A/N You'll note that although its not technically canon, I refer to Kaidan as XO of the Normandy. It's strange that ME3 is the only game that doesn't designate an XO, and I just can't see how Kaidan, as the highest ranking Alliance officer on board, as well as a Council Spectre wouldn't have that role when he rejoins the crew.
Kaidan found himself repeating his new mantra alive more and more over the next few days, even while he was sitting vigil at her bedside, staring into the damaged and unchanging face, the proof of that mantra before him, testified by the hand in his, the sound of the machines breathing and pumping her heart, tracing her brain waves. It was hard to watch her so still, so unmoving, and Kaidan realized in those moments that he had never seen her so inactive, even on the nights that he had watched her sleep. Shepard was a woman who did everything with passion, vigor and energy, even sleep, he thought wryly, and she was never one to lay calm and peaceful, rather attacking sleep like any other part of her life, tossing and turning and even occasionally, comically, talking. The still and unmoving figure before him drove home to him, more than the bandages or the cuts or the bruises or the machines, just how hurt she was. Alive he reminded himself for what must be the fiftieth time this hour.
He started as he heard a brief rap on the doorframe and looked up to see Admiral Hackett enter Shepard's room. The military in him had him immediately snapping to attention and saluting which seemed to amuse Hackett. "At ease, Major," Hackett barked out laconically.
Kaidan settled to parade rest then looked down, to his surprise, he still held Shepard's hand in his and he realized the source of the Admiral's amusement. The Admiral took pity on him and gestured for him to sit, drawing another chair from the corner of the room and pulling it up to the opposite side of Shepard's bed. Kaidan resettled himself in the ridiculously uncomfortable chair that he was sure now held the imprint of his ass (or perhaps his ass held the imprint of the chair, he wasn't sure yet which one was winning) and waited for Hackett to speak.
The other man sucked his breath in sharply as he looked at the still, so still alive figure on the bed and Kaidan thought Hackett was noting, as Kaidan had, the utter lack of Shepard there.
When he looked up at Kaidan, the Admiral was noticeably paler, and he had to clear his throat twice before he could speak. "I came to check on Captain Shepard, and on you, Major."
Kaidan started at the new honorific. "Captain?" he repeated questioningly.
Hackett nodded once. "She saved the galaxy, didn't she? The least we could do is promote her." Kaidan realized the Admiral carried a small velvet box in his hand, he proffered it now and Kaidan took it, opening it and was not at all surprised to see captain's bars – her captain's bars – residing within.
Kaidan traced the bars once, then looked up at the other man and laughed softly. "She's gonna hate it," he told Hackett.
"That she will," Hackett agreed, "but not as much as the new Star of Terra and the as-yet-unnamed medal they are currently putting their heads together to create in her honor. She'll learn to deal with all of it."
"A new medal?" Kaidan whistled, "That's a big deal."
"Well," Hackett said, "I guess they realized that her third Star of Terra doesn't quite express the magnitude of her accomplishment this time. Plus, it gives them something to do other than bicker over reconstruction efforts."
Hackett shifted in his equally uncomfortable chair and continued. "She's a symbol, now," he said, looking into the eyes of the man across from him and noting the fatigue and stress there, "a hero, for everyone. Her life changed dramatically, irrevocably, in those final moments on the Citadel."
Kaidan nodded and met Hackett's eyes once again. "And she'll tell you she's just a soldier."
Hackett had to admit he admired Alenko's resolve and refusal to believe that soldier or hero, her life may very well end right here in this small hospital room. He knew the committee currently overseeing the creation of the new medal was putting off final decisions waiting to hear whether or not Shepard would live. After all, a martyr makes for even better press than a hero. Hackett mentally winced at his own musings, but he was, above all, a realist, and although he had known the gravity of the situation before he stepped into this room, seeing the vital woman he had respected and trusted and relied on laying before him a pale imitation of her former self drove it home more forcefully than any of the ten reports he had read from her team of doctors.
"I have placed Captain Shepard on medical leave of indeterminate length but she will remain active military as long as she's alive," Kaidan winced at the bald statement but the Admiral continued as if he hadn't noticed, "or until her doctors or she herself tell me otherwise. As for you, Major Alenko, although I would personally like to grant you indefinite leave pending her recovery, the Alliance still needs you and the Normandy crew. There's too much to do right now, and not enough good men left to do it. In addition, I think your crew would benefit from having something to concentrate on than the very outdated e-mags in the waiting room." Kaidan smirked at the thought of Garrus sitting around reading House and Home Automated and looked at the Admiral, question in his eyes.
"To that end," Hackett continued, "I'll be sending you datapads with Alliance and civilian contacts, reconstruction leaders, and I expect you to coordinate with your team to ensure efforts are prioritized on a daily basis. I have checked with the medical center and they assure me there is a small but empty office down the hall from this room that you may use and they have approved your use of communication electronics in this room, so you may have your omni-tool with you at all times. I expect weekly reports from you, Major."
Kaidan was stunned by the gift he was being given and nodded at the Admiral. "Thank you, sir," he told Hackett gratefully, realizing that he would be able to conduct most, if not all, of the work within sight of Shepard.
"I should also warn you that Admiral Hannah Shepard has been located and is currently inbound to this location, eta," Hackett checked his own omni-tool at this point, "five minutes. Apparently she was stranded near Arcturus after the rendezvous and just received word of her daughter when the SSV Kilimanjaro entered Earth's orbit two hours ago. Have you met the Admiral, Kaidan?" Hackett noted that the man across from him was looking distinctly green around the edges now.
"No, sir," Kaidan replied, "Although Shepard has occasionally spoken of her."
"She's a formidable woman," Hackett said reflectively, "I think you'll see the family resemblance. I've known her for about twenty years although we've never served together. In any case, I thought it only fair to warn you." And on that somewhat ominous warning, Hackett stood to exit just as they heard a commotion outside the door and Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard entered the room, still barking at the nurses following her that it was her daughter and no, she wasn't waiting.
Once again, Kaidan found himself snapping to attention, saluting, this time, he made sure he wasn't holding Shepard's hand at the same time. Hackett stood at parade rest and Admiral Shepard saluted him smartly, then nodded once at Kaidan. "Admiral Shepard," Hackett stepped in with introductions, "may I present Major Kaidan Alenko, XO of the Normandy SR2 and acting captain?"
"Admiral, Major," Hannah muttered, and, clearly more interested in seeing her daughter than introductions, moved to her bedside and forgot all military formality, reaching out to touch her forehead and murmuring, "oh, honey."
Hackett decided now was as good a time as any to take his leave, nodded once at Kaidan and turned and walked out. Kaidan stood, still at parade rest, trying to decide if he could exit as well without severe reprimand for not waiting to be dismissed, but he didn't want to intrude on the scene before him. In that moment of indecision he studied the woman leaning over the bed. She was tall and lean, a lifetime of Alliance military shaping her much the same as it had her daughter, they shared an almost identical build. Her hair, too, appeared to have once been the bright shade of fiery red that graced her daughter's head but was now threaded through with white, and worn severely short, even shorter than regs required. Her eyes, from what he could see, were a pale shade of blue rather than the vibrant green of her daughter's, but all in all, he saw Kat's cheekbones and jawline mirrored on the woman before him. He realized with a start that he could be having a premonition of Kat thirty years from now. A strong, imposing, and yes, still very beautiful, figure that likely could strike fear in the heart of any enemy she encountered.
At the moment, he was hoping he wouldn't fit that classification.
Kaidan realized his moment of indecision had cost him any choice in the matter when Hannah looked up from Kat and directly in his eyes. He saw shock and unshed tears in hers but there was strength there and she was already working to hide the emotion. He realized now that her daughter had learned that trick – masking her emotions – directly at Hannah's feet. She studied him for a long moment then seemed to reach a decision. She smiled softly, and reached across the bed to take his hands in hers. "Kaidan," she said softly, "I'm so glad you're here."
Kaidan could have thought of many things that would have surprised him less than that simple gesture. A table dancing volus, Javik volunteering to clean Kat's hamster cage, and the Reapers surrendering peacefully topped the list. With a start, he realized the woman in front of him not only loved Kat as much – if not more – than he did, but also was fully aware that his feelings for her daughter were entirely reciprocated. Perhaps even more surprisingly, there was acceptance and a hint of gratitude there on her face, in those oh-so-sharp eyes. He took a moment to be grateful that it wasn't exactly Kat's eyes staring into his, her mother was similar enough that it was painful, to be staring into an exact copy right now would be brutal to his already abused heart, then he squeezed the hands holding his and smiled at Hannah. "I'm so glad you're here, Admiral," he returned her words to her softly.
Hannah smiled then, and resembled her daughter even more, if possible. "It's Hannah, Kaidan," she said warmly. "We're not Alliance in this room. We're two people who love her."
With that, Hannah gestured to him to sit and she took the seat that Hackett had recently vacated. She reached to touch her daughter's forehead again and Kaidan held Kat's hand. He resumed his vigil alive alive alive comforted that this time, he wasn't alone.