Here is Chapter 14! I AM KYUUBI! HEAR ME RAWR! MEOW! To Kay'baka-chan:
1st Review: MONKEY FART.
2nd Review: I wuv you too.
Rule 8: When there's a party:
1. Don't be a lightweight
2. Make sure you can drink more than the average human can take before dying from alcohol poisoning
I woke up and did my usual routine for the mornings: get dressed, get some coffee, and relax. I put on a black tee, a pair of denim jeans, and some specialized shinobi sandals. They were like sneakers combined with regular shinobi sandals. After doing my routine, I walked outside into the forest.
"I wonder what kind of new technique I could make." I said out loud. Then I assumed a thinking pose, stroking an imaginary beard. Let's see, I could make a wind technique, a fire technique, or a lightning technique.
"I got it! I could put lightning chakra into one of my guns to increase the firing rate." I proclaimed. I summoned a Glock 19 and charged it with lightning. The gun started glowing and made a sound similar to that of a generator running. I pushed a large amount of lightning chakra into the gun and it was enveloped in a glow.
"What the heck?" I said. The gun finished glowing, and a new weapon was in its place. It looked like a regular pistol, but with an open mouth with eyeballs on the top of the mouth at the nozzle, and a laser sight scope at the top.
"I will call this...THE SHOOP DA WOOP MARK ONE!" I announced. I held it out and pressed the trigger. A blue ball of energy formed in the mouth at the nozzle, and a blue laser spread out and fired from it, obliterating a portion of a tree's trunk.
"Whoa." I said. I decided to try the same thing with a bigger gun. I summoned an LSAT, and channeled my lightning chakra into it. A bright glow enveloped it once more, and it turned into a modified form, like the last gun.
"That's odd." I commented. I held my LSAT and pulled the trigger, sending multiple laser blasts outwards. I spent the rest of the day until the evening testing my theory on each of my weapons. All the regular guns turned into modified versions like the pistol and the LSAT. The bazooka turned into a version that fired missiles—with the same mouth with eyeballs—that fired a laser when they got close to the enemy, and then exploded when they hit them. The swords and knives I could summon would not have the mouth on them, but would have the blade turn into a blade of pure energy. I could channel chakra into it to make it send out a wave of energy every time I slashed. When the sun was 75% of the way across the sky, I went back into the base.
"How about we have a party?" I asked everyone when I came inside. They all looked at me.
"You guys owe me for throwing a party without me there." I reminded them. Kisame, Deidara, and Hidan cheered.
"Alright." Pein said. We got out 10 crates of sake bottles and set them out. I grabbed a bottle and said,
"To partying!" Everyone had finally gotten into the spirit and cheered loudly. I brought the bottle to my lips and gulped it down quickly, threw the bottle on the ground letting it smash to pieces.
"HECK YEAH!" I shouted. Everyone cheered once more.
"What say we play some Truth or Dare?" I asked. Everyone cheered yet again.
"This time, no renouncing religion." I added. We all went around and sat near the TV.
"Rich, go first." I said. Rich thought.
"Pein, truth or dare?" He asked.
"Truth."
"Do you like Konan?" Rich questioned while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Pein became a little bit nervous.
"Um...Um..." He stammered.
"It's okay if you don't like me." Konan said sadly.
"I do like you, though." He said timidly. Konan brightened up.
"You do?" She asked excitedly. He nodded. She giggled and tackled him. They wrestled around, laughing heartily.
"Come on guys, no fun stuff until we're all dead drunk and can't remember it the next day." Kisame said. I grinned.
"I bet you want to see that stuff right now, Kisame, don't you?" I asked slyly. Kisame got a little bit of a nosebleed.
"Ha!" I cackled.
"Pervert." I then said in a sing-song voice.
"Pein, your turn." Rich said. Pein and Konan separated, and Pein thought.
"Hidan, truth or dare?" He asked.
"Truth."
"Why are you a Jashinist?" Hidan was silent for a moment before telling everyone.
"I used to worship this fucking so-called God, until something happened. I used to have a fucking girlfriend, but it all got FUCKING SCREWED UP! I was really happy with her, and she fucking made my life fun." He started crying then.
"One day, (sob) I was going to propose to that...THAT BITCH! I bought her a fancy (sob) fucking ring and EV (sob) EVERYTHING! I came to my (sob) my house that she and I lived in after (sob) buying the fucking ring, and I (sob) I (sob) I found her in (sob) in bed with SOMEONE ELSE! My goddamn (sob) heart was fucking SHATTERED! I (sob) I threw the ring down and sma (sob) smashed the PIECE OF SHIT! That (sob) that day, I turned to Jashinism," Hidan stopped sobbing, and his eyes were now filled with anger.
"and I sacrificed her, that motherfucker, and my entire goddamn village for causing me SO MUCH FUCKING TROUBLE! I swore that I would never love again, because it j-(sob) it just leads to pain." He finished, starting to cry again with his eyes closed. All of us were amazed. He had never cried before. NEVER. May was the first one to do anything. She went over to him...and HUGGED him. Hidan cracked open his eyes and looked down. She kept hugging him. He stared at her in shock, still sobbing all the while. After a few moments, he hugged her back, amazing us all yet again. Kisame gave him a sly look and grinned.
"Looks like Hidan's got a girlfriend." He said. I saw a small drop of blood come out of his nose when he said that. I punched the back of his head and slammed him into the ground, standing on his back.
"Don't think about my friend like that, or I'll cook your balls enough that they'd be considered a meal, yet nobody would know what they really were." I threatened. He looked up at me bewildered.
"You noticed?" He asked. My three-tomoe Sharingan started flaring, though I didn't know it.
"Nothing gets past these." I said, pointing to my eyes. Everyone but Itachi, Rich, and May gasped. I looked up at the others.
"What?" I asked.
"Your eyes..." Konan said. I blinked owlishly with a blank expression on my face before I figured it out.
"Ohhhhh."
"Why do you have the Sharingan?" Pein asked. I rubbed my head sheepishly.
"Well..." I began.
"He is my brother." Itachi said for me. Everyone but Rich and May let their mandibles hang low and looked at him bewildered.
"Yeah, what he said." I told them. They looked at me carefully. I could tell Tobi, or, Madara at this point, was studying me very closely. I looked straight at him, not even blinking once. Everyone started looking at Madara, and he noticed. So he played it off by saying,
"Tobi thinks Aaron-senpai looks awesometastilistic!" Everyone sweatdropped. Madara was way too good at that shtick.
"Now then, let's continue the party!" I said, breaking up an awkward silence. We all cheered and I got every single bottle the Akatsuki had and brought them over to a large coffee table.
"Time for a drinking contest!" I announced. I set each bottle up and gave everybody five to start.
"I have a bet. Whoever can drink the most before falling unconscious is allowed to tell everyone what to do for the next three days." I told them. Kakuzu's eyes filled with happiness when I said bet, but that happiness deflated when the word "money" wasn't in the sentence.
"Now, when I say go, everyone will start drinking as fast as they can." I instructed. Everyone grabbed a bottle. Suddenly, a black cloud of smoke appeared in the corner. Out of it came Death himself.
"One of you is going to die from alcohol poisoning." He said in a non-ethereal voice. I scowled and walked over to him. He looked at me impassively. I raised my leg behind me and sent it crashing into Death's manly-bits. He let out a squeal and fell to the ground.
"You're gonna pay for that." He said after getting back up.
"Ah ah ah. You wouldn't want to hurt someone Kami owes some favors to." I said, shaking my index finger in a "no-no" fashion. He groaned and disappeared in another puff of smoke. I turned around to face everyone.
"Kami owes you favors?" Kisame asked interestedly. I smirked and nodded.
"Yes she does. Let's just say, she owes me for giving her something no one else would have been able to provide enough of." I told them. Everyone thought for a moment, and then blood burst out of their noses.
"Whoa. That's so hot." Kisame said after the blood stopped gushing out of their nostrils, which made more blood shoot out of their noses once more. A few minutes later, all the blood was cleaned up.
"Ready...Set...Go!" I said. Everyone started chugging bottle after bottle. After three bottles, May slumped, signaling she was unconscious. The next to go was Rich after six bottles. Tobi fell onto the floor after seven, telling us the almighty deathless Uchiha was down for the count. I guess even though Madara's all immortal and stuff, his greatest enemy is sake. HA! The next casualty (not actual death) was Kakuzu at 10 bottles. Then it was Kisame at thirteen. I wasn't even near drunk from all of this.
"How (hic) how do you do it?" Deidara asked.
"How do I do what?" I asked back.
"How do you (hic) stay sober?" He asked me. I shrugged.
"I don't know. I've never gotten drunk in my life." I told the remaining Akatsuki members. They looked at me in awe. The next person cast off "Don't Get Drunk" island was Deidara at seventeen bottles. Then it was Itachi at 22. Next was Sasori at 30, and I was surprised it took him that long, because now he was no longer a puppet. He was a real boy. I laughed out loud and everyone else stopped drinking.
"What's so (hic) damn funny?" Hidan asked. I dismissed it.
"Nothing. Just some random thoughts." I said. We started drinking again. Next to fall was Zetsu at forty bottles. Then it was Konan at 47. Hidan slumped next to May at 59. It was down to me and Pein. We were both on our 63rd bottle and counting. I wasn't even hiccupping by the amount of sake I had consumed.
"How (hic) the fuck (hic) can you not (hic) be poisoned by now (hic)?" Pein asked me. I set my 70th bottle down and he set his 68th bottle down.
"I don't know. Maybe I'm the real God here." I said. Thunder crackled outside.
"It was a joke!" I shouted at the sky.
"Besides, you know you love what I can do!" I added. The sky seemed to make a feminine giggling noise and grew red like it was blushing. We both resumed drinking. After Pein's finished his 90th bottle, he began swaying drunkenly.
"Feeling sleepy?" I asked.
"N...No..." Pein said.
"Looks like I'm better than God." I said. Pein scowled.
"Fuck...you..." He said the last word as he was tumbling down onto the coffee table.
"HELLZ YAH!" I shouted with a raised fist. I had consumed a total of 105 bottles of sake, and I wasn't even fazed.
"I am the Leader. I am the Leader." I kept chanting. I decided to go to my room and get some sleep.
The Next Morning
I walked into the living room with a whistle, only to be interrupted by moans and groans.
"Well, looks like you all had a good night's rest." I commented.
"Shut the fuckin' hell up." Hidan said, holding May next to him as they sat on a couch.
"I can't believe that you were as far away from being wasted as someone who's never drank in their life." Pein said, holding his cranium.
"I think some of Kami rubbed off on me when I gave her that special thing." I said, making everyone once more have blood shoot out of their noses.
"You lucky little fuck." Was all Hidan said. I clapped my hands together.
"Well, I am now leader for the next three days, so, Hidan and Zetsu, our two psychopaths: Once your hangovers clear up, go out and steal 6 crates of sake." I said.
"Why the hell should we?" Hidan asked. I growled.
"Reason 1: I'm the Leader for the next three days because of the deal last night. Reason 2: I now have 3456 (1728 x 2 = 3456) weapons to maim your body all over, and not even Jashin will be able to heal the wounds. Reason 3: I have the Shinigami on my side, seeing as how I have made friends out of Kami, him, Luck, Fate, Destiny, every single angel, Izanagi, Amaterasu, Susanoo, Tsukiyumi, Ebisu, Gama, Inari—who is not surprisingly unisex—, Koshin, Myazu-hime, HGOPAMLB (HELLZ YAH! RAWR!), and pretty much every god and goddess. And Reason 4: If you hurt May in any way at all, I will find the most torturous ways to slowly scrape all essence of sanity from your mind, and then have you locked up like a feral beast, and after years of torture, you will finally be given the quick death of a terminate animal. Now, I am going back to my room. If I come out of there in thirty minutes, and you haven't left, you will want to haul your immortal Jashinist ass to the ninth circle of Hell and be chewed up by Satan when I'm done with you." I said, leaving a cold silence in the room, my KI flaring like the sun. I walked back to my room, leaving everyone to stare in fear of what I could do.
"Damn. He's scary when he wants to be." Kisame said. Everyone but Hidan nodded. I got straight into my bed and fell asleep, trying to dream of more important things than chucking Hidan down into Hell.
30 minutes later
I woke up and got right out of bed. I immediately walked into the living room.
"Where's Hidan and Zetsu?" I asked.
"They left already, knowing you could do good on your threats from how you scared off Death." Rich told me. It seemed everyone's hangover had cleared up.
"By the way, for everyone who was down for the count before Pein and I were last, I finished without even being fazed at 105 bottles of sake." I told them. They all gawped at me. Then everyone but Pein got down on the floor and started bowing, chanting the mantra
"We must worship the true god." I chuckled, hearing the sky start to thunder.
"I don't think Kami-chan likes that." I said. They backed off, and the sky stopped thundering. Then Kami's voice flashed in my mind.
'Wanna talk for a bit?' She asked with a giggle.
'Sure.' I replied, confirming my mental ok. I started to walk outside, when May asked,
"Where are you going?"
"To talk for a while with Kami-chan." I told her. That piqued everyone's curiosity.
"How?" Pein asked.
"She just transports me to heaven. But I don't die." I answered.
"Yeah right. I bet you don't even know what she looks like. This is going to be a waste of time, and time equals money." Kakuzu said with a scoff.
"You wanna meet her?" I asked him.
"Sure. I'll meet this fake goddess of yours." He said. I motioned for them to follow. Everyone started walking outside with me.
"You guys wanna watch?" I asked them. They all nodded excitedly. I let them walk with me to a little clearing in front of the base.
"Kakuzu, stand right next to me." I ordered. He shrugged and stood beside me.
'Kami-chan, can you bring me and Kakuzu up? Make sure it looks grand.' I told her.
'Ok!' She said. A light shone down straight from heaven and was cast over me and Kakuzu as clouds spread to let it through. Then the clouds spread even more as two angels flew down and picked up me and Kakuzu.
"Still don't believe me?" I asked the smart-ass.
"You probably have me in a genjutsu." He replied with a smirk. I looked down at Itachi.
"Itachi, is there a genjutsu active?" I asked him. His Sharingan came active.
"None at all." He answered. Kakuzu looked amazed.
"Now, let me show you the beauty that is Heaven!" I announced. The two angels carried me and Kakuzu up through the clouds to Heaven. When we landed up above the clouds, Kakuzu was speechless. There were many buildings around, each made of gold, marble, and ivory. The biggest building was Kami's abode, with engravings of many historical moments and events above the doorway, patterned columns that held the building up, perfectly cut marble stairs leading to the door, and a crystal statue of an angel next to the house. I led him over to it, and knocked on the door. It opened and Kami was standing there in a schoolgirl's outfit, in a very revealing pose, with a paddle in her hand.
Kakuzu's POV
'Holy shit, she's as beautiful as money!' I thought. I just stared and drooled at how drop-dead gorgeous she was.
Aaron's POV
"I've been a bad, bad girl in class, and I need to be punished." She said sultrily. Kakuzu was instantly blown back by a nosebleed that set the record for being the largest ever. Kami looked at him worriedly as he laid on the ground passed out.
"He's okay. He's just a pervert." I told her. She made an "Ah." Face.
"Well, won't you come on in?" Kami asked me. I grinned.
"Lead the way." I told her. She and I walked back in, with her swaying her hips as she walked.
2 hours later
Kami and I walked back out of her house, grinning all the while.
"Now that...was fun." I said. Right then Kakuzu woke up.
"What happ—" Kakuzu immediately got a good look at Kami again. He was about to faint when I smacked him.
"No fainting." I told him. He rubbed his cheek. I turned to face Kami.
"Kami-chan, may I show everyone else Heaven?" I asked her. She nodded. Then she closed her eyes and a circle opened up on the clouds. I walked over to it, and hopped down, slowly floating to where everyone else was.
"You guys want to see Heaven?" I asked them. They nodded.
"Then stand in this circle of light with me." I instructed. They all walked over and crowded into the circle. The clouds opened largely once again, and 12 angels came down and picked us up, carrying us into Heaven. Everyone was wide-eyed at the architecture of the buildings in Heaven.
"Holy crap..." Kisame said. Then all the guys saw Kami and were blown back by nosebleeds equal to Kakuzu's. Konan walked over to Kami and got right next to her.
"Is he good?" She asked Kami.
"Good at what?" Kami asked.
"Good in bed." Konan said while blushing. Kami grinned.
"He's the best I've ever gotten." She told her. Konan started blushing harder, and some blood dripped out of her nose. Once all the guys had recovered from their nosebleeds, everyone looked around in admiration.
"Kami-chan, may we stay here for a few days?" I asked her once everyone was done looking around. She shrugged.
"Go ahead. But you cannot cause any trouble. Even the tiniest fight and your friends will not be permitted back until death." She told us.
"You may stay at any of the buildings here, except for this one." She pointed to the one across from us.
"Only May, Rich, and Aaron can go into that building for reasons I will not tell you." She said. Everyone picked a building that was not the one she told us about. May, Rich, and I decided to go to the building she mentioned. The building had a sign above the door that read "Kages".
"I guess all the Kages go here when they die." I commented. We went inside the building and found a door with a leaf and the number three on it.
"I think the Sandaime's in here." I said. Then Rich knocked on the door.
"Yes?" Came the voice of the Third Hokage.
"Is Hiruzen Sarutobi in there?" I asked.
"Yes."
"May my friends and I come in?"
"You may." We opened the door and went in to find the Third Hokage on a bed.
"Hello. Who might you be?" He asked us.
"My name is Aaron, this is Rich" I pointed to Rich.
"And this is May." I pointed to May.
"What unusual names." The Third commented.
"Well, those names weren't the ones we were given at birth." I told him.
"Then what names were you given?" He asked.
"Well, I am Hiroshi Uchiha, Sasuke and Itachi Uchiha's brother." I told him. He became interested.
"You are Sasuke's brother?" He asked me. I nodded.
"You must be joking. Sasuke only had one other brother than Itachi, and he died. He fell down some kind of hole and was never seen again." He said. I activated my Sharingan.
"Convinced now?" I asked him. He nodded.
"She is Maya Hyuga, Hinata Hyuga's sister." I said. He nodded again.
"And he," I began, jerking my thumb at Rich.
"Is the son of your student's student." I finished.
"You mean he is Minato's other son?" I nodded.
"Does Naruto-kun know?" He asked me.
"Yes he does." The Third smiled.
"Good." Since I was talking about the past, I started thinking about other peoples' pasts. Naruto had a really bad childhood, and people kept beating him up every day because of the Kyuubi. I bet Naruto lost a lot of the few things he had as a small child.
"I need to go talk to Kami-chan." I told them.
"Kami-chan, neh?" The Third said with a lecherous giggle. A small drop of blood came out of his nose.
"Even in death he's still an ero-ojiji." I said with a groan. Then I walked out of the Kage building and went over to Kami's house.
"Kami-chan, are you there?" I called out.
"Yes. I was about to take a bath. Will you help me? I'm so dirty." She replied huskily.
"Can you do me a favor?" I asked her.
"Sure! As long as you clean me." She said suggestively.
"After the favor." I told her. I opened the door and walked inside. Kami's house was bigger on the inside than it looked. I walked all the way to her room and found her sitting on her bed, wearing nothing but her underwear.
"Kami-chan, I was wondering if you had something that could look into someone's past." I told her.
"My mirror can do that. Just put your hand on the frame and say the name of the person you want to see the past of. You can also go into their past if you wish." She said, pointing to a vanity mirror above an oak dresser. I walked over to it and placed my hand on the mirror.
"Naruto Uzumaki." I said. The glass wavered and revealed Naruto when he was at age six, holding a teddy bear, and running from a bunch of drunken villagers. I watched as he ran from them, more scared than any six-year old should ever be. They chased him to his apartment after five minutes of watching, and tossed him against a wall. Then someone grabbed his dropped teddy bear, and ripped it to pieces right in front of the little boy. He cried out
"Teddy-chan!" as his only friend was "killed" before his little tear-filled eyes. Then the villagers pinned him to a wall with kunai, stabbing one through the palms of each of his hands, and through his legs. The villagers immediately started taking turns beating him bloody.
"Oh god." I said in horror. I couldn't bear to watch anymore, so I took my hand off the frame, gagging from the images of gore and pain. Once I had calmed down, I decided to look at Anko's past. I placed my hand on the frame and said Anko's name. The glass wavered again and showed Anko at age 8, holding a ragdoll as she was hiding in a secret room in her house's floor from Orochimaru, who was attacking her village. After many people died, she peeked her head up, only to see Orochimaru there, facing opposite of her. She made a small peep and he turned around as she got back into the room. Orochimaru walked over to the small room and opened the door. Anko cowered and said,
"Please don't kill me!"
"Why would I kill you, sweet child?" Orochimaru asked her. She looked at him confusedly.
"Come with me, and I shall make you strong, so you can protect yourself." He said. She got up and went over to him, still holding her ragdoll.
"Leave that thing behind, my dear. It is a sign of weakness to hold onto the past." Orochimaru told her. She cried a little, but let the ragdoll drop to the floor.
"Good. Now follow..." Orochimaru told her. She walked away with him, leaving the ragdoll behind. I took my hand away from the frame and stepped back. Naruto and Anko had such messed up lives, and I was going to do something for them.
"Kami-chan, tell my friends I'm going down to Earth for a few days." I told her.
"You have to clean me first." She said huskily.
"I'll do it when I come back, and I'll do it with Kage Bunshin. OK?" I asked her. She hmphed.
"Fine." I walked out of Kami's house and decended to Earth.
First thing to do: Find the remains of Teddy-chan and fix him up.
So I summoned Kumo and rode to Konoha. Anko was at the gate when I got there, so she ran up and hugged me.
"Hey Anko-chan!" I said happily.
"Hey yourself. You here to visit?" She asked me.
"Among other things." I said.
"Well, we've got some catching up to do." She told me, running her fingers up my shirt.
"As soon as I do two very important things." I said.
"Are you sure?" She asked me.
"I'm extremely sure." I said.
"Then you owe me some dango when you get done with them. Meet me in the Forest of Death." She instructed. I did a mock two-finger salute.
"Ma'am yes ma'am!" I said. She giggled and walked off, swaying her hips. Kotetsu and Izumo walked up to me.
"Dayyyyyyuuum." Izumo said.
"You got that right." I said. I turned to face them.
"You guys are friends with Naruto, right?" I asked the pair.
"Yeah, why?"
"Do you know where he used to live?" I asked them.
"In the Red Light District. The worst place there." Kotetsu told me.
"Thanks!" With that I ran off, heading for the Red Light District. When I arrived at the district, I looked around for the shabbiest building there. I found a small house, probably equivalent to a three room shack, and went inside. I looked around. The whole place was a mess. There was dust and spider webs everywhere, and it smelled like someone died. I walked around, looking for ripped pieces of a teddy bear. I found a head, two arms, and the torso covered in webs and dust. I had to get the legs. So I looked some more. I saw the wall where he had been pinned by his hands and legs. There was still blood on it. I remembered what I had seen in Kami's mirror. They had ripped his teddy bear apart about four feet in front of him, so I looked around near the middle of the room. I finally found the two legs under a pile of ripped clothes. I sealed them all inside a scroll and looked for the nearest shop that could sew stuff together. I found one in the Clan District, belonging to the Hyuga clan. So I walked inside. At the counter stood some random Hyuga I didn't know.
"Hello sir." He said to me.
"Hello. Do you think you could sew something back together for me?" I asked him.
"What is it?" He asked me. I unsealed the pieces of Naruto's teddy bear out of the scroll. He looked at them closely, turning them around and around. He saw Naruto's name on the back and scowled.
"I am sorry, but I do not do favors for the demon." He said. I became furious.
"He is not a demon. He is nothing but a hero, and probably near a god for surviving the hell you jerks put him through his entire life! I have three reasons for why you should do this:
Number 1: I don't give a flying fuck that you're a Hyuga. I am one of the last Uchiha, and a shinobi." I pulled out a kunai.
"Number 2: You think Naruto's a demon just because he contains the fox. You couldn't see past that little fact because you were probably too busy cramming 39 and ½ foot poles up your snobby ass, and you don't know shit about how his life has been. He could have let the fox take over, and killed you all for being such monsters, but he didn't. He's too kind and accepting to do that. For that, you should be thankful.
And Number 3: I know Kami, the Shinigami, and just about every deity on a personal level. Unless you want to find yourself trapped in the 7th circle of Hell for violence against a child, and on the verge of a religious thermonuclear war, I suggest you do this." He scoffed at what I last said.
"You do not know the Shinigami or Kami! That is blasphemy!" He exclaimed.
"Fine, don't say I didn't warn you." I told him.
'Kami-chan, please get Shinigami-sama and come to Earth for a minute.' I said to Kami mentally.
'Why?' She asked.
'Someone's being an asshole about Naruto, and calling him a demon.' I explained. The sky thundered outside.
'They're dead!' She exclaimed. Then she stopped talking to me, grabbed the Shinigami, and came down to Earth through a thunderbolt. The Hyuga looked like he pissed his pants when this happened. I bet he did.
"Who's calling Naruto-kun a demon?" Kami shouted out when the thunderbolt went away. I jerked my thumb at the clerk.
"Him." I simply said. She marched over with the Shinigami, looking very pissed off.
"How dare you call him a demon!" Kami shouted at the man.
"That boy has done nothing but help and save this village all his life, and how do you repay him? BY TURNING HIS LIFE INTO HELL! You should be ashamed! Now, do what he asks of you," She pointed at me.
"Or I will send you to Hell, where you will burn in a lake of fire and suffer for all eternity!" She screamed. I could see a wet puddle on the ground near the Hyuga's feet. Kami stormed back to where she had touched down with the Shinigami, and after the Shinigami said,
"See ya." They both flew back up to Heaven.
"Now, am I going to have to entirely open my bag of tricks, or are you going to do this?" I asked the clerk after turning to face him.
"Y-Yes." He said. He took the pieces and I told him,
"If you plant a bomb or anything that could hurt anyone in there, I will report it to the Hokage, and you will be executed for murder." He nodded, and got out thread and a needle. He then stitched all the parts of Teddy-chan together and handed it back to me.
"Thank you." I said. Then I laid 20 Ryu on the counter and walked out of the store. I thought for a moment. Where would Naruto be right now?
"He'd probably be with his friends, or at Ichiraku's." I said out loud. So I raced to Ichiraku ramen, and found Naruto there with Sakura, Sasuke, Hinata, Ino, Shikamaru, Choji, Kiba, Shino, Lee, Neji, and Tenten, inhaling bowl after bowl of noodles. I hid Teddy-chan behind my back. Then I walked up to him.
"Hey Naruto." I said. He stopped slurping noodles and turned around.
"Yeah?" He asked me.
"I have a present for you." I told him. He got excited.
"What is it?"
"It's something you deserve for what happened in the past." I told him. He looked confused.
"What?" I held Teddy-chan in front of me.
"It's your old friend Teddy-chan!" I said with a big smile. Tears filled his eyes.
"How—Where—" He couldn't get a full sentence out.
"I saw what happened in your past, found all his pieces, and had him sewn back up." I explained. He grabbed Teddy-chan and gave me a death hug.
"Thank you!" He cried out, loud enough for everyone nearby to hear. All the civilians scowled at him, and I flipped them all off. He stopped hugging me, and I said,
"You can also thank Kami-chan." Everyone looked at me in a funny way.
"Kami-chan?" Sakura asked. I rubbed my head sheepishly.
"Guess the cat is out of the bag." I said.
"What do you mean?" Sakura asked me.
"Do you guys want to meet Kami?" I asked them. They all looked at me like I had said I was going to commit seppuku (suicide). Sakura leaned next to Naruto.
"Is he crazy?" She asked him in a whispered voice.
"I am most certainly not." I told her in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Now just wait a moment." I said. Then I started speaking to Kami.
'Kami-chan, can you get my friends out of heaven for a second?'I asked her.
'Why?' She asked me.
'I want to show Naruto and his friends heaven, and they want to meet you.' I told her.
'Ok, just give me a second.'
In Heaven
"Ok, you guys, you need to go for a bit." Kami said.
"Why?" May asked.
"Aaron and I have something to talk about. It's extremely important and secret, so you can't be here." She lied. Everyone groaned, but jumped down through the hole in the clouds.
With Me
'All clear! I'll bring you guys up in just a second!' Kami's voice rung in my head.
'Okay, but no suggestive clothing. Save that for later.' I told her.
'Gotcha!' All 13 of us started floating in the air.
"What's happening?" Sasuke cried out.
"This is the fast way to get to Heaven!" I told them. Everyone started being enveloped in a yellow ball of energy. A hole opened up in the clouds, and all the balls floated upwards through the hole, with my voice yelling out,
"Peace out, suckas!" A bunch of people fainted.
We all appeared above the clouds in Heaven. The balls shrank, and everyone dropped to their feet.
"Welcome to Heaven." I announced. All the genin were amazed, and looked around at all the buildings. Kami started walking up to us.
"Hello everyone." She said. All the guys focused straight on her and started drooling, except for Shino, who remained emotionless, though I could tell he thought she was beautiful. She was a legitimate reason to drool out of nowhere. She had long, flowing, silver hair that went down to her ankles, a white gown that covered her feet, gold eyes, and tan flawless skin. Of course, Kiba shouted out,
"Man, she's hot!" and received a whack on the head from Ino and Sakura, while Kami giggled.
"Anyways, this is Kami." I told them. All the guys waved hi wistfully, while the girls said a polite hello. I faced the genin with a grin.
"And you all thought I was crazy." I said.
"I actually met her one day when I nearly died. I had been climbing a tree in my backyard, and it was as tall as a house." I told them.
"I fell out of the tree, and landed straight on my head, busting it open. I immediately came to heaven, and met her. I helped some people out here, and she and I became good friends. I was then brought back to life, and she and I have remained friends. We even have a mental link, so she and I can communicate when we want." Everyone stared for a moment before Kiba said,
"You're one lucky son of a bitch."
"That I am. Now, would you all like to know why Naruto was so happy about the teddy bear I gave him?" I asked them. They all nodded. Kami and I led them to her house, and we came to her room. I walked over to the mirror. I faced the genin.
"What you are about to see is gruesome, horrific, and could very well scar you for life. If you do not wish to see it, I suggest you head out of the room. This is a piece of Naruto's past, one that is likely to make you cry. Watch at your own risk." I told them. Then I waited to see if anyone would leave. After a bit, I turned my head towards Kami.
"Kami-chan, if I may?" I asked her. She nodded. I turned my head back to the mirror and placed my hand upon the frame.
"Naruto Uzumaki, six years old." I said. The glass rippled and showed the same memory of Naruto being chased by the villagers while holding Teddy. They chased him to his house, and ripped up Teddy-chan. I faced the genin.
"When you wish for me to stop showing you, only one person has to say so." I told them. They all watched in horror as Naruto's beloved friend was torn apart. Then they all watched as the past Naruto was beaten bloody by the drunken villagers. Every single one of the rookies had a look of horror upon their face. After a minute or two of watching the villagers beat up Naruto, Sakura cried out,
"Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!" while shedding tears. I took my hand off of the frame and the colors faded away until the glass was back to normal.
"That was what I needed to show you." I told them. They all looked at Naruto.
"That happened to you?" Sakura asked him. He nodded sadly.
"It didn't just happen once to Naruto." I piped up.
"It happened nearly every day. And on his birthday, it was even worse." I told them. They all were surprised. He was always the happy-go-lucky annoying goofball everyone knew him as.
"You guys, besides Teddy-chan and the Sandaime, were his first friends. The first ones who didn't run away from him in fear, or try to kill him. You guys were the first people who truly liked him." I said. They all looked amazed.
"Wait. Why would it get worse on his birthday?" Sasuke asked. I smiled a sad smile.
"I cannot tell you that yet. The time isn't right." I told them. Everyone pouted except for Naruto, who smiled at me.
"Thank you." Naruto said to me.
"Tell us what it is." Sasuke said. Naruto looked at me in a pleading way.
"Do not pressure Naruto about why." I ordered.
"It is a deeply emotional subject that he doesn't want to bring up just yet." Everyone was silent.
"Now, Kami-chan, how much would you say they have here before they have to leave?" I asked her.
"About an hour." I nodded.
"Then you all may explore around if you wish. Though I have to have you all talk to one very special and person, and Naruto has to meet someone important." I told them.
"All of you, follow me." I ordered. All the genin got behind me, and I led to them to the Kage building.
"You all see this sign?" I asked them, pointing to the sign that read "Kages". They all nodded.
"All the Kage from the villages that have them are in here. I would like you all to talk to the Sandaime." I said. They all were wide-eyed.
"Jiji's in here?" Naruto asked. I nodded.
"As are the first, second, and fourth Hokages." I told them. They all started rushing inside. I kept chuckling at how surprised they were. I just walked in calmly. Everyone was standing in the middle of the hall, waiting for me.
"So where's jiji?" Naruto asked me.
"Follow me." I said. Then I led them all the way to the door with a three and a leaf on it. I knocked on the door.
"Hiruzen Sarutobi? Are you in there?" I called out.
"Yes." Came the reply.
"May we come in?"
"Who is with you?"
"Some very excited genin." I told him. He was silent for a moment. Then he said,
"Come in." I opened the door and Naruto was the first to rush in, shouting,
"JIJI!" The Sandaime was shocked as Naruto plowed into him and hugged him with Teddy-chan still in his hand.
"Naruto-kun?" Hiruzen asked.
"It's me jiji!" Naruto replied. Hiruzen looked up at me.
"You brought them here?" He asked me.
"I figured Naruto would want to see his favorite Hokage. Everyone else just came along." I told him. He smiled at me. Naruto stopped hugging the Sandaime and showed him Teddy-chan.
"Look, jiji! Aaron fixed up Teddy-chan!" He said, being the blonde hyperactive goofball he is.
"Now did he?" Hiruzen asked with a chuckle. Then he got serious.
"Did you tell them?" He asked me.
"Not yet. I said I would tell them when the time is right." I answered.
"Well, I think I could tell them now. My law that prohibits any adult from telling them wouldn't affect me, seeing as how I'm already dead." The Sandaime said with a chuckle.
"Everyone, sit down and listen to the Third." I ordered. All of the genin except for Naruto sat on the floor. Naruto came over to me, and Hiruzen started his story.
"You all know how October 10th is a holiday, right?" The Third asked them. They nodded.
"Do you know why?" He questioned.
"Because the Kyuubi got its freakin' ass whooped by the Fourth!" Kiba shouted out. I felt a bunch of KI coming from Naruto's head. I bet the Kyuubi was screaming so many profanities at him, threatening to rip him apart and all that shiz.
"Correct. Though I would advise you not to use such language." The Sandaime said. Naruto leaned next to me.
"Do you think they're still gonna like me after he tells them?" He asked me in a whispering voice.
"Definitely." I told him with a smile.
"Now, what Kiba here said is true. The Yondaime did beat the Kyuubi." Hiruzen told them.
"We told you he killed it, but he didn't."
"What do you mean he didn't kill it? I thought he used his ultimate jutsu or something." Sakura said.
"The Kyuubi is a Biju; a sentient being made of chakra. It cannot be killed." The Sandaime told them. The genin started whispering amongst themselves.
"Team 7, you all saw when you were battling Zabuza Momochi and Haku in Wave Country that Naruto-kun was surrounded by a cloak of orange chakra, right?" Hiruzen asked them. Sakura and Sasuke nodded.
"That orange chakra was not Naruto's. The Yondaime couldn't kill the Kyuubi, so instead he sealed it inside a baby boy."
"Then who the hell did he seal it inside? Kiba asked. I sighed.
"Looks like you guys have some trouble putting two and two together." I said. They all turned to face me.
"When was Naruto born?" I asked them.
"October 10th." Shino answered.
"When did the Kyuubi?" I questioned.
"O-October t-tenth." Came Hinata's reply.
"What did the Yondaime seal the Kyuubi in?" I also asked.
"A baby bo—" Sasuke tried to say "boy" but couldn't finish as he looked at Naruto wide-eyed.
"You mean..." I nodded.
"The fox was sealed inside Naruto." I finished.
"Now you all see why the teachers at the Academy would scowl at him, and why he kept getting beaten up by villagers. They couldn't tell the difference between a kunai and a scroll." I said to them. They all looked at Naruto with bug eyes.
"Do you still want to be my friends?" Naruto asked timidly. They were silent. He looked down in a sad way.
"Of course we'll still be your friends." Sasuke said. Naruto looked straight up with a surprised expression.
"You will? But, don't you think I'm a demon?" He asked them.
"Why would we think that? You're one of the bravest and nicest people in the Leaf. Besides, it'd be too troublesome to act like that." Shikamaru said. Naruto smiled and looked up at me.
"I told you so." I said in a sing-song voice. Naruto started giggling. I turned my head back to the genin.
"Now, you all still have forty minutes left to explore." I told them.
"Kiba, if I catch you making comments about Kami-chan, your ass is next to go in the oven." I said, pointing a finger at the Inuzuka boy. Everyone went out the door to look around Heaven some more. Naruto started to go, but I stopped him.
"I have one more person for you to talk to." I told him. He gave me an inquisitive look. Naruto and I walked out the Third's door and I led him to the room right next to it, which had a 4 and a leaf on the door.
"Who's in here?" Naruto asked me, pointing to the door. I smiled.
"You'll have to find out." I told him. I knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" The Yondaime's voice called out.
"Someone who really wants to meet you." I told him. He was silent for a moment. Then he said,
"Come in." I opened the door and ushered Naruto inside the room. The Yondaime was sitting on his bed.
"Hello. Who might you—" His eyes locked on Naruto.
"Naruto?" He asked.
"Tou-san?" Naruto asked him. They both stared in surprise for a moment, then Naruto ran up and hugged his dad tight.
"Naruto, what are you doing here?" Minato asked.
"Aaron was letting me and my friends visit Heaven." Naruto told Minato. Minato looked up at me confused.
"I know Kami on a personal level." I explained. He made an "Ah" face. Naruto held out Teddy-chan.
"He even fixed Teddy-chan!" The little boy exclaimed.
"Teddy-chan?" Minato asked.
"It was his first friend. The villagers, or rather, monsters, ripped it apart to be cruel to him before beating him up." I told Minato. He nodded. Then he smiled at Naruto.
"It's good to see you, Naruto." Minato said. Naruto hugged his dad tight.
"I'll leave you two to chat for a while." I said. Then I walked out of the door as Naruto and his dad started conversing. My work here was done.
Did you likes it? YAYYYZORS!
Me: Kami-chan, what should the next chapter be about?
Kami: Hmmm...It should be about the other thing you needed to do before meeting Anko in the Forest of Death. Make sure to include some comedy and crude humor.
Me: *writes all this down* Got it. *faces audience* I want anyone who reads this chapter to tell me in the comments the five funniest things that happened to you while you were drunk, if any. Don't PM me, you need to write it in the comments. That way, everyone who reads can enjoy a good laugh. The last thing I'm going to ask is if Kay'baka-chan, could you perhaps PM me an OC you think of? I would like to make a story after this one about my OCs each taking on an apprentice. Yours will be for Aaron. If you could do that, it would be perfect. I will PM you the form for him (everything about him). Thank you all for reading, and-
Hidan: I WILL SACRIFICE YOU! *tries to slice me*
Me: *sidesteps and kicks Hidan in the balls* Learn some new tricks.
Hidan: Fuck...you...
Me: Also, I was checking out some videos on Youtube for one of my favorite songs, "What is Love?" by Haddaway, and I found this cool animated video where it's this guy, his girlfriend just broke up with him, and he's trying to find love, but things keep getting in the way. One day, he meets Cupid, who is in the form of a man playing an electronic keyboard for money, so he pays him and a lot of crazy shiz ensues. Just search "what is love haddaway" and it's by JoeysLucky22. You should see it. It's pretty freakin' cool. Another thing: I will be going on a trip starting today and will be gone for three days, and since my stupid computer has to always make me connect it to a network, I can't use it where I'm going. So I will not be on my computer for three days (WHYY?), and cannot finish typing Chapter 15 just yet. I hope you guys will be patient, 'cuz if you do, you'll get COOKIES AND PIXI STIX!
Tobi: Pixi Stix? Where? Tobi wants some Pixi Stix!
Me: *tosses Tobi three Pixi Stix* There you go. *focuses on you guys again* So, I will not be on my computer for three days. *cries major anime tears and clears them up* And the last thing: Kay'baka chan: If you have a Deviantart account, do you think you could maybe draw a picture of Aaron, Rich, Arine, and May? I'll PM you their traits. If you could do that as well, that would be awesometastilistic.
Tobi: YAYYY! Aaron-senpai used a Tobi word!
Me: A Tobi word?
Tobi: Yes! A Tobi word is a word that Tobi made up! Everytime someone like Aaron-senpai uses it, they have to give Tobi Pixi Stix!
Me: *I grumble a string of curses under my breath* Fine. *Tosses Tobi one more Pixi Stix* There you go. Thank you, and good night!