HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRYTEWOLF! :D

Today is this BAMF's b-day! I looooove youuuuuuuu my scrumptious ko-kai!

Chapter Five: Veritas Odium Parit

Jim had gone down to the cafeteria in Deck 7 with every intention of eating breakfast.

The problem was that the moment he stepped inside he was greeted by a stunned silence that would have been comical, if it wasn't so annoying in reality. The other officers no longer looked at him with hostility (at least, most of them didn't), but the curious, almost pitying gazes weren't a huge improvement. He didn't want the scrutiny. He wanted them to at least try and pretend like he could be part of the crowd… not to stand out.

Maybe in a different situation he wouldn't have really cared. After all, James Kirk thrived under stress and was used to being the focus of attention in a room. But not now. Not like this, when with every hour that passed he felt more confused and less in control.

He tried to see whether Mara or Lucas were there but couldn't find either of them, and concluded they must be stationed somewhere closer to another mess hall. Finally Jim sighed and walked over to the replicators with what he knew to be a defensive, bad attempt at his usual cocky and self-confident smile.

Spock was still in his quarters explaining the complicated situation to his father, and had refused Jim's terrified offer of moral support by citing the many reasons why it was extremely illogical, all of which could be summed up with the sentence: 'I am Vulcan'. Jim had fled his quarters gratefully (maybe it had to do with Sarek being there that one time when he'd had to emotionally compromise his son… and Spock had choked him against a console).

Not looking forward to the day's activities one bit, the Captain had finally foregone a proper meal in favour of sitting alone, smiling charmingly at anyone who looked at him while brooding internally, and nursing a cup of hot coffee.

"Morning."

Jim looked up, startled, to find Sulu carrying a tray with juice and pancakes.

"Hey." He kicked the chair opposite him. "Wanna sit?"

"Yeah." Sulu did, then raised an eyebrow at Jim's empty tray. "No breakfast?" he noted.

"Not particularly hungry." Jim sipped his scalding hot drink.

"I see. So… how's it going with that lawyer guy? Is he any good?"

"I haven't decided yet." He grimaced. "Hey, you mind talking about anything that isn't the stupid trial?"

Sulu flinched visibly. "Of course. Sorry, man."

"Don't worry—"

"No I mean it, must be horrible. I can't imagine… anyway, how about we do something else?"

"We could try small-talk. You know, about life, or the weather."

Sulu laughed. "Yeah, no. How's about we play a game?"

Jim felt his sombre mood lift slightly at the thought of Sulu making this effort just to make him feel better.

"A game?" he asked, intrigued in spite of himself.

"Yeah. Whoever can get the replicator to make him the weirdest most disgusting dish wins."

"Wins what?"

"Why, getting to see his opponent eat it, of course." Sulu grinned, and Jim grinned right back, not fooled for one second; he knew either his helmsman had noticed or McCoy had mentioned how he needed to eat more.

"Okay then, does three tries sound fair? We don't know what the full range of this replicator is."

Sulu stood up to get another tray.

"Sounds great."

He came back two minutes later with a plate of something that looked mostly like yellow-greenish soup, but with floaty bits. Jim hated the floaty bits in soup. Also it smelled like fish, and replicated fish was just all the more terrible.

"This, my friend, is Kal'ya," Sulu said proudly. "And it is disgusting. Believe me, Chekov tried to make it once for all the piloting crew and I really hope the way it tasted meant he failed."

"Oh, please, it's gonna be a piece of cake to top that," Jim teased. "It's an Earth food. I can get something worse by picking the first Orion dish that comes to mind."

"Ah, but only if it's programmed into the replicators. Three tries, Kirk."

"Yeah yeah." He winked at Sulu and tried to remember if Spock had ever mentioned a particularly weird Vulcan dish on his way to the queue. Maybe he could try the Sash-savas, it was supposed to be an acid fruit Sulu would hate-

He was at the end of the line when he felt a strong hand clap his shoulder and spun around, startled.

"… Ben?"

It was the absolute last person he'd expected to find here.

"Is that a question, Kirk?"

Ben Finney was a tall, dark-haired science officer with clear blue eyes who Jim had met back at San Francisco, and remained one of the only two men he'd fooled around with at the Academy (those regulation skirts didn't allow for much of a choice, really), the other being Gary Mitchell. They'd sort of got along for a while there before the other Cadet's resentment and jealousy ate away at the friendship, but Jim's last memory of Finney wasn't exactly a pleasant one, so it was with some cool reserve that he said: "It's been a while. How are you doing?"

"Obviously not as good as you, Captain Kirk," Ben replied with raised eyebrows and an appreciative once-over. But there was no honest congratulation in his tone, and Jim knew why; when his fast promotion had been announced Ben had been one of the first to protest, being the aspirer to a captaincy himself, and a year older than Jim.

"You think?" Jim snorted. "I'm not exactly here for some R&R, and you know that. Feels like half the Galaxy knows that," he added with a grumble.

"Yeah, well, rumours spread fast on the nets, and you've been main-page material for a while now, if only 'cause that pretty face sells feed-subscriptions. Although I never would have guessed… the hobgoblin professor? Really? I thought you hated him."

"It's not true," Jim snapped. Finney's tone might pass for friendly banter but there was a taunting undercurrent in it that was starting to really piss him off. "And all I did at the most was break a couple of sub-sections in landing party protocol. Spock is a friend, that's all."

Mr Moss had advised against using the word 'friend', but 'co-worker' fell so short.

"You sure about that, poster-boy? I mean, I get that your inexperience probably means they're watching you extra-closely, and you can't expect to get away with the little things proper Captains pull off every day… but it's not like the Admiralty to call a full-blown Court Martial just for 'landing party protocol,' is it?" Finney made invisible quotation marks in the air and laughed.

"Wow, someone's really bitter about being shipped off to the furthest Starbase."

The arrogance in his tone made Finney bristle visibly, but it was worth it. The guy didn't need to know that he'd just voiced Jim's biggest insecurities to the world.

"At least I can keep my hands to myself," Ben spat. "You'd think landing the dumbest promotion in Starfleet history would knock a lick of sense into you, Jimmy… or at least provide for some self-control…"

"You have no idea what you're talking about."

"That's the most clichéd defensive comeback I've ever heard." Suddenly Ben's eyes travelled his form once more, this time slower, more deliberate. "And don't forget I knew you back then, you can't have changed that much. I remember everything, Jimmy… that alien of yours is definitely in it for the sex, I'll give you that."

By this point Sulu had started to stand from the table, frowning, but Jim shook his head minutely and tried to concentrate on keeping his temper, which was becoming increasingly difficult.

"Listen Ben, I get that you're still in love with me—"

"That ego of yours just keeps growing, doesn't it? You're good in bed, Kirk, big deal. Half the Academy can vouch for that first hand, can't they?"

"Jealous, Finney?"

"Of half the Academy? You've got to be—"

"I meant of me." Jim almost laughed.

"That's ridiculous." The slightly taller man took a step closer, probably trying to be intimidating, but Jim didn't even blink. Dealing with idiots who were looking to start a fight was his specialty, probably because he'd been one himself for a long time. The only problem now was not giving in to his own urge to punch Finney into a pulp. "Look Jimmy, it amuses me no end that you managed to take the biggest opportunity of your life and screw it up in less than two years by falling for your first officer, but you'd better not think that makes you even more—"

"Excuse me."

A young woman with short blonde hair pushed past them and threw Finney an annoyed glance.

"You're blocking the line," she told him primly, and sashayed away to join a group of red-clad officers at the largest, noisiest table.

"Bitch," Finney muttered.

Jim was momentarily diverted from his murderous thoughts and stared after her, not just because she was gorgeous (although she really was), but because her face looked oddly familiar.

"Look Jim, when you lose, and you will, I'm after your command, your ship and your title. I want you to know that so that when the day comes—"

"Ugh, shut up, will you?" Jim groaned, still looking at the girl. "It physically pains me to hear what a sad old man you've become."

But the science officer didn't reply, and when Jim turned back to glower at him he saw that Ben was looking over Jim's shoulder and a slow, dangerous grin had spread over the handsome face.

"Well, well, lookie there; if it isn't your better half."

Jim spun around and sure enough, Spock had just walked into the cafeteria

"You leave him alone," he whispered furiously, hoping Spock wouldn't hear.

Finney laughed and waved the Commander over. "You're adorable, you are, Jimmy."

"I'm serious you little piece of shit-Spock! Hey!"

"Hello Captain."

But Spock wasn't looking at Jim when he spoke; he was looking at the other blue-shirt coolly.

"I do not believe I have met your companion—"

"You must be the infamous Mr Spock," Finney interrupted, but it gave Jim a deep satisfaction to note that his mask of self-assurance flickered when he addressed the clearly unimpressed Vulcan. Because Ben could try to look taller or more confident than he really was, but Spock oozed intimidation without batting an eyelash.

"Spock, this is Ben Finney, an old Academy… acquaintance." There was no way he was using the word 'friend' now.

"Acquaintance?" Ben raised a suggestive eyebrow. "Really, Jim?"

"Shut up."

"What, you don't want your boyfriend to know we—?"

"I said shut up. Come on, Spock, Moss expects us there in ten minutes." Jim turned to leave but was surprised to find his First Officer stayed conspicuously put, still looking intently at Ben.

"Mr Finney appears to be operating under several misapprehensions," Spock said finally, and his voice was definitely beginning to sharpen with a hint hostility now.

"Yeah, he's stupid that way. We'll be late, Spock. C'mon."

"A moment, Captain."

"Oh, this is brilliant. Are you gonna ask me to stay away from Jimmy here?" Finney announced with false bravado.

Obviously Jim chose that particular moment to realise the entire cafeteria had gone silent and Sulu was mouthing 'oh no no no no' and shaking his head.

"Because that would be fucking precious, really—"

"That is not my intention, officer." Spock spoke in his usual polite tone, but it didn't quite go with the pitch-black colour his eyes had adopted. "However, I have no desire to experience such an obvious and… distasteful example of Human jealousy in further detail—"

"I am not jealous of Jim—" Finney began heatedly, but once again Spock cut across with his smooth, even voice.

"I believe that you are, as you have every reason to be; Captain Kirk obtained his current rank at a previously unheard of young age by performing a remarkable achievement in bravery as well as a praise-worthy display of command that you did not demonstrate, which is why he was chosen to command the Enterprise in your stead; not to mention the fact that his intelligence far surpasses your own."

Jim felt an irrational yet momentous glee flood his veins in a rush, and had to fight a huge (and probably idiotic-looking) grin.

"In conclusion, you would benefit from not finding yourself near me in future instances, as I harbour no desire to be subjected to your presence. I do not speak for Jim."

"And you think I'll just do whatever you tell me?" Ben snorted, and Spock blinked in what, for him, might pass for surprise. "Used to having your orders followed, aren't you, you Vulcan hybrid?"

At this Spock stayed silent for a suspiciously long time, and Jim, in a sudden flash of clear insight, realised what was happening; there was an internal struggle being fought right in front of him, and anger had always been a difficult emotion for Spock to control, hadn't it…?

"We're leaving. Now," Jim said firmly, and deliberately grabbed Spock's arm by the elbow, digging his nails in to make himself clear.

Spock jerked his head to the side and Jim almost took a step back when he saw what those eyes contained.

Finney laughed and shook his head.

"You're gonna lose this trial," he said.

"Come on, Spock," Jim said again, releasing his grip and turning to leave without looking back to check whether he was being followed outside.

"This isn't over, Kirk," Ben shouted.

Jim shook his head and called over his shoulder. "Nothing ever started, Ben."

The shocked faces of onlookers gave way to the buzz of conversation which started even before the door had closed behind them.

"Captain—"

"I feel like I might die if I don't punch that idiot in the face within the next five seconds," Jim said matter-of-factly, his fury so violent that he bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood.

"That situation is improbable… therefore you are being metaphorical, again."

Spock's measured deduction made him smile, a little.

"I'm sorry you had to be involved in that, Spock, Ben's a mean one when he's mad, and he's definitely mad at me now."

"I must admit to some curiosity as to how he managed to pass the psych evaluations at the Academy."

"Oh, he's not crazy, he's just an asshole. Pity they can't check you for that, right? Although that probably means I wouldn't have passed the first time either…"

When Spock didn't answer Jim glanced at him surreptitiously and caught a glimpse of emotion in the usually inscrutable face: Spock looked like he was having trouble containing his consternation, and a delicate little frown had appeared between his eyebrows.

"Jim, you…"

The door opened again and Sulu nearly walked into them. "Oops. Sorry guys." They took a couple of steps away from the corridor and he rounded on Jim. "Hey, what the hell was that about?"

"This guy I knew back in San Francisco. The idiot says he's after my job when it's over." Jim rolled his eyes tiredly and tried to avoid reflecting on what Ben had actually said… your inexperience probably means they're watching you extra-closely… tried to ignore the voices whispering that no self-respecting Captain would have ever been stupid enough to depend that much on his First Officer… it's not like the Admiralty to call a full-blown Court Martial just for 'landing party protocol'… and certainly not in a way that made it seem like he was in love with him, for crying out loud…

"Jerk," Sulu growled angrily.

"Whatever. Let's just forget it, okay? Finney's not worth it."

With some reluctance his pilot nodded, but Spock was pointedly looking away and not acknowledging him, which made Jim suspect his first officer wouldn't be forgetting anything anytime soon.

"Uh, so, listen, I'm meeting Chekov and Scotty later. See you guys for lunch or something?" Sulu asked.

"If Moss lets us stop long enough to eat, yeah."

They had to take different routes; Jim and Spock heading for Deck 4 and Sulu back to the section of Deck 5 where most of the crew's quarters were located, along with one of the rec rooms. There weren't any civilians on the base yet (possibly because it was still quite new, probably because its location was far from any populated colonies and not very well communicated) and anyway Theta's prime functions were for research and development. However, despite the lack of non-Starfleet personnel, there were a few decent rec rooms, a sports center, swimming pool and even a couple of bars.

"Well, good luck."

"Thanks."

Sulu patted him on the shoulder and nodded at Spock, then left. They started walking in the opposite direction.

"Um… so, I thought we were gonna meet in Moss' office," Jim said after an uncomfortable silence (at least on his part). "Miss me?" He added with a cheeky grin.

Spock seemed genuinely offended at the notion. "No, Captain."

And Jim couldn't help but be a little offended at that. "Wow, okay. I was kidding."

"…I see. A Human prank."

"Yeah. Exactly like pulling a girl's pigtails except you won't admit you missed my golden presence…" he started to say ironically. But then… "Wait!"

Suddenly he spun around and grabbed Spock's sleeve to stop him. Something in the back of his mind, it had sparked his memory, like there was something calling out… the girl.

He'd forgotten about the girl what with Spock suddenly rushing to his rescue (not that he needed to be rescued or anything, not that Spock was like a handsome knight and he was a princess… wait, what?), but he definitely knew her and there was something else, too, a—

"You're blocking the line."

The insignia on her shirt, he'd caught it out of the corner of his eye, and the short blonde hair, that was what had confused him because last time, the last time he'd seen her she'd been wearing pigtails-

"Spock… I think I know her!"

Spock stayed silent for three seconds, then said: "The blonde Human woman in the mess hall?"

Jim stared at him. "Yeah. You do too, right? She looks so familiar…"

"I believe I have seen her before as well."

"Right, she's… whatsername… Beth!"

"Ruth. And no, she is not Ruth, Ruth was the young woman you met at the Deltan establishment in your youth."

"Oh. Yeah." Jim's cheeks flushed in embarrassment. Not the proudest night of his life, although it had been pre-Starfleet. "Wait, how do you know about…?"

"You recounted the story for me. In comprehensive detail, I might add." Spock's eyes were smiling, which made Jim hesitantly smile back.

"Ah. Was I drunk at the time?"

"I believe so. It was our first week of shore leave after successfully completing the Porthos mission."

He'd lost five security officers. The first and only time he'd let the death of his crewmen steal his sobriety. "I see. So, how do we know this woman?"

"You rejected her advances during our second week of shore leave after the Porthos mission."

"Oh… yeah, okay, I remember now." Jim grimaced. "She kept asking whether I was into you. As if that could be the only reason I wouldn't want to buy her a drink, right?"

"… Correct."

"So... what's her name?"

For one, strange moment Jim thought he'd imagined Spock's jaw clenching inexplicably. Then it passed and he realised that was highly improbable.

"Areel Shaw."

Yes. Areel. Not Ariel.

"Areel. Not Ariel."

"Okay."

Jim glanced at Spock and they exchanged a silent look of disbelief (well, Jim looked at Spock with disbelief and interpreted Spock's raised brow as the appropriate response). She was wearing a pretty green dress and her hair in pigtails; it made her look about twelve, even though Jim suspected she was around his age.

"Care to dance, Captain Kirk?"

"Uh... sorry, no."

He'd have normally said 'yes'. At least, before, when that was normal, or maybe this was normal and before had just been a little too... much. But standing there with Spock and his calm, soothing voice, simply talking, felt great for now.

She pouted. Wow, she was really pretty. But no. Not worth losing time with Spock. It was rare to get to see his First Officer forced into such a casual setting, and Jim was, quite unexpectedly, having fun.

Also, someone had to help the half-Vulcan avoid skin-contact, and make sure no one tried to ask him out. Uhura was still on the ship, and she probably wouldn't appreciate her boyfriend being propositioned by a myriad of Humans. Really, he was doing this for her.

"You sure? I love this song."

"I'm sure. Sorry."

"Captain? Has the fact that you did not consume sufficient nutrients this morning negatively affected your mental capabilities?"

"How could you possibly know I missed breakfast?"

Spock started walking again and Jim followed him easily, sharp eyes noticing how people moved out of their way in the busy corridor.

"You were awaiting your turn at the replicators but had not yet acquired your desired food."

"Oh. Right." It wasn't exactly rocket-science, was it? "Listen, Spock, that girl... Areel. You think she remembers me?"

"Relevance, Captain?" Spock asked curtly. Jim started to get the feeling that something was off about this exchange.

"Plenty! If she didn't know it was me then fine, she must have forgotten I exist and not checked the net in the past couple of days. Unlikely, though. Maybe she doesn't associate me now with me in the club a year ago. That's possible, too, but also unlikely; she knew who I was back then already, she called me 'Captain Kirk.'" He wondered about cracking a joke about him being 'memorable', but something about Spock's tone, or maybe it was his posture as he walked, decided him against it. "But if she did remember, from that club and from the nets, I mean, and she knew who I am, then she pretended she didn't when she saw me now. Why would she do that?"

"I do not know, Captain. Human behaviour often escapes me."

"It's just... weird. I don't know. Suspicious." Jim frowned. He knew he was missing something but he didn't know what it was.

It was obvious. Staring him right in the face, and he knew he was being incredibly dense or maybe stupid or maybe it was just one of those things that were so blatantly there that you missed them, hiding in plain sight.

Lately he felt quite out of his depth, actually. The trial was the main reason, of course, but even now, talking to Spock, something was... off. He didn't know what. Just like he didn't know why there were alarm bells ringing off in his head about this girl, Areel, and something to do with him rejecting her while being in his First Officer's company.

He hoped, for the first time, that his gut-feeling was wrong, and that he was being paranoid. He hoped it would actually turn out okay in the end, that this would all, somehow, work out.

Of course, Jim Kirk knew that hoping, in this universe, was never enough. But if he had Spock by his side he thought that he could face whatever life threw at him next.

To those of you who've seen TOS the name Ben Finney should be familiar, y/y? ;D Those who haven't, don't worry, just think of him as "Mr Jerkface".

Also, I found a REAL LIFE K/S REFERENCE in a book by Holly Black called "Tithe"! In it, a boy who comes out to his mom (who's a big Star Trek fan) tells her "You know the secret love that Spock has for Kirk? Well... me too."

OMFG! Has any of you found any similar references in movies/books/etc.? I squealed SO. LOUD when I read that! XD