The best I can ask of him is to not actively kill people or try to enslave an entire realm. The rest, I will deal with."
"But you don't have to deal with it alone. I am here, as is Thor. We would not see you carry that burden alone. For what you did for Asgard, you have my eternal allegiance."
Alex found herself looking towards the window to hide the sudden tears in her eyes. She was touched by Sif's sentiment, not least because she knew the 'eternal' part wasn't hyperbole. "Thank you."
"And here he comes now," Sif said with a roll of her eyes. Footsteps carried along the corridor outside the room. "Unable to leave you in peace for very long. I shall take my leave, but if you ever need that peace, do not hesitate to seek me out."
She rose just as Loki entered the room, scowling at her. He crossed wordlessly to Alex's side again and Sif gave him a stern but not entirely unfriendly look on her way out. Perhaps there were bridges to be built there.
Alex's next visitor was Brunhilda, who was no less unnerving with her wings folded behind her body and the blood of battle washed away. She, like Sif, offered Alex allegiance, but this time it was on behalf of all the Valkyries. Since Alex didn't have the same relationship with them as she'd built with Sif, she hastily thanked Brunhilda, but repeated what she'd said to Odin about not being a hero. Brunhilda seemed to take this as further evidence of Alex's heroic status, and offered her the sanctuary of the Valkyries' hall if she ever needed it. Sif wasn't the only one who remained uneasy about Loki.
The Valkyrie, as it turned out, wasn't as scary as she first appeared, and repeated some aspects of the battle she'd seen from the air with a surprising amount of sharp humour. She had Alex laughing so hard Eir came in to chide them both. Alex wasn't the only person on the healing ward in the wake of all that had happened, even if she'd sustained the most dramatic injuries.
In Brunhilda's wake, Alex finally got a few moments of peace, and the chance to think. It was amazing, after feeling so lonely for so long, how she now felt surrounded by people who cared. A few months ago and she couldn't have named a single friend, but now there were people around her she could call by that title. Sif, definitely. Despite her warrior woman reputation, she was as well versed in literature as any of the royal household, and fascinated with Earth. Thor too, for the way he'd taken care of her when they arrived on Asgard, despite the pressing needs of the realm. Brunhilda had potential—she was hard to dislike. And Frigga had never been less than welcoming.
All in all, if things ever went sour with Loki—and there was a real possibility with the stretch of time ahead of them that there would be periods where she wouldn't want to be around him—she had people to turn to.
Having so many people awestruck at what she'd done, and her happy bubble at realising how many people cared about her, were probably to blame for how things went the next time she saw Odin.
When Loki's back was turned, and Eir was equally distracted, she'd made a jail break for the quiet of the library. If she had such a long future ahead of her, she needed to know where to begin filling it, and this was helping her flesh out the beginnings of an idea. That was where Odin found her; she was sat at the same table she'd been at the last time he came looking for her.
"Loki is refusing to travel to Jotunheim," he said, without greeting or preamble.
Alex vaguely remembered Loki telling her that Odin wanted him to do that when the war was over. "Did he say why?"
"He will not leave you and he is certain you won't go with him."
"And you want me to talk to him."
Odin nodded and stepped away, as if he considered the matter completed. He had a problem with Loki, and he'd transferred the responsibility for that problem to her. She saw then exactly how he intended for things to work in the future: any issue he had with Loki would become hers to solve.
"I can't control him, you know. And more importantly, I won't."
"I see."
Something about his expression reminded her of the day he'd sat opposite her in here, before leading her down to the weapons vault. She stared at him, wondering if he'd planned it all along. How else had he known how to keep her tethered to life? She'd fleetingly considered it before, in her quiet moments on the healing ward, ever since Sif mentioned Odin wanting Loki to stay on the Bifrost rather than face Thanos. In the very place she would search for him to hand over the sceptre. And if he wasn't there…well, if she knew about the link between them all, she'd be a suitable substitute.
"You made sure I knew about the connection between the sceptre and the Tesseract," she said. "And you tested my link to the Tesseract."
Sadly for her, Odin had the best poker face in the universe. Not even the abrupt change of topic threw him. "You needed to know. Thanos did, and he would have sought to manipulate you."
"You knew he'd get hold of the Tesseract and we'd have to stop him with the sceptre."
"It is wise never to underestimate an enemy, and to ensure every eventuality is considered." She knew that was as close to confirmation as she was ever going to get.
"If Loki ever find out you manipulated me into putting myself at risk, he'd burn Asgard himself."
Odin's expression became wary but he didn't respond.
"But I didn't go through hell to protect Asgard just for him to undo it in a temper tantrum. For the record, I won't be spending eternity acting as Loki's keeper, if that was your intention. I owe you no debt. You're his father, and every misguided action he takes is your responsibility." It was strange how knowing she couldn't die made her so much less afraid of the king. He needed to hear this truth. She'd made the choice she'd spent so long fighting against, but she'd be damned if Odin tried to make her bear the burden of Loki's faults.
"I am aware decisions I have made in the past have had repercussions for us all. I intend to rectify that now we have the luxury of time to do so."
"Good. Without me, you wouldn't have that chance at all." If she was going to be part of the family for the long haul, she should at least try to repair the more dysfunctional parts of their relationships. "I will help you where I can, but you need to earn his trust again or things will never be right."
For a moment she wondered if she'd gone too far. His nostrils flared and his one eye narrowed while she tried not to shrink into her seat, out of force of habit more than anything. He might not be able to kill her but banishment was a definite option.
"Contrary to what many believe, Loki included, I love my son," Odin said. "But I do not always understand him. He needs to repair the damage he has wrought on two realms—only then will he begin to learn the consequences of his actions."
"If the two realms are Earth and Jotunheim, then allow him to start with Earth. Give me that, and I'll do what I can to talk him into Jotunheim. It's not just another realm to him, it's a seriously messed up part of his identity. You can't just expect him to stare that in the face with no preparation."
Odin considered her words for a long, tense minute. "Very well. I will contemplate the benefits of sending him to Midgard first." He turned to walk away again. "I appreciate your candour, Alexandra. Few have been so honest with me in an age. I know you have been burdened with a life you did not want and a partner who will not make that life easy, but I have faith you will save us all in more ways than you already have."
She was thankful for his parting words, because otherwise she'd have been convinced she'd made an enemy of the most powerful man in the universe.
When Eir finally agreed to her release, there was a startled moment where Alex realised she no longer had a buffer against Loki. Who, for his part, had made the assumption she was moving into his chambers, rather than returning to her own.
Not that she had any reason to return to them. Her panic came from Loki's belief they were back to the status they'd had before she came to Asgard to be tested: engaged. There was still too much to sort out before she even considered marriage, but even in his current affectionate state there didn't seem to be a way to let him down gently.
He had already prised most of the details about her transformation out of her, and guessed what she wouldn't share. Even the implication that they wouldn't be having children—and he'd always hinted he wanted a family—didn't surprise him, but neither did he seem to think it an insurmountable obstacle. She'd discovered the hard way that what Loki wanted, Loki got, and one day maybe he'd find a way to make that happen too.
He was still helping her walk when she left the ward, despite her not needing the assistance, but she knew by now he just wanted the excuse to hold her. Refreshingly, his actions were motivated by more than lust. Meanwhile, she scrabbled for something to talk about that wasn't the potential disaster trigger of her telling him not to let Frigga start planning a wedding.
The future. If they were going to talk about anything, it should be the future.
"Is there any reason why a digital camera wouldn't work here?" she asked.
"Why would there be?"
"I'm just wondering if magic would interfere. Sorry, I'm thinking of a book I once read where electronics wouldn't work around magic. But if that's not the case, I could bring a camera here."
"You could. You wish to show the wonders of Asgard to the people of Midgard?"
"Not quite. We talked about travelling the universe, before, remember?"
"I do. Do you still wish to do so?"
"Yes. And I realised the library here only has drawings of other realms. You're a bit behind on our technology when it comes to that. I could take photos of the places we visit and add them to the archive."
He seemed to glow at the suggestion. "I have work to do to atone for my actions, but nothing would please me more than resuming our exploration of the realms. It will be especially easy now the Bifrost is repaired."
"You're welcome. And while you're atoning, I can go home and spend time with my family."
"Will you capture electronic memories of them too?" he asked quietly.
"Probably. I need to make the most of the time I will have with them, but one day all I will have are memories, and it would nice to have something more concrete than images in my head."
Another thought struck her, of walks to and from the healing ward when Loki was the patient.
"Answer me honestly. Why did you take such a long time to heal when you returned to Asgard? I know your injuries were bad, but they lingered for weeks."
"You're worried I was using my energy for something else." He didn't seem offended—in fact, his mouth twisted up in amusement. "Some nefarious scheme, as is my habit?"
"Yes."
"I'm pleased to respond that it was nothing of the sort. I was merely deliberately slowing the healing process down to garner sympathy." At her annoyed glance, he laughed. "Not just yours, my love. I needed the council to believe I had truly suffered so they would release me from the rest of my punishment."
That wasn't too bad. Really, it was just Loki being Loki, something she would have to get used to. But it also made her realise that there was no point keeping her own feelings bottled up in order to spare his. She needed to be blunt.
"Consider this fair warning," she said. "I'm not loyal Sigyn. Do you understand? I'm not a mythological woman with the patience of a saint. I won't be there to keep the poison from you when you've pissed off the next warlord. If you make decisions that hurt other people, I'll make you pay for it in kind."
"And thus I have been warned." His amusement wasn't fading any.
"You're on probation right now. Behave yourself, and I'll consider marriage."
He frowned. "How far do the sanctions of this probation extend?"
"What do you mean?"
"Marriage is being withheld as a reward for my good behaviour, but what else? Will you refuse to share my bed?" They'd reached the corridor where they would have to choose one direction or another: her chambers or his. He paused, waiting for her response.
"Oh." He'd switched moods again, diving headlong into an intensity that turned her knees to water. "No."
His answering smile was wicked. "Then I can live with your terms. Shall we seal the deal?" He held his hand out, turning in the direction of his chambers. She took it without pause, without needing to think, and followed him.
A/N: So sorry for the extended delay (well...it's been just over a week). I had computer problems, a few killer headaches, and then decided this was best in one piece rather than being split into two. That means it's the longest chapter yet.
The next chapter will be the last. It's already been written and just needs tweaking based on pre-reader feedback so will be up in the next few days. We're nearly at the end! *sob*
Once again, no teasers this time around.