I apologize in advance for this long author's note (I promise they are not always gonna be that long) but I need to say some things to give you an idea of my writing style so that no one is surprised about where I'm gonna take this story.
First off, I am an angst fan as long as I get my happy-end. You will hardly see me writing an overall happy, fluffy fic. It's just not my style. You might get some happy one-shots but when I write a multi-chapter fic there will always be at least some angst.
Second, there is no way that I can keep this story T-rated. So if anyone of you doesn't like smut ... I'm sorry. But ignoring the elephant in the room for months, denying each other to act on the sexual tension that is clearly there ... believe me such things tend to explode if you finally give in, hence the change to a M-rating.
Third, my Jess is definitely going to be a little bit more serious than on the show. Of course she will be her bubbly self in parts of the story but I intend to delve a little into her inner thoughts and I don't think she can be happy all the time, considering the direction I want to take this story. So if she might seem to be a little OOC to some of you it's just because stepping over the line with Nick is a serious matter since their friendship is very important to both of them and adding the sexual component to their relationship will definitely change the dynamics, though they will not change who they are (at least not in my stories) only because they are sleeping together.
Fourth, thank you all so much for your reviews and favoriting and alerting. It's because of you that you get a new chapter sooner than I intended to write it and of course because Nick and Jess didn't stop pestering me. :-)
So, here you go! The aftermath of the kiss on the rooftop! I hope you enjoy! Oh, and if you don't know the song 'I'm so exited' by 'The Pointer Sisters' … you should check it out before you read the chapter. :-) (go to youtube dot com and copy/paste the following address /watch?v=sS6eUIpwwds) I love this live version. It actually makes me want to dance my feet off and sing along at the top of my lungs.
Disclaimer: I always forget to mention it! But of course I don't own New Girl or Nick or Jess. If I would, I would have at least had them kiss already so that they would have had more to remember than seeing each other naked. ;-)
Chapter 2
The smile on his face faded away with each step he took and shortly before he reached their floor he slumped against the wall and hit the back of his head repeatedly against the wall. Pressing his hands against his eyes, he huffed out a sarcastic laugh as he remembered his own words, the ones he'd spoken to her about two months ago. He'd been the one who told her she shouldn't make a big deal of it and what had he done? What just happened on the rooftop was definitely his fault. He'd pushed her. He'd pushed her until she folded.
What the heck had he been thinking? Well, apparently he hadn't been thinking at all because if he had he would have never gotten that close to her. He'd known that leaning into her chair was like holding a match over a can of spirit. One move and the match would drop and the spirit would catch fire, burning both of them in the process. Of course Jess had been the one who pulled him in so technically the spirit miraculously sloshed out of the can to reach the match.
Groaning out frustrated, he gritted his teeth. Now he already thought like her. Having crazy thoughts about matches and spirit definitely didn't help with the pressing issue in his pants. He needed to get in the shower. Suddenly unwelcome images of Jess being in the shower with him popped into his brain and Nick slapped his hand against the wall.
"Fuck!"
How was he supposed to get her out of his head? Sleeping with her was a bad idea. His head was telling him that it was a really, really bad idea. But the rest of his body was screaming at him to take what he wanted the most and he balled his hands into fists, pressing his eyes shut, taking some deep breaths.
He needed to put a lid on the desire that cursed through his body because he was currently acting like a horny teenager. Everything inside of him pushed him to just go back to the roof and take her right there. But he was too old to be driven by his hormones. He needed to think before he acted, he needed to think about the consequences and the only possible consequence was that he would hurt her. One way or the other.
He always screwed up. It was inevitable. She deserved better. He didn't want to be the reason that she would watch Dirty Dancing seven times a day again when he would eventually break her heart. He was Nick Miller. He sucked at relationships and pretty much everything else in his life.
Was crossing the line really worth risking their friendship? Because looking at his track record the likelihood of him screwing it up was pretty high and he didn't want to lose her. He couldn't imagine a life without her.
Pushing himself away from the wall, he jerked the door to their floor open, glad that no one was in the living room when he entered the apartment. He needed to get in the shower. He couldn't make the right decision if he was constantly getting distracted by the throbbing in his pants. There was no point in having an argument in his head when his body was highly aroused.
He rushed into his room and tore the clothes off his body, wrapping a towel around his waist before he hurried over the floor into the bathroom. Ten minutes under the cold shower and he was finally able to think clearly again. Turning the water to a more comfortable temperature he lifted his face into the spray of water and tried to shut out every thought of Jess. He needed a few minutes alone with himself.
But she wouldn't leave him. Memories of the last year flashed across his closed eyelids until suddenly the memory of her standing completely naked in front of him sprang into his brain and he groaned, searching blindly with his hand for the handle behind his back, turning it to ice cold again until his body started shivering and his lips turned blue.
After another five minutes he turned the shower off without turning it to hot again, not trusting his body to not assault him with erotic images of Jess again when it'd relax under the warm water. He'd made his decision. Jess was better off with him as only her friend. Becoming more would just ruin their friendship. Wrapping the towel around his waist again he walked slowly into his room, wondering if repeating it in his head over and over again would make it any easier to keep his hands off her.
~N&J~
When Jess entered the apartment she could hear the shower running and knowing why he was standing in the shower right now put a goofy grin on her face. The grin stayed on her face even after she'd closed the door of her room behind her. But suddenly the significance of what just happened on the roof crashed down on her and her eyes widened in slight shock. Why now?
They had been dancing around the whole attraction issue for months now but never acted on it. They had been both well aware of the sexual tension that flashed up between them from time to time and once in a while they'd pushed at the boundaries a little bit. But it had been more like a game. She'd always enjoyed driving him up a wall, secretly waiting for him to snap and when he did she always felt the giddiness bubbling up in her. She loved making him all grumpy and there were days were she counted the times she was able to make him do his turtle face.
But what had changed? And why the hell did she kiss him? They crossed the line and now they could never go back to being only friends. Even if they agreed on calling it a slip she would never be able to forget how kissing him made her feel. She broke up with Russell because she couldn't be in a relationship without passion. She could say with absolute certainty that kissing Nick had definitely been passionate. Kissing him had just felt … right.
But sleeping with him? Wouldn't that be weird? Wouldn't that be like sleeping with your own brother? But the truth was she'd never looked at him as if he was her brother. She'd felt attracted to him right from the beginning and now she would finally find out how it would be like to be with him, how his naked body would feel against hers.
Suddenly a flash of dizziness rushed through her body and she slumped down on the bed, pressing her suddenly clam hands against her thighs, trying to slow down her racing heart.
"Why are you freaking out, Jessica Day?" She scolded herself. "It's only Nick."
She had seen him naked before so she knew what she was getting into and even though she'd only stared at him for a few seconds she had seen everything. Of course not in an erect state but still. But suddenly she remembered the bulge she'd seen under his pants on the rooftop and gulped hard. Okay, it had definitely looked impressive.
"Okay, Jess. Deep breaths." Jess said, biting her lip as she heard the slightly hysterical tone of her own voice. "No need to freak out. No need at all!"
She was acting like she was a virgin. Not that she had much experience with different men since she'd spent six years with Spencer but she had experience. Nick wouldn't be her first, nor her second, not even her third. Counting the men in her head she calmed down a little. After all he would be her seventh man already.
But they were talking about Nick. Her roommate, her friend. Not some man she'd just met. Not some random guy she'd picked up in a bar because she'd felt twirly. No, no random guy at all but NICK MILLER.
Her hard achieved calmness went out of the window in a heartbeat as she realized that they would really do it. They would do it. They would do the dance between the sheets, jump into the sack with each other, doing the deed, crossing the line. Her vision began to swim and she realized that she was only a hairbreadth away from passing out, her breath coming out in short, sharp gasps and she looked around frantically searching for something she could breathe into.
Her gaze fell on her nightstand and the bag with a Bear claw from her favorite bakery and she grabbed it and shook the pastry out of the bag, her vision already tunneling in as she started to hyperventilate and she slumped to the floor, pressing the bag over her mouth and nose and forced herself to relax her back against the bed, breathing into the bag until her breaths came out less erratic and the black spots at the edges of her eyes disappeared.
Slowly she lowered the bag with slightly shaking hands, not sure if she'd been able to avoid the panic attack or if it would start again. But she willed herself to breathe normal and leaning her head on her knees she closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around her legs as she tried to analyze why she was freaking out like that about something so natural as sex.
The answer was actually quite simple. Because having sex with Nick wouldn't be just sex. Sex with Nick wouldn't be meaningless. It couldn't be meaningless. But then her thoughts went back to the kiss on the rooftop and a shiver ran through her body. It was actually simple. She wanted him and she would never forgive herself if she would push him away.
If she was honest she had thought about it quite a lot since she walked in on him dancing naked in front of the mirror. He had definitely been in almost every fantasy of her when she had taken matter into her own hands and released some pressure. She would never admit it to anyone else but especially after their shouting matches where the wish to throttle him or jump him was almost unbearable she couldn't find sleep before she didn't help herself to an orgasm, his picture clear in her head while her hands roamed over her body.
But it had gotten worse over the last weeks. He'd invaded her dreams and not those 'weird' dreams where you woke up completely disoriented and just thought 'what the heck was that?' but the kind of dreams where she jerked out of sleep her whole body trembling and quivering and his hoarse voice still ringing in her ears. The kind of dreams that left her so hot that she had contemplated not only once if she should just go across the hall and crawl into bed with him.
And now she was only hours away from having the real deal. Not some picture in her head but actually the real Nick. The living, breathing Nick. Kissing her, touching her, entering her. They were long past the question if this was a good or bad idea. She couldn't go on like this. Pretending that they were just friends when his dark eyes elicited fires under her skin every time he looked at her. When his voice sent shiver down her spine every time he said her name. Especially not after the kiss they'd shared on the roof. She wanted more. She wanted everything. She wanted to cross the line.
Taking in a deep breath, she stood up and walked slowly towards the mirror, staring at her pale face.
"You can do it. Yeah, you can do it." Jess jumped up and down and shook her arms before she threw them in the air, wiggling her whole body. "You can do it, Jess."
Dropping on her knees she opened her record cabinet, trailing her fingers over the titles, murmuring them out loud, stopping at a few before she finally picked one.
"Perfect. Absolutely perfect."
Shaking it out of its cover, she placed it carefully on the player and put the needle to the start, waiting for the music to fill the room. When the first beats sounded through the speaker her mouth twitched up into a big grin. Straightening herself, she tapped one foot on the ground, raising her hands and threading it through her hair, bundling it up on top, waiting for the lyrics to start before she let her hair fall, singing along at the top of her lungs while she danced through the whole room.
"Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen, tonight we'll put all other things aside." Jess sang, letting her hips swing to the rhythm and her grin almost split up her face with the next words. "Give in this time and show me some affection, we're going for those pleasures in the night."
She knew with almost one hundred percent certainty that making love with Nick would give her all kinds of pleasures and lack of passion would definitely be not a problem.
"I want to love you, feel you, wrap myself around you ..." Jess flopped down on the bed, spreading her arms out, giving her voice a sultry tone as she sang along with the lyrics. "I want to squeeze you, please you, I just can't get enough and if you move real slow, I'll let it go."
When the chorus started Jess jumped down from the bed, grabbing her hairbrush to use it as a microphone as she joined in. "I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it, I'm about to lose control and I think I like it."
Forgotten was her panic attack from just a few minutes ago as she danced to her closet, running her hands along her clothes while she was still singing along. "I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it. And I know, I know, I know, I know, I want you."
Her hands stilled on the dress in the furthest corner of her closet and she pulled it out, holding it in front of her. It was a dress Cece made her buy a few months ago. She'd never worn it, thinking that it was just too revealing but today was just the day to wear it for the first time. She'd never wanted to wear it before. She'd never felt the need to wear it because secretly she'd agreed with Cece that it was just the kind of dress to drive men crazy and she never felt comfortable enough to wear it. But tonight there was one man she wasn't opposed to drive crazy and the dress was just what she needed to help her with her task.
~N&J~
Nick was standing in front of the mirror, shirtless, trying to decide which shirt he should put on. Even though he'd decided to explain to Jess how bad of an idea sleeping together would be, he still wanted to look good. Which didn't make any sense at all. Shouldn't he make it easier for both of them by putting on the ugliest and oldest shirt he could find? But still his fingers went to the plain black shirt he knew Jess liked. She'd once told him it made his eyes even darker and made him look somehow dangerous and he'd liked the appreciative glint in her eyes as she'd seen him wear it for the first time.
He just shrugged into the shirt when he heard music coming from Jess' room and he froze, his hands still holding the labels of his shirt as he recognized the song almost immediately.
"Are you freaking kidding me?" Nick groaned before he heard Jess' voice singing along with the song and his fists tightened around the fabric.
Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen,
tonight we'll put all other things aside
His hands started to tremble and he growled deep in his throat when he heard the next words.
I want to love you, feel you, wrap myself around you
"For God's sake." Nick muttered, stepping forward, his hand already on the door knob, ready to jerk it open to rush over to her room and just throw her on the bed and take her. Hard and fast.
I want to squeeze you, please you,
I just can't get enough,
and if you move real slow,
I'll let it go
"Fuck!" Nick pressed his trembling hands against the door, sweat broke out on his forehead as he fought to not lose the last remnants of his control.
It shouldn't happen like this. He would not let it happen like this. He wouldn't take her as if he was a wild animal and he knew if he would go to her right now, he wouldn't be able to hold himself back. The blood was rushing in his ears, his knees gave out under him and he dropped to the ground, leaning against the door. He wanted to cover his ears, wanted to shut out her voice but he couldn't move his hands so he curled them into fists on his thighs to stop them from trembling.
I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it
I'm about to lose control and I think I like it
I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it
And I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, I want you, want you
"Oh God, I want you too." Nick murmured, wondering when he would be able to leave his room after she'd just managed to make him rock hard by only singing a song and he didn't even see her dancing. He only heard her damn voice.
Do what you do to me, you've got me burning up
"How am I supposed to stay away from you?" Nick gritted out through clenched teeth, one hand reaching up to tug at his fly, contemplating for a second if he should just release the tension since her voice alone almost made him come anyway.
But he couldn't do it. He didn't only want to fantasize about her any longer. He didn't want to get off by his own hand while he was pretending it was her hand around him. He wanted the real thing. He wanted the real Jess. He wanted to fill her, wanted to make her scream, wanted to see her blue eyes turn dark when he pushed her towards the edge, wanted to see her come undone under him.
"God, Jess." Nick groaned. "God help us both. But I don't think I can do the smart thing. I want you too much. I need you."
He would make good on his promise. The promise he'd given her on the rooftop. This was far from over. It hadn't even begun yet.
~N&J~
Jess was just finishing up her make-up after she'd managed to take a quick shower without bumping into Nick and before the first guests arrived as someone knocked at her door and a second later Cece called through the door. "Jess, come on! The party is already in full force. What is taking you so long?" And without waiting for an answer, Cece stepped into her room, stopping dead in her tracks as she got the first glance of Jess.
"Whow, the slutty dress?" Cece asked, narrowing her eyes knowingly. "Who is the guy?"
"I don't know what you are talking about." Jess said, pressing her lips together to make sure that the lipstick was spread across them evenly before she turned around to Cece.
"And the slutty lipstick?" Cece's mouth twitched up into a grin. "He must be one hell of a guy."
"It's just lipstick, Cece." Jess replied slightly reluctant because she had actually applied this specific lipstick because she hoped it would drive a certain person crazy.
"Jess!"
"Why does it always have to be about a guy? You are always telling me that I'm not dressing up for a man but for myself. So that's what I'm doing. Dressing up for myself."
"If you say so." Cece said unconvinced. "So let's go. Let's rock this party!"
The moment they stepped into the living room Jess' eyes went searchingly over the room. It had been two hours since they'd kissed and she was anxious to see him again though she couldn't suppress the slight nervousness that was settling into the pit of her stomach. She didn't even realize that Cece was watching her, clearly not buying her nonchalant attitude.
When she finally found him in the crowd, her heart skipped a beat and she had a second to admire how handsome he looked in his black shirt before he lifted his gaze from the person he was currently talking to and his eyes locked with hers over the room full of people.
Suddenly it was as if they were alone in the room, as if no one else existed. His dark eyes trailed over her and her breath caught in her throat as she saw how his gaze heated up as he took her in. When his eyes returned to hers a shiver ran down her spine as his mouth curled up into a lopsided grin, his eyes full of silent promises and her lips quivered slightly as she returned his smile.
But somehow wearing the dress made her braver than she had ever been before and she put a hand provocatively on her hip, licking her lips, feeling triumph rise up in her chest as his eyes narrowed slightly before his grin broadened and he gave her a curt nod as if he accepted a challenge she hadn't been aware of giving. But the party had just started and putting on the dress made her kind of adventurous. The night had just begun and she was willing to play.
I swear I intended to give you a lot more as I started to write this chapter but then it got completely out of hand. I know it's not M yet, but we are getting there. Eventually! :-)