Chapter 20

Elena sat on the edge of the bath, staring at the razor in her hands. She wasn't even sure how long she had been sitting there, or why she had gone into Damon's bathroom in the first place.

She ran her thumb along the sharp edge and watched intently as a small drop of blood trickled down her hand. The dark liquid mesmerized her as it tracked its way across her palm.

Damon had been out all night, the house was empty, it would be so easy to just sink the sharp blade into her soft skin. She could relax into that numbing pain and escape her emotions.

She pricked her finger again and another scarlet drop joined the first.

She couldn't get that kiss out of her head; she had never been kissed like that… or rejected like that. The kiss had been perfect, toe curling, mind numbing, but then he had to go and ruin it by ending it. She sort of understood; he didn't want to take advantage of her, she respected that. But it didn't mean that it didn't still sting.

She wasn't sure when these feeling she was having for Damon had first surfaced. Long before he had left, long before Stefan had broken her trust; that much she knew. She had always hidden the way she felt for him, burying it deep and pretending that it didn't exist. She didn't want to be like Katherine, she didn't want to tear the brothers apart.

Last night she had given into those feelings for just a few seconds, and it had been overwhelming. He had this weird affect on her, like he had the ability to intensify all her emotions. It was disturbing and terrifying and exiting.

Her self-preservation instinct was telling her to shut it off. Go back to pretending that she didn't feel anything for anyone. It was easier that way, she was less likely to get hurt.

She sighed and contemplated the object in her hands. Her mind seemed to be having an internal battle. The part of her that wanted to give in to the overwhelming emotions was telling her to throw the razor on the floor and run from the room. But the other part of her, the devil on her shoulder so to speak, was reminding her how dangerous that could be, and deliciously liberating drawing the blade through her flesh would feel.

She groaned in frustration, the razor hovering above her outstretched arm. To cut or not to cut? To feel or not to feel?

"Elena?" His voice came from just outside the door.

She jumped in surprise and felt the blood rush from her face. She cursed vampires and their annoying ability to sneak up on people as she struggled to hide the evidence of her train of thought. She shoved the razor into the waistband of her pants and hastily wiped her finger on a towel.

She glanced around the bathroom, but that was nothing that might give away what she had almost done.

"Are you ok?" Damon called, knocking lightly on the door.

She quickly jumped up and opened the door offering him a small smile.

"I'm fine." She murmured, avoiding his eyes.

She brushed passed him and cringed as the razor fell to the floor. She turned back, almost praying that he hadn't noticed, even while knowing that was impossible.

There was a deafening silence as he picked it up and looked at her. His face was emotionless and cold.

She gulped and kept her gaze fixed on the carpet.

"Show me your arms." He said quietly.

She sighed and rolled up her sleeves, there was no point in arguing with him. Besides she hadn't created any new scars, he had arrived just as she was about to.

"I didn't do it." She said, letting him examine her skin. "See, no new ones."

His fingers were gentle and cool against her damaged skin and she felt a fluttering in her stomach at the touch. She blushed and let her hair fall to partially cover her red face.

He nodded and pulled her top back down to cover her arms. He let go and she took a step back, still avoiding eye contact.

"Good girl." He said in a softer tone. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She swallowed loudly and shook her head.

"Not really."

He watched her intently.

"Elena, I want you to promise me you won't hurt yourself again." His voice was firm and full of resolve.

She wasn't sure she could do that. She had been so close to it, she would have done it had he not shown up at that moment, she was sure of it.

She stared her shoes, avoiding his probing eyes.

He grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him. She was instantly reminded of the night before and felt heat rising to her cheeks once again. If he was aware of her change of thoughts he didn't show it.

"Promise me Elena." He insisted.

She found herself wanting to promise him, she wanted him to be proud of her, to look at her with new-found respect and admiration. She hated the feeling of wanting someone's approval.

When she didn't reply he sighed and brushed his thumb against her cheek. Her heart fluttered and she internally rolled her eyes at her body's lack of control.

"Please, just give me that peace of mind ok? I need you to be safe." He murmured.

His inhumanly beautiful eyes were searching hers, silently begging her to say the words he needed to hear.

She suddenly felt the urge to drag a blade across her skin dissipate. She could see the fear and pain in Damon's eyes and she just wanted to make it go away. She wanted to give the peace of mind that he needed, she wanted to reassure him, and she wanted to mean it.

"I promise." She said quietly, finding resolve in her words.

And she did mean it. In that moment she made a promise to herself. She wouldn't cause Damon that pain; she wouldn't be that selfish.

A ghost of a smile crossed his lips before he backed away from her, letting go of her face and letting his hands fall to his side.

"Thank you." He said softly.

"Damon…"

She wanted to explain last night to him, assure him that the kiss had nothing whatsoever to do with Stefan. Tell him that it was just him; only him.

He seemed to sense where the conversation was headed and cut her off before she could get the words out.

"We need to talk about school. "

She raised her eyebrows, momentarily forgetting what she wanted to say to him. The surprise at hearing those words out of his mouth taking her off guard.

"School?" She asked skeptically, wondering when Damon had become so responsible.

"I take it you haven't been going." He stated, pulling his phone out of his pocket as it started buzzing.

She shrugged and turned away.

He glanced at his phone and sighed.

"Ric told me you haven't gone in weeks Elena."

"Yeah…it wasn't exactly top priority you know."

He nodded.

"Well you only have a few semesters left. I'll go and do some persuading and you can pick up where you left off." He said matter of factly.

Elena swallowed nervously, her mouth suddenly dry. Going to school would be a nightmare, Caroline was gone, Bonnie hated her, everyone knew what she had been up to for the past weeks. The grill was proof enough that she was going to be the butt of a lot of jokes for a long time to come.

"I don't know if…" She trailed off, trying to think of a way to explain this to him.

"Elena." He said in a softer tone. "I know that it will be hard, but you have to graduate high school. You are going to regret it if you don't. A few years down the line when you're trying to get a job, you are going to a GED."

She rolled her eyes, annoyed that he was making so much sense.

"I liked it better when your idea of taking care of me was kidnapping me and getting me drunk." She said with sigh.

He chuckled and turned to leave.

"I'll go work my magic at the school. I'll be back in an hour or so."

She groaned when she found herself suddenly alone in his room. She hadn't gotten a chance to explain anything. Something had been off with him, he had seemed too detached, preoccupied. He was pulling away, distancing himself so that he could act on thoughts instead of feelings. He didn't want to get hurt. He didn't want to get hurt by her. She swallowed the lump in her throat at that thought, wondering how many times she had unknowingly hurt him in the past.

They were more alike than either would like to believe, she realized. They had the ability to shut off the pain. They had both experienced too much in their lives, they had both lost too much. And not gained enough.

Ok, I know, I know I need to make delena happen ASAP! I'm working on it, but I don't think either of them would just jump into bed after everything that's happened. I also think that Elena needs to work on getting well again and dealing with the repercussions of her actions...Hence the school thing.

Also there is the whole story line of who took Damon...That is going to be explored a LOT more. And we haven't seen the last of Stefan either...

Serena xoxo