Hey thank you all so much for the reviews. Once again I appreciate the support so keep it coming! Lol.
Alright well here comes chapter 75? James conveys all to Harry but how will he react? Read on to find out. ;) Talk 2 ya:) :)
The next Saturday was the final Hogsmeade trip before Christmas. James asked Harry to meet him for lunch in Leo's at 1:00. Sirius and Remus joined him for moral support. Harry wandered in and saw them sitting there. James was sitting next to Remus at the back of the restaurant facing outwards whilst Sirius who was sitting opposite them didn't notice Harry coming in until he spoke.
"Hey guys how ya doing? If I had known ye were coming I could have invited Rob too….."
"No Harry…….just you mate." Harry looked at James curiously as he sat next to Sirius.
"Are you alright dad?" He smiled at Sirius who winked at him.
"Ya sure Harry why do you ask?"
"Well it's just that you seem kind of……edgy……."
"Do I?" He asked smirking slightly as he buttered a bread roll. Remus smiled encouragingly at him and Harry noticed this. He stared at them suspiciously.
"So how is school Prongslet?" Sirius asked in a vain attempt to remove the pressure from James.
Harry continued to stare at James as he said hurriedly…..
"It's fine Sirius…….dad what is going on? I know that something is so please just tell me already."
James dropped the roll as he looked at his two friends who smiled supportively. He leaned forwards as he spoke in a gentle voice.
"Well…..um…..as you know I quit the promotion because it was putting too much pressure on the family life and me." Harry nodded. "Well…….ugh…….last week your mother and I had a fight. Things got a little bit out of control at one point….."
"How do you mean things got out of control dad?" Harry asked curiously.
"Well…..we had a bit of a screaming match and at one point I almost did something that I very much regret…"
"Dad what are you talking about?" Harry asked anxiously. James looked at Sirius and Remus who nodded fervently. James took in a deep breath before continuing reluctantly.
"I nearly hit Lily but I came to my senses before hand so nothing happened son I swear…."
"How could you even contemplate doing something like that dad?" He asked despondently.
"I……I don't know Harry. I hate myself for it you know? I can't even look at her because all I see is the fear she had in her eyes and I never want to make her feel that way again. I want to get help before I come back into the bedroom….."
"Why where are you sleeping now?" Harry asked coldly.
"On the couch. Lils wanted me to take the spare room but I didn't think I deserved it…."
"Too right you don't!"
"Harry come on now……"Remus interjected which earned him a compassionate look from James and a threatening one from Harry.
"Do you really believe that that is okay now dad? If you sleep on the couch and make up all this bull about punishing yourself that mom will just come running and forgive and forget?"
"No I….."
"How could you dad? When I was seven I pushed Arielle because she was bugging me when I wanted to fly the broomstick you got me. As a result you took it off me for a week and made me apologise to her. You told me that it is wrong to treat women as punch bags. Any man who takes out his aggression on a woman physically or otherwise is nothing more than a thug. How are you any better?"
"Harry I didn't hit her….."
"So that makes it okay?"
"No I didn't say that. Look I want to make things right here Harry. I don't expect you to forgive and forget so easily but…..I did promise to get you a new broomstick so how about we get that later?"
"You can shove your broomstick! I don't want anything from a thug."
"Harry……now that is enough." Sirius said firmly.
"No it's alright Sirius….."
"Harry why don't we just have some lunch and we can discuss the matter further after…."
"There is nothing to discuss Remus okay? I cant even believe you two are still speaking to him!"
"Oi Harry mate now come on that is enough! James is still your father…."
"No Sirius. My father is dead. All I have now is a tramp sitting across the table from me posing as him." James stared at Harry despondently. He couldn't believe that he had caused Harry so much hurt and hatred towards him. Granted he didn't expect it to be a comfy ride but he never expected this.
"I'm going back to my friends. See you later Remus….."
"Harry wait…." James called as Harry walked towards the entrance. He turned around slowly, his eyes burning with loathing.
"I don't want to know, I don't want to see you so just leave me alone. You have done sufficient damage for quite some time. Talk to you soon Sirius." He quickly turned and left the restaurant leaving a distraught James and perplexed Remus and Sirius behind.
"Well……that could have gone better." Sirius said bemused turning around in his seat.
"Oh shut up Sirius will ya? It's bad enough that my son despises me without your sarky remarks thrown into the batter!" He buried his head in his hands as Sirius nodded at Remus to say something.
"…..James…..I am sure that once Harry realises that you are serious about getting help….hell come around….."
"Oh leave it out Remus will ya? You heard what doctor what's his face said last week….."
"Dr McNulty…."Sirius replied which earned him a bitter glare from James so he shut up and buttered his roll.
"He said that this was all stress related and that if I wanted I could speak to a stress therapist. That is exactly what I did and then he says that he will give me stress test to identify the root of the problem and now the results are showing that I am over worked. The bottom line is guys…..nothing is wrong with me. But how to get Harry to forgive me is the question….."
"Why don't you and Lily go away for a break? Shari and I can take care of Arielle…."
"Sirius how will that help the situation with Harry? If I go away with Lily he will think that I don't care about how much I have disappointed him. And I do….."
"Well maybe Sirius has a point James. I mean if you and Lily can get things back on track then Harry will see that you never meant to….up scuttle things…."
"Up scuttle things? Remus mate I did a hell of a lot more than that! I have made such a mess of this whole situation. I reckon I should give Harry some space…."
"Ya…..maybe you should. And don't worry James…..Ill be there for him. He will be okay James. You have to believe that mate…."
"Right now Remus I don't know what I believe."
Sirius was listening intently to every word James was saying. If he could forgive James for punching him then why couldn't Harry forgive him for not hitting Lily? As far as Sirius was concerned Harry was acting like a child. He should have the sense to rationalize things. He knew it was possible that he would be making things ten times worse but he had to interject before it got any worse; if that was even possible.
After lunch the marauders went their separate ways; James headed home, Remus went back to Hogwarts whilst Sirius claimed he had to pick up a few things for Shari. Naturally he was lying. He headed towards the broomsticks where he thought Harry might still be. As he entered the pub he saw no sign of him. He went to the counter where Rosemerta was serving a middle aged wizard.
"…..That will be six sickles so please Mr. Barrie….Oh hey Sirius. How are you?" She asked smiling at him. He winked at her before replying….
"Not too bad now Rose darling. Not too bad…."
"Good….Ill be with you in one minute." She said as she headed to the register.
"Alright….what will it be Sirius? Oh let me guess…..one steamy hot smoking fire whiskey?"
Sirius half laughed at her before saying….
"No not tonight love. Actually I was wondering if you have seen Harry today?"
"Oh ya sure he is right over there." She said affably as she pointed to the far corner of the pub.
"Ah….that would be the marauder table…."
"Indeed it would be Sirius. I expect that is his berth since you and James alerted him to that growing up." Sirius smiled back at her before saying playfully…..
"Ah well Rose love ya gota keep the ole marauder traditions alive…" she smirked at him as she said…
"Ill talk to you later Sirius…."She left to go and serve more customers who had just arrived.
"Cheers….nice one Rose darling." He replied winking at her.
Sirius massaged his mouth before approaching Harry. He was sitting with Hermione, Rob, Ron and Lana. He cleared his throat discreetly as he walked over to him steadily. Harry was sitting on the outside with Lana next to him. He took a sip from his jug and as he was putting it down on the table saw Sirius approaching him. He wagged his finger at him since he couldn't talk but Sirius paid no attention.
"Harry I need to talk to you mate…."
"Alright dad are you gona join us?" Rob asked pleased to see him. Sirius smiled at him as he replied…
"No can do Robo mate. Ya alright Ron, Hermione?" He nodded in their direction. Rob was sitting between them. They both smiled before saying….."Hey Sirius…."
"Hey Lana…..you alright darling?" She nodded and smiled coyly.
"Yes thank you……"
"Sirius there is nothing further to discuss here so just back off would ya?" He stood up but Sirius placed a hand on his shoulder pushing him back down. He smirked at the others who eyed him suspiciously. He bent down so only Harry could hear what he was saying.
"I am only going to ask you once to hear me out. Now I will be over in Zonkos catching up on some paper work…..if you change your mind you know where I am." He stood up as he said…..
"Enjoy your trip in Hogsmeade. Harry…..you know where I stand mate. Take care guys." He looked once at Harry before exiting the pub. Harry stared after him but was interrupted by Lana getting up to use the ladies. Hermione scooted over closer to him to say……
"Harry…..I don't know what Sirius said to you but I am guessing it was quite valuable. Take my advice and go after him. James is your father after all and……like it or not he is the only one you've got. Don't throw your relationship away on a stupid tiff…."
"Tiff….? Hermione….."
"Harry please go after Sirius. You will regret it if you don't….."
"She is right mate…."Ron interjected earning him a nod from Harry before quickly tearing after Sirius.
"Hey where is Harry gone to?" Lana asked returning to her seat.
"Oh…..he went to talk to Sirius…."Rob said carelessly.
"Oh…..I see….."Lana answered upset that he never told her.
Harry ran over to Zonkos bashing into people in the process. When he finally got there, the queue was nearly out to the door. He saw Albert on the register so ran up to him asking breathlessly…..
"Albert…..where…..is……Sir…i…us….?"
"Harry…….hi…..Sirius is up in the office. Where did you run from?"
"The three……broomsticks. Why do you ask?"
"Well if you are out of breath that easily maybe you should consider giving the marathon a skip."
"Oh ha ha very funny….."He said smirking as he headed towards the stairs at the back of the shop.
As he reached the stairs he saw the door was left ajar, as though Sirius was expecting him. He smiled to himself before ascending them. He knocked lightly but the door opened…
"Sirius…..oh….there you are." He said smiling at Sirius who was sitting at the desk adjacent to the door, occupied with paper work. He looked up at him with a stern expression on his face. He pointed to the chair opposite his desk with the quill in his hand as he ordered…."Sit….."
Harry stared at him curiously before obeying. Sirius picked up his wand locking the door and using the Silencio charm on the room. Harry gulped a little as Sirius turned to look at him, still stern.
"Alright Sirius…."Harry said amusingly trying to break the tension in the room.
"Don't alright Sirius me Harry. You and I have got some talking to do. Don't you agree?"
"I think that it is that father of mine you need to be talking to….."
"That father of yours, Harry is worried sick that he has lost his only son…."
"….Serves him right if you ask me…."
"Well I didn't ask you Harry! Now you will hear me out and you will not interrupt me is that clear?"
Harry turned away from him to look out the window so Sirius raised his voice a little….
"Is that clear Harry?" He turned to look at Sirius nodding his head and saying "yes." In a whispered tone.
"Right….now I can understand your grievances Harry towards your father but it has gone too far mate. You need to learn the art of rationalization because clearly you cannot understand the difference between attempted and physical violence. Yes….alright James did hit me but I forgave him because I RATIONALIZED the situation. I knew that James would never do that but the monster that he is being consumed by would. The same goes for what he NEARLY did to Lily. Does the fact that he came to his senses mean nothing to you?" Sirius asked desperately. Harry looked up at him with anger embedded in his eyes.
"Does the fact that he was tempted to her mean nothing to you?" He asked angered.
"Ohhhh Harry…..look we can all do this mate. What exactly do you want from him? Do you want him to beg? Is that it? You want him to beg? Like a dog? Well let me tell you something for nothing kid…..James is a broken man. The concept of all this haunts him every night he closes his eyes. He can't look at her the way he used to because of the fear he witnessed in her eyes….."
"Ya Sirius this is old news….."Harry replied curtly. Sirius stared at him disbelievingly. He stood up and paced the room before turning back to him and saying…..
"What is going on here Harry? This is not like you mate. You used always be this sensible kid that everyone admired and Arielle looked up to. I understand your disappointment mate….."
"No you don't Sirius. How could you? People say that the strongest role model in a child's life is the same sex parent. Dad he….always spoke out against violence in the home you know? He could never understand how someone could become so abusive towards the person they supposedly love. Everything he said….everything he did…..its all just lies. He is a hypocrite Sirius and you know it….."
"What I know Harry is that he loves you and wishes he could take all this back…."
"I cant let this go Sirius….."
"Why not Harry? Come on tell me mate. Why cant you get over the fact that James didn't hit your mother….?"
"Its all changed Sirius…..he is not the person I thought he was."
"Ya you are right there. And do want to know why? He took that promotion to keep an eye on Pettigrew. He sacrificed everything to protect you Harry. Okay Ill admit that he wasn't the best husband or father over the last couple of weeks but as usual his heart was in the right place…."
"Ya sure…."
"I am not finished!" Sirius shouted at Harry who shut up fast.
"He was put under a lot of pressure and stress Harry. You know there were some days when he wouldn't come home at all until the following morning. That is called night shift." Harry folded his arms and turned away from Sirius but he went over and bent down before him.
"You said a while ago how that I couldn't possibly understand how you feel about the way James has been treating you? Well you are right to a certain point Prongslet. I don't understand how much James loves and idolises you because I never had that with my father……"Harry got up and stood in front of the window as he callously said…."Oh save the tear jerker Sirius….."
Sirius smirked a little before continuing.
"I still have scars from what my father did to me Harry…..can you say that?" He stopped to listen.
"There were nights when I would wake up in a cold sweat because of nightmares of my father torturing me. Can you say that?" Harry turned around looking apologetic.
"Your father is nothing at all to mine. He loves the bones off you kid. You don't know how good you have got it mate. So ya you know what? You are spot on…..I don't know what you are going through. Hell, I haven't got a clue. There was not one day in my life when I felt my father loved me…..or my mother for that matter. I would think long and hard about how react to this situation Harry. Because I promise that there will come a time when you will wish that you had approached it so much differently." Sirius walked back to his desk and left Harry standing by the window staring at the floor. After a few minutes silence Harry tuned back to reality. He saw Sirius going through some books with a quill in his hand.
"Sirius…..I am sorry….." He smiled at him warmly before saying…..
"Its not me that you need to be apologising to kid."
"But I was so insensitive towards you. I didn't mean it….."
"I know you didn't Harry. You were just reacting to your disappointment. I was too when I first heard it….."He got up and sat at the edge of the desk facing Harry.
"But what you need to understand is that at some point in our lives…..we all will face disappointment. It could be from a complete stranger or it could be from someone whom we love and care for. None of this matters though. What matters is how we handle it, how we react to it. Do we hold and eternal grudge or do we salvage that relationship? That is what you have to decide Harry. How much does your father mean to you?"
"He means everything to me Sirius….."He said tearfully. Sirius smiled happily at him.
"Well then…..isn't that your answer?" Harry nodded before going to hug him.
"Thank you Sirius….."
"That is what families are for Harry. Don't you forget that."
Well what did ya think? Hope it was good enough for ya! Let me know anyway. Talk 2 ya:) :)