A/N ok, here comes the serious M part lol... I spent a great deal of time reviewing other stories rated M in this category, trying to decide if this smut was too smut for ff. In the end, what I saw seems to run the gamut, with the following on the high end of the middle. Still, this chapter is most definitely NSFW and deserves its M rating. If that offends you or turns you off, skip the italicized section and you're safe to continue with real plot in the next chapter. Hope you enjoy~
It was a rare moment of quiet and solitude with Shepard the next morning that Kaidan relished. Hannah had stayed on ship last night, having some administrative issues to deal with early this morning and visiting hours had yet to start. The nurses had finally taken pity on Kaidan several days into his vigil, realizing that he intended to spend all of his hours at Shepard's bedside, not just his waking ones, and scrounged up a somewhat battered recliner from somewhere so he could sleep at her bedside, holding her hand in relative comfort. The haze of sleep had yet to recede and the feel of her hand in his was so familiar his thoughts drifted into memory and he found himself mentally replaying one of their more precious moments together.
He reflected as they headed back to the Normandy, hand in hand, directly flaunting regulations and for once not stopping to be careful about it, that his idea – his "sanity check" – had been one of his better ones. Shepard looked truly relaxed, for the first time in as long as he could remember and, if the smile pasted on her face was any indication, she was happy. It made his heart glad to realize that a simple dinner with him could do that for her. She needed more happiness.
They reached dock D24 too soon for his tastes and headed to the airlock, hands to their individual sides now and he watched as she pulled her Commander Shepard mask in place and straightened her shoulders. Seeing that was like a kick in the gut to Kaidan after the afternoon they had spent. He looked around them quickly, and, seeing that they were as alone as they could be in the crowded docking area, he grabbed her hand before she could depress button to let them in the airlock. She looked up, startled, and opened her mouth to question him, and he took that moment to take her lips, kissing her soundly, pulling her into his arms. After a moment of shocked paralysis, she moaned and leaned into the kiss, opening her mouth to him, responding to his passion, returning it in spades. She reached up and ran her hands in his hair, tousling it, but he couldn't care while he was busy running his hands around her tight toned ass, pulling her as close to him as she could be with their clothes still on. To this day, Kaidan would wonder how far that embrace would have gone, right there on the docking bay, if a cough behind them hadn't had them breaking apart in startled surprise, still breathing hard.
They turned to see Joker and EDI behind them, the former with a smirk on his face. Kaidan expected the smart comment to come from the pilot so the surprise when he heard EDI's calm and smooth voice say "get a room" had him barking out a laugh. Kat joined him a moment later when EDI continued in the same tone "Jeff, why did you tell me to say that? They both have 'rooms' – in fact, Shepard has a suite. It is illogical."
The spent an uncomfortable few moments with the other couple in decon until they were finally released into the ship, Joker and EDI headed to their standard spots in the cockpit. As soon as the doors swished closed, Shepard turned to him and stood a bit on her toes so her lips were level with his ear. "Why don't we take their suggestion?" she asked, grinning. Then she turned and walked towards the CIC and the elevator, her cabin the obvious final destination. Kaidan paused for one moment to contemplate whether he owed Joker a bottle of his favorite Thessia red, then followed Shepard to the elevator.
They resumed their embrace as soon as the door to her cabin shut behind them. Kaidan was glad he had already seen the new loft cabin on the tour she had given him after he had rejoined the crew, because it didn't seem likely that he would be getting a tour now. Their lips still locking, tongues warring with each other, she walked backwards down the stairs to the lower portion of the cabin and dragged him with her. She continued until she reached the bed then she pulled on his shoulders and yanked him down with her. They fell to the bed together, rolling to their sides, laughing in delight with each other. Kaidan realized that this was the second time today that he found himself wanting to take his time, to savor her. He rolled himself half on top of her, hands framing her face and stared into those gorgeous deep green eyes for just a moment before he brought his lips to hers once again, this time in a light caress, feather kisses barely there, resisting her efforts to escalate the kiss.
"Kat," he breathed her name in a whisper, still a little surprised that he was there, she was here, with him, they were together – finally. It had been three years since he'd last touched her, and he intended to make this night last as long as he could, in case he needed to tuck it away and remember it on lonely nights to come.
"Kaidan," she breathed his name on a moan, as she always did when they were in bed. The sound thrilled him, warmed his heart, and he thought for a moment about the range of tones in which she could say his name - just that one word – and mean so many different things, from command to desperate call for help, to stern disapproval, to the soft wonder of pleasure and love. He decided with great satisfaction that the last was his favorite and leaned to kiss her again, answering the silent request in her eyes.
He took his time and explored her mouth thoroughly, just kissing, enjoying the taste of her and the sounds of her escalated breathing, smelling the scent that was uniquely hers. He moved his mouth over her jaw skimming over it to find the spot she loved him to tease with his tongue, just behind her ear. Just as she moaned and reached for him, he stretched his arms over, concentrating on her ear and neck with his mouth, he grabbed her hands in one of his and stretched them above her head, holding her still. He knew without question that she could break the hold in a heartbeat if she wanted, but she acquiesced, quieting beneath him, arching her back as much as his weight would allow and closing her eyes. He murmured his approval in her ear and began to move his mouth down her neck until he reached the collar of the standard BDUs she wore ubiquitously when onboard or on the Citadel. He released her hands so that he could use both of his but whispered "stay" over her lips in a barely there kiss when she tried to move from the position he'd placed her in.
She humored him once again and he thought to himself, not for the first time today, how much he loved her. She usually preferred their encounters hot and hard and passionate, energetic. Since they were usually stolen moments of furtive coupling whenever they could find the time and the privacy, he usually agreed. Tonight, though, he intended to enjoy her, to make love to her, finally, in the way he had never allowed himself before. She was a precious gift he was lucky to have been given again and he intended to show her.
Both his hands free, his set about unwrapping his gift, slowly, his mouth caressing each new patch of skin he uncovered. When he finally had her down to her underwear – not standard Alliance issue tonight, he noticed, wondering if she had planned this outcome from the moment she had dressed today and deciding that it was likely – he sat back for a moment to just appreciate her. He might have spent longer if he hadn't noticed that she was clearly uncomfortable, almost squirming. He raised his eyes to hers, questioningly, and she turned her head and wouldn't meet his gaze. Alarmed, he gently took her chin between his thumb and forefinger and turned her face to his, "Kat?" he questioned softly.
She let her breath out on a long sigh, finally looking into his eyes, and confessed, in a small voice, "It's not the same."
Kaidan was confused for one long moment then realized she was referring to her body, reconstructed painstakingly by Cerberus, but, yes, to his knowing eyes, not the same as the original. Scars she borne previously were no longer there, freckles were in different places, small, minute details that only someone who had spent as much time as he had memorizing her body would be likely to notice. She knew he would and was ashamed – ashamed he thought with astonishment – of it.
He spared one bitter moment to add another tally in the column he'd labeled "reasons to hate Cerberus" and then leaned over to kiss her gently, holding her gaze with his loving one. "It's still you," he stated quietly, his tone gentle but firm and brooking no argument, "and it's you that I love, it's your body that lets me show you how much. Will you let me show you?" he questioned, not moving, waiting for her to digest his words and give her permission. Her gaze softened and she practically glowed with love and happiness with him and he breathed an internal sigh of relief that she was willing to trust him, even now, especially now, after everything they had been through together.
"Kaidan," she breathed again in that tone he loved, and inclined her head up for his kiss.
He happily obliged, taking her lips again, this time with more passion than before, exploring her with lips and tongue while he allowed his hands the freedom to roam her body, stroking her gently, an arm here, a leg there, cupping a breast, stroking her stomach lightly, careful not to tickle her, then moving down to trace over a thigh. He reached behind her and unclasped the lacy black bra, drawing it off her shoulders as he moved his mouth down, kissing and licking along the way until he reached his destination – the pert pink nipple that stood erect and waiting for his tongue. He laved it gently, then took it into the suction of his mouth and gave a few gentle pulls. She moaned and her hands came up to tunnel into his hair, holding him to her, in case he would feel inclined to stop. Not likely.
He brought his hand up and cupped the other breast, traced his fingers over the twin of the nipple currently in his mouth, and then pinched it lightly, just enough to stimulate, not enough to cause pain, between his thumb and forefinger. She moaned again and arched against him, her fingers tightened in his hair. He had a moment of male satisfaction that he had clearly pleased her and switched nipples with his mouth to give the other fair treatment. He let his hand trail down her stomach, between her thighs, and pushed gently to encourage her to open for him. She let her thighs fall open, the implicit trust in that action causing his heart to once again swell with love and he settled himself more comfortably between them.
He moved back and forth between each nipple, laving and sucking, giving them the attention they deserved, while one of his hands traced gently up and down her inner thighs. He knew her well and he sensed the moment she was ready for his efforts to escalate, the moment it teetered between arousal and frustration, and he responded by kissing his way down her stomach, while his hands reached up to divest her of her last remaining article of clothing. He sat back on his haunches, between her thighs, for a moment he looked at the perfection laid out before him, then took the time to divest himself of his own clothes before leaning back over her. He moved his arms behind her thighs and leaned down to kiss her stomach once again before he gently pushed her open and back further with his hands on her inner thighs and trailed his tongue over the beautiful flesh revealed to him. She was wet, so wet, and hot, and she tasted exactly as he remembered from three years ago. Her taste was something he never forgot, not even when he thought her dead, apparently it was sensory memory burned into his brain.
Her breathing had quickened and despite his hands on her thighs, her hips were bucking a bit, rising to meet his mouth on each stroke. He knew she was close and decided that it was time to reward the patience and trust she had shown him and closed his mouth over her clit, sucking it between his lips and flicking his tongue over it, once, twice and she came, hard, on the third stroke. He watched her orgasm from what he considered the best seat in the house, keeping his pressure, bringing her down gently, slowly, enjoying the sight of her abandoned to pleasure, head thrown back, fist in her mouth to mute her screams, nipples pebbled and hard, abdominal muscles rippled and tight. When the last spasm had subsided, he crawled his way back up her body, kissing and licking as he went until he was level with her mouth again. He took it passionately, gentleness abandoned in the desire to show this woman, his perfect mate, how much he loved her, how grateful he was to be here, sharing this stolen night of pleasure with her.
She kissed him back with the same passion, stroking his shoulders, his back, with her hands, reaching his ass and squeezing lightly till she pulled him flush against her. He was as hard as he could ever remember being, and saw no reason to deny either of them further when she tilted her hips to draw him inside her and wrapped her legs around his hips to draw him deep. He realized as he slid inside her tight hot heat that this, finally, was home, and he seated himself to the hilt and paused, holding himself still for a breath. He looked deep into her eyes, saw the welcome there under the heat and began to move, to start the dance that would unite them once again, finally, after so long apart.
He hadn't been with anyone since the last time with her, lack of both desire and opportunity contributing to his celibacy, and he knew he wouldn't last as long as he'd like now. He set a steady pace but still tried to stave off the inevitable, wanting to see her explode in pleasure once again before he found his. Kat, his beautiful and fierce warrior woman, was having none of that, and she used the leverage of legs around his back to pull herself up to meet each of his thrusts, moaning to indicate that she was as close as he was getting. She dragged his head down to kiss him again, her tongue thrusting in his mouth to mimic the action of their lower bodies. She panted and moaned into his mouth and then, when he reached down between them to flick her clit with his fingers, she threw her head back and let go. He felt her body fist around him, squeezing him, and followed her into pleasure, moaning her name into her throat.
They lay there for what seemed like hours, breathing hard, exhausted and relaxed and joined in the most intimate way possible. When his heart finally resumed a semi-normal beat, he rolled to his back beside her on the bed and drew her to him, letting her sprawl over his chest in boneless bliss. He planted a kiss on the top of her head and murmured "I love you" and smiled when he heard her reply, sleepily, "love you too," as they drifted off to sleep together.
The memory brought a smile to his face as he came awake, something tugging at his consciousness even in his sleep. He felt it again, and startled fully awake, his heartbeat kicking up a notch. He looked down to their joined hands for visual confirmation of what his brain was signaling and got it. Her fingers were moving. He kissed her hand, once, quickly, and sprang up to find one of her doctors.