Halloooo again! I LIKE SHAM-POO. It is time for disclaimers; BRING IN THE FOOL-er-GUEST!
Hidan: *gets shoved into the room* *door locks behind him* What the fuck am I doing here, you dipshit?
You are doing disclaimers, my friend.
Hidan: THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY I WILL, BITCH!
Hidan...The Tobi is loaded...
Hidan: WHAT? *starts shaking with fear*
I've got him aimed on you...
Hidan: You...You wouldn't...
I gave him 250 dollars of candy this time.
Hidan: How can you spend so much?
Money's no object. *flashes five 200 dollar bills* I get it from being an author.
Hidan: *jaw drops to floor* *points finger while saying*: FUCK YOU!
Bad choice of words. *opens a cage which had Tobi in it* LET SLIP THE DOGS OF WAR! MUAHAHA!
Hidan: NOOOOOO! *gets super ultra glomped by Tobi*
Tobi: HIDAN! TOBI HAD CANDY! TOBI LIKES CANDY, HIDAN! DO YOU LIKE CANDY? TOBI LOVES CANDY! WILL HIDAN BUY TOBI SOME CANDY? :D
Hidan: GET THE FUCK OFF ME, ASSNUGGET!
Wow, Hidan, I didn't know you were gay. Do you and Kakuzu like spending time alone together?
Hidan: Shut the fuck up, shithead!
Wow, more dirty words from the bad man's mouth. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you use those around Kakuzu when you're alone.
Hidan: SHUT THE MOTHERFUCK UP, YOU BEEEEEP BEEEP BEEP BEEEPITY BEEEPIN' BEEEP SON OF A BEEEP BEEPITY BEEP BEEEEP!
Again, wow. Does Kakuzu like hearing those words come out of your mouth?
Hidan: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR FUCKED UP SHITTY HEAD?
Relax, I'm just joking.
Hidan:...Never mind...
Or am I?
Hidan:...
Relax, I am.
Hidan: Phew.
Enjoy the chapter folks!
By the way:
Kibi Tosame: I actually did it to make people want to read more, and I just love screwing with people. Not trying to piss you off, guys.
Although, in this chapter, we do find out who made the energy drinks! BUM BUM BUM!
READ ON!
Rule 30: Itachi is badass. Question it, and you will be subjected to the most indescribable torture. And it will involve Tobi.
Normal POV
Aaron burst into the room through the ceiling in a spectacular and magnificent display of lights and noises.
"You rang?" He asked.
"Yes, I did. I'm trying to figure out why the drink you had would turn guys into girls, and who would make such a thing." Tsunade told him.
"So why call me?" He asked.
"You were the first person to get turned into an apparently busty girl, so you might be able to think of something." She said.
"You got anything I can build on?" Tsunade nodded.
"I think it might have to do with who created it. It was someone here in Konoha, I know that. Who can you think of that would do such a thing?" She asked the elf. The question seemed to have struck him in a way he couldn't explain, but he just thought. His eyes widened, and fire raged inside his normally blue and green eyes.
"I'm gonna kill him..." Aaron muttered.
"Kill who?" Tsunade asked.
"No... killing's too good for him...Yeah...the most painful way to torture him..." Aaron kept saying with an evil glare, and a wicked smile.
"Aaron? Are you alright?" Tsunade asked worriedly, questioning his sanity a little.
"I'm gonna take his d**k, rip it off, and shove it so hard where the sun don't shine, just to give him a feeling of how rape is..." Aaron snarled. Tsunade grew a frightened look.
"Aaron? Anooooooo." She asked timidly. He blinked a couple of times and looked at her.
"What?" He asked innocently.
"Who were you talking about?"
"What do you mean talking about? I wasn't speaking." He said.
"You were talking doing some...unmentionable things to someone. Who were you talking about?"
"Oh, you mean who I thought of?" He asked. Tsunade shrugged.
"Uh, sure."
"I was thinking of your teammate." He said blandly.
"That figures." Tsunade commented with a roll of her eyes.
"So anyways, what is a 'falcon punch©'?" Tsunade asked him.
"Watch." He ordered. He pulled out a brick from the wall of the restaurant Jiraiya had plowed through the wall of, and made it float in the air.
"FALCOON PAAAUUUNCH!" He shouted. His fist flew forward and ignited. Then it hit the brick, causing it so shatter. Aaron held his fist and popped his knuckles again.
"Yep, I have got to get some gloves like Sakura has." He said. Then he glared at Jiraiya on the floor, remembering what had happened earlier. As if he was supposed to, Jiraiya woke up from his position on the floor.
"Whe-Where am I?" He asked. Then he saw Aaron glaring at him.
"Oh shit."
"YOU CREATED THAT FUCKIN' ENERGY DRINK, YOU BASTARD!" Aaron screamed at him. Then he jumped on the old sage and began beating the crap out of him.
Akatsuki POV
They were all just sitting in the living room, waiting.
"I wonder when Aaron's gonna get back." Rich mused. Suddenly, they heard a loud noise coming from outside. They all ran to see what it was. They saw a fallen woman, holding an egg-shaped object in her hands. The object was white, with black veins sprawled all over it, and was glowing faintly. This was no ordinary woman, though. She had long ears, just like Aaron.
"It's an elf..." Pein said.
"And she's hurt!" May cried out. She and Rich ran to the woman hurriedly. The woman looked up slowly, and gasped at seeing them.
"You are friends of the king. You have his essence inside you..." She said hoarsely.
"Yeah, we are and we do. You're going to be alright!" May said, preparing to heal the woman. But she stopped her.
"Don't." The woman said.
"You'll die if I don't!" May told her. The woman grew a weak and sad smile.
"It is my fate." She held up the egg-like object with shaking hands.
"Please. See that this gets to the king." She told them.
"Are you sure?" She asked her. The woman smiled and nodded.
"I am. This is worthy of the king." She told them. May took the object out of her hands. It was a stone, maybe? The stone was glossy and smooth, like a perfectly cut gem. It pulsed and felt warm, as thought it was alive. Then she became worried.
"Now go quickly. He is almost upo—" She let out a loud wheeze as an arrow made of bones went through her heart, killing her instantly. The bushes rustled, and out came a man. He was about 5'7, with mahogany hair, deep black eyes, and normally colored skin like that of a white man.
"Hand it over, woman." The unknown man hissed.
"Who are you, and why do you want this?" May asked.
"You do not need to know who I am, and that" His eyes drifted to the object and back to May.
"Is something a common wench is not worthy of." He spat. May was shocked, but looked about ready to go Armageddon on his ass.
"You're calling me a WENCH?" May asked angrily. The man flinched at her volume.
"What's the matter? Afraid a WENCH is gonna kick your ass?" May wasn't usually like this, but when someone insulted her deeply, she was hell in a human form. The man bristled, and a spear made of bones appeared in his hand.
Konoha
Aaron was almost done beating up Jiraiya, who was now bruised and unconscious, but stopped and perked his head up.
"My friends need me. I'll be right back." He was about to teleport in a flash of light when he stopped.
"You know, I think I've figured out this whole drink thing." He said.
"Really?"
"Yeah. When I woke up, I was a girl, and kept feeling something pulling at my chakra. So maybe if I pump an overload of it, the transformation will stop." Aaron told Tsunade.
"That could work." Tsunade mused.
"Try it." She then ordered. Aaron closed his eyes, and sent out a massive burst of chakra. He was enveloped in a glow, and when it went away, he was finally back to normal.
"Alright! No more girly stuff!" He said, pumping his fist. Then he focused.
"Oh, right, my friends." He said. He gave a two-finger salute to Tsunade.
"By the way, tell Sasuke and Hidan how to undo the thing. If you want to find Hidan, follow the trail of blood and remains." Aaron instructed. She was about to ask what he meant when he disappeared in a flash of light.
Outside the Akatsuki Base
"For insulting a mighty god, YOU SHALL DIE!" The man shouted. He threw the spear. Everyone watched in fear as it flew towards May's heart. They all cringed, waiting for her innards to spill out on the ground. But they didn't hear a cry of pain, or anything for that matter. They opened their eyes, and there stood Aaron, holding the spear mid-shaft. He tightened his grip, and the spear broke.
"Cragos..." Aaron began.
"What do you think you're doing?" He asked the supposed "god".
"Illyon? I-I was just smiting this heathen for insulting a god."
"Aaron? What are you doing here?" May asked.
"I sensed you guys were in trouble." He said, looking at them. Then he turned back to the man who was now known as Cragos.
"You should not have tried to hurt them. They are allies, and will be treated as such." Aaron told him sternly.
"So sorry, my lord. I shall go." Cragos said, having been humbled by Aaron. Then he disappeared in a couple of flames, which quickly dispersed. Aaron then turned around to them.
"Who was that?" Rich asked. Aaron sighed.
"That was Cragos, the elven god of fire, bones, and pride. He always gets so annoying when someone insults him after he insults them." He told them, pinching the bridge of his nose while looking down and muttering with his eyes closed. Then he looked up and opened them. His eyes widened when he saw what May was holding.
"Who gave you that?" He asked. May pointed to the woman who had died, and he nodded sadly when he looked at her.
"He slew one of my own people. He will pay for that." Aaron told them. May held it out to give it to him, but he shook his head.
"You can have it." He told her. She raised an eyebrow.
"That object is the egg of some kind of creature. I can sense that it has already taken a liking to you as a mother figure. You should keep it." Aaron explained. She nodded and smiled. Then she hugged it.
"It feels warm and comforting..." She said. He smiled.
"That's your motherly instincts." He told her.
"How about you fuckin' make us some shitty breakfast out of that, bitch?" Hidan asked, coming out of the bushes. May bristled and then slapped the Jashinist, making him fall to the ground.
"DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO ME THAT WAY!" She shouted.
"And if you want 'shitty' breakfast, I suggest you cook it yourself!" May added, turning away from the Jashinist.
"You're both back to normal?" Pein asked.
"Fuck yeah! Elf bastard here figured out how to counter-act that dumb-ass shit!" Hidan said, getting up from the ground and rubbing his cheek.
"I did do that, though I prefer not to be called an 'elf bastard'." Aaron told them with a nod. They all looked surprised.
"Itachi, I need you to come back to Konoha with me. I want to visit Sasuke and I think he'll want to see you." He told the other Uchiha. Itachi nodded, and they both disappeared in separate flashes of light.
Konoha
They burst into Tsunade's office instantly, startling the two Sannin that were in there.
"Now that is a form of badassness you need to learn, Itachi-deshi (apprentice)." Aaron commented to his half-brother. The white haired Sannin snorted.
"You think he's badass?" Jiraiya asked Aaron.
"Oh, he is." Aaron told him.
"He doesn't look so badass." Aaron scowled.
"ITACHI FANGIRLS, ATTACK!" He shouted, pointing a finger at Jiraiya. About 5,000,000 Itachi fangirls came running in the room and began collectively beating the shit out of Jiraiya. When they were done, Aaron trapped them all in a genjutsu and teleported them away.
"Now, do you still think he 's not badass?" Jiraiya weakly raised a finger, and said,
"Y-Yes..." hoarsely. Itachi walked over to him and lifted his head up, trapping him in a genjutsu.
Inside the Genjutsu
Jiraiya was a black piece of space. He walked around.
"Hello?" He called out.
"Do you want to play with Tobi?" Tobi's voice called out in the second person. (Second person POV is when you
speak in third person, but refer to yourself in that same way).
"Um, ooooook?" Jiraiya said.
"YAY!" Multiple voices yelled out. Jiraiya was then swarmed by so many Tobis that Deidara would puke. That 's definitely saying something. He screamed as too many shouts of "TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" swarmed his voice.
Outside Aaron's Genjutsu of Doom (MUAHAHA! :D)
Jiraiya began screaming and convulsing.
"What did you do to him?" Tsunade cried out.
"Relax, I didn't assault his mind. That was my 'Million Tobis of Doom' Genjutsu." Itachi said with a wave of his hand.
"Then what did you do?" Tsunade asked.
"Let's just say, he'll scream like a little girl whenever he sees Tobi." He told her.
"Tobi?" She asked. He henged himself to look exactly like Tobi. She nodded. Then he changed back to normal.
"I'm going to search his mind for something." Aaron told her, reaching his hand out without warning. It connected with Jiraiya's forehead, and he closed his eyes. Then he opened them in shock.
"I know who created the energy drink." He said abruptly.
"What?"
"I know who did it." He told her.
"Who?"
"Follow me." Aaron ordered. They both ran across the village and arrived at the home of the perpetrator. Aaron kicked the door in.
"LISTEN UP! I KNOW YOU MADE THAT ENERGY DRINK, SO COME ON OUT!" He shouted. A familiar person walked almost out of the shadows, clapping their hands.
"Bravo...I'm impressed that you figured it out so quickly."
"No...How could it be you?" Tsunade asked in a shocked voice. The person walked out completely, revealing themselves. It was—
BUM BUM BUM, YET AGAIN! I know, you all hate me right now for not telling you and lying about learning who it was. But, I have a contest for you! I want you all to guess in the comments who you think did it. If you can figure it out, I'll make a songfic in your honor, with your choice of song, of course. THAT'S RIGHT! Your very own one-chapter songfic! So guess hard and guess good! You only get one guess to figure it out, so think about it!
Last thing: I used to have a songfic about Aaron and Cryptus' friendship, called The Gap Between Us. But after reading the comment for it, I learned that songfics aren't allowed because of copyrighted lyrics and such, yet I read a songfic involving a song from Three Day's Grace that had the lyrics of it, but hadn't been removed. Oh well. :( So I have removed the songfic due to the goddamn rules, but if you want to read it, I have posted it on my profile. So you can read it if you want. That is all. Actually, now I decided to take it off of my profile due to copyright laws and all that shit, so sorry.
Until next time,
Ja Ne! *disappears in the form of a falcon punch which knocks you out* ARRRRRIIIIBA!