The One Adventure I'll Never Have
part v (ii)
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"Maybe that's what the Devil is in the end: an idea."
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"Rose Tyler: Defender of the Earth!"
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"Can't you come through properly?"
"The whole thing would fracture. The two universes would collapse."
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In front of me stands a handful of people in dark blue uniforms. They're clustered in a vague sort of triangle shape and at the head of the triangle is Rose. My joy at seeing Rose is cut short by a sharp stab of terror.
Not less than two feet in front of Rose is a Dalek, it's blue eyepiece fixed firmly on her face.
"We are wai-ting," the Dalek shrieks. "Ex-plain!"
Crossing her arms (and hiding the way in which her fingers are trembling in the process, I notice,) Rose answers sharply, "You still 'aven't told me what it is I'm supposed to be explaining." Rose's features school themselves into blatant disapproval, her lower lip poking out from underneath its sibling.
The Dalek scoots back a little, looking thoroughly intimidated, to my satisfaction. I'm still huddled on the edge of the platform, surrounded by a parade of dancing stars. All I need to hear is the precise reason why Rose Tyler decided to come aboard a Dalek ship in order to assess the current danger level. Although, considering how irked the Daleks are - if the malicious spark in their blue eyestalks is any indication - it seems just as likely that Rose stumbled onto the ship by accident. She always was accident prone, I remember with a fond little smile, shaking my head a second later and tuning back into the conversation.
"You have crossed an in-ter-gal-act-ic bound-a-ry with-out the pro-per id-en-ti-fi-cat-ion," the Dalek informs Rose at last. "Now you must suf-fer the con-se-quen-ces."
"You're kiddin' me, right?" Rose asks, arms tightening about her chest. She would try to intimidate them. "I just updated my Slitheen honor codes last month. You had no right to stop me." Her eyebrows dip down, curving along with the sides of her eyes as she glares at the silent Dalek.
The Dalek's outer shell begins to quiver as it stares across at Rose and I can taste the electricity in the air. It's practically forcing itself to keep from smiting Rose right here and now, I determine as the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach continues to grow. If Rose doesn't stop taunting the Dalek, she'll be dead in seconds.
"Now," Rose continues, tapping her right foot on one of gold balls lying on the floor next to her. It crackles with leftover energy. "You're gonna let us go right now or I'll have no choice but to-"
"Do you know who you speak to?" The Dalek growls, quivering more fiercely. Two more Daleks creep forward to flank the first, all staring at the space in between Rose's eyes. "We are the migh-ti-est race in ev-er-y kn-own un-i-ver-se! You are on-ly a pa-the-tic hu-man." All three slide toward Rose, the two recent arrivals stationing themselves so that Rose is surrounded on three sides by Daleks and the fourth by the rest of her crew.
"Pathetic human, huh?" Rose asks, her voice husky. She releases her arms and they swing down to her sides, fingers brushing against her hips before curling into fists. Rose shakes her head and I wince as a smile begins to worm its way onto her face. She's really going to get herself killed, isn't she? I'm going to have to watch her die after all the times I promised to protect her. What kind of sick joke-
"You are the sc-um of the un-i-ver-se," the Dalek in front of Rose clarifies. All three Daleks move in again, their plungers attaching to Rose's arms even as she struggles to shake them off. "And now I shall wa-tch you per-ish," croons the Dalek that appears to be in command. It raises up its whisk-like appendage and aims it at Rose's chest, pausing as Rose lets out a snort followed by giggles.
"Wh-at is the mea-ning of this?" asks the Dalek to Rose's left. "Ex-plain! Ex-plain!"
Rose presses a hand to her mouth, muffling a laugh. "Sorry," she murmers, wiping a trail of spit beading on the corner of her jaw. "I just - none of you have any idea of who I am? Not the slightest clue?"
Just what is she up to now? I watch her suspiciously, worry still eating away at my insides.
"Re-veal your id-en-ti-ty," orders the Dalek in command. It presses its particle gun to the crook of Rose's elbow, trying to appear threatening. It isn't like there's any need for that, though. I frown, lines burrowing into my forehead. They're already intimidating enough without petty verbal threats. Which means that they have to be curious about Rose; they probably want to see if Rose is any threat to their regime, although they would never admit to something of the sort.
Rose tilts her head to the side, pressing a finger to her lips as though thinking deeply. "Well," she speaks at last, "some call me the Defender of the Earth."
The Daleks all quickly scoot back a foot, watching Rose warily. I watch them, confused. Yes, I'd given Rose the nickname Defender of the Earth when we'd met in Bad Wolf Bay but it had been more of a joke to keep myself from tearing through the Void to get to her side. Apparantly it isn't just a playful remark anymore, if the Daleks' reactions are any indication.
"You are the one who wi-ped the Cy-ber-men fr-om ex-is-ta-nce?" The Dalek in front of Rose asks the question slowly. She's taken control of the situation, just like that. Oh, Rose, I think, you're brilliant. Simply brilliant.
"That was me, yeah," Rose murmers with a dangerous smile. "I warned them, though, not to do anything rash" she adds, shrugging. "But then they went and attacked the Sontaran and I couldn't just let them take the universe down with 'em, could I?"
"Wh-ose help did you en-list?" asks the Dalek to Rose's right, probably already plotting how to cut off Rose's source of help. I wait for the names myself, curious as to whom Rose would affiliate herself with. She'd always been pretty trusting when we travelled together, though not stupid. Her companions here would have to be intelligent, identifiable and very private. Which means they'll be the first priority on the Daleks' list.
"No one," Rose says, crossing her arms and leaning toward the Dalek in front of her. "I've dealt with you lot before. Why would I need help?"
"You have ne-ver met us be-fore," the Daleks chorus all at once.
"Oh, but I have," Rose promises. She grins then, tongue peeking from between her teeth, that mischevious little smile one of many things I've missed about Rose since our separation. "See, I'm not from this universe. I used to travel in a parallel world with a man known as the Oncoming Storm." At that, the Daleks scoot back even further, eyestalks twitching furiously.
Rose's grin grows. "Oh, you've heard of 'im then." She takes a step forward, following the retreating Daleks. "Wait, that's right. You were there in the parallel universe, brought over in a Time Lord capsule. Conquering the world and all that." Waving her hand dismissively, Rose continues briskly, her voice growing darker with each word. "I met your four leaders, the Dalek advisors that brought you there, and I'll tell you the same thing that I told them."
One of the Daleks hisses, "You will not con-tin-ue."
"I met your emperor," Rose murmers, ignoring the Dalek, "and I turned him to dust. I was there with the Oncoming Storm on the day that all of you were released into our world and it was me an' him that sent you back." Her back stiffens. "Thanks to you, though, I got stuck here, and let me tell you something. I travelled with the Oncoming Storm, the one you all fear, for awhile. He taught me everything." She's not smiling now, the words tumbling out of her and making me wonder how long she's been holding them in. My hearts thunder against my chest.
"You su-gg-est that he would come here," the Dalek in command assumes. All three make gutteral sounds that resemble something like laughter. "The Void would coll-apse and kill us all. You are a-lone."
Rose shakes her head. "No, I'm not sayin' he'd do something stupid like that." My hearts sink in unison. "You're all so scared of him, just one man, when you should really be scared of me." She stares at them for a long moment, face frozen in apathy. "And I'll never be alone, not so long as he's alive out there somewhere." In that moment I see something so terrifyingly familiar in her brown eyes that I'm forced to shrink back.
She looks like a combination of me just before and after the Time War, shining with purpose and defiance, ancient and ageless all at once. If I look closely enough, I can make out the golden glimmer of Bad Wolf and have to wonder if it ever really left her. Rose is at her most brilliant, and it's everything I thought I wanted her to achieve. But it's not. It really isn't, because this particular job isn't about justice for the universe. This is about Canary Wharf. Rose is here for revenge.
My mouth opens, though I'm not sure what I mean to say. But the situation is already shifting. Rose's hands are a blur, one shooting out behind her to catch a small pistol while her other hand rips a particle gun from the inside of her purple jacket. Before the Daleks can even begin to scream "exterminate," Rose has turned the pistol on the first Dalek and fired twice. The first shot dissolves a foot away while the second breaks through the Dalek's protective force-field and shatters its eyestalk.
"My vi-sion has been im-pair-ed," the Dalek wails, spinning around as it tries to find where Rose has gone.
Everything breaks into chaos. The rest of Rose's crew pulls out whatever weapons haven't been confiscated and get to work taking care of the nearest Daleks. Light beams are flying from the Daleks' whisk-like weapons and wherever they connect, screams break out. Two men and one women fall, light illuminating their skeletal structure before leaving them empty and glassy-eyed. The remainder of the crew coalesce, fighting from every side.
I catch a glimpse of Rose. She has both arms out, firing expertly at the Daleks in front of her. They're clustering, buzzing like angry hornets. Rose moves beautifully, her lithe body weaving about as she takes down one Dalek after another, leaving them to spin in confused circles. Even still, slowly but surely, she's being backed into a corner where several metal tubes contain message beacons. I follow them, moving without really thinking about it, drawn to the building panic in Rose's eyes.
It isn't like Rose to put herself in a situation like this. Rose is as good at getting out of traps as she is falling into them. But this time, as the Daleks form a semi-circle around Rose and push forward until her back hits the metal tubes, she might not make it out. And it begs the question if she planned this revenge fully knowing that she wouldn't make it out. My steps quicken until I'm nearly running to get to her.
"Do you have a-ny last words be-fore you pe-rish?" The Daleks are speaking in unison again, probably to sound more threatening.
Rose's back straightens, jaw settling tightly. I used to be able to read Rose so well but this time I can't even tell if she's scared. She just looks determined, the bags under her eyes suggesting the same weariness I've spotted every time I have gotten to visit Rose.
"Just two," she says, eyes dancing with something tragic that I can't make out. "Bad Wolf."
"Rose," I breathe, eyes going wide, and break into a sprint.
The Daleks all fire at once, the greenish beams merging inches from Rose's chest. Her entire body illuminates, skin dancing with green-blue sparks, and I can't see Rose's face. As she crumples, a choked sound forces its way from my mouth. No, she can't be gone.
It's only as the Daleks turn away and Rose's body hits the floor that I see her hands raised in front of her. They're glowing, golden particles spinning just above the surface of her palms, and appear to be holding back the green beams. She's surrounded by green, outlined in gold, and when Rose opens her eyes a fraction, they're too bright to look at. She curls into a fetal position, shaking.
The moment I reach Rose's side, I press my hands on either side of her head and lean down until I can count the freckles dusted across Rose's cheeks. Her eyes - slowly losing their brilliance until all that's left is brown edged in glitter - rotate, locking on my face. Too busy making sure that Rose isn't actually hurt, I forget that I'm not actually here.
"It's alright," I tell her, going to stroke her hair with my left hand before pausing. Surely Rose doesn't want anyone touching her right now. "I don't know why you've been experimenting with the remnants of the TARDIS's heart inside of you, but I'm really glad that you did." Blinking back tears, I beam down at her, frowning when she doesn't respond. "Just don't tell your mum. She'll only slap me again. Everything's my fault when it comes to you." Still she doesn't respond and then I remember, the crushing weight descending on me even as her eyes remain stubbornly locked on my face. I don't know what she's looking at or why it appears like she's actually gazing at me, but it doesn't matter. Rose is here. She's okay. Everything's okay.
Except for the whole stuck in parallel universes bit, my superior Time Lord brain reminds me. I swallow back the thought, locking it away so this moment with Rose won't be tainted.
"But I guess I could take the blame this time," I tell Rose, giving into the temptation to stroke my thumb over her temple. Rose's eyelashes tickle the skin under her eyes and she sighs, still trembling as she holds the beams away. "You're worth it, Rose Tyler. Always." The words sound horribly cliche and I'd never actually tell her any of this, but I'm not here so it doesn't matter.
"Your lack of faith in me is astounding," I joke, running my thumb down her cheek to the corner of her mouth. Her tongue jerks out, touching the edge of my thumb, and I jump at the contact. I search Rose's eyes for any indication that she can see me but find nothing. She's still looking right at me, but the normal intensity that accompanied that look around me isn't here, leaving her gaze dull, listless. "All right, if you really want to know...if travelling to this parallel universe didn't cause both of 'em to be ripped into the Void, I'd be here in a heartbeat."
The truth I've never allowed myself to linger on sounds raw on my tongue, unimaginably selfish. As the last Time Lord, I ought to be saving people and protecting the universes, not honest-to-god thinking about destroying whole universes just to get to my pink and yellow human that I'll end up losing in seventy years anyway.
Rose opens and closes her mouth several times, a spark coming to life in her eyes. Her fingers curl around the golden radiance, petting it. I'm so caught up watching her that I don't hear the footsteps behind me until a body sinks through my incorporal one. I shiver, rolling away and giving a hard, unappreciative look at the newcomer. He's handsome with dark, cropped hair and a slim figure, although the concerned way in which he's eyeing Rose has me seething.
"Hey, Stephen," Rose greets the man with slurred words. He brushes the back of his hand across her sweat-drenched forehead and Rose smiles faintly, eyes fluttering as though she's trying desperately to keep awake. By the way that the green beams are slowly eating through the golden film, I assume that Rose is putting all of her energy into staying alive.
"Hey you," Stephen answers quietly, smiling at her. "Time to go."
Rose frowns and I look around, the furrow in my brow deepening as I find the fight still very much in progress. Daleks and humans alike are firing like crazy, slinking around each other in wide circles as they size the opponent up.
"Where 's everyone?" Rose asks blearily. She blinks, the movement slow and uncoordinated. "Are Monica and Jer-"
"None of that matters." Stephen pulls something out of his satchel and I watch with narrowed eyes as he drapes the yellow button around Rose's neck. "You need to get somewhere safe."
"No, I can't," Rose insists. "I need to do something first." She sits up, stilling and bowing her head forward as though dispelling dizziness.
"We have to go now," Stephen argues, reaching out for the yellow button.
Tearing one of her golden-infused hands away from her chest and leaving the other to battle weakly against the green particles, Rose smiles at Stephen. "Never again," she whispers, lips wobbling. Taking a deep breath, Rose slams her hand down onto the platform she's lying on. Gold dust explodes from her fingertips, incinerating whatever it comes in contact with.
"Now, give me a minute to concentrate and I can get all of us out of here," Rose promises Stephen.
Stephen looks around him. Daleks are closing in fast, bodies falling helplessly in front of them.
"No," he growls. "If we don't go now we'll all be dead."
Realization strikes Rose in the face just as the nearest Dalek raises its whisk-like appendage and aims it straight at Stephen.
"I won't leave them," she murmers, trying to get to her feet. She only ends up falling into Stephen's chest and his arms go around her instinctively. Around them, the ship continues to deteriorate, gold illuminating the darkness around them. Black smoke pools about them, making Rose cough.
The Dalek fires. I watch, terrified, as the green beam tears its way across the small space.
"I'm sorry," Stephen says. He slams his hand down on the yellow button just as the green beam reaches them and passes through thin air where the two bodies once stood. I'm torn after them, somehow linked to Rose's consciousness in a way that necessitates my proximity to Rose.
We emerge in what appears to be a lab, the Torchwood logo emblazoned over the doorway. Stephen lowers a struggling Rose onto a mat before wheeling her toward the door.
"What have you done?" Rose whispers against the fabric of Stephen's shirt.
He doesn't answer, simply heading for a hallway which the signs suggest lead to a set of employee bedrooms.
"No," Rose groans. "You have to - you can't - take me to the particle stabilizer now."
"Rose, I can't-"
"Now," she orders in the tone I would often refer to as the Jackie Tyler voice. "I can't keep this up for much longer."
"What are you...?" Stephen trails off as he notices the golden glimmer emanating from Rose's hands. "What is that?"
"It's nothing. Just something I've been able to utilize," Rose dodges smoothly. She tips her head back and her eyes flicker with something like fear. "I can only hold it for about 5.2 minutes or it'll consume me. It's already eating away."
What have you done, Rose? The last time Rose used the power of the TARDIS's heart, I had to take away the excess energy and regenerate just to keep Rose from dying. How does she plan on getting out of this one? Unless, perhaps, a thin layer of the TARDIS's heart clung to Rose's insides back when she saved my life on Satellite Five and this is a watered down version, extremely effective but not fatal, I hope.
Stephen wheels Rose into a room with a machine similar to the one I used in an attempt to evade the conscious Sun's desire to take over my body. The memory of that night still has me cringing. The premonition of Rose's death had been hanging over my head as I'd faced the Devil and I'd been so cocky then, so unwilling to admit that there might be a shred of truth to it.
Lying Rose down on a cot, Stephen slides her into a machine lit up with flashing blue rings. Rose's body is quivering, her teeth chattering as she tries to stay still.
"Set it for thirty seconds," she orders him.
Stephen gives her a concerned look. "No one's been able to stand it for longer than ten."
"I can," Rose says fiercely, locking eyes with him until, with a little nod, Stephen relents. "Do it now."
Stephen twists a couple of buttons on the machine next to the pod in which Rose is lying. Several beeps sound out and the pod begins to glow. Rose bites down on her bottom lip as sweat breaks out on her forehead. The moment that Stephen twists a knob and presses a green button with the word stabilize, Rose lets out a little groan, her back arching off the cot. Green particles begin to disconnect from the mist surrounding Rose's body, swirling into a circle around her before zooming into a little compartment on the upper left-hand side of the pod. A bright light begins to build in the machine, a gold too bright to be anything but the heart of a TARDIS.
I creep closer, unable to stand so far away when Rose is suffering. The clock on the switchboard reads nineteen seconds and counting. When I peek into the pod, Rose is crying silently, golden tears slipping down her jawline and landing on her purple jacket. Golden particles are slowly being leeched from her hands and her fingernails are digging into the cot so tight that I can see droplets of blood beginning to form. I reach out for her, my hearts escalating in tempo as my hand comes in contact with the swirling particles around Rose. They sing at my absence, happy to see me and wondering where I've been all this time. Somehow they've been able to accept Rose as a host even though it should've been impossible. The heart of the TARDIS is too strong for all, even Time Lords. We can only harness their power when they are willing.
With a beep, the machine hits thirty seconds and depowers. The last of the particles disappear into the compartment which shuts promptly with a click. Rose's back hits the cot and she exhales sharply, tears still clinging to her eyelashes. Before I can do more than offer her a watery smile I know she cannot see, Stephen has stepped forward. Stretching out his arms, he pulls a very still Rose from the pod and places her in a wheelchair he must've pulled over when I wasn't paying attention. After checking to make sure that the machine is completely off, Stephen wheels Rose from the room toward the hallway where the bedrooms are. He stops by one with the number 010105 written on the right-hand side and opens it.
"Do you want me to lay you down?" Stephen asks Rose softly.
"No. I'll be fine," Rose answers. "If you could bring me a cup 'o tea, that'd be lovely, though."
"Of course," Stephen says. "I'll be back in a minute."
Rose nods slowly, remarking with a raspy voice, "Take your time."
Once the door has shut behind Stephen, Rose wheels herself over to the nightstand and reaches for a familiar little notebook filled with what looks like various scribbles and photos. With a start, I realize that it is a notebook I've had stashed on the TARDIS for centuries. It had been given as a present from the elders of Gallifrey upon the completion of my training. They had encouraged me to write in it, to contemplate the meaning of the universe and the Time Vortex. I never had and ever since it's been gathering dust in one of the rooms the TARDIS dredges up from time to time. How Rose got her hands on it, I have no idea.
"How could I have been so bloody stupid?" Rose fumes, running a hand over the top of the notebook before lying it back to rest on the nightstand. "I never should have brought any of them in the first place. They trusted me to keep them safe." She presses the same hand up to her mouth in a fist as her eyes shine with furious tears. "They trusted me to keep them safe."
"Take it from me," I tell her, relieved of the burden of propriety. "Revenge plans never benefit anyone. Last of the Time Lords, remember?" I waggle a finger at my hearts, chuckling into the silence.
Rose is shaking her head, looking a little too much like Jackie Tyler. Where is that woman anyway? Not that I'm complaining, but it seems a little out of character for Rose not to be around her mother. Rose loves those female chats about anything and everything rubbish, even though she'd always insist that she couldn't take too much of Jackie Tyler. The woman could be a little overbearing, at best.
There's a crash. Rose has smacked the lamp in the corner to the floor and the bulb lays shattered, jagged bits glittering in the afternoon light. She runs a hand through her hair and leans back in her wheelchair, just looking at the mess, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't understand what she was going through now. It's unavoidable when you've made your life's mission protecting people. You screw up and someone gets hurt, killed even, and suddenly everything you've been working for comes to nothing. You feel as if you've absolutely failed, condemning an innocent family to mourn the loss of a son or daughter while you stand there alive when it's you who should've died.
Stephen hurries into the room, not bothering to knock. "What's wrong?" he asks, coming to a stop when he sees the broken lamp on the ground. "Are you alright?"
"Oh, yeah, I'm just brilliant," Rose begins in that tone which suggests someone's demise. "After all, we just abandoned our friends on a disintegrating Dalek ship and the only reason they were there in the first place is because I was so determined for revenge!"
Running a hand through his dark hair, Stephen murmers, "It's not your fault."
"I could've stopped you from taking me," Rose insists, crossing her arms.
"No, you really couldn't have," Stephen snaps. Rose clamps her mouth shut. "I wasn't going to sit there and see you get hurt, and nothing you could've said or done would have stopped me from getting you out of there."
"Well then, you're just a fool," Rose remarks coldly. "Saving a woman who will willingly abandon her comrades."
"Is that really what you think of yourself?" Stephen takes a step forward into Rose's personal space and she eyes him warily. He holds up his hands in a gesture of goodwill. "Do you have any idea how fantastic you are?"
I don't miss the way that Rose flinches at the use of the word. I'd used it quite voraciously throughout my ninth regeneration. Thankfully, she doesn't rise to the bait.
"We're supposed to be keeping people safe," she reiterates, looking around the sparse contents of her room. "If we're willing to leave innocent people to die then what does that make us?"
Stephen opens his mouth and then closes it, his expression a mix of confusion and frustration.
"I'll get your tea," he says at last, stiffly, then disappears again. His back doesn't straighten from its erect posture.
Alone again, Rose slumps into the wheelchair and I take the opportunity to actually look at her room. If it is. Apart from the notebook, anyone could've lived here. The dresser in the right side of the room has one of its doors open and I can see a couple of black Torchwood uniforms. Below it are stored two pairs of socks and shoes, also black. The bed itself is perfectly made, not one ruffle to be seen. The blue walls have a couple of chips in them, revealing shy snippets of white, but other than that the space is flawless. She'll always refuse to call this universe home. She always had been stubborn.
Finally - I'd been starting to wonder - I feel the tug calling me back to my universe. I can smell the sheets from Rose's room in the Powell Estates and it causes a lump to rise in my throat. As I turn to give Rose a last, lingering look, I see the same numbers on the door etched into the headboard of the bed. 010105. It's a date, I realize. January 1st, 2005.
Now what could be the significance of that?
to be continued
a/n: I am so sorry for not updating sooner. I got a promotion at work and have been utterly swamped with life lately. Hopefully you enjoy this installment and I will try to update as quickly as I can.