Here is chappie 13! YAYZERS! I AM PURE AWESOMESAUCENESS, AND CAN KICK ANY ASS BUT THAT OF THE HOLY GOD OF PENGUINS AND MAGIC LEPRECHAUN BROWNIES!
Hidan: BLASPHEMY! JASHIN KICKS ALL ASS!
Me: Do you want HGOPAMLB to set you on fire again with brownies?
Hidan: Fuck you!
Me: *summons minigun* Wrong choice of words. *starts blasting Hidan*
Hidan: You motherfucking suck!
HGOPAMLB: Bring it on, you sacrificial nut!
Jashin: Touche, my friend.
Me: TAKE THAT, BIATCH! *looks and sees HGOPAMLB and Jashin duking it out* KICK HIS ASS!
HGOPAMLB: Can do! *starts throwing flaming brownies and summoning leprechauns of penguiny doom*
-30 minutes later-
HGOPAMLB: *stands on top of Jashin's defeated body* I rock!
Me: *turns to Hidan* TAKE THAT, YOU PISSANT! Jashin couldn't even stand up to a penguin!
Rule 7: Crazy shit happens when you're gone for a few days. Deal with it.
Aaron's POV
I woke up with a groan. We all stayed up late watching videos on Bob. I walked straight out of my room and to the kitchen for some of the delicious liquid that kept me going. I grabbed a mug and placed it under the coffee machine's spout. A superb aroma filled my sense of smell as the divine brown liquid flowed into my cup. I brought the mug to my lips and drank my coffee slowly, savoring it. When I was done drinking, I put the mug in the sink and walked into the living room. I saw Kisame sitting in a chair, hunched over something.
"What are you doing, Kisame?" I asked. He looked up at me with fear, and tried to run away. I ran straight after him, hot on his heels. I finally cornered him near my room.
"Kisame, what are you holding?" I asked suspiciously. He turned around while shaking to reveal he was holding Bob.
"I told you not to touch Bob..." I said angrily. Then I summoned a gunblade and ran straight up to him. I held the gunblade near his manly bits.
"What did I tell you would happen if anyone touched Bob?" I asked him.
"They would be...missing something important..." He said. I held the gunblade up, looking like I was about to slice off his balls. I brought it down, but stopped before it touched his lower region. He cringed when I started to bring it down. He didn't feel any pain, so he opened his eyes. I took Bob out of his hands.
"Consider this a warning." I said. Then I walked away, leaving a very stunned Kisame to stand there. I walked back into the living room, and went onto . I usually would spend my time on fanfiction, looking at stories people create.
"What are those, un?" Deidara asked me.
"These are called fanfictions. They're made-up stories about characters from the Naruto anime and manga. Which is you guys and everyone else." I told him. I kept scrolling down the page.
"What's that?" Deidara asked, pointing to a SasoDei pairing story.
"You don't want to read that." I said.
"Why not, un?"
"It's a pairing. People pair up certain characters in their stories and usually it involves love. That certain pairing is a gay pairing. It's you and Sasori." I said. Deidara grew a look of horror and started retching.
"That's not all. There's pairings of every person in this universe, except for me, Rich, and May. We originally weren't part of Kishimoto's creations." I told him.
"Lucky, un." Was all he said. I just went from website to website, playing some games, reading stuff, etc. I put Bob down and said,
"I'm going to train. You can use Bob, but if you download anything, you will be missing the thing that makes sex fun." All the guys shivered and looked down instinctively.
"Also, if you go on Youtube and someone comments that they'd do Konan, simply type in: May you burn in the 2nd circle of Hell." I told them. They nodded and I went out to train. I went deep into the forest and set up some targets. I summoned a sniper rifle and hopped up in the trees. Then I put my eye to the scope and aimed carefully. I got a head shot on each target. Then I made 50 Kage Bunshins and summoned an LSAT. I ordered my Kage Bunshins to attack me with no mercy. They all ran at me at full speed, brandishing kunai, shuriken, or guns. I smirked and stood my ground as they neared me. When the Kage Bunshins with guns were about to shoot, I leaped up in the air and landed on a tree branch. They fired, quickly realizing what I had done. The bullets hit many of them and they poofed into smoke. There was thirty Kage Bunshin left. They jumped after me, moving from the trunk of one tree to the one beside it and back and forth. They all stood on branches around me. A couple leaped forward, but I made no movement. One reached me and I punched it in the face, letting it turn to smoke. The others came quickly, flying through the air. I grabbed the trigger of my rifle and spun around, letting a torrent of bullets fly. They slammed into the clones, making them get thrown back a little bit and disappear. The air was clouded with smoke. I jumped down from the tree I was in and landed harmlessly on the ground.
"What was that?" I heard a female voice say. I sent away my gun and got into a battle stance. I heard light footsteps heading towards where I was. Some bushes in front of me rustled, and out came...my girlfriend, Anko Mitarashi.
"Anko-chan?" I asked. She looked up at me in surprise.
"Aaro-kun?"
"What are you doing here?" I asked her.
"I didn't want to wait for you to come back, so I came here with the Hokage's permission." She told me.
"Well, it's good to see you." Anko and I just stared into each other's eyes for a few moments, but it seemed like forever. I took that chance to look her over. She was wearing a blue tank top on it that squeezed her large breasts just so slightly, a pair of jeans shorts that went to the middle of her upper leg, and hugged her rounded curves perfectly. My eyes focused upwards a little and I found myself looking at her breasts for a moment or two. Oh, those breasts. Those giant, soft, wonderful—
BEGONE, DIRTY THOUGHTS!
A drop of blood started to come out of my nose, but I wiped it up before Anko could notice. I looked back up at her face. The last song I sang before going on my mission described her perfectly. I could tell she was looking me over as well, because our eyes met when we finished. Then Anko ran straight up to me and hugged my chest.
"Please come back." She said pleadingly.
"I will when Rich's leg is healed." I said. She looked straight up at me with tears in her eyes.
"I need to tell you a few things though." I said.
"What are they?" Anko asked.
"First, you remember how Orochimaru gave you the Cursed Seal of Heaven? Sorry for bringing up a touchy subject." I said. She nodded. I moved my shirt collar and showed her my curse seal. She gasped.
"He gave you one too?" She asked. I nodded.
"But he'll be able to use it against you." She said worriedly. I smiled.
"That brings us to the second thing. You're wrong." I told her. Anko grew a confused look.
"Let's just say I dealt with him for taking my best friend." I said. She gasped again.
"You killed him?" She asked amazedly. I nodded proudly. She hugged me tight.
"Now the third thing. You know Sasuke and Itachi Uchiha?" I asked her. She nodded.
"Well, you probably won't believe me when I say this, but I'm their brother." She stared at me for a few moments, then started laughing.
"That's a good joke!" She said through many laughs. I just closed my eyes, activated the Sharingan, and opened my eyes. Her eyes were closed. She opened them and tried to speak, but was too shocked to get any words out.
"So that's why Sasuke said he had come back. He said he had met his brother. I thought he meant Itachi." Anko said after a few minutes.
"I met Sasuke while trying to get Rich out of Pedo-Snake's base. I managed to convince him to forget revenge." I told her. She just made a wowed face.
"Were you trying to check out some strange noises you heard?" I asked her. She nodded. I bit my thumb, made the tiger seal and an LSAT popped up in my hand.
"What is that?" She asked me.
"It's called a gun. More specifically, an LSAT. It's used in a certain place to kill people. It fires a bunch of bullets out of this nozzle," I pointed to the nozzle.
"and they stream through the air towards wherever they're aimed." I explained.
"Where's this certain place?" She asked me. I sighed.
"It's another universe. Before even coming to Konoha, I lived in another dimension without knowing I was one of the Uchiha. In fact, the universe we're in right now was actually created by a man named Masashi Kishimoto. This whole universe is really an anime, and everyone but my two friends and I are a part of it." I told her. Her mouth hung open. I wonder if I could—
BEGONE YOU EVIL, LECHEROUS, DIRTY THOUGHTS! SAVE YOURSELVES FOR WHEN THE SEX COMES!
"Why can't you come back to Konoha?" She asked me.
"I suppose I could come back for a few days." I said. She cheered and glomp-tackled me.
"I'll just tell my friends." I told her.
"Stay here. I'll be right back." I walked off towards the base. I got inside and announced,
"Hey guys! I'll be in Konoha for a few days! Do not touch Bob!" I walked out before anyone could reply. Then I got back to Anko.
"All set!" I told her. I did the hand signs for the summoning jutsu and slammed my palm into the ground. Two large puffs of smoke appeared and cleared to reveal Kumo and Aki.
"Hey guys!" I said.
"'Sup Aaron?" Kumo said.
"Hello Aaron." Aki said calmly.
"Could you guys give us a ride to Konoha?" I asked them.
"Sure." Kumo said.
"Oh, Anko-chan, this is Kumo," I gestured to him.
"And this is Aki." I gestured to her.
"Nice to meet you both." Anko said with a bow. I climbed onto Kumo, and Anko climbed onto Aki, and the two wolves took off. We arrived in Konoha in 3 hours. We both went to Naruto's house.
"Hey Naruto." I greeted. Said hyper-active blonde boy ran up and hugged me. I ruffled his hair.
"What are you doing here, Aaron-san?" Naruto asked.
"Anko convinced me to come back for a few days. Rich is with some friends." I told him. He nodded and smiled.
"Would you like some ramen?"
"No thanks." We heard a small thump at Naruto's door and I went to see what it was. It was a news scroll, and the headline was "Chunin Exams start Tomorrow!" I walked back to where Anko and Naruto were. Anko was freaking Naruto out and I said,
"Come on, Anko-chan. He's already scarred enough from the last Chunin Exams." I said. She stopped and pouted.
"And speaking of the Chunin Exams," I began.
"May I help you intimidate the genin in the second part?" I asked her.
"What can you use to intimidate them?" She asked with a devious grin.
"Well, first, I can scare some of them into pissing their pants with a gunshot. Then I can say that if they fail, I might have to shoot them while holding a gun. And finally, I could summon all the wolves and say they will be patrolling the forest." I said. Her smile turned even more devious.
"This is gonna be fun." She said.
Time skip to tomorrow: at the Chunin Exams
Anko was leading the way to the forest of death with about 60 genin. I summoned a Glock 19 right as the genin came to where I was. They were all looking around, not even noticing the gun I had. I turned off the safety and fired a shot into the air. The genin freaked out and I saw some parts of the grass get wet and start glistening. A dead bird fell to the ground with a bullet hole in its stomach. Even better.
"You have the floor, Anko-chan." I said. Anko stepped up in front of the genin and began the introductions.
"I am the proctor for the second exam, Anko Mitarashi, and this is my assistant, Hiroshi Uchiha!" She announced. Every one of the genin gasped.
"Yeah, yeah, I know you thought all the Uchiha except for Sasuke were dead. You were wrong!" I said with a devious smile.
"Anyways, we are at training ground 44, also known as the Forest of Death! You will find out why soon enough." Anko told them. Then she went on to explain the rules, the scrolls, the objective. She even explained the waivers so no one would ask.
"And if you fail, I might be tempted to shoot you with one of these." I said, brandishing a Beretta 9000.
"W-W-What's that?" A scared male genin asked.
"Ah, I'm glad you asked. This is called a gun. I pull this trigger," I pointed to the trigger.
"And it fires a bullet, which is a small cylindrical piece of metal that can go straight through your skin and cause pain. If I were to shoot you in the head, you would die. If I missed, I could make you handicapped for the rest of your life. So you don't want to fail." I said sadistically with a fanged evil grin. I cast a genjutsu I call my "Make You Pee Your Pants" genjutsu. It stimulates a feeling of terror and causes whoever it's cast upon to see lightning flashing in a dark sky in the background. Some genin fainted with wet pants, and had to be revived with smelling salts.
"Also, for OUR entertainment, Anko and I will have some special friends patrolling the forest. If you aren't in that tower in 5 days, and you AREN'T dead, they will not hesitate to grab you in their jaws and take you to the tower, where you will be booted out." I told them. Anko and I grinned at each other and nodded. We both did the hand seals for the summoning jutsu and slammed our palms into the ground at the same time, simultaneously shouting,
"KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU!" About 20 puffs of smoke that ranged from medium sized to the size of a house appeared behind us. They cleared to reveal snakes and wolves.
"Guys, you know what to do." I told the wolves. They all nodded and headed out into the forest. Anko did the same with her snakes.
"Now...GO!" Anko shouted. I fired a bullet into the air once more and brought another bird down to the ground dead. The genin raced to get away from us, the devious duo. Once they had gotten away, many of them with wet pants and shorts, I turned to Anko.
"Would you like some dango?" I asked her. Her eyes lit up.
"Heck yes!" She said. We both started walking to the nearest dango shack. When we got there, I let Anko get 10 sticks of dango, and I myself got 2. After we (read: I) paid for the dango, we had to go to the tower in the Forest of Death. So we walked all the way there, and I just sat down and waited.
Time Skip: 5 days later
The thirty genin that had made it to the tower were all there, and it was time for the Hokage to tell them about the preliminaries. Anko congratulated the genin who made it, and then a puff of smoke appeared in the room. Out of it came the Godaime Hokage, Senju Tsunade.
"Please listen to Lady Tsunade, as she has something important to tell you." I said. We both sat on one knee.
"Thank you, Hiroshi. Now, all of you who are here have made it past the second stage of the Chunin Exams. The next stage has two parts. The first is the preliminaries. All of you must be back here in one month or else you will be kicked out of the Exams." Tsunade said. Anko and I rose up as she was leaving.
"You all heard her. Be back here in one month or you will be booted out." I said.
"Dismissed!" Anko finished. The genin started running from us. We both laughed as they ran for their lives.
"Well Anko, I have to get back to my friends." I said when all the genin were gone. She pouted.
"Don't worry, I'll visit you every week from now on." I told her. Her facial expression brightened up.
"Ok!" She said. I kissed her and started walking away. When I got out of the village, I summoned Kumo and rode him back to the Akatsuki base. I walked inside to find sake bottles littering the floor, and everyone but Konan and Itachi was unconscious.
"What the hell happened here?" I yelled, waking up many of the Akatsuki, who groaned and held their heads.
"Shut the fuck up! My head hurts like hell." Hidan said. Konan walked up to me.
"They had a stag party. I'm surprised your friends joined." She told me. My eyes widened. I looked around and saw May on the floor, with her skirt looking like it had been thrown around and stepped on. I filled with rage.
"IF ANY ONE OF YOU BASTARDS DID ANYTHING TO HER, I WILL TORTURE YOU EVERY DAY UNTIL YOU ARE SCREAMING YOUR LUNGS OUT FOR THE SWEET COLD BLISS OF DEATH!" I shouted. They all groaned loudly and held their heads in pain.
"Aaron, please be quiet. Nobody did anything to May. She got drunk and fell unconscious." Pein said.
"She's about as fucking lightweight as a goddamn feather." Hidan said. With that, May and Rich woke up.
"Man, my head hurts." Rich said.
"Welcome to your first hangover." I said.
"Next time there's a party, let me know." I said. I walked around and found Bob untouched on a chair. I grabbed it and went straight to my room, where I fell asleep.
STAG PARTY! ^/W\^ Thank you for reading Chapter 13, and chapter 14 will be out soon!