Chapter Five
The next morning dawned cold and grey; Elena lay in bed, unwilling to move, to live. She lay in her own world, Jeremy's childhood teddy bear clutched in her arms. After their parents death he had kept her going, she knew that she needed to be strong so that she could help her baby brother. His death was unbearable. She had failed; she hadn't been able to protect him, to look after him.
Ric called and asked how she was doing. She answered him monosyllabically and after a while he gave up.
She lay in bed, tears silently etching tracks down her pale cheeks.
Sometime during the afternoon there was a knock on her door. It creaked open and Caroline tiptoed in. She sat on the edge of Elena's bed and pulled her into a hug.
Elena relaxed in her friend's embrace and found momentary solace in the comfort. Too soon she pulled away.
"I'm so sorry honey." She whispered.
Elena shook her head.
"Don't be. Its not your fault." She replied.
Caroline looked away, a guilty expression creeping across her face.
"Elena, you're like a sister to me. But…" She broke off. Looking at Elena nervously.
Elena looked away, her heart sinking as she recognized the look. The look she had seen far too many times in her short life, bad news.
"Just spit it out Caroline." She said tiredly.
"I'm going with Stefan." Caroline whispered.
Elena's eyes flew to hers in shock.
"What?" She gasped.
Caroline's brow creased and she rushed to explain.
"I'm still so new to this life, I need someone to show me how everything works, to help me. Stefan and Damon are the only vampires I know. I need his help Elena." She said quickly.
Elena stared at her, another little piece of her heart crumbling as she looked into her familiar face. But she nodded, understanding.
"It's ok. I get it. Don't worry." She murmured.
Caroline smiled softly and hugged her again.
"I wish things had gone differently." She said softly.
Elena nodded, a stray tear slipping down her nose.
"Me too."
Caroline gave her one last reassuring squeeze before standing and turning to leave, her eyes glistening with tears.
"I love you Care." Elena called after her.
She turned back and gave a weak smile.
"I love you too Lena." She replied quietly before closing the door behind her and disappearing out of Elena's life.
The funeral was a small ceremony. There were no bodies to bury. Elena stood alone, trying to hold herself together as she avoided the eyes of the rest attendees.
After every one had left, she sat on the grass, staring at the four headstones. Miranda Gilbert, Grayson Gilbert, Jeremy Gilbert, Jenna Sommers. Her family.
She felt herself slipping away. Felt her heart closing against the pain in self-preservation.
The next few days past in a blur, Ric stopped by once or twice to see how she was doing but he didn't really know what comfort he could give. So lost in his own mourning, eventually he gave up, drawing his curtains and retreating to his couch at home.
The next few days past in a blur, Ric stopped by once or twice to see how she was doing but he didn't really know what comfort he could give. So lost in his own mourning, eventually he gave up, drawing his curtains and retreating to his couch at home.
Elena meticulously tidied the house every day. Desperate for something to do with her hands, trying in vain to keep her mind busy.
She had tried calling Bonnie a few times but she hadn't answered. Elena had never been this alone and it was painful. She raided Jenna's booze stash and drank away her tears.
She found that it numbed the pain; it made it easier to breathe. So every day she drank a little more. Her vision constantly fuzzy and her mind constantly loose. To her it didn't matter if she danced the night away, or lay curled up in a sobbing ball. As long as she kept thoughts from entering her mind she was ok.
On the third week Bonnie came to see her. She stared in shock at the state of her former best friend. Her beautiful chestnut hair was straggled and greasy, pulled back into a tight knot. Her eyes, usually so bright and full of life and kindness were now empty and bloodshot. She managed a smile when she saw Bonnie. Opening her arms and falling upon her, delighted to see someone who was a part of her former life. Bonnie returned the hug stiffly.
"Elena." She began.
Elena looked at her, her eyes wide and innocent despite her pain and alcohol consumption.
"I just came to say that we're done." Bonnie whispered, looking at the floor.
Elena stared at her, not understanding.
"Done with what?" She asked.
Bonnie shook her head.
"You and me, we're done Elena." She said quietly.
Elena stood still feeling as though she had been slapped.
"I'm sorry, I really am…but too many people have been hurt. Too many innocent lives have been lost because of them." She said furiously.
Elena shook her head.
"But they're gone. I don't know Stefan or Damon anymore." She whispered.
Bonnie sighed.
"I just…I can't forgive you for getting them involved in our life Elena." She said. "Grams, Vicky, Caroline, Jeremy…I loved those people, and they took them from me. I can't pretend that…that I don't blame you."
Elena sat down shakily; her shoulders slumped.
She nodded. She deserved this; it was all her fault. Why else would all have this have happened to her? Even Ric didn't come to see her anymore.
Bonnie looked at her friend one last time before turning and hurrying away.
Elena broke down then, she smashed everything she could get her hands on, destroying and tearing at her house. Tears, uncontrollable tears blinding her.
This was all her fault. Absolutely everything that had happened to everybody she cared about was all her fault. Her parents had died because of her selfishness; Jenna and Jeremy had died because of whom she chose to hang out with. She was a bad person. An abomination.
As she repeatedly smashed the plates in the kitchen, the jagged china caught her skin, sending blood pooling into her palm.
She watched it, mesmerized. She didn't feel pain, just a comforting numbness. She grabbed the rough shard of crockery and dragged it across her arm. The skin parted and blood seeped slowly from the wound. She didn't know what she was doing; maybe she had gone mad, mad with pain. She didn't know anymore. She didn't care.
She watched the blood trickle down her arms and her tears stopped, replaced by a surprising calm. From there, things could only get worse.
Told you this would be darker than my other stories! Don't worry, Damon will come in to play soon ;)