a/n : I own nothing. It is all JK rowlings'.

I wander aimlessly around headquarters, not knowing what to do with myself and quite lost in my own thoughts, until I remember the best cure for anything I have.

Books.

I know that when I am reading I can forget anything.

When James and Sirius were in pain they would drown it with drinks. Peter would drown it with piles of chocolates. I drown it in words.

One of the advantages of reading is that it doesn't give you hangovers or stomach aches. Only the best books keep you up at night, thinking, or make your heart beat, but that too stops after two or three readings.

I go up to my room. I try to ignore the many smiling photos of my friends, looking up at me from the walls. I go to my bookshelves and scan over my books. I know exactly what I need. I need a book that I know well, one that I can sink into easily, and I mustn't chose a book which I had got from one of marauders. After hovering in front of my bookshelf for some time I pick one up and lay on my bed.

Only when I hear the bells ringing seven do I remember my meeting with mad eye and the situation at hand. I close my book reluctantly, noting the page number, 306. I don't want to go back to reality but I know that running away from it isn't the answer.

I go down to meet Moody.

Before I can even knock I hear his gruff voice – "come in".

" You wanted to speak to me?" I ask. I know that must not show any weakness.

"You must be careful"

When I was younger I used to think that his entire attitude was an act. All the marauders did actually. But through the years we understood that what had started out as a harmless mean of protection ended out as real.

"Indeed"

"You do not know what you are messing with here" he continued, slowly, as if he is chanting "you are going into deep, dark places."

Now I'm confused. Was this a misunderstanding or did he know something I didn't?

"She is dangerous" he warns.

I can't keep my calm, straight face anymore. "What?"

"She is very dangerous" he repeats "she will lead you astray, you listen to her".

My mind figures it out quickly.

"Tonks?"

"Nymphadora is young and stupid, you mustn't listen to her, she is dangerous"

I feel the anger raising up in me.

"I think you are wrong" I say, surprised by how calm my voice is.

Moody raises an eyebrow at me.

"Yes, she is young, but she's not stupid and she is definitely not dangerous"

I walk briskly out of the room before mad eye can say anything which will shatter my confidence.

Confidence has never been my strong side.

It was always the marauders which gave me confidence. At first, they were my confidence, but slowly, I developed one on my own, one I could always use if I knew they were there somewhere. Only now they weren't.

Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks.

Did mad eye know something I didn't? Something about James and Lily's murder? Some thing about Sirius? Something about Peter? Something about Tonks?

I'm glad the full moon isn't due for some time, I really don't think I will be able to handle it right now.

The thoughts pain me, my head throbs and I feel as if something is pressing down on my chest. I desperately pick up my book and try to read again, but to no avail. My sight is blurred from tears and me eyes sting. I am tired and confused and right now, I really wish I could die, and join James and Lily somewhere up there...