A/N – this chapter, folks, is once again deserving the M rating and is NSFW. I should also note it is inspired by Kaidan's shipboard banter about Shepard not waking him (which makes me squeal like a schoolgirl everytime I hear it), and although I usually get that banter before the poker scene and finishing up Rannoch, I decided for artistic sake that it happens after. Sue me. Those offended by sexual content, skip the italicized portion and assume that Kaidan and Shepard enjoyed themselves and you won't miss any plot
The silence that filled the room after Garrus and Tali suddenly decided they had pressing matters that needed their attention and left as hastily as they could manage without causing property damage was thick. Kaidan wasn't sure what reaction he had expected to his, admittedly clumsy, proposal but he was sure shock and sadness weren't on the list.
He squeezed the hand he still held in his and tried to get her to turn her face to his so he could get more clues on why, exactly, she was so upset. If it were just disappointment at his inelegant phrasing, he'd happily scramble to find the words to make her realize how much she meant to him. If it was something else, he'd need more input before he could begin to guess how to fix it. Either way, she wasn't cooperating, so he tried a gentle questioning "Shepard?" hoping to bring her back to him.
When she did turn to face him finally, his heart skipped a beat and squeezed to see the tears in her eyes, the sadness on her face. The protector in him roared its head, ready to defeat any enemy that had put that look on her face, even if it had been Kaidan himself. "Kat?" he choked, unsure now how to proceed in the wake of her sorrow.
"Why?" she asked him sadly, tears falling slowly down her face.
"Why would I want to marry you?" he clarified her question, thinking that it was the most ridiculous one he'd ever heard. Why wouldn't he?
"Yeah," she replied softly, "why would you want to marry me?" On a tired sigh, she continued, "I'm a soldier, a marine, I kill things, I sometimes save the galaxy. I've died once, almost twice. I may never walk again. I may never use my biotics again. The things that made me who I am – was – may not exist anymore. Your wife? How do I qualify for that?"
Kaidan inhaled with a hiss and realized, once again, that the strongest woman he knew, the woman who had indeed saved the galaxy (again) was, underneath it all, a woman. And he, as the man who loved her, could do no less than find a way to show her how incredible and special that woman – not just the soldier, but the woman – was through the mirror of his own words.
He squeezed her hand and leaned over to kiss her gently, his lips barely brushing her mouth then sat back and surprised her, he saw by the look in her eyes, when he asked softly, "Do you remember the night after Rannoch?"
She wasn't sure how that was an answer to her question, but she nodded, willing to humor him as she let the memory sweep over her.
She had found him in the lounge, playing poker with Vega of all things, but she had been the one to tell him to distract himself. Her adrenaline was still riding high after the incredible fight. Going toe to toe with a Reaper was certainly one of the highlights of that autobiography Kaidan kept teasing her about, and she couldn't think of a better way to end the chapter than with a hot passionate night with her favorite marine. Vega didn't fit into that scenario in any way shape or form.
They had teased her about the victory and she had taken the accolades proudly, knowing that the victory was not just hers, but theirs as well. Sharing it with them was the best way she could boost morale, and she set her desires aside for now and slid into the seat beside Kaidan, hooked her arm around his and leaned her head against his shoulder. The uncharacteristic public display prompted a raised brow from Vega, but she stuck her tongue out at him and he went back to dealing without comment. She knew everyone onboard was aware of their relationship but she didn't usually acknowledge it so openly. War or not, she was Alliance to the core and so was Kaidan. They did their best to at least maintain the appearance of propriety. Tonight, though, she didn't care. She felt – invincible – hopeful for the first time that they may actually win this thing.
Vega took pity on them and wandered off after a few more hands, mumbling about getting some crunches in before rack time. She smiled after him, thinking he had become a good friend, then turned her attention back to the man beside her. She found the desire she had banked earlier rush back to her in spades and she grabbed Kaidan, mashing her lips to his with none of their usual finesse.
"Hey," he said when they finally had to breathe, "what's this?"
"If you don't know by now, Major," she muttered, planting kisses along his jaw, moving to his sensitive ears, "you haven't been paying attention."
He chuckled softly and pulled her back for another deep kiss, their tongues met and warred in the eternal dance of lovers. "Should we take this somewhere more private?" he questioned her when he realized she already had her hands in his pants and was fisting him in a tight grip.
Shepard groaned, bit out "Can't wait," as she shifted to try to position them more comfortably to continue her ministrations, she raised her voice and gave the orders, "EDI, lock the door, privacy mode engage," and somehow managed to not gasp as she felt Kaidan's mouth close over the nipple he had just bared before she heard the AI's reply of "Acknowledged."
Kaidan shifted, getting up from the seat and held out a hand to pull her up to him. She took it and found herself wrapped in his arms a moment later as they made their way to the bank of couches on the far side of the room, lips never separating.
They took a moment to divest each other of remaining clothes before she pushed him back on the couch. He landed in a mostly sitting position and drew her down on his lap. His face was level with her breasts now, and his clever mouth took advantage, kissing and licking every inch, while she shifted, opening her legs around his hips, so that his hardness was where she needed it, flush against her moist heat. She rolled her hips against him, pleasing them both, and was rewarded with a deep moan from her lover and smiled that she could still illicit that reaction, even after all this time.
Kaidan moved his hands from her hips, stroking her center to ensure she was ready for him, and, finding she was slick and wet, positioned himself to enter her. The frantic pace stilled in that moment, each of them giving the impact of the next move its proper weight. They stared into each other's eyes for a heartbeat before she sank down on him, taking him fully inside her and breathing out a slow deep breath of relief. Here, once again, they were one, they were whole, they were alive. His hands came up to capture her breasts as she began to dance above him. The frenetic pace slowed, of their own accord, they savored these precious moments when they were joined in the most intimate way two people could be.
Of course the heat building in her stomach, traveling down to where they were joined didn't want slow, it gripped her, dominated her and she began to buck, driving herself down on him. He seemed to agree, moving his strong hands to her hips and assisting her motions, pulling her down hard with each downstroke, allowing her to nearly release him on each up. Shepard saw his eyes start to lose focus and drift shut, signaling how close he was, and moaned, giving in to the fire. She brought herself down hard, once, twice, then shuddered as the orgasm ripped through her, breathing out his name in testament to the pleasure she found in their love, hearing him groan as he joined her.
They lay like that, sprawled on the leather couch, with her slumped over him, head buried in his neck, he stroking her back slowly, gently, until they could breathe normally again. She sat up enough to kiss him on the chin, then resumed her previous position. "That was…" she trailed off trying to find the right word to do it justice and chuckled when he added "hot" to finished her sentence. That'll do, she thought.
They stood up a few minutes later and retrieved their clothes, dressing in companionable silence, then walked out of the room to the elevator, hand in hand. When they reached her suite, they undressed again and fell into bed, wrapped around each other.
She came out of her reverie to see that Kaidan had been replaying the scene in his head as well. She gave him a moment to focus on her, and then said, "I don't understand, what does that have to do with this?"
Kaidan sighed, thinking that perhaps he should have written out a speech beforehand, and once again cursed his inability to find the right thing to say at the right time. "It doesn't really," he admitted, "except that I had planned to ask you then. But we got – distracted – then we fell asleep and you left the next morning without waking me."
Shepard couldn't have looked more stunned if a wave of husks had suddenly appeared behind him. "You were gonna ask me to marry you that night?"
He nodded. "It seemed like a good time," he told her, "you were so happy, so filled with hope. We had just had a huge win. And I thought I couldn't let another moment go by without making sure you knew how much I loved you, how much I wanted to wake up beside you every morning for the rest of my life."
Her eyes filled with tears again, but this time, he noted, they weren't sad tears. "You still want to marry me?" she questioned him, stubbornly sticking to her original point, Shepard to the end, "that woman doesn't exist anymore."
"She's right in front of me," Kaidan replied softly. "It was never the soldier I wanted to marry, Kat. It's the woman. I don't care if you never hold a gun again, although I pity anyone who tries to tell you that you won't, I don't need that. I need the woman I watched grow and shape herself in face of overwhelming odds and tremendous victory and even staggering defeat over the past four years. I need you, Kat. Will you marry me?"
How could she deny him anything when he was looking at her like that? she thought to herself wryly and gave him the only reply she could, "Yes."