you always want what isn't yours

They sat outside school, wondering when she was going to come and get them. After school club finished at six and normally their mum had picked them up by then. The carers had evidently had enough of waiting and wanted to leave; they'd rung her phone many times and when they'd seen on the list of details that 'Matthew Hawley' was down as reserve caller they'd rung him too but the number hadn't come up, apparently it was no longer in use. And so there the three children sat; Alice and Tom on either side of Emma, Alice to the right and Tom to the left. It was finally decided that they'd try and ring the third caller and so the secretary rang 'Charles Fairhead'. This time they got an answer, an answer from a frantic Charlie who told them Jude had run out of shift and he was looking for her now and telling them that he'd sent Poppy to pick them up after she went and got Megan. As he said, he wasn't sure if it was legal for a fourteen year old to take four children home but they'd been waiting almost an hour now so surely anyone with half a brain was allowed to collect them? Especially considering the circumstances.

'Ems, Ali, Tom' there's a small tapping on the window and by now the carers are so relieved that someone's finally come they let them go, silently cursing the law. Megan's there too, in her buggy and the five walk home, Poppy constantly on the phone to Charlie. When they get home she heats them up some sort of old lasagne, she simply doesn't possess the energy or motivation to cook properly, and sets down the three youngest in front of the television. She and Emma, meanwhile, sit in the kitchen discussing their mother.

'She still hasn't got over it' Emma states.

'You don't say' Poppy replies sarcastically and Emma pulls a face at her in response, annoyed at her sister's constant mocking.

'Whatever' Emma answers 'anyway, why is it taking her so long to recover, he's been gone for almost five years now. I bet he has a new partner now and everything.' She predicts and Poppy looks horrified at the final remark.

'He can't' she exclaims with ferocity in her voice Emma doesn't think she's heard before. Then she looks at Emma as Emma raises an eyebrow and relinquishes a little, inside doubting her statement. 'Let's ring him.' She decides, getting out her mobile phone.

'But you've heard, the number wasn't in use' Emma leans over and plucks the phone from Poppy's hand, banging it down against the table.

'That copy of his number wasn't in use.' Poppy corrects 'this version probably is.' She says. Emma looks confused for a moment, then Poppy sighs. 'For god's sake Ems, this is his work number.'

'How did you get that?' Emma exclaims, now even more confused than she was before 'wait, how on earth do you even know where he works?'

'Facebook.' Poppy answers simply. 'I tracked him down; took me ages but I found him eventually. And no, I couldn't view all his profile, just where he worked and where he grew up.'

'Wha- why did you never tell mum? Or me?' Emma asks, feeling a little let down that Poppy didn't tell her; normally the two sisters told each other everything.

'I knew you'd all want to ring him loads' she sighs 'and get back in contact.' She presses a button on her phone and holds it up to her ear, tossing her hair back slightly as she did so. 'I didn't want to know him' she explains, then places a finger to her lip to tell Emma to be quiet.

'Hello? Premier Inn London?' A posh female voice from the other end of the phone answers.

'Hi, we'd like to speak to Matt Hawley if that's okay?' Poppy puts on a slightly more snobbish accent to match the voice of the persons she's speaking to.

'Matty?' The lady sounds surprised 'how do you know him?' she asks.

'Um… uh, we're his… nieces' she says, remembering their cousins who she was pretty sure were still in contact with him.

'Why did you do that?' Emma hisses but Poppy just kicks her to make her shut up.

'Oh, you must be Savannah then?' she asks, almost excitedly. 'I'm Laura, by the way, I suppose your dad has mentioned me.'

'Yes, I'm Savannah' Poppy answers, wondering how this 'Laura' knows Savannah and why on earth her dad would have mentioned her. Suddenly the aforementioned suspicions about his current family state slip back and she begins to feel her heart beat quicken 'and I'm with Lucy.' She adds, just to clarify that she isn't an imposter, even though she kind of is.

'Matty actually isn't in work today but I'll tell him you called if you like; get him to call you back' Laura says but Poppy cuts her short.

'No- I mean, we'd like to speak to him urgently but we've lost his mobile number so could you just tell us it so we can write it down?'

'Sure, I'll give you our home phone' Laura answers before reciting the phone number. Poppy thanks her quickly and rings off, then, with trembling fingers, begins to enter in the mobile number. She presses the phone to her ear and it begins to ring. She begins to mull over what Laura said: 'our home phone' and the words ring in her ears over and over, until she doesn't feel like she can cope any more. (ours, ours, ours)

She counts the rings, biting her lip, and Emma begins to fiddle with her friendship bracelet. Then he answers. 'Hi, Matty, Laura, Jess, Finlay and Disney's phone'

He sounds so happy.

Without them.

And then she freezes, the words won't come out and she just throws the phone across the room, shattering it against the wall.

He's happy.

Without them.

(ours, ours, ours isn't yours, yours, yours)