* Please Review. Warning: this chapter is emotional*
In the morning Daryl woke before she did. He had given her what she wanted the night before but he wasn't feeling right about it. Usually after giving her an orgasm, he felt like he was on top of the world. He would feel like he was only man in the world but he wasn't having that feeling than. She had almost cried as she came against his mouth. He moved up her, gathered her to him and let her cry herself to sleep. She was not the Jillian he knew and was used too.
She was sleeping on her back with her face turned away from him. She had one hand resting on her stomach and the other resting on his chest. He frowned as he looked at her. She took a deep breath in her sleep and turned towards him. She rolled over to her right side and snuggled more into their blankets. Daryl tugged her in then slipped from the bed to get ready for the day. He knew he had to go hunting and he wanted to talk to a few people first. He wanted to make sure someone was watching her. Something wasn't right with her.
Daryl stared at her as he changed his clothes. He grabbed his toothbrush and tooth paste and stepped outside their tent. He watched the camp as he brushed his teeth. He watched everyone walking around, getting ready. Lori and Andrea were already cooking, Dale was on top of the RV, T-Dog and Glenn were sitting by the fire while Rick and Shane were talking by the cars. Daryl sighed but kept brushing.
" Daryl!" Jillian called out. He spit quickly then opened the tent door. She was sitting up, clutching the blankets to her, with a look of fear. Her shoulders dropped the second they met eyes.
" You alright?" He asked.
" I didn't know where you were at." She said. He tossed his toothbrush onto his bag.
" I was just outside." He said. She nodded and he had a second to really take her in. She was pale and her eyes looked sunkin in slightly. " Why don't you go and take a shower? You might feel better." He said. Jillian sighed but nodded again.
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While she was in the farmhouse, Daryl had spoken with Dale and Andrea. He asked them to keep an eye on her. Carol was still sleeping and no one wanted to wake her up. After Daryl was done talking to Dale and Andrea, he started towards the farmhouse. He reached it at the same time she came out. He didn't want to tell her that he was leaving but he had no choice. The group needed the meat, she needed it.
" Need to talk." Daryl said as they started back towards camp. " I have to go out for a few hours, gotta hunt. I want you to stay where Dale and Andrea can see you." He said. Jillian stopped walking, making him look at her.
" I love you...so much." She said softly. Daryl took a hold of the cross bow straps and started shifting his weight around.
" I love you." He said.
" Besides Mom and Sophia, you were the best thing to ever happen to me. If someone were to ask me what my favorite part of life was I'd tell them it was you." Daryl frowned but nodded. " Promise me you will be careful out there."
" Always am." He said. Jillian stepped closer to him. She placed her hands on his chest and let them slide up to his neck then his jaw. She pulled his face down and kissed him. Daryl's hands came up to her waist where he pulled her against him.
" I love you." She whispered when she rested her forehead against his.
" I love you, too." He said.
She stood at the edge of the field and watched him as he disappeared into the woods. He was taking a horse so he could go farther and get back faster. Something was not sitting well in his stomach. Something wasn't right with her but he couldn't place his finger on it. Andrea promised to talk to Jillian because she could understand what his woman was going through.
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Over the next few weeks the change in Jillian was amazing. She was no longer the carefree girl he had fallen in love with. She was just a shell of a person. She would either sit by the grave or lay in their tent. She only ate when he made her. She was never allowed to be alone. He was terrified of what she would do if she was. He didn't know if she would kill herself or run off after Merle and Daryl didn't want to find out.
They weren't having sex anymore. Before Sophia's death they had sex every day, some times twice a day. Since she died, they had only had sex once. He had been kissing her neck while he thrust inside her and raised his head up to look at her. Jillian had been staring at the roof of their tent and he could see she was miles away. He frowned and faked an orgasm because he had gone soft almost right away. He pulled out of her and laid next to her. She didn't even knowledge him.
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By the end of the first month, Daryl came out of the woods and stopped walking when he saw her. Jillian was laying on her back beside the grave. She had one arm over the grave while she started at the sky. Her other hand was resting against her stomach. Daryl frowned as his shoulders dropped. Something had to change. Something had to give. He was losing her and he knew it. Every day she was slipping farther and farther down the slope, farther and farther away from him. He sighed and continued walking. He found Rick and handed over the animals then moved across the field again.
" Get up, Jill." He said when he reached her. Her eyes shifted over to him.
" What?" She asked. He licked his lips and looked over into the woods.
" Get up, got som place I wanna show you." He said as he held his hand down to her. Jillian sighed but took his hand and let him pull her up.
" Where are we going?" She asked as he interlaced their fingers.
" Som place I found the other day. I think you're gonna like it." He said.
The couple fell into silence as they walked. All she wanted to do was go to the tent and sleep but she didn't fight him. She didn't have the energy to fight him and she knew the look on his face. He was determined and there was no changing Daryl's mind when he was determined. He was walking slightly ahead of her, holding tightly onto her hand.
They walked for a while. The forest was alive around them. Birds were calling out and flying, a warm breeze was moving through the trees and across her face. She closed her eyes and let him led her. She brought her free hand up lightly touched his hand. Daryl looked back at her then straight ahead of him again. It didn't take long before the woods opened up to a huge field of wild flowers. He pulled her forward.
" Open your eyes." He said softly. Jillian sighed and did as he asked.
" Wow." She said. Daryl moved so he was standing behind her. He placed his hands low on her hips and started them forward into the field.
" Touch the flowers." He said. Jillian shook her head.
" I can't." She said softly.
Daryl frowned and his hands started moving up her body. When he reached her shoulders, he worked his hands down her arms to her wrists. He wrapped his fingers around her wrists and lifted her arms up. She tried to resist him but Daryl was stronger then she was. He forced her arms straight out at her sides and made her touch the flowers.
" Touch them. Feel how alive they are." He said as he moved into her back. He was whispering into her right ear. Jillian closed her eyes as the soft petals slipped through her fingers. " They are alive and so are you." Her breath caught as she sobbed.
" Sophia would have loved these." She cried. She felt him nod against the side of her head.
" She ain't here to love them but you are. You're here to love them for her." He said as he continued to walk, forcing her walk with him. His hands slipped up her arms again then down her sides. He placed them lower on her hips again. " You got a choice to make. You either gonna live your life because she can't live it or you gonna die. You can't keep gonna like you're gonna. Ain't right, ain't what she'd want for you and you know it. Make a choice, Jill, right here. Either you come back to me and live or not, but I ain't gonna be able to watch you die this slow die." He finally stopped walking. Jillian opened her eyes and turned to face him as he dropped his hands from her.
" What?" She asked as a few tears moved down her cheeks.
" What you're doin ain't right and I ain't gonna do it anymore. I ain't gonna watch you dyin in front of me anymore. I can't and it ain't fair for you to make me." He said. Jillian covered her face as her head dropped. She was crying harder and he let her. He didn't move to comfort her or touch her.
" I know it isn't." She cried after a few minutes. She whipped her cheeks and looked at him. " But I don't know what to do anymore."
" You gotta choose that's what you gotta do. You gotta choose what you want, what you think Sophia'd want for you. You think she'd want you to waste away? You think she'd want you to lay in that tent and die? Or you think she'd want you to snap out of it and take in these flowers? You think she'd want you to live in a way she can't even more?" Daryl's eyes were locked on her face as she started looking around. This was it to them. She was either going to come back to him or not.
" I think she'd want..." Her paused in her speech. Her eyes were still searching around the field.
" What, Jill, what? What does she want you to do?" Daryl asked. His stomach was tense and he realized he was scared of the answer she was going to give him. Her dark eyes met his.
" She'd want me to live." She finished softly. All the air left Daryl at once. His shoulders dropped as the tension and nervous energy left him. He tighten his mouth so he won't smile. " She'd want me to come back to you, to enjoy the flowers." He nodded but still didn't reach for her.
" So you gonna live now? You gonna eat and help out the group? You gonna be active again? You gonna dance around and sing like you used too?" He asked. She nodded.
" I know I have checked out and I'm sorry." She said.
" You ain't got to be sorry. You gotta understand that your mom and I, we can't keep carryin you. Seein you like this is keepin Carol down. She can't move through her grief when she's scared her other daughter is losin it. I can't watch you like this anymore. I'm scared, Jill. I'm scared every time I walk away from you I ain't gonna see you alive again." His voice dropped with his last few words. " I lost my brother cuz of this, I ain't ready to lose you too." Jillian was biting her lower lip.
" I didn't know you felt like that." She said.
" Well I do and you know I ain't just sayin it. I'm really scared."
She knew it was true. Daryl never admitted how upset he was over losing Merle on the roof top. She had seen it in him, everyone had when he stormed around the roof, screaming but he never said it. He never admitted to being worried about Sophia when she went missing the first time but Jillian knew he had been. She knew he how scared he must have been if he was admitting it to her. She came forward and brought her hands to his face.
" You don't have to be." She said.
" Promise me you're gonna live then. Promise me you're gonna snap out of this and be my Jilly again. At least promise that you're gonna try." He said. She nodded.
" I'm going to try." She said.
His hands came up to her hips as he pulled against him. One hand slipped around to her lower back while his other one moved into her hair and came to rest against the back of her neck. He brought his head down to hers so their foreheads were resting together. Both had closed their eyes and were breathing slowly.
" I love you. I ain't ready to lose you, I can't." He whispered. " I ain't gonna make it if somthin happens to you."
" I love you too. You aren't going to lose me." Jillian whispered.