WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I WENT TO OROCHIMARU'S SIDE! NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
Rule 6: Never abandon your friends.
I grew sharpened claws and teeth. My skin turned a dark grey, and my eyes turned gold. Fur started to grow all over my body. My hands and feet turned somewhat like paws, but I kept my fingers. I grew a wolf's tail. Wolf ears grew out of the top of my head. My real ears disappeared. My hair changed from black to a blood red and grew like a spiky mane. Demon wings grew out of my back. My head hung limp. Orochimaru released the chains that bound me. I dropped onto my feet and held my arms out like I was about to get into battle.
"Are you alright, Hirossshhhi-kun?" Orochimaru asked me. I looked at him with an evil grin.
"Never better, Orochimaru-sama."
Rich's POV
I was still waiting in that deranged anti-hospital room when the alarm stopped. Why'd it stop. Did they kill Aaron? Something's wrong, I know it! Oh God, Aaron, please rescue me!
Aaron's POV
I was walking with Orochimaru to the room where they were keeping Rich. We opened the door, and I walked in.
"Hello, Rich." I said.
"What the hell are you?" He screamed, trying to back away.
"You don't recognize me? Surely, you would remember your best friend." I said.
"Aaron? What did they do to you?" He asked me.
"Orochimaru-sama made me better." I said with a twisted grin.
"Orochimaru-SAMA? I can't believe you've gone to the dark side!" Rich shouted.
"Believe it. It's much better." I told him.
"And you're about to join soon." Orochimaru said. Rich tried to back away.
"Grab him." Orochimaru ordered. I walked over and grabbed Rich. He kept squirming, but I held tight. I carried him with both hands as we walked to the room where I was when Orochimaru changed me. As we were walking down a corridor, he asked me,
"What are you going to do to me?" I smiled an evil smile and said,
"We're going to turn you." He looked at me angrily.
"No! I won't change!" He shouted. Orochimaru stopped and looked back with a fake smile.
"You are going to be my next vessel after Sasuke-kun." He told Rich. Rich just looked horrified. We kept walking. I stopped for a moment.
"Orochimaru-sama, we forgot to test his prowess." I said. Orochimaru stopped and looked at me happily.
"Of course, my student. Let us go to the coliseum." Orochimaru said. We both walked to the stadium where I tossed Rich on the ground and locked the doors behind him. Then Orochimaru and I walked up to the emperor's seat.
"We shall now test the prowess of my soon-to-be vessel." Orochimaru announced. The gates opened and enemies poured out of them, swarming Rich. I walked over to Sasuke as Rich kept fighting off enemies while hobbling. His leg wouldn't be good for about 28 more days.
"What were you going to tell me before Orochimaru-sama bit me?" I asked him. He looked up at me in fear.
"That I am going...back to Konoha..." He said with a gulp. I smiled at him. Then I leaned in next to his ear.
"Good, because we're busting out." I whispered. He looked at me in shock.
"It's still you in there?" He asked quietly.
"All 100% Natural Aaron. No Aaron by-products or fakes." I said as if I were in a commercial for some type of meat product and the meat it was made from was called Aaron. He smiled back at me.
"Here's what we're going to do: I'm going to summon a pistol and shoot Pedo-Snake in the head." I began.
"Pedo-Snake?" He asked.
"Orochimaru, duh!" I said.
"Anyways, once that happens, I need you to take Rich and run like you're being chased by the devil." Sasuke gave me a questioning look.
"Why?" He asked me.
"Because I'm gonna blow this place apart." I told him. His eyes widened.
"Now get ready. Act like you're intently watching the fight. When I say go, you get Rich and get the hell out of here." He nodded and looked like he was watching the fight. I summoned a Glock 19 and turned the safety off quietly. I walked over behind Orochimaru who was too busy watching the fight to notice my gun.
"Orochimaru-sama?" I asked. He didn't even turn around to answer. Perfect.
"Yes, my student?" He asked. I pulled the trigger and the bullet made its way into his brain. He slumped over and fell off his chair, dead.
"Die."
Akatsuki POV
"I wonder how Aaron's doing?" Kisame asked. Pein shrugged.
"Let's check the screen." He said. Everyone went over and sat in front of the screen that showed what the clay bug that had attached onto Aaron's back was seeing. The bug flew off of Aaron's back, though he didn't know it, and focused on him. They could see him holding a smoking gun above the body of a pale person. The bug flew around in front of him and looked down at the body. It was Orochimaru. Everyone's jaws crashed down to the middle of the crust of whatever universe we were in.
"Did he...kill Orochimaru?" May asked. Pein just nodded, completely awestruck.
"Holy shit..." Everyone just stared.
Aaron's POV
I had just shot Orochimaru. I turned to face Sasuke.
"Sasuke, get him and go, NOW!" I shouted. Sasuke nodded and jumped down into the arena. He beat the shit out of some enemies and grabbed Rich. Then he ran out the door and all the way to the entrance. I could feel him out the door of the base. All the remaining enemies (40,000 bad guys) all looked up at me.
"YOU READY, MOTHERFUCKERS?" I shouted. I leaped up into the air and smashed down onto the stadium floor. I activated my Sharingan. The enemies began to charge at me. I just kept punching and kicking and trapping people in genjutsu. The enemies still kept coming, so I decided it was time to do what Deidara loves: make "art". I let out a wave of energy and it pushed all the bad guys to the wall across from me. I put my hands in front of me and put them together at the wrist. Then I brought them back.
"KA...ME..." I began. A ball of energy appeared in my hands.
"HA...ME..." The ball glowed bright.
"What's he doing?" One of the foes cried out.
Akatsuki POV
They were still watching Aaron. He had just beaten up about 3,000 enemies and forced the rest back into a wall. Then he put his hands out in front of him and together at the wrist. Then he pulled them back to right beside him.
They saw him say,
"KA...ME..." A ball of energy appeared in his hands. Everyone became very intrigued.
"What's that?" May asked.
"HA...ME..." The ball started shining hard. Then they heard one of the opponents ask,
"What's he doing?"
Aaron's POV
"HA!" I shouted. I moved my hands forward and a large beam of energy shot out from the ball in my hands. The beam hit the enemies and exploded, killing about half of them.
Akatsuki POV
Aaron shouted,
"HA!" and a pushed his hands outwards, sending out a blue beam energy at the Oto-nin. The beam hit them and blew up, causing Deidara to be full of joy.
"SUCH BEAUTIFUL ART, UN!" He cried out. Sasori then looked pissed and said,
"Art is eternal, brat."
"Art is fleeting."
"Eternal."
"FLEETING."
"Eternal."
"FLEETING!"
"Can you two shut up before I have to rip your balls off, shove them down your throats, make you puke them back up, and eat them?" Pein shouted. Sasori and Deidara stopped arguing and focused back on the screen.
Aaron's POV
"Shit!" I cried out. That hadn't gotten them. I jumped back onto the platform and looked at the spy bug.
"You might want to get the bug out of this base unless you don't want to see me blow the whole thing up." I said, speaking to Deidara.
Akatsuki POV
"I'm getting the bug out of there, yeah." Deidara said.
Aaron's POV
The bug flew out of the room and out of the base.
"Time to blow this pop stand." I said. I flew up and broke through the ceiling, up into the sky. I was about 50 meters above the base, and I saw Sasuke and Rich on the rocky pillar I had been on before going in. I nodded at them and smirked. I held my right hand up. Slowly, a ball of blue energy began to form above it. The ball grew bigger and bigger, until it was the size of Noah's Ark.
"Ball of Spiritual Death!" I shouted. I brought my arm down in a slicing motion and the ball flew down towards the base. It enveloped the whole thing, covering it in its radiance. The ball slowly sunk in the ground and exploded, creating multiple flashes of blue, red, orange, and yellow. Deidara would have been proud.
Akatsuki POV
Everyone watched as the ball flew down and blew up Orochimaru's base, creating an explosion equivalent of a hydrogen bomb mixed with a nuke. It was a sight to see.
"I'M SO PROUD OF HIM! NEVER HAVE I SEEN SUCH MAGNIFICENCE, UN!" Deidara shouted, crying tears of joy. Everyone sweatdropped.
Aaron's POV
The whole base was gone. Not a single Oto-nin was alive.
"That's what you get for taking my friend." I said coldly. Then I flew over to Rich and Sasuke.
"You guys alright?" I asked.
"Aaron, are you still in there?" Rich asked timidly. I laughed. Hard.
"Of course it's me! Where the hell did ya think I went?" I asked heartily.
"You were calling Orochimaru "Orochimaru-sama"." He said.
"It's called acting! DUH!" I said. I went over and grabbed Rich.
"Where are we going?"
"First, I have to go get something from my pack." I said.
"Sasuke, can you stay here for a few minutes?" I asked him. He nodded.
"Thanks." I flew off with Rich at a fast speed, quickly leaving Otogakure behind. We arrived back at the Akatsuki base in about 30 seconds. I walked up to the entrance and my ring glowed. The boulder moved aside. I switched off my curse seal and summoned a shotgun. Apparently, there was now a door behind the boulder. So I decided to have everyone give me a warm welcome. I pumped the shotgun and blasted the door open. Then I ran in.
"Honey, I'm home!" I said jokingly. Everyone turned to face me.
"Aaron!" May cried out. She ran at full speed and hugged me. Rich walked in on one foot.
"Hey everybody!" He said. May stopped hugging me and glomp-tackled him.
"I need to go do something quickly. Where's my pack?" I asked. Pein picked it up and tossed it over to me. I nodded and fished out a message scroll.
"Be right back." I walked out of the cave and flew back to where Sasuke was.
"I'm back." I said. Sasuke turned around and smiled.
"So you're going back to Konoha?" I asked him. He nodded happily.
"Well, let me just tell them that we'll meet your old teammates and sensei in Tanzaku Quarters." I said. I opened up the message scroll and wrote that Sasuke and I would meet them in Tanzaku Quarters in front of the castle in 2 hours. Then I summoned a messenger hawk and gave it the scroll. It started its trip back to Konoha.
"We better start walking." I said. We kept walking and walking all the way to Tanzaku Quarters. We arrived in front of the castle in 1 hour and 45 minutes. Then we just stood around and waited. Finally, we saw Naruto, Kakashi, and Sakura approaching.
"Hey guys!" I said. When they saw me and Sasuke, they ran up to me at full speed.
"Is Sasuke-kun really coming back?" Sakura asked loudly. I nodded. Sasuke smiled at them. Sakura immediately glomped him.
"How did you get him to change?" Kakashi asked.
"I'm sorry for breaking a law, but I told him why the massacre really happened." Kakashi's eye widened.
"I also told him that Itachi loved him, that's why he spared him, that he needed to come to terms with his past, and that I was his brother." I added.
"Well, I'm not going to get you in trouble for bringing Sasuke back." Kakashi said with an eye-smile.
"I can't believe you're finally back." Naruto said with tears in his eyes. He turned to me.
"Thank you so much. You got my friend back." Naruto said.
"Well, I think it was your friendship that was the main part of this equation." I said. Naruto gave me a confused look.
"Your friendship was the main thing that helped Sasuke turn back. I just helped. You guys deserve the credit for being friends with him." Naruto just hugged me.
"Thank you." He said quietly, surprising his friends. Quiet wasn't something that ever described Naruto.
"And don't worry, your brother's alright." I said to Naruto.
"Brother?" Sakura and Sasuke asked in unison.
"Yep. Naruto has a brother. Sasuke, you just met him. It's Rich." I said. They both gawped.
"Oh, and guess where I just came from." I told them.
"Where?" Kakashi asked.
"The late Orochimaru's now destroyed base." I said.
"Late?" Sakura asked.
"I killed him. But not before he gave me a curse seal." I told them. Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi gawped, but then Kakashi asked,
"He gave you a curse seal?" I nodded and showed him the side of my neck.
"We need to get this sealed." He said seriously.
"We actually don't. I have no desire for more power, and I will only use it if I need to." I countered. He shrugged. (A/N: People do a lot of shrugging. Hmm...)
"Will you be coming back soon?" Kakashi asked.
"Rich's leg still has to heal. We'll be back in about 28 more days. Make sure Anko knows that I'm alright." I told him. He nodded and they went off. When I couldn't see them anymore, I flew back to the base.
"Where were you?" May asked.
"Doing stuff."
"What kind of stuff?"
"Personal stuff."
"..."
"Anyways, I'm going to bed." With that I walked off to my room and fell asleep.
3 Hours Later
"Ugh, what the fuck is that noise?" I asked no one. I started hearing music about a minute ago. I got out of bed and walked towards the living room. What I saw made me angry. Everyone was partying.
"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" I shouted. Everyone stopped and looked at me. They all got nervous.
"Uh, we were—" Kisame tried to explain but I cut him off.
"Why did no-one tell me about this party? I feel so left-out!" I pouted. Everyone stared.
"I'm just going to pretend I was already partying." I said. Everyone cheered and I grabbed a bottle of sake.
"Let's party!" I shouted. We all started acting like the last minute of our lives hadn't happened.
"I have an idea. Let's play truth or dare!" I announced.
"What's truth or dare?" Pein asked.
"Simple. We all are going to sit in a group. One person—whom I will choose—will start off the game by asking any one of us truth or dare. You get to choose one of those two options. If you pick truth, they get to ask you one question about anything about you; your age, your favorite food, your sexuality, etc. If you pick dare, they dare you to do one thing and you have to do it. When you have finished your dare or answered the person's question, it's your turn to ask someone else." I explained. A lot of ohhhh's came from everyone.
"Now let's play!" We all gathered in a circle and sat down.
"Now, Pein will go first since he's the Leader." I said. Pein nodded and thought.
"Kisame, truth or dare?" He asked.
"Truth."
"Are you really half shark?"
"Yes. My father was a fisherman who got stone drunk one day when he was at a pier and ended up—"
"Okay! We all already know the birds and the bees." I said before he could explain.
"Anyways, it's your turn, Kisame."
"May, truth or dare?"
"Dare."
"I dare you to lick Tobi's mask to see if it tastes like a lollipop." May was silent for a few moments while a lot of us snickered. Then she got up, walked over to Tobi, and licked his mask slowly.
"I bet she's enjoying it." Kisame said. I just smacked him upside the head. Tobi shivered when she was done and fell over.
"TOBI FEELS SO VIOLATED!" He said loudly.
"Sorry, Tobi." May said.
"It doesn't taste like a lollipop." She announced.
"My turn. Aaron, truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"Come on, don't be a wuss!" Kisame said.
"I'm not a wuss. You may have two penises, but you don't have the BALLS to beat me in a fight, so shut up." I retorted.
"You are so a wuss."
"Well, if I'm a wuss for picking truth, then so are you." That shut Kisame up.
"But fine, dare."
"I dare you to slap Hidan." I shrugged, got up, and walked over to Hidan. He got up, ready to beat the shit out of me. I just kicked him in the balls and he fell down, clutching his manly bits. I walked back to where I was sitting.
"There." I said.
"You didn't slap him."
"I upped it and created a comical effect. I believe that allows me two turns in a row."
"No it doesn't!" Hidan said while still in pain. I got back up and kicked him in the balls again. He let out a high-pitched squeal. I turned to face everyone.
"Anyone else wanna argue that statement?" I asked. No one spoke up.
"Good." I walked back to my seat and said,
"Hidan, truth or dare?"
"Go fuck yourself!" I summoned a Walther P99 and put it up to his head.
"I don't believe you heard me correctly. Truth or dare?"
"...Dare."
"I dare you to renounce Jashinism." Hidan swore so many profanities that even Jashin would have pissed his pants. Wait...Does Jashin wear pants? I don't know.
"I renounce Jashinism." He said. Suddenly, he started choking on something and began clutching where his heart was.
"Oh...shit..." He wheezed. He began to claw at his throat and then his chest.
"I...didn't...mean it..." He said hoarsely. Suddenly he stopped clawing at his chest and could breath again.
"YOU FUCKING PIECE OF" I'm going to censor the next part.
"BEEEP BEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEP! I'M GOING TO BEEEPING RIP YOUR BEEEEPY HEAD OFF AND BEEEEPING TAKE A BEEEP IN YOUR MOUTH WHILE WATCHING YOU BEEEEPING DROWN IN YOUR OWN BEEEEEP AND BLOOD, AND THEN I'M GOING TO BEEEEEEEEEEEEP YOUR BEEEEPING BEEP OF A MOTHER, AND BEEEEEPING LAUGH MANIACALLY WHILE YOU BEEEEPING SUFFER, YOU PIECE OF BEEEPING MOOOONKEY FAAARTS!" (A/N: The monkey farts was a censor XD) I just blinked and said,
"It's official. Hidan's going to hell." Hidan got out his scythe and tried to take a swing at me. I jumped back and prepared a Kamehameha. Hidan started charging at me.
"KA...ME..." I said. That blue ball of energy shone again in my hands.
"HA...ME..." Hidan still kept charging.
"HA!" The blue beam fired from my hands and hit Hidan. It then exploded and blasted him through a wall.
"Aaron..." Pein said warningly.
"Hey, he was gonna kill me. What did you think I was gonna do, let him?" I asked. Pein just sighed.
"I'll go get him." I said. I walked out into the forest and found Hidan lying under a tree.
"Hidan." I said. He looked up at me in anger.
"I will fucking kill you." He said.
"Look, I'm sorry. It was just for comical relief." I said. He calmed down. I offered a hand and helped him up.
"I won't make you renounce Jashinism ever again." I told him. He nodded and actually smiled at me.
"Let's go back." I said. We both started walking back. When we were almost to the base I tripped over something.
"What the hell?" I cried out as I fell. Hidan started laughing hard. I looked back at what tripped.
"AW HELL YAH!" I shouted. The item I had tripped over was slender, back, and freakin' awesome. It was my laptop. What'd you think it was? Oh GOD! YOU SICKOS! I picked up my laptop and hugged it.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S YOU, BOB!" I shouted.
"Bob?" Hidan asked.
"That's what I named my laptop."
"What the hell's a laptop?" Hidan asked.
"It's a portable type of computer, which is a machine that has a screen, a keyboard, a mouse pad, and you can go on the internet." I said. Hidan still gave me a confused look. I sighed and we just walked back to the base.
"EVERYONE! I HAVE FOUND BOB!" I shouted. May and Rich both looked at me.
"How'd Bob get here?" Rich asked.
"Beats me! But I'm so happy!"
"Who's Bob?" Konan asked.
"He's my laptop." I said. Everyone who was in the Akatsuki gave me a confused look.
"I'll show you what he can do. But I don't know how the hell I'll get internet access." I said. I plopped down on a couch and opened up Bob. I logged onto him and checked my internet connection.
"WAIT. HOW THE HELL CAN I GET INTERNET CONNECTION? I'M IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE!" I shouted.
-Heaven-
God Me: Think of it as a present for kicking Orochimaru's ass.
-Earth-
"Ok, everyone heard that, right?" I asked. Everyone nodded.
"Anyways," I opened up Google Chrome. All the Akatsuki ooo'd. I went into the URL and typed in Youtube.
"How the hell does that work?" Kisame asked. Youtube loaded and I went to the search bar. There I typed in Akatsuki. A whole bunch of videos came up.
"What are those?" Pein asked.
"Those are called videos. They're a whole bunch of pictures put together at a certain speed to make it look like they're moving." I explained.
"And how the hell do they know who we are if we're from another fucking universe?"Hidan asked.
"Well, you guys are actually cartoon characters." They looked at me like I was crazy. I sighed and explained about how they were created.
30 minutes later
They all stared at me.
"That's freaky." Kisame said.
"No! Tobi is being controlled by a weird man! NUUUUU!" Tobi shouted. Hidan bitchslapped him. Then Tobi stopped.
"I'm sorry for speaking like that." Tobi said in a deep voice.
"WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ARE YOU, AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH TOBI?" I asked.
"Tobi is not here anymore." He said. Then his head swiveled clean around.
"HIDAN, SLAP HIM AGAIN!" I shouted, pointing my finger at Non-Tobi. Hidan raised his hand and brought it down upon Tobi's mask.
"OW! Hidan, that hurt Tobi!" Tobi said. We all phewed.
"Hidan's not a senpai?" I asked Tobi.
"Hidan is not a senpai. Senpai's a senpai." Tobi said, pointing at Deidara.
"And why is that?" I asked.
"Hidan is a bad, bad boy. So he's a nunu!" Tobi said cheerfully. Hidan got pissed. He grabbed Tobi, flung him onto the ground, and began strangling Tobi with his legs.
"Hidan, don't strangle Tobi with your legs." I said. Hidan let go and got off Tobi.
"That's Deidara's shtick." I said. Tobi hugged me.
"Thank you, Aaron-senpai." I pushed Tobi off of me.
"Would you guys like to see some videos of yourselves?" I asked. They nodded. I found a video called,
"Hidan Meets a Dinosaur." I clicked on it and the video came up.
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT. IT'S A DINOSAUR." The video began.
about 30 seconds later
Everyone was on the floor, laughing so hard their sides hurt.
"WHO THE FUCK MADE THAT?" Hidan shouted.
"Calm down, Hidan. That guy is in the other dimension, so you can't kill him." I said. He stopped. I went down to the comments and said,
"That's not how Hidan really acts. I should know. I'm with him and the Akatsuki right now." I pressed enter and my comment.
"Wanna see some more videos?"I asked. Everyone nodded again.
"Who would you like to see a video of?" I asked them. They just shrugged. I just went to the search bar and typed in Konan. Then I hit enter and a lot of videos popped up. I found one that was a funny cartoon and played it. Everyone started cracking up. The video ended and I went down to the comments section.
"Wait. What's that?" Pein asked. He pointed to a comment and I read it out loud.
"Man, Konan is so hot. I would so do her so hard. She would just be screaming my name over and over all night long. I'd do her in every hole with no mercy, and she would be my bitch." Pein started fuming. He was about to use Shinra Tensei, but I said,
"If you damage Bob, I will go Curse Seal level 2 on your Rinneganned ass." He stopped. I clicked on the reply button for that person and typed in a stern comment. I pressed enter and my comment popped up on the screen.
"What did you type in?" Pein asked.
"Read it for yourself." Pein leaned his head in closer and read it out loud.
"Go fuck yourself. You shouldn't treat a woman like that, even though she may be a cartoon character. Everybody has feelings, existant, or non-existant. Women aren't only useful for one-night stands. They're human beings like us, and deserve to be treated that way. You need to take a class on how to treat anyone of the female gender. May you burn in the 2nd circle of Hell, you sexist womanizer bastard." Everyone looked at me in a shocked way.
"I don't fuck around when it comes to people like that." I told them. Konan hugged me.
"You might want to stop hugging me before Pein uses his Bansho Tennin on me." I said. She let go and we continued to watch more videos. I came upon the occasional comment saying, "I would so do Konan so hard", or "Konan will be my slave bitch", and I would just reply with a curt "I wish you no luck. May you burn in the second circle of Hell." Needless to say, I earned a lot of hate from those people on Youtube. People would message me asking,
"Why would you say that?" and I would reply,
"I'm friends with the actual Konan. She doesn't appreciate you saying that she's gonna be your slave bitch, or that you'd do her so hard in every hole. Keep up with that and you will most definitely be in the second circle of Hell." Konan gave me a hug every time I stood up for her. After watching tons of videos, I went into my room and fell asleep, but not before telling everyone else that if they touched Bob, they would all be missing a very important piece of their puzzle, if you catch my drift.
YAYYYY! I'M STILL GOOD! AND PURE!
Tobi: I am glad you feel that way.
Me: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! THE EVIL NON-TOBI FROM HELL'S VERSION OF HELL IS HERE! KILL IT! *summons a bazooka*
Tobi: Wait Aaron-senpai! Tobi was just joking. Please don't be a nunu!
Me: Ok, good. But just so you know Tobi, what you did is classified as being a bad boy.
Tobi: -*Is still screaming as I talk*
Me: But you can be a good boy by never acting serious in front of everybody else again.
Tobi: UUUUUU-Really? Thank you, Aaron-senpai!
REVIEW! REVIEW OR PEIN WILL GO BANSHO TENNIN ON YOU AND I WILL GO CURSE SEAL LEVEL 2 ON YOUR NORMAL, PUNY, INFERIOR-IN-EVERY-WAY ASS! Just kidding.