Sometime...Somehow... Part V

More geek-speak. Please don't thrash me if some of it isn't as scientific as it might be. *grin*

XXX

"It laid a few eggs." Doctor Beckett explained to the group in Elizabeth Weir's conference room. "And I was able ta' dissect - by remote – and analyze them, and I am sorry ta' report that tha' nanites are present in the eggs too. Nineteen percent of tha' Iratus bugs body is enhanced by nanite activity in one way or another." Beckett rubbed his eyes. "And twenty-nine percent in tha' eggs."

Weir frowned. "A greater percentage in the eggs?"

Beckett nodded.

"What does that mean?" Teyla asked.

Zelenka filled them in. "It means the nanites are artificially causing the Iratus bugs to evolve starting at the mitochondrial level – in the DNA – that's why they can now fly, among other abilities we may not have even observed yet."

"Well, can we not use an EMP generator to disrupt the nanites?" Teyla suggested. "With the nanites gone, would that not kill the Iratus as well?"

Beckett shook his head. "The nanites aren't replacing any organs in the Iratus, they're just enhancing them. It's analogous ta' a factory run by nuclear power as opposed ta' a ZPM. Even with tha' nanite presence neutralized the enhanced version of tha' Iratus would still be alive."

"And the EMP would only temporarily disrupt the nanites. It would be only moments, perhaps seconds, before they could regroup." Zelenka explained. "Unfortunately for us, existing and working from within a living host gives the nanties all the bio-electrical energy they need to repair themselves and the host, and the more often we used the EMP, the faster they would learn to repair and develop new ways to protect both."

Weir added "We've seen that sort of behavior before. We know they learn at an exponential rate."

Sheppard made the leap. "So because this is the first generation of eggs, basically these things are just going to keep on growing stronger and harder to kill as time goes by?"

Zelenka nodded. "As long as they keep living and nesting, yes."

Weir said. "It also means something else." She realised. "It means it wasn't the Wraith who abandoned those Hives ships."

Ronan, who rarely spoke at the conference meetings, said "The Replicators put them there."

"After infecting them with nanite-enhanced Iratus bugs." Sheppard slammed his hand down. "Damnit! They knew we'd get curious enough and eventually we'd have to check the ships out." He stood and paced. It was a new habit.

Ronan watched his leader with veiled concern. "All they had to do is wait around for us to take the bait."

Zelenka said "I hate to say it but it was a brilliant move. We brought the bugs to Atlantis ourselves. We caused our own destruction."

"We're not dead yet." Weir reminded Zelenka, rubbing her forehead. "It was not only brilliant but strategic." Her voice was low, as though she were speaking to herself and not a room full of people. Then in her normal volume "If we can't kill them or draw them away from Atlantis, the Replicators know that eventually we'll have to abandon the city."

Sheppard finished the thought And then they can just move in.

Ronan looked around, his tall body leaning over the table, his hands comfortably clasped together. Even in dire situations, Ronan appeared able to relax. "The bugs won't even bother the Replicators because they're family."

Teyla asked "I am curious. Why were there no Iratus nests on the Hive ships?"

Zelenka shrugged. "Probably programming set in place by The Replicators. They could have written in a set of instructions for to the Iratus to wait until we showed up before beginning the internal fertilization process or it could have been a simple command for them to breed only upon arrival on Atlantis or even triggered by our coming to the Hive ships, there are countless possibilities."

Teyla set her jaw. "Well, we must find a way to eradicate them before too many generations hatch."

Sheppard stopped his pacing and turned to the group. "This is my fault. I kept insisting we scout out the Hives." If only he had just left it alone.

Weir said "The IOA would have eventually ordered us to go, John, so stop trying to blame yourself." She looked hopefully at Beckett. "Doctor Beckett, what have you and Zelenka come up with so far for fighting these things?"

Beckett cleared his throat a little. "Doctor Zelenka and I figure the only way to kill them all, and I'm talking about the adult Iratus now, is to find a method to deliver an EMP and a lethal insecticide at precisely the same moment; that's the only way to not only disrupt the nanites but kill the hosts so the nanites have no fuel to repair themselves."

"Sounds good." Weir said.

"There's only one problem." Zelenka cautioned. "We're not positive the poison would have any effect on the egg nests. They're protected by a very thick layer of bio-synthetic protein gel, and by synthetic I mean nanite-like in properties, meaning they are all but impervious to penetration by chemicals, heat, cold, pretty well every naturally occurring onslaught, and a few un-natural ones. About the only thing that gets through as far as we can see are bullets and in this case..."

"The bullets will only kill them temporarily while the nanites learn to repair themselves faster and faster." Sheppard finished. "And besides that we don't have enough rounds on Atlantis anyway to kill every single egg assuming there are the hundred thousand or so Zelenka says there is."

"I said could be." Zelenka corrected him.

Sheppard threw him a nod. "Even so, it would deplete our on-site resources to fight the Wraith, should they also soon decide to darken our doorstep."

Becket nodded. "What we need is something lethal to both, something that will kill every single Iratus and Iratus egg at the same time without leaving so much as even one behind."

Teyla said "And something that will leave Atlantis and her systems unharmed."

Zelenka reminded them "And, uh, of course first we have to find the eggs."

Ronan suggested "What about drowning them? We submerge the city."

Zelenka said. "Yes, we thought of that. It'll drown the adult Iratus but leave the nanites in their bodies unaffected; they'll simply rebuild and bring the Iratus back to life just like the one in the lab. Plus there's no guarantee the salt water will harm the egg sacs."

Weir bit her lip. "Doctor Beckett, how is Janice Marshe and the others? What about them, will they survive?"

Beckett sighed heavily. "Unfortunately all three were bitten. The nanites have already begun making changes in their bodies, and they're becoming less cooperative and unpredictable. I was forced to move them all into protective isolation." Beckett pursed his lips. "And the nanites have taken control of a greater number of physiological systems in their bodies than in the Iratus bugs or the eggs. Janice is the furthest along with thirty-eight percent nanite infestation in her major organs – heart, lungs, liver and most importantly – her brain."

Weir asked "I take it there is nothing you can do for them?"

Beckett shook his head no. Sheppard could see the angry set of the man's shoulders. The doctor's hands were as tied as everyone else's, his own included. Sheppard never missed Rodney as urgently as he did at that moment. If only Rodney were here.

Rodney would think of something.

XXX

"What are you doing?" Rodney grabbed at McKay's arm and tried to push him away from his secret hole in which the Wraith firearm was buried.

McKay pushed Rodney out of the way and swiftly dug it up, shaking the sand off of it with an angry glare at his counter-part. "You should have wrapped it in something. You want sand getting into the control chips or the power cells?"

Rodney glared back. "That's mine. Give it back!"

McKay ignored him and held out his palm. "Give me the transponder."

Rodney raised his chin defiantly. "No."

"Give it to me, Rodney; we don't have time for this. This whole damn planet is about to be turned into a giant snow-cone!"

McKay leaped for Rodney and grappled with him, both falling to the dirt floor of the cave. McKay managed to get one hand around Rodney's skinny neck while he wriggled the fingers of his other deep into the front pocket of Rodney's pants, pulling out the transponder with a triumphant snort.

Rodney looked like he was about to cry when McKay got to his feet and started removing the tiny cover from the device. "What are you going to do with it?" He asked, sniffing.

McKay threw a hand in the general direction of the mouth of the cave and the steadily darkening sky. "Save our lives – what do you think?" Already it was getting so cold he could feel it penetrating his skin. Soon it would be too cold to work. And was it his imagination or was Big Red shrinking?

No, his mind corrected his eyes' erroneous conclusion, Big Red was not shrinking; Gobi Prime was being pulled farther away from its life-giving star.

"Come on." McKay said to Rodney. "This planet is dying and us along with it if we don't go right now." McKay would have to complete the modification at the site. Only then would he allow himself a moment to contemplate what he must do. Even if reason said it was almost too unlikely to possibly succeed, even if it seemed a little hopeless; maybe even...insane.

McKay gathered up the rest of what he thought they might need – and after three years it was a collection of treasures which he realised was laughable – and tucked them into one of the silver coloured Wraith stockings; the vials of Goliath glandular poison and anesthetics, and a hand written message he remembered creating on a piece of cloth torn from his uniform using a reed and the dark juices of the High Ground Plant. It was a Will addressed to his sister and a goodbye note addressed to The Team. The writing was faded now but he tucked it inside the sock anyway.

Rodney, in a hunger induced daze, followed McKay to the nest area.

By the eggs, where McKay had uncovered and cut a hole through the thick fungus growth approximately one meter wide, McKay completed the modifications to the transponder, explaining to Rodney "I can use the conductive threads from the socks to trickle the energy from the Wraith weapon into the transponder and that will give it enough power to work almost indefinitely."

McKay bent down and scooped a small amount of the slimy covering of egg goop. In his hand it felt air-cold and he had to fling it away with a start. It left his hand perfectly numb, so numb that for a few seconds he could not feel anything up to his elbow. Once feeling had returned he took out the Goliath-excreted fluid, a natural anesthetic, and looked at it. What he had not used on his painful feet he'd had stored in the six inch-long section of dried Plant root for many months. Removing the strip of cloth that had served as a tie he sniffed. It seemed as potent as before. McKay turned and watched the sun being eaten up by darkness. He was ready.

Suddenly Rodney was standing at his side, staring up at the disappearing sun. "What if we're both just crazy?" He asked casually and McKay looked at him sharply. "What if they're all dead and this action is just our ill minds telling us to give up? What if we didn't save them after all?"

McKay stared at Rodney, then at the sky and then at the ground. The Goliaths were all dead, sacrificing themselves for their cache of millions of eggs and their protective goo. There was no food left to be hunted. The air was getting so cold that McKay could already feel the beginnings of hypothermia setting in. He had stopped shivering minutes before – a sign.

But maybe Rodney was right. Atlantis might not even be there anymore. Maybe they were dead and he had not saved anything. A poem he had once read suddenly showed itself in his memory. Beat your fists upon Death, and rage in His ear your song. No spirit so enduring as mortal man's, should swift to the mound pass along. It would be easier to just stand where he was and let the cold take him at its will. But wasn't the better choice to take a chance on maybe more than on certain end? In urgency Zelenka's words condensed and whispered to him while the wind picked up in the charcoal sky "Isn't it smarter to gamble on the hope for something more rather than campaign the resolution that it's only material and therefore all for nothing?"

Perhaps he should at least give it a shot? It was a long shot to be sure – millions of light years long probably, but what the hell. McKay said "I'm going into the hole, Rodney and if I was you and you were me, I'd join me if...I were you." McKay smiled at his own joke and at his mirrored sickly self. "Let's go find them, even if they're dead." Maybe we'll all end up dead together.

Almost any state would be an improvement.

McKay tucked the transponder and the Wraith weapon under his left arm-pit, drank back the anesthetic in a single guzzle, crossed his arms over his chest and jumped. He was swallowed up by the thick goo in an instant.

Rodney, seeing the sky turn from pink, to red, to brown as the sun narrowed to a splinter in the heavens, was full of fear. But he even more scared not to follow him. He jumped.

Big Red disappeared from the sky overhead and soon afterward all surface life slowly began to fade from Gobi Prime.

XXX

Weir hovered over Josh's shoulder as his fingers flew over the Atlantis's controls. "What's causing these power fluctuations?" She asked. The lights were playing a game of on-flicker-off-flicker-on over and over.

Josh shook his head, perplexed. "The Iratus bugs must have gotten to a sensitive area but I can't guess which one, since every system is being affected."

Zelenka bent over the consol. "It's not surprising. They're hardy little demons."

Weir crossed her arms. Each of them knew they were losing the battle against the Iratus infestation. "Doctor Zelenka, if we can't get back full control of Atlantis..."

"I know." He said. "We'll have no choice but to sink the city."

Sheppard hated the standing around while the Iratus were multiplying, and while his search for Rodney remained suspended indefinitely. "The only place we haven't checked are the power conduits and they could not possibly survive in there." Sheppard said but the last few words turned into a question.

"But maybe with the nanites they could." Zelenka answered him. He noticed something. "Damn! Another power drop. The ZPM is functioning perfectly, the power conduits show full flow, but there's no power getting to the rest of Atlantis and barely any getting to the controls here. We're running out of time."

Weir asked them all. "Any last ditch ideas? Anyone? I don't care if you think it's insane."

Zelenka suggested. "I think perhaps the Colonel is right and the Iratus bugs are in the power conduits. What else could be causing irregular interference with the flow?"

"How can we find out?" Weir asked.

Zelenka removed his glasses and rubbed his face to bring some life back into it. No one had slept since the invasion had begun. "We take radiation suits and cut into the conduits - visual inspection by remote scope. That's the only way to directly inspect them."

Weir nodded. "John?"

Sheppard nodded. "Let's go."

XXX

"Are you sure this is the only way?" Sheppard asked. He sounded muffled and far away behind the protective mask of his hazard suit.

Zelenka nodded. "The systems are functioning perfectly. The power is just not getting to where it should, and if we lose anymore, the city will start to sink. You ready?"

Sheppard nodded. He was sweating bullets in the damn thing but the suits were necessary to protect them from not only from the radiation from the ZPM power conduits but the flying Iratus bugs that now infested almost every other tower in Atlantis. The nanites had made greater headway than even Zelenka had anticipated and were now doubling in number once every five days.

The battle was probably already lost, Sheppard realised, although he had not voiced it. He recognised that he and Elizabeth were both stubborn to the last, and not willing to give up the fight just yet. "What about the insulating pipes around the power conduits?" Sheppard suggested. "If they could get in there, would the bugs be safe?"

Inside his mask, Zelenka shook the sweat from his face. "If they could get in there, yes, but it's impossible. There's no way in. the pipes are completely sealed."

Sheppard wasn't convinced. "If anything could find a way to get inside the insulated covering of a ZPM power conduit, it would be the nanites – don't you think?"

"I guess so."

"Then let's shut down the power conduits altogether, open up the damn pipes and see for ourselves." Sheppard wanted to leave no stone unturned although if he was right, he knew that meant it was game over for the Atlantis expedition. If the Iratus bugs were inside those, then they had all the energy they would ever need to survive and grow stronger. Atlantis would be lost for good.

Zelenka waved away the idea as though it were an Iratus bug. "If we shut down the power conduits, the city will begin to submerge uncontrollably. If for some reason we are unable to re-establish power, the city would hit the bottom at fifty kilometers per hour. It would cause significant damage to the base levels of Atlantis not to mention damage the Star-drive engine outputs."

"Then we'll have to do it while the city is still powered. We can shut down the conduit once we're in place. We'll only need a few seconds."

"That's very dangerous colonel."

Sheppard waved an arm around at the swarming bugs. "What choice do we have? This city is on the verge of being lost to us now. The best we can do is access how much radiation these damn bugs can endure. If they can survive ZPM radiation, then what the hell do we kill them with?"

"I'll contact Stargate Command."

"Radek we don't have time for a bunch of bureaucrats to set up a conference. We need to do this ourselves right now before it's too late." Sheppard insisted.

Zelenka nodded. "We can use a cutting torch to gain entry into the outer pipes but after that, we need remote cutter to gain access to the ZPM conduit. If we get to within ten feet of the power flow, in seconds we'll both be cooked from the inside-out."

It was several hours before the twelve inches of Ancient alloy in the insulting pipe was cut through and another thirty minutes before Zelenka had the remote cutter in place. On Sheppard's nod Zelenka began cutting. "I'm almost through Colonel, shut Atlantis's power now."

When Sheppard did so, Zelenka shone a powerful beam of light down the conduit. Its three meter wide interior wall was lined with Iratus eggs.

Zelenka nodded his head to Sheppard. "Iratus eggs. Millions of them, colonel." Zelenka spent the next fifteen minutes closing the wound in the conduit with a carefully applied metal patch, which he welded in place using a molecular torch. "Re-establish power." He said

Sheppard did so and was relieved to see Atlantis's interior lights resume their flickering. Elizabeth had cut the city's power down to minimum in order to minimize the energy on which the nanites were feeding.

Zelenka swiftly completed the repairs to the insulating pipe. Exacting effort was now not needed as the city would be submerged to the bottom of the sea and the power to the ZPM switched off to better deprive the invading army its primary source of energy. He asked Sheppard "Now what?"

Sheppard took one last look at the walls and ceilings of Atlantis's lower level. It could be the last time he ever saw them. "Now we turn the brainstorming over to Earth's scientists. Hopefully they can figure out some way to kill these things." Sheppard let it go. Atlantis, hope...it was time to let it all go. "We've run out of options."

XXX

The last member of Sheppard's team, himself and Weir took a last look at Atlantis and stepped through the Ancient Ring

And onto a ramp leading down a few steps to a steel and concrete arena. General Landry, a man who held command of a full head of thick hair and a thickening middle. With a firm but welcoming expression, he stepped up to greet them. "Doctor Weir, Colonel Sheppard, and Doctor Zelenka I believe." He held out his hand to shake each of theirs. "Welcome to Cheyenne Mountain."

X

"How went the debriefing?" Weir asked Sheppard as he sat and regarded his former fellow Atlantians.

Hazel eyes turned inward as he regarded his tray of military fare. "Oh, pretty much as I expected. How went the expedition? And By the way, how did you come to lose one of the most powerful and important military outposts to a swarm of bugs?" That's pretty much how it was worded."

Teyla remarked. "Sounds familiar."

Sheppard picked dispiritedly at his tray of food. The debriefings had taken a full week to complete. At the end they were given a choice to either request reassignment or, for the non-military members at least, leave of their own accord and take up alternative careers.

Weir broached the uncomfortable subject of the loss of Atlantis and their week at Cheyenne Mountain with "Well, that was fun. Now what?"

All of them smiled, a little, but it helped break the ice. Teyla offered. "I have heard of a large group of my people relocating to the Eilden system. There is a growing colony there and they are making themselves well equipped to fight the Wraith. I need a place to go and I believe they could use another hand."

Ronan added "And I'm going with her."

Sheppard gestured with his fork back and forth between them. "Are you two...um...you know, is this because..?"

Teyla smiled indulgently. "No, Ronan and I are not, as you Earth people say, "together"."

"I want to kill Wraith. They want to kill Wraith. It seems like a good choice." Ronan explained and which was for him a hefty sentence.

Weir said "I am staying Earth-side for a while, get my bearings. I want to...think about it for a while – what I want to do. Atlantis is a tough act to follow." She dropped her eyes to her coffee cup and then looked up again, managing to paint a small smile on her face. She asked "What about you, Doctor Zelenka?"

Zelenka wiped mashed potatoes off his mouth. "Oh, um, I'm taking a year off and joining an archeological expedition to MV-624. It is a very unusual solar system. Several planets with orbits that intersect and the possibility of old life perhaps - er – anyway..." He shrugged, not wanting to bore them. "It's always been a bit of a hobby of mine and now...here's my opportunity." Zelenka finished and then turned to the only doctor present "How about you, Carson? Any plans?"

"I'm going to be in Munich lending my skills learned on Atlantis to a two year study of infectious xeno-microbiology - non-Earth illnesses. Light work for a change. No Iratus bugs, Wraith, Replicators or hypochondriacs anywhere in sight."

Weir looked over at John. Her heart gave her a small pain as three years in Atlantis came flooding back. All they had accomplished together, all their struggles and sacrifices – especially the sacrifices - all of it now lying at the bottom of the ocean. And, too, Rodney McKay was gone, a good friend who should have been there. Was it kind even to ask? "And you, Colonel Sheppard? What are you going to do?"

Sheppard decided he had no appetite and pushed the tray away. He took a deep breath and let it out. It was time to tell them. It was time to admit other things to himself as well. "I am slated to become the next commander of the Daedulus." He announced, saying it casually as though it were really of no importance. "Six weeks from now."

Teyla's eyebrows climbed her forehead. "John that is wonderful news. Congratulations."

Weir felt pleased and sad all at the same time. The others shared warm words or shook his hand. She asked "So, Colonel Caldwell is stepping down?"

"More like up." Sheppard said. "We'll be calling him General Caldwell from now on." And the last bit of news that had surprised even him. "He recommended me."

Ronan reached out and slapped Sheppard on his left shoulder, nearly making him fall over. "That's great." The Satedan said, one who often did not know his own strength.

Sheppard pursed his lips. It was good news but "It's going to take getting used to, I've always been either a pilot or a foot soldier. Running an entire ship..." It was different. It was new. It was not Atlantis.

Weir could not help but realise all the things it would mean for him that were positive, but what most disturbed her thoughts was the one was negative thing. There was no gentle way to broach it except "What about...how will you...I mean...the search?"

John knew the question was coming of course and days before had decided upon a discreet answer. "I'm sure I'll be able to continue searching, you know, when I'm not on assignment. I mean there won't be as much free time as before and no one's about to give me total reign over their Stargate so, it won't be as often as I'd like..." Sheppard licked his lips, and then nibbled the bottom one before continuing. "But...that's just how it is I guess."

It was how it was, Weir thought. And to underline that sad fact even John had come to accept that none of them were likely to see Rodney ever again. Rodney McKay was most likely dead and it was time to move on with their lives. Still, it felt wrong, as though it were a kind of betrayal, as though they were somehow cheating him.

Ronan, ever sensitive to halting its progress whenever emotions threatened to spill all over the place, said "Remember when Rodney was altered by that ancient machine and became even smarter?"

Zelenka nodded vigorously. "And even nuttier – yes!"

To everyone's shock, Ronan suddenly stiffened, and then turned around, lifting up his shirt as far as his neck line.

Teyla was the first to notice. "I don't understand. Where are your scars?"

Ronan smoothed his shirt down again and announced "Rodney healed me. During that time when he had all those powers. He said it was a gift."

Everyone was quiet for a moment. Ronan said "Rodney wasn't much of a fighter in the field, but he was good people."

Weir nodded. "Yes, he was."

"Plus," Teyla offered, "Doctor McKay had become quite efficient at handling most of our weapons, and over the years his aim had, I think, improved."

Simultaneously Ronan and John waggled their hands in the sign of "so-so". "Mm," John said, "let's not go nuts."

They all laughed.

Zelenka decided to share a story of his own. "Do you know there were forty-two other researchers vying for the position under Rodney at Atlantis." He offered. "And much to my shock – and terror - he picked me."

Teyla frowned good-naturedly. "Why terror?"

Zelenka raised his eyebrows in the expression that said he wasn't kidding. "Everyone wanted to work with him but everyone had heard of his, shall we say, abrasive personality. He used to argue with his professors you know, right there in the lecture halls. They all hated him, especially when he was right.

"Oh -" he pointed to his head. "You see this hair cut? My first day on the job Doctor McKay comes up to me and tells me to cut my hair, and to cut it short. You see, Rodney wasn't any ordinary genius, he was the kind that showed up all those other genius's who thought they were geniuses but really weren't. And in the long tradition in the fields of science, mathematics or research whenever someone achieves a title, like a PhD or whatever, it's an unspoken rule that you have to grow your hair."

At their doubtful faces he held one hand over his heart to prove his sincerity. "I'm not joking, they'll jump on you about it, believe me. Long hair, wild hair, fuzzy, pony-tail, stringy, anyway at all as long as it's an Einstein level of weird." Zelenka took a much needed breath. "But the second Rodney saw my hair he looked at me like I'd crawled out from under a rock and barked at me to get it cut and not to come back until it was."

Much amused, Weir asked "What did you do?"

Zelenka shrugged. "I got it cut. I had to if I wanted to stay on. It took me five hours and seven trips through the Stargate to find a world where someone was a barber of some kind. You see, Rodney always hated it when people used affectations, especially in our field, to try and look smart. He always used to say that if someone was truly smart they wouldn't need to be trying to look smart. He called them idiots."

Ronan said. "But you hair's long now."

Zelenka nodded. "I hate my hair short. My mother always said it makes me look like a Hobbit. So one day Rodney and I came to a compromise. He agreed to allow me to grow my hair again and I allowed him to call me an idiot."

Laughter was shared and Zelenka crossed his heart. "True story - I swear to God – true story."

Teyla looked at them sadly but with a fondness for the shared memories. "It is good to talk about him."

Sheppard looked around at the faces of his colleagues and friends, for absolutely they were both. He raised his cup. "To absent friends." They all lifted their glasses or cups and "hear-hears" were spoken all around.

They stayed that way for two more hours, talking and sharing tales of their years with Rodney and with each other. It was right that they were all here for this is where, with few exceptions, all of their careers had begun; here or Atlantis. And now all of them were about to take separate roads where they would meet new people, and form new relationships and partnerships, some of them on other worlds. And with the passage of time the memories of their times together would, as memories do, gradually fade.

But Sheppard didn't think they would ever forget Rodney McKay. You don't forget someone who had saved your life and the lives of your friends over and over, and who had sacrificed himself to save you one last time. You don't ever forget that kind of friend.

When they had finished with their drinks and meals and it seemed no one had anything more they wished to share (most would keep their private thoughts of Rodney private, for themselves alone, as a kind of treasure in their hearts), they all together stood up, preparing to leave.

No one spoke of trying to keep in touch and there were no hugs of goodbye and fare-well because no one wanted it to end. If the words were never said, then perhaps in some small way it was not an ending, just a turning of the road, or another hour on a clock somewhere that did not sound out its bells at close of day. Heads nodded and trays were cleared.

The only one to linger was Weir. "I'm sorry John, but a simple goodbye won't be enough." She wrapped her arms around him and gave into the bear hug he returned. "You take care of yourself out there," she said "or I'll come back and kick your ass for you."

Sheppard released her. "I'll do my best, boss."

He left her and walked back to his temporary quarters, a single room with a bed, one dresser and a computer desk tucked into a corner. Space was at a premium when you were inside a mountain. Although it was forbidden on site Sheppard never-the-less poured himself a shot of whiskey, chugging back half of it in one swallow.

Sheppard was almost glad to be getting away from the Atlantian planet and on to something else. He was abandoning the search for Rodney, because he couldn't stand thinking about him anymore. The dreams of Rodney screaming at them to for help, or the nightmare of Rodney's body floating in space somewhere a trillion miles between stars had rocked his nights for months after Rodney was gone. They had torn into him, and now the realisation that his friend was really gone, and there wasn't a thing they could do about it, was clawing at the rest.

Missing his friend, and quietly ashamed of himself, John Sheppard finally grieved. For the first time since Rodney's disappearance, he set hope free and it left without a murmur. Then he bowed his head and wept.

XXX

More to come in Part VI. Stay tuned!