The Faerie Chronicles of Kenshin & Kaoru: The Sleeping Prince, a Rurouni Kenshin fanfic by Raberba girl
Chapter 16 - In which Kaoru makes a decision.
A/N: I broke my rule. I told myself I would never use cuss words in my fanfiction, but in this case, no matter how I tried, I couldn't find a way around it. Hopefully this is the last time as well as the first.
"Ojisan" is "uncle." (As opposed to "Ojiisan," which is "Grandfather.") Using -ji as an honorific has avuncular connotations.
o.o.o
"Gloomy, gloomy was the night,
And eerie was the way,
As fair Jenny in her green cloak
To Miles Cross she did go."
Tam Lin
o.o.o
Time passed.
o.o.o
"This is ridiculous," Saitô muttered. "It's like this country's being run by a ghost. If he doesn't get his act together soon, he'll find himself needing to hire a new spy."
o.o.o
"Mommy," the girls asked, "when are we going home?"
"When your father sends for you," she said shortly, and allowed no more talk on the subject.
o.o.o
'Things are not right,' Katsura thought, on duty at late hours, but he had a wife of his own and so knew that it was not in his power to make things right.
o.o.o
"One of these days," Sanosuke snarled, "he's gonna get a faceful of my fist if he doesn't fix this."
To which Megumi answered, "Idiot," and Sôjirô pointed out, "Hearts are not mended by fists, Sano-kun."
o.o.o
Tomoe lay awake in Akira's arms, staring into the soft darkness, wishing there was some magic to share her happiness with the ones who needed it, yet knowing that there was no enchantment for this.
o.o.o
"I followed you," Takasugi growled, "because I thought you understood. If you can't keep your own family together, how do you think you'll be more successful with our country?"
o.o.o
Titania slept her way through the men of the Seelie court (none of them were ever the same again), and then in frustration vowed celibacy, yet neither this nor anything else she tried was able to pull her out of her black mood. The skies of Faerie were always dark these days.
o.o.o
Only Kenji seemed to thrive, training eagerly with his grandfather's soldiers and going nearly wild with delight at the incredible variety of people. Kind, irritable, short, tall, giggly, gruff, sincere, dishonest; he loved them, talked to them, followed them around, and they came to return his love, and to see in him a hope for their future.
o.o.o.o.o
One night, Kaoru woke up crying, so she got out of bed and left the room, so as not to disturb the children. Waving away the concerned maid on night-duty, she stumbled down hallway after hallway. She considered locking herself in a closet to weep in peace, but she wanted to feel the moonlight on her skin.
The garden had barely changed. The sleeping blooms all looked the same at night, their colors hidden; the bench was still in the same place - the fairy ring still gleamed invitingly. She turned her back on it and sat down, kicking her slippers off so she could drag her bare toes back and forth in the cool grass.
"I hate you," she whispered, but her heart felt too tired for her to mean it. She cried some more, and as her sobs grew louder and louder, the rage returned. Caught between its senseless heat, the murky betrayal, and the wounded love that even now never left her alone, she felt like she was going to be torn apart between them. "I hate you!" she screamed, but the words felt wrong; so then she screamed instead, "Why?!"
That was it. "Why?! Why? Why?" Her hands were buried in her own hair, gripping at her scalp; she was crying so hard she felt half-choked. A line of something slimy from her nose was trickling slowly down, caught on the top of her lip. "I just wish you would-!" she screamed. Would what? What did she want of him?
What can this one do? How can he make amends?
There was nothing, she realized. Nothing he could do to make it up to her, nothing he could do that would make her stop hurting. He couldn't change the past any more than she could, what had been done was irrevocable. 'Am I going to hate him forever?' she thought in despair. Was this misery going to crush her forever? 'Time heals all wounds,' someone had once told her. She knew that one day, she would stop crying over him, or thinking about him constantly-
Time had not healed Enishi's wounds.
Kaoru shivered. If anything, it had become worse, the hatred growing with time, passing all bounds of reason. "I don't want to be like that," she whispered. She squeezed her eyes shut and, almost experimentally, tried to forgive him.
Nothing changed, so she gave the words sound with her choked voice. "I forgive you." It was so difficult to say aloud, but once she had, something broke. A wave of mixed passions swept over her, nearly drowning her. "I FORGIVE YOU, YOU BASTARD!" she shouted at the top of her voice, then broke into renewed sobs. Of all the tears she had shed, these were the first that felt untainted. It was the first time she had cried, not at him, but for her own sake; she did not cry as loudly or as long, it was like a farewell. When she finished, completely spent, she knew that she would never cry over him again.
She drew in a breath of the night air, breathed it out again. Her eyes hurt. She felt empty. She wanted to go back and soothe her raw face and curl back up in bed, with her children around her. "Good-bye, Kenshin," she said quietly. Then she sighed.
After a minute, she got back to her feet and turned back to the castle - and froze. "What are you doing here?" she accused.
Sôjirô smiled brightly, moving closer now that she had noticed him. "Well, you can't expect to run off and not have a bodyguard or two follow." He laughed when he saw her darting glances around the garden. "The others are asleep, it's my shift."
"Oh," Kaoru grumbled. Admittedly, she was glad it had been Sôjirô and not the others who had witnessed her embarrassing little scene, but even so, she wished she could do something in private for once in her life. In that small way, at least, the Seelie court had been a little refreshing.
"Kaoru-Jooh," Sôjirô started, but she cut him off.
"No, we're not going back. Not yet. Maybe not ever." She slowly shook her head. "I'm just glad I don't...have to hate him anymore."
He bowed. "As you wish."
o.o.o.o.o
When the message came one morning, it was a blow...but not as great a one as she had feared. Kaoru sat quietly for a moment, gathering her thoughts. Then she was able to say calmly, "Kenji, Ayame-chan, Suzume-chan. You will need to start packing soon, your father wants you to go back to Himura Castle for a while."
"What?!" Kenji exclaimed in dismay, as the girls broke into delighted cheers. "Aw, Mom! You can't send me back, I've got stuff to do here!"
"Himura Castle," Kaoru started, and found herself hesitating. She steeled herself and continued. "It's just as much your home as this one, Kenji. You are heir to both thrones."
"But I don't want to go!" he protested. "I like it here! I don't want that guy telling me what to do!" The girls were spinning in circles, chanting happily.
"Kenji," Kaoru said firmly, "you're going. You need to get used to your father, and become familiar with the people who work for him."
"I do know them," he said sulkily. "Saitô, who's a jerk. Takasugi, with the creepy smile. Katsura, who-"
"Kenji."
Looking at her face, he saw that he was going to have no say in the matter. "Fine! See if I bring you a present when we come back!"
A few minutes later, however, as Kaoru talked with them some more, it began to dawn on the girls that she was not intending to return with them. Naturally, they became very upset. "But you have to come with us, Mommy!"
"You'll be all right, really," she said reassuringly. "Your big brother will look after you, and you'll get to see your daddy again, for real."
"But...but...!"
"Aw, come on, Ayame," Kenji told her, "it'll be fun! You'll get to be a big girl, out in the big world all alone!"
"Kenji," Kaoru said, trying not to laugh as she hugged the wailing girl, "stop making her cry."
"I wasn't!" he protested. "I was trying to cheer her up!"
Kaoru looked down at her sobbing daughters and sighed. It was a long way for them to travel without her, for they had never been away from her before. Come to think of it...she wasn't so sure she wanted to let them go so soon, either. After all, there would be no harm in just accompanying them on the journey, right? "I'll tell you what," she said encouragingly. "I'll come with you - not to stay at the castle, but just for the trip. Okay?"
The girls, having heard only what they wanted to hear, were ecstatic; Kenji was displeased. "What? You're coming after all?! That's not fair!"
"Oh," she teased, "so you want to get away from me."
"No, Mom!" he said hurriedly. "I mean, I love you and all, but...I just...it would've been cool to be on my own for once, you know?"
He submitted grudgingly to her kiss on the cheek. "Oh, Kenji, believe me, you have plenty of time left to grow up."
o.o.o.o.o
It was Katsura who met them in the courtyard. Kaoru liked him, but she found it rather insulting - she could understand that Saitô wouldn't think their arrival worth his time, but for Kenshin to snub them like this? 'Probably can't stand the thought of seeing you again,' she thought at herself bitterly. She supposed she couldn't blame him, though it did hurt.
"Your Majesty, Your Highnesses," Katsura greeted them warmly. "It is good to see you again. The trip wasn't too rough, I hope?"
"My butt feels like one big bruise," Kenji told him. "I'm gonna make Granny teach me how to translocate."
"Kenji," Kaoru snapped. She wasn't going to let the Faerie Queen anywhere near her son again.
"Hi, Katsura-ji!" the girls said enthusiastically. Then, after glomping his legs, they wandered away to greet the castle. "Hi, horse! Hi, wall! Hi, door! Hi, chickens! Hi, doggy! Ah, no licking! Bad doggy!"
Kaoru could resist no longer. "So," she asked, too casually, "Where is..." She paused. "Where is my lord Himura today?"
Katsura looked at her in surprise. Kaoru had never used the term of formal address before, but he found it a hopeful sign that she used it now - it was how a lady of quality spoke in reference to her husband. "To tell the truth, Your Majesty, we don't know," he told her. "When we received word of your coming, he was nowhere to be found, and he has not yet returned. Frankly, we are very glad that you and the prince are here."
Kaoru felt cold. "So he's...missing?"
"More likely delayed," he said, "though on what errand, I don't know. There is reason to think he left suddenly."
"I see," Kaoru said slowly.
"Your Majesty, will you come in for some refreshment from your journey?"
Kaoru sighed. She had been planning to leave again, perhaps as early as the next morning, but now she saw that she was needed. "All right."
She couldn't get Kenshin off her mind. It wasn't like before, that agonizing, obsessive circle of bitterness and hurt and vain imagination; she no longer had interest in holding him captive in her thoughts. Rather, it was concern she felt about this odd absence...she was worried about him. "And it's more than you deserve, you jerk," she muttered, but with no heat.
"Pardon, Your Majesty?"
She looked up at the councilors with whom she was holding a meeting. "Hm? Oh, sorry. Yes, I think that idea has some merit, but-" She suddenly stopped, then turned to her son. "What do you think, Kenji?"
The boy, who had been slouched sideways in his chair, trying to see if he could keep a quill in the air with the force of his breath alone, gave her a startled look and nearly stabbed himself in the eye. "What?"
"Kenji," she said impatiently, "put that down and sit up. We're in a meeting."
"Yeah, and I'm a vital part of it," he said sarcastically, though he obeyed.
"Of course you are," she said briskly, "you're the future king. Here's your first decision, so make sure you don't mess up."
He gaped at her. "What?"
"The farmers' complaints," she said pointedly. "What are you going to do about them?"
"Um," he said weakly, "and they're complaining about...?" At a nod from Kaoru, the committee men dubiously went through their reports again, and this time Kenji listened closely, though rather desperately. "But...but what they're asking is impossible! We're not rich enough to do that, are we?"
"Not enough to fully comply with their demands, no," she told him calmly. "Yet they do have a point. Many of them are suffering, and are depending on the government to keep them from losing their farms."
"But then there's no way to win!" he protested. "No way to fix everything or make everyone happy!"
Kaoru smiled and clapped him on the back. "Welcome to the world of rulership, son. Now, I suggest we call it quits for today and prepare for supper. Kenji, think about all this and have your proposal ready by midmorning tomorrow. Feel free to get any information out of anyone you need to, any time of the day or night."
"...Okay," he said in a small voice.
It was obvious that the people of the castle were uneasy, though they were overjoyed to have the royal family back again. Kaoru made the rounds, greeting those she had been separated from, re-assuring them and pretending that all was well. Yet as she lay in bed that night, watching the girls sleep (Kenji was very relieved to have finally been permitted to sleep in his own quarters this time), thoughts of Kenshin lay on her mind stronger than ever.
Was he hiding from her? Did he even know she was here? Was he all right? 'Of course he's not all right,' she thought, a little guiltily. She knew he had at least some affection for her, and he cared very much about the children (the fae were quite fond of children, she remembered sadly). It couldn't have been easy on him, either, when she left. 'Don't feel sorry for him,' she told herself sternly. 'He's not human, he doesn't feel the same; he can take care of himself.'
What if he was hurt? He had gotten hurt before... She suddenly remembered that long ago battle with Shishio. She had had to bring him home then, and he had nearly died.
Kaoru looked at her daughters, and saw the glint of moonlight on gold. Suzume had the mirror clutched in her fist. Just before bedtime, Suzume had told her tearfully, "Mommy, Daddy won't answer!"
Kaoru suddenly sat up. She hadn't thought much of it at the time, Kenshin avoiding them perhaps. Now, however, she carefully worked the mirror out of Suzume's sleeping fist and opened it. "Please show me Himura Kenshin," she whispered. The reflection of the moonlight in the glass suddenly vanished. There was the briefest glimpse of his face - she saw with horror that there was blood on it, and it was horribly red on one side; his hair was singed, and his eyes looked dazed and unfocused.
Then he blinked, and the fakest smile Kaoru had ever seen on him crept across his face. "It's all right," he managed to say. "We'll get to talk later, okay?" The mirror went dark.
"Kenshin!" she cried. The girls mumbled and stirred, and she clapped a hand over her mouth. Was he fighting? Was he losing? Who or what could have caused those burns? Abruptly, she remembered the dragon from Faerie, Hyottoko, but surely Kenshin couldn't have fared this badly against that thing, could he?
She climbed out of bed and dressed in sturdy traveling clothes, slipping a knife into her belt and grasping her bokutô. Writing a note took longer than it should have, because she couldn't make up her mind what to say. Finally she scribbled,
I went to Faerie. Kenshin looked like he needed help. If I'm not back in a day or two, send Chou after me. ~Kaoru
She folded the letter and placed it on a table where it would be easy to find, addressed in large characters to her bodyguards. Then she sneaked past the sleepy-eyed Sanosuke, made her way down to Kenshin's garden maze, and found the fairy ring at its center. She took a deep breath. If this went wrong...
Kaoru squeezed her eyes shut. "Kenshin," she said, and the sound of her own voice steadied her. "I don't know if I can love you again, but...you need someone to keep going after you, don't you." She smiled a wobbly little smile. "Idiot." She took a step, and vanished.
o.o.o.o.o
Kenshin had been alert enough to block the mirror's spell when he had sensed it calling him earlier (he had no wish to terrify the girls with the sight of him in the midst of battle), but he was out of luck the second time. He had been so busy watching Ladon's many heads that he had forgotten about the tail, a mistake which was nearly fatal.
Stunned from the blow and with the burned side of his face feeling like it was about to peel off, it took Kenshin too long to react to the mirror's second call. "It's all right," he said, trying to smile. "We'll get to talk later, okay?" He cut the connection, hoping Ayame and Suzume weren't too traumatized. They hadn't said anything, which was a little worrying. Yet he did not have time to think about that now, there was a dragon to fight.
Hours later, Kenshin staggered into the Unseelie throne room, most of his concentration focused on clutching his sword in one hand and a lumpy bag in the other. "Kenshin!" Only Akira noticed that, in her haste, Tomoe had forgotten to add an honorific as she hurried down to him. "Oh, Kenshin! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I should never have asked-"
He smiled and pushed the bag into her hands. "This one trusts it was worth the trouble."
Tomoe stared at the bag. Then she ripped it open and gazed down into it in shock. "You got three of them?"
"There would have been more," he apologized, "but they were difficult to get hold of, and this one was becoming tired."
"Three of them." She could not get over her amazement. "These are the apples of immortality...I would have been impressed if you'd managed one."
Akira had come over by now. "You sent him to the Garden of the Hesperides? Why him and not me?"
Tomoe hesitated, unwilling to voice the fact that Kenshin was a much more skilled warrior than Akira.
"This one already knew the way," Kenshin answered for her. It was pushing the truth to its limits - once, when he was a child, Hiko had boasted that he was the only man to have gone north and successfully obtained the fruit of the Hesperides. "Though they got my name wrong in the legends, changed it to Hera-something, the idiots."
"You are experimenting, are you not?" he pointed out. "Unless you have miraculous luck, you are going to need more than one for your tests, that you are."
"Ah, Kenshin-kun," she whispered, her eyes shining, "I cannot thank you enough."
"This one hopes for your success," he said softly, for he had an idea of what she was trying to do.
Hiko now approached, holding a goblet. "Drink this, baka deshi," he instructed.
Kenshin eyed it warily. It was a purple color and emitting green steam. "What is it?"
"Something that will end up down your throat," Hiko said conversationally, "by either your own hand or mine."
Knowing the futility of attempting to resist, Kenshin reluctantly took the goblet and raised it to his lips. At the taste, his eyes went huge and he nearly stopped, but Hiko grabbed the goblet and forcefully tipped it, spilling more of the liquid into Kenshin's mouth. There was a brief, undignified struggle. At the end of it, Kenshin's front was splashed with large purple stains (still smoking), but enough of the potion had ended up inside him to take effect.
"Aagghh!" He bowed over, clutching his face, which felt like it was being stabbed with icy needles; his scalp burned, and his bruised side and bleeding legs suddenly felt like they were being dragged over gravel. When the unpleasant sensations finally faded, he straightened up and bellowed at Hiko, "Are you trying to poison this one?"
"I'm trying to put you back together, idiot," Hiko growled. "Your country can very well do without its king being bedridden for the next few weeks."
"My country-" Kenshin suddenly froze. "How long has this one been gone?"
"Well...longer than I expected," Tomoe said, looking ashamed but clutching the bag of apples tightly.
"Yeah, we thought you'd been eaten," Akira supplied helpfully.
"Ah!" Kenshin suddenly looked upset. "No wonder the girls called! This one must return at once." He bowed quickly to Tomoe and Akira, nodded his head stiffly at Hiko, then disappeared.
Tomoe unhappily ran her fingers along the strap of the bag, over and over. "He has done so much for me, yet his family is in ruins...I wish there was something I could do."
"It's his own fault," Akira said uncomfortably.
"The little idiot," Hiko muttered. "All that time I wasted, teaching him Hiten Mitsurugi-ryuu, and then I find out he used it for assassin's work..."
"Hiko-san," Tomoe said softly. "I have been wondering for a while now if you would help me with something."
He gave her a stern look.
"Please," she said quickly. "I have already asked Kenshin-kun if I may, but I cannot do it alone yet. Ever since the queen gave me this," she touched her tiara, "I have had more power to do things...such as call up memories from the past, memories of others. Yet I am not yet used to such power. It still takes too much concentration to call up such a memory, to be able to see and hear it, and to hold the connection long enough to-"
"Whatever," he said shortly. "But I refuse to go digging around in my stupid apprentice's mucky past, I'll leave that to you. Just call on whatever power you need."
She smiled. "Thank you, Hiko-san."
o.o.o.o.o
Kenshin went straight from Faerie to the princesses' playroom, which he was relieved and overjoyed to find occupied again.
"Daddy!" They looked up at him in astonishment, then flew at him, shrieking with joy. He fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around them, relishing the piercing sound of their excited voices and the stranglehold of their chubby little arms. "You still have my ribbon!" Ayame screamed in delight, when he grinned and pulled it out to show her.
"My turn," Suzume laughed, and Kenshin lovingly tied it in her hair. "Keep it for this one while you are here, all right?"
"Okay!" she agreed happily.
The door opened, and Kenji poked his head in. "You guys are so loud we can hear you all the way-" He broke off in astonishment when he saw Kenshin, and his face lit up. "Dad! You're back!" Grinning broadly, Kenshin rose to meet him, and Kenji hurried forward with an earnest look on his face. "Hey, what percentage of our arable land here is used for crops, and what percentage is used for livestock?"
Kenshin stared at him, rather taken aback. "Ah...well, this one does not know such figures offhand. You might try asking Masaya. Saitô will know where to find him."
"Oh. Okay, thanks!" Kenji whirled and hurried back out.
Kenshin blinked. Well, that had not gone as expected, but at least Kenji no longer seemed antagonistic, and it was a good thing for him to express interest (however weird) in his father's country. Things were almost as they should be. If only he could have Kaoru back...
"Is your mother well?" he asked the girls softly.
"Yeah!" Ayame answered. "She stopped crying and she doesn't get mad anymore. I like that Mommy better!"
"Yes," he said sadly. So apparently she was getting over him. It hurt to see that she could dismiss him after so short a time, but it was horrible and selfish of him to wish she had been upset longer. It was good that she was putting the pain behind her, he did not want her to suffer because of him. "This one is glad she is all right," he said. Then he smiled. "And what good girls you are, to do well on the journey all the way here!" He knew they had never been separated from their mother before, and he'd felt guilty worrying that they would be upset at her absence.
Ayame, however, seemed perfectly cheerful when she answered, "It was fun! We got to play with the pretty horsies, and Niisan called one of them names and it almost kicked him...!" She had only been talking for a few minutes, however, when their nurse came in to put them to bed. It was late for them, and Kenshin, glad as he was to see them, could see that they were tired.
"Ayame-chan, Suzume-chan, sleep well," he said fondly.
"Good night, Daddy," they chorused. He kissed them and tucked them in, and when their eyes had finally closed and their breathing gone deep and even, he sighed and went slowly away, alone again.
o.o.o.o.o
Kaoru found herself in a dim place that smelled strongly of animals and hay. Rows of horses looked over at her when she suddenly appeared. She noticed uneasily that none of their stalls had doors, and one or two even came over to snuffle at her. "A mortal," one of them commented, which shocked Kaoru backward until she slammed into a second one.
"Can we eat it?" this one inquired with interest, and Kaoru clapped a hand over her mouth when she heard herself whimper. These horses had fangs.
"Oi, budge up, guys." A young man was shoving his way through the horses. His fair hair seemed odd in this dark place, but the shape of his cat-like eyes gave him a shifty look, and the scowl only heightened the effect. What was most startling about his appearance, however, was the fact that he had only one arm - all that was left of the other was a stump. Despite this, he wore a sword at his waist, and Kaoru wondered how a man with such a handicap could still fight.
"You're Battousai's woman," he suddenly said, and her face colored.
"I...I'm..." she mumbled uncertainly.
He shook his head. "Don't know what Battousai sees in you," he remarked. "Tomoe-nee suited him much better."
She flushed again, this time with anger. "Is that so?" she growled, and wondered suddenly why she was so jealous.
He eyed her for a moment, then grinned. "I could be wrong. It's too late now, in any case... Why'd you come here, anyway?"
"I'm...looking for Kenshin," Kaoru confessed.
He stared at her. "You mean you want him back?"
"No," she said hotly, then looked away.
She could feel him staring at her some more, and then he said, "You're just as selfish as him, aren't you. Won't love him, won't dump him. The worst kind of lover."
"Excuse me?!"
"Well, what did you expect?" he said impatiently. "He ruined his life so you wouldn't want him anymore, but you won't let him go completely so he can't move on to another girl - if he'd even try, the idiot - so now neither of you can be happy. It's really annoying to watch."
Kaoru was trembling, trying as hard as she could not to cry. He ruined his life so you wouldn't want him anymore. "So he...really does hate me..."
"You really are stupid," he sighed, shaking his head. He was not expecting the human to come charging at him with a bokutô; it took him longer than it should have to recover and fight back.
They fell back a few minutes later, both sullenly nursing bruises. "How can you fight with only one arm, anyway?" she grumbled.
"Funny you should ask," he muttered. He suddenly looked squarely at her. "What's your name, again?"
She scowled, unwilling to give her married name, yet uncomfortable about using her maiden name. "Kaoru," she finally admitted. Then, defensively, "And who are you?"
"Yutarô," he grunted. "I've known Battousai since I was a kid." He grinned humorlessly. "It was his fault I lost my arm." Just as Kaoru was opening her mouth, he added, "It's also because of him that my arm was all I lost." She closed her mouth again. "That guy really is something..."
"Yes, everyone thinks Kenshin is so great," she said bitterly.
"And you didn't? Why'd you marry him, then?"
"I married him," she said tightly, "before I found out that he had killed my mother, and laughed about it."
He looked at her for a long time. She looked back, hugging her arms around herself, glaring.
Finally, he spoke. "You ought to know him pretty well." He paused, but she only closed her eyes in pain and did not speak. "Look...Battousai has always had a weakness about women, always. You ought to know that, at least. When he was given an assignment to assassinate a woman, he flat-out refused."
Kaoru looked at him sharply, and he shot her an expression that was closer to a grimace than a grin. "At least, at first. He only changed his mind when Shishio became displeased, and called for someone to discipline him, so my own sensei cut off my sword-arm and threw it at Battousai's feet."
Kaoru stared at him.
Yutarô finally added, "That woman was going to die, one way or the other. At least he had a choice about my life."
He waited, and after a long time, Kaoru licked dry lips and whispered, "Why didn't he...tell me-" She broke off, suddenly remembering that horrible, horrible moment in the Unseelie court. "Were you there?" she growled. "When he told me? Were you there when-?"
"He was trying to get rid of you, obviously," Yutarô snapped. "He was trying to save his kid - your kid -, but he couldn't as long as you held onto him like that, so he was trying to make you let go. Don't you get it? You wouldn't leave him alone. You wouldn't let him die, so he had to make you. He tried to give up everything for your sake and your kid's sake - and you think he doesn't love you?!"
Kaoru could not hold the tears back anymore. She covered her face and sobbed, wracked by the most painful joy she had ever experienced. She couldn't believe it, she would not let herself believe it, that Kenshin's love had never wavered; but even believing it sent agony stabbing deep into her heart. 'Oh, Kenshin...Kenshin...why do you have to be so...selfish...?' Gulping, she looked up in desperation to find Yutarô scowling away into the distance, obviously having no idea how to deal with her emotional display.
She spent a few minutes trying hard to calm herself down, scrubbing away the tears and taking deep breaths until she felt like she could speak steadily again. "Kenshin," she finally said. "Is he...here?"
Yutarô shifted uncomfortably. "He hasn't been here for days. Tomoe-nee asked him to do a favor for her, and he never came back."
"Wh...what? And no one's worried?"
Yutarô shrugged. "Well, Tomoe-nee is, but she's probably the only one. I mean, it's Battousai, you know? He can take care of himself." He suddenly looked troubled. "I think. I guess a hundred-headed dragon would be kind of tough to beat, but still."
"A hundred-headed what?!" Kaoru shrieked.
o.o.o.o.o
Tomoe was startled when Himura Kaoru came thundering into the room, out of which the riffraff had been kicked out. "What did you do to my husband, Tomoe-san?!"
"Don't let go!" Hiko snapped at Tomoe, almost at the same time. "You want to lose control of the spell and set this place on fire?"
Tomoe was trapped, her arms raised to maintain the spell, supported by Hiko's steady magic. A filmy mass was wavering in the air between them. Akira quickly took hold of Kaoru's arm and pulled her to the side with him. "Battousai's fine, he just left, "Akira said shortly. "Don't bother them 'til they've finished."
Kaoru watched, a little sullenly, as a moving image began to form in that filmy mass - and then she forgot to breathe. It was Kenshin...Battousai...whirling in a blaze of red hair and red blood. The image filled her vision until it was all she saw, men crashing to the ground as corpses while voices screamed in the background...she had never seen Kenshin kill anyone before. "It's from the past," Akira murmured when he saw Kaoru's horrified look. "Maybe you should leave..."
Kaoru's hands flew up to cover her mouth. Battousai was now facing a woman - her face was stricken with terror, but Kaoru knew who she was without being told. "Why are you...watching-" she choked.
"Leave, then," Akira said harshly. "You weren't meant to see this."
Kaoru could not tear her eyes away. She wanted to run from the room, or she wanted to scream and smash her fist through that blood-filled scene from the past, but instead, she found herself rooted to the spot, staring, realizing with a sick feeling that she was going to see it through. Tears began to run silently down her cheeks. 'I don't want to hate him again,' she thought in despair. 'Please, don't make me hate him again.'
The queen was fighting for her life; Battousai's movements seemed slow and reluctant now that none stood between himself and his victim. "I have no...personal grudge...against you..."
Kaoru felt like she was going to choke when she saw him take her mother's wrist - but then the queen wrenched free, and his sword-arm went limp. "Just do it already," she whispered, barely able to see through the tears spilling from her eyes. Why was he so reluctant? The way he had told it, she thought it had been...businesslike, maybe even a joke. Yet there was nothing fey about the Battousai she saw now. His shoulders seemed bowed with the weight of mortal sorrow.
Now his attention seemed caught - she noticed, for the first time, that the child's screams in the background were- "No!" she cried. She had been a fool, a fool to think she had slept through it. Of course she hadn't, no child could have; she hadn't been dreaming, she had been remembering. Kaoru screamed, and furiously swiped the tears from her eyes, the rage surging up again - but then she saw Battousai's face clearly, for the first time. The anguish on it was terrible. He closed his eyes, the sword in his hand hung down uselessly, and Kaoru realized that he had given up.
She almost missed seeing the queen. It was only when she heard her own name, uttered by her mother in a horrified whisper, that she looked back at her; the queen rushed up behind Battousai and seized his hand. Kaoru covered her face, but not quickly enough; she saw the blade enter her mother's body, saw Battousai's shocked expression as he turned his head.
"Please...please don't hurt her...please, let her live..."
"That little...idiot," Hiko murmured. "That is not how he told it."
"To him, it makes no difference," Tomoe said softly. "It was enough to weigh on his soul all this time..."
Kaoru stood there shaking, with her hands pressed over her face, her thoughts in turmoil. This was not what she had expected. Nothing was clear-cut, nothing was explained. How could this...?
A retching sound made her wince; she looked up to see Battousai on the floor, one hand over his mouth. He eventually got to his feet and stumbled to the bed where the child lay. He fell to his knees and gazed at her. Kaoru shuddered, realizing that this was their first meeting, this horrifying crossroads of their two paths. He reached out and gently smoothed back her hair - Kaoru could see that his hand was shaking.
In her childhood memory, she had perceived only the frightening grimness of his face, the assassin's eyes and the blazing unnatural mark. She had not seen the pain, or the deep shame that so obviously tormented him. He lowered his head close to hers and began to sing. His voice was low and rasping, barely able to keep the tune steady, but the words must have been a spell, for the little girl who was herself soon quieted and fell asleep.
"I slew your mother." He hadn't lied...but what he had told her had not been the truth.
"He was trying to get rid of you."
He was trying to protect you.
"You jerk!" Kaoru screamed, because she suddenly understood. Because he loved her and he loved their children, he would give them up. To save them, he would leave them; would tear himself to pieces if it meant they could be happy without him. "You selfish, stupid JERK!" She had been wrong to leave him, she saw that now. He needed her to keep hold of him, to keep pulling him back from destruction, until he finally realized that embracing his own misery for their sakes was not the answer. "I hate you," she said in exasperation, because it still hurt so badly, and she knew already that she was going to pull him back again despite that. He needed her, and she could not let him go away again, not now when she knew the truth.
"Little girl," he was saying now, "What I have taken from you..."
"It's supposed to be 'sessha,'" she whispered, tears making her vision cloudy again. It was an extra protection, of course; another layer between himself and the murderer he hated.
'But you are him, Kenshin,' she thought. 'You can't run away from him, because you can't run away from yourself. And...he is you, as well. It was you who wanted to spare her life. You're the one who still carries the guilt.' This was the man she had married. She had to take all of him, not just the parts she liked. It had been her choice, and she was not going to give up now. Despite everything, despite her own pain and resentment, she knew that the good part of him was worth fighting for, just as she realized that, in his stupid, misguided way, he had sacrificed and fought for her own happiness.
She heard Tomoe suddenly gasp, and she quickly cleared her eyes again. Battousai had picked up a wakizashi. His face was very closed and controlled as he stood holding the blade against his wrist. Kaoru's heart was in her mouth, but he kept standing there motionless, until another figure appeared which gave her chills. She had never expected to see Shishio Makoto again. "Well, get a move on, Battousai. Don't keep me waiting."
Battousai dropped the short sword at once. "What?"
Shishio rolled his eyes. "You were about to kill yourself, or at least I assume you were. It's about time, too - I'm running out of ideas."
Kaoru's breath came hard, even as Battousai muttered, "What...are you...?"
Shishio made a disgusted noise. "You know, Battousai, it's the strangest thing, but I can't kill you. Every time I try, I suddenly feel too lazy, or too bored, or too busy. Just the other day, I even held a blade to your throat, and I found myself strangely reluctant."
Battousai's eyes widened.
Shishio saw it and grinned. "It's almost as if you have some protection on you, keeping you safe from me, when really you should be dead along with the rest of your family."
"That's ridiculous," Battousai said shortly.
"Oh, really. I was under the impression that your dear old granny is rather fond of you. Such a spell wouldn't be beyond her."
Battousai looked troubled. "I don't..."
Shishio gave an exaggerated sigh. "Well, if you won't do the job for me after all, I suppose it's no great loss. Your skills are sometimes useful, after all, and at least now this country won't have a prince any time soon." He contemptuously kicked the body of the dead queen. Kaoru gave a strangled cry and Battousai took a surging step forward, but he was weaponless. He froze when Shishio looked back at him. A smile crept over Shishio's face as he continued slowly, "Makes things easier for me."
"You have...designs on this country?" Battousai said stiffly.
Shishio shrugged. "It's poor, but it's big. My own realm is too small to be satisfactory on its own, I'm looking to expand." If Battousai was bothered by this reference to his own country, he did not show it, which was more than Kaoru could say for herself. Shishio's glance moved to the sleeping princess. "You killed the child, too?" he said with interest, noting the stains on the girl and the blood splashed over her, too far away to see her breathing.
"Yes," Battousai said, shifting casually so that she was more difficult to see behind him. "No witnesses," he added dryly, "as you always keep telling me."
He was obviously lying, protecting her. What had happened when Shishio discovered the truth? Kaoru shivered when she remembered that he had wanted to marry her. When I tried to rebel or run away, Kenshin had said, he never punished me. It was always innocents who suffered.
"Heheh. Yes, though it's rather out of character for you, isn't it? Well, I'm getting out of here, this place stinks. Coming?"
There was a pause. Then Battousai said, "After you."
"Why? Is there a reason you want me out of here first?"
"None in particular. Why do you ask? Worried to have me at your back?"
Shishio gave a scornful laugh, though his eyes glittered. Then he disappeared.
Slowly, Battousai moved to retrieve one of his weapons, which had been thrust into the wall in a clash with one of the guards. The other he left where it was. For a moment, he stood with one hand on the wall, his head bowed. He drew in a breath and let it out shakily, then turned and went back to the child. Picking her up carefully, he carried her out of the bedroom, filled with so much death, and lay her down on a couch outside. He stood looking down at her for a minute. Then he closed his eyes and disappeared.
As the living memory finally faded, Kaoru found herself on the floor, sitting with bowed head, her legs having grown too weak to hold her. Tomoe came to her after a while, looking exhausted. "Kaoru-san, forgive me. I had not meant you to witness that."
Kaoru shook her head, unable to speak. It wasn't fair that she should be in such pain, and that the one she wanted most desperately to comfort her should be the one who had caused it. "Kaoru-san," Tomoe said hesitantly. "Do you want to rest a little?"
"I...I have to...find Kenshin," Kaoru said, dazed. Tomoe put her hand on her shoulder, and Kaoru suddenly clung to her. She buried her face against the other woman's shoulder and opened her mouth in a silent scream, but her eyes were dry, and after a while she forced herself to recover. She wasn't supposed to be here. She had to find Kenshin now, so she could tell him - after she had beaten him bloody - that he still belonged to her. They had to stay together, for better or for worse, and they had been apart for far too long.
"I will take you back," Tomoe said softly. However, when they reached the castle, nobody knew where Kenshin was.
"I was told that he came back, Your Majesty, but I'm afraid I haven't actually seen him."
"I heard he was with the princesses, but they have been in bed for a while now."
"I'm not sure, Your Majesty. Have you checked with the prince or Lord Saitô?"
"Argh!" Kaoru finally shouted. "Where is he?" She turned to look at Tomoe, who was standing with her eyes closed. "He is...above," the enchantress said slowly. "High up...Kenji's tower, I think." She opened her eyes and looked at Kaoru. "His heart is very heavy."
Kaoru nodded grimly. "Thank you."
It was a long climb without the aid of adrenaline. At the top, she stopped to catch her breath, and let out a long sigh when she saw Kenshin through the half-open door. He was sitting on the thick stone windowsill, looking out at the stars, his sword nestled in the crook of one elbow.
It was the first time she had been able to see him with love again. She thought also of her mother, of this same man's role in her death; it would be a long time before Kaoru could unlink them. Tears pricked at her eyes, yet her heart was steady. 'You chose him,' she told herself again. 'You chose all of him. He's yours.' Trying to reject him had given her nothing but misery.
"Why have you come?"
His voice startled her, and Kaoru blushed. She was just opening her mouth to answer, but another voice answered first. "You're making us nervous, Ken-chan."
Startled, Kaoru stepped forward and saw that there was a handmaid standing beside him. Even as she watched, another appeared at his feet, both of them gazing at him intently. He did not look at them. "And why would that be?"
"She's gone! Your whole world is shattered!" they chorused, giggling. "There's no reason to live anymore!" Kaoru didn't know whether to feel flattered or indignant.
"Of course there is," Kenshin said shortly. "This one is needed by his children, by this country. It would be selfish and wrong to abandon them. Even when..." His head dropped. "It would be wrong," he whispered.
"Maybe," one of the girls said thoughtfully, "maybe you'd end up with us forever, if you jumped."
"Yes, yes!" her companion said eagerly. "There are three paths, after all! One leads to Faerie! Oh Ken-chan, I changed my mind! Jump, jump!"
"So sure are you that this one would end up in Faerie," he said dryly.
'Jump?' Kaoru thought in confusion. 'They can't mean...?'
At that moment, one of the handmaids looked up and saw her. She smiled, then looked at her companion and nodded. The two of them grinned so mischievously that Kaoru glared. "Ken-chan," one of them asked slyly. "What would you say to Kaoru-chan, if she was here?"
He gave a hollow laugh. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"If she was here!" they insisted. "What would you tell her?"
He sighed. "What is there to tell her?" he said in a low voice. "I love you? This one begs you to forgive him? Please come back?" He suddenly broke off, and the handmaids stared at him in concern. When he spoke again, his voice was back under control. "Such things have already been said. There is nothing left to do..." He paused again. "She's gone." His voice had dipped back to a strangled whisper; the sakabatô, already dangling from limp fingers, dropped to the floor.
Kaoru stepped into the room and went to him, as the handmaids smiled at her and disappeared. He stiffened when her arms went around him, but did not turn. She leaned her head on his shoulder. "I love you," she said hesitantly. "I...forgive you. I've come back." She could hear his breathing quicken.
"If you're some fey trick..."
She frowned. "Look at me!" She shoved his shoulders to make him turn. For a moment, his desperate eyes were looking into hers - then he gasped and snatched at the windowsill. "Kenshin?" she said, startled.
"Kao-"
She grabbed at him to stop him from falling out the window, and for a moment, they were poised there on the sill, breathing hard. Then his foot slipped. He instinctively grabbed her, but then consciously let go so as not to drag her with him, and so lost his balance entirely. "Kenshin!" she screamed, leaning too far out after him. His effort to save her was wasted as she scrabbled for a handhold and felt nothing but air. "KENSHIN!"
She heard a wild shout, and then a sound of something huge clapping the air. She was too terrified to scream or see; the world was night, and she was not waking up from this nightmare of falling, and she was about to die.
Something hit her body. For one wild moment she thought it was the ground, but she was still in the air and he was holding her. "Kenshin?" she whispered. The haze of terror cleared, and she stared up at the huge red things above them until she realized that it was a pair of wings. "Kenshin?!"
His breathing was harsh as he carried her, and when they had flown to the balcony of their old rooms, he set her gently down and then crumpled to the floor. The red feathers instantly dissolved, breaking apart and fluttering out over the grounds below. "Kenshin!" His clothes had been shredded where the wings emerged, and there was nothing to conceal the two gaping holes in his back that now bled freely. Kaoru ran inside to fetch some towels from the wash stand, then hurried back and pressed them over his wounds.
His lips moved, and she had to lean over his head to hear him. "You're safe?"
"Yes," she told him. "Yes, yes, you idiot."
"Mm." He closed his eyes.
"Kenshin, what happened? Those wings-!"
"They were not," he said with difficulty, "meant to be used. This one's magic is too weak to sustain them."
"They saved my life," she said softly. At that, he smiled and reached for her, but then sighed and pulled away again.
She frowned, then picked up his hand and placed it on her thigh. His eyes opened wide and he raised his head. "Kaoru-dono?" Then, wonderingly, "You came back."
She blew out a breath. "Yes."
His were fixed on hers. "Just...for a little while."
She took his face in her hands, not very gently. "Forever," she growled. "I decided, Kenshin. I want you back, and this time I'm not letting you go for anything - even you."
He pushed himself upright and wrapped his arms around her. Startled, raising her hands automatically, she felt the blood running down his back. "Hey! Lie back down, you're hurt!" Then, "I can't breathe!"
His embrace loosened a little, but his voice was fierce as he whispered in her ear. "Losing you was hell...that it was."
"So," she mumbled back, "I guess we're even."
He kissed her. She bit him, then relented and kissed back. He finally pulled away and said, not smiling, his voice faint from the pain he was ignoring, "Does our suffering really balance out? What happens the next time the scales tip?"
She glared, holding back tears. "Kick the scales over and move on. Together this time. You understand?"
He rested his forehead on her shoulder to hide the tears in his own eyes. "Yes."
At last, she smiled. "I'll hold you to that."
"Yes." He raised his head again and smiled back.
o.o.o
Author's Notes: Since time passes differently between Earth and Faerie, Yahiko is no longer the same age as Yutarô.
If you want proper closure to this story, I would HIGHLY suggest that you read no further and pretend this is the end. The final chapter is not relevant to the plot of The Sleeping Prince and sets up the next installment in the series, which I never intend to complete.